went to get my specs today :D yay. new specs. and its plastic :D great. but it has to be put on with both hands :/ haiz. so troublesome. the people there kept telling me that. its a bit too clear i think :/ not too used to it yet. i think because i'm not used to the degree. T_T okay i'm still damn upset over the fact that my degree increased. next topic.

went to pastamania with my mum and bro to eat dinner today :D its sort of a celebration, i guess. anyway, we ordered quite a lot of food. actually considered going to seoul garden, but its 22 bucks per person there, and plus the drinks, it would add up to 75 bucks total. so we decided to go to pastamania instead. spent about 62 bucks. oops. haha. but anyway, worth the money lah. i'm pretty full now. we ordered our own pastas - i had tuna and turkey bacon, my mum had spicy chicken, and my bro had spicy crayfish. also bought one combo b and c and a snack/dessert combo. :D my bro took the soup, i took the garlic bread, and the dessert, which was raspberry something. [sorry lah cant remember.] then we shared the three drinks. after we were done, my bro and mum quite still hungry so they bought seafood pizza. my bro and mum both ate 3 slices, and i ate two small ones :D [because i had my garlic bread and dessert.] yay it was fun :D although i wanted my tiramisu T_T crap. actually wanted to get it with the snack/dessert combo, but they dont offer that in the combo, so :/ and i was too full after that to eat any more. and we took two hours to eat dinner ^^" haha it was my bro who took so long to eat his crayfish.

after dinner, it was 8pm and we went to popular. went to see the games and then i wandered over to the drama/movie place and then over to the music albums. i want to buy a linkin park album next year :D [its nc16 mah. haha. so next year then can buy] my bro wanted to buy this whole set of 100 dvds to store his tv programmes! :O he didnt buy it in the end. although i have a feeling he wont give that up so soon. he got one game cd, and two a level assessment books. math and physics. he said it was too boring in ns so he wants to bring the books to do there. oh did i mention? he got kicked out of BMT [basic military training] and transferred to some camp in murai where he gets to do admin stuff. WTF. shows that he sucks, anyway. and he gets to come home everyday. WTFOMGIMSOGONNADIE. he has to go for ns during working hours only, i think. =.= anyway, at popular, i went over to the books section and look through the books. not very nice :/ but even if there was a nice one, i would just scan through it quickly, because i know that my mum wouldnt allow me to buy it. haiz. felt so pissed when my bro bought three stuff and i didnt even buy anything. did get my popular student card though :D finally. but my bro was the first to use it :/ damn him.

finally went home after that [we spent an hour at popular] and my dad was at home. he was being random taking photos of us when we walked through the door -_- haha. he had expected us to buy something back for him to eat [his dinner], but we didnt, so i think he was quite disappointed. and i guess he was quite pitiful eating dinner alone at home. whoops? ^^" sorry! luckily my mum cooked soup for him in the late afternoon, so he could eat that.



its going to be 2009 in a few hours. one and a half. i know a lot of people start going on about new year resolutions and all that before the new year. but i dont believe in that. not like there's anything to believe in, but more like, my resolutions are all year long, every day, every minute, every second that i'm alive, so i dont really see a need to have new year resolutions. if i really have any resolutions, i guess its just something like this: next year, i'm going to be sec 4, i'm going to have to sit for o levels, and i'm going to have to study hard to do well, i'm going to have to stop slacking so much, i'm going to have to stop going out with my friends so much, i'm going to have to start concentrating on my studies, and i'm going to have to change my mindset about studying and schooling. thats all i guess. as for the other things that i want to achieve or my goals or whatever, i usually blog about that everyday, dont i? :D so no point blogging about that i guess.

this will probably be my last post for this year. so, i'll put in a few more photos that i've taken in the year :D

[tag reply]

wanjane: what dont like me! hurr. and sorry for making you feel guilty lor. no one asked you to read my blog =P



woke up early today. around 9am i think. my mum forced me to get up early, since people were coming to repair our water heater and shower around 11.30am. they came at 11.10am. wow. anyway, they put in a new shower thing and its digital which makes it cool :D haha. and it has different kinds of beams of water, which is cool :D there's one meant for massage or something. after they were gone and i finished playing with it and teaching my mum how to use it, i finally went out for lunch with wanjane. we went pastamania. she ate spaghetti and i ate apple crumble pie. was quite nice. after that, walked around cwp. wanjane bought another album -_- and then we just wandered around, going to courts then a few shops and then popular. i wanted to buy loads of stuff, but i dont have any money T_T crap. haiz. finally went home around 3pm. we were both getting quite sleepy i think. i have no idea why i was sleepy though.

when i got home, i showered with the new shower thing :D haha i was the first one yay. okay that was random. practised violin super quickly. my left hand doesnt seem to like pressing strings today. my muscles were straining really badly and it felt really uncomfortable, so i just played the three exam pieces and stopped at that. this doesnt happen very often, but yeah, its happened before. a few times. :/ then i FINALLY settled srg2009. registered successfully and i was so damn happy and relaxed. i was like 'PHEW!' and 'finally, 搞定了!' haha :D great. its a HUGE load off my mind. next up is the new courses for cca. :/ haiz.

oh yeah. managed to upload my new photos and songs from my handphone onto my laptop yesterday. havent done that in a long time. yay :D shall post some photos now. i might spam photo posts these few days ^^" haha. i havent posted photos in a long time though, so most of them are quite ancient ones.

woke up late as usual and didnt do much. still feeling kind of sick. but much better from yesterday already. my mum's cleaning the whole house i think. she's been washing curtains from yesterday. and clearing unwanted stuff. i'm amazed that anyone can even have the motivation to clean the house. haiz. she keeps nagging at me complaining about how i wasnt even helping her. so i've been trying to help more.



anyway, imported the photos from the camera into my laptop. it was pretty fast :D which was good. but the photos were crap. and the fact that i took every single shot... that felt bad. terrible. disastrous. i feel like crap. rubbish. useless stuff. i guess i overestimated myself. i thought i would have done better. but the photos are evidence of my skills. everything felt wrong. out of about 400 photos, i dont think i found more than 10 worth showing anyone. and wow. thats like. 2.5% of good photos. i'm so disappointed in myself. i guess the only thing i was proud about, was that i've learned a lot from this trip. like what shutter speed and iso to use at night. and also, how stupid i was. i actually forgot to focus. i changed the focus from auto to manual, and i FORGOT to focus. damn. i just realised it yesterday afternoon. and i was quite pissed at myself i guess. of all the things, how could i have forgotten to focus?! and i was still wondering stupidly at 1am or 2am why some of the photos seemed so blur and how to make it clearer.

another thing that i learned is that i couldnt let people wait. my dad emphasized that a lot to me. especially after i took photos of this busker who was singing and playing his guitar. i took too much time to take the shots. on top of that, they werent clear. that sucked a lot. but hey, the music was good, really. the guy was friendly and all and said it was fine to take photos. and the song that he sang, that was like wow. thats good music, man. my dad told me later on that the guy probably usually performs at pubs or something, because his voice was really very good and he seemed quite professional. thats cool :D

anyway, i'm glad i've learned so much though. because i definitely dont want to make the same mistakes again the next time. i think its been a really good experience. shall find some time these few days to go through all the pictures and take down notes. i really need notes. i feel like a noob. and thats not a good feeling. but i think i'm getting better. my dad told me that i need to start noticing stuff. like, look at that spot of ground over there and train yourself to be like a computer, to analyze things fast. if you wanted to take a picture of anything there, what iso and shutter speed do you use? and stuff like that. i havent gotten round to working closely with the aperture yet. i'll do that someday when i understand the camera better.



have been trying to start on my homework these few days. i'm almost done with my english compre. left with the damn summary. shall finish it up later, and then maybe go on to math or chem. egeog looks pretty difficult at the moment, especially the assignment. i might leave that to later. and i've read the whole of whale rider already, which made me feel quite accomplished. planning to read it again. maybe i'll do that when school reopens. on the mrt and bus or something. as for reading stuff from the textbooks, like egeog and ss, i can do that later, no rush. i'm more worried about the tests. havent studied for anything yet. and math is getting more difficult. i'm going to say this once, so you better hear me. i DO NOT like math. so dont go around assumming i do. i think i dont really like the sciences. i prefer the arts. but then again, no one's going to believe me if i go around passing my sciences and failing my arts, i guess. which sucks, really. whats wrong with liking something you're not good at?! and whats wrong with hating something you're good at?! who in the world said that you have to like something you're good at?!

my parents got someone to come over to fix the water heater tomorrow. late in the morning. and my mum said that i'd better be at home. but wanjane wants to have lunch with me tomorrow too :/ luckily, my mum said i could go after the guy was done. hope it wont take too long (: i suppose its going to be my last time going out before school starts. as in, going out with a friend. after that, its homework and photography and music and novel and organising-my-stuff craze, before school reopens. haiz.

went out with my mum a while ago to choose a new specs :D chose a plastic one. phew. i'm not too fond of metal ones any more. :/ either because they're, well, metal, and colourings can come off and metal hurts, or because plastic ones seem easier to handle, or i'm just trying to follow the trend. i hope its not the last one. but i have no idea myself. anyway, my old specs can still be used, but then almost all the colourings come off, so :/ haiz. almost wanted to choose a metal one though. it was a nice black half-frame one. but then, it was metal :/ so i chose this plastic grey plus a bit of orange and black one. half-frame too :D half frame specs seem nice. frameless specs look too fragile, so i didnt want to try, although i was thinking of getting a frameless one at first. and i dont want full frame ones. i dont think they suit me. but half frame specs are more ex, so :/ sorry mum. i dont really like the colour of my new specs, but only that shape seemed alright to me [the rest were too rectangular-ish] and suited me, so i had to stick with it. the black metal one was still nicer. if only they had a plastic version of that. HAIZ. and my specs degree increased :/ shant talk about it since i'm quite upset over that. collecting my specs on wed :D

my homework is getting on my nerves. well, i wouldnt expect less, if i've been using my left hand to do my homework. and i wouldnt be surprised if my teachers start yelling at me after they've seen my homework. haiz. oh well. at least its readable. ^^" but yeah, using my left hand sucks because it takes much longer to write stuff and i always have to make sure that its readable. so i take longer than usual to do my work. damn. hope i improve soon. i want to be able to write fast enough with my left hand. not only will it be cool, i think it'll be much safer. in case i hurt my right hand and become unable to write with it. then at least i can use my left hand to write. am i thinking too much? ^^" haha. oh well. okay then lets just stick with the reasoning of 'its cool' :D

[tag reply]

jac: haha cool! :D



didnt do much today. i wasnt feeling too well. woke up late and was feeling tired all over, so i dragged myself over to my laptop and used it for the morning. soon after that, started feeling quite sick. so i didnt do anything worth mentioning. didnt even practise my music or work on my novel or do my homework. tried signing up for srg2009 but the thing didnt work. no idea why. and its definitely not my laptop, because my friend couldnt sign up successfully either. in the evening, i went over to my bed and sat down on the floor next to it, trying to make myself feel better. it helped a bit. because it wasnt as noisy in the room. all the noise outside [my mum scolding me or putting a bowl down very hard on the table so that it clinks or my brother running across the floor or taking his utensils out] really hurt. it really really hurt. everytime i heard something loud, i really felt like crying or throwing up or something. but i cant throw up the pain, so that doesnt help. and crying didnt help either. it was something i did, though. managed to fall asleep [i dont know how] for a while, then i crawled onto my bed and slept for an hour or two.

when i woke up, i ate an extremely full dinner. two slices of bread and milo, because my mum thought that i wouldnt eat much feeling so sick. after that, i wanted to drink the soup that she made for dinner, so she helped me pour it into a bowl and then she brought out rice to eat for herself and i wanted that too. ended up eating one and a half bowls of rice + soup. and my stomach hurt after that because i was too full. which sucked too.



i wanted to complete some things today, actually. srg2009, practise music, my novel, maybe some homework. my dad wanted me to upload the photos from last night. my mum wanted me to help her with the housework [she was taking down the curtains and washing them]. i ended up hardly doing anything. sometimes, i guess things just dont go the way you want them to. and school is starting in four days. look what i've accomplished? nothing. how certain am i that i'll start working hard next year? zero percent. i cant believe myself. am i really that un-motivated? so much so that i cant even motivate myself? that i cant even do something which i really really want to do? i dont believe it. either there's something wrong with me, or there's something wrong with me. haha. which leaves me with no choice but to admit that i guess there really IS something wrong with me. haiz. no point ranting, i guess.



sometimes i just wish i can curse the world, but i know it wont help. i used to say fuck when i was really pissed and thought that it'd help. but it doesnt. whatever you say, shit or damn or whatever, it still doesnt make a difference. it wont help you accomplish anything. so no matter how pissed i am, no matter how much i want to release my anger, i know that i cant do anything about it. not really that i cant, but more like, punching someone wouldnt help to solve my problem, so whats the point? haiz. i guess anger is something i cant express. i dont sound angry here, right? well, i can tell you honestly that i'm so angry i could kill someone right now but you probably wont believe me anyway. haiz.



i'm in a foul mood today. i feel guilty now. my friend just told me something sad. so i should be sad, right? right now i'm just all confused inside. i dont get it. something bad happened to someone, so i should be sad. but i'm not. does that make me unfeeling? doesnt it? but then again, why would i be sad if i dont even know that person? i feel so contradictory. i once thought the whole world should be sad for all those unfortunate people in the world. but i guess things dont work that way. the world goes on. life goes on. and those unfortunate people, well, its up to themselves to live their life. but how do you tell who's fortunate and who's not? or how do you tell rich from poor? just like how do you tell good from bad? things arent so simple. like how i'm not sad right now. even though i think i should be. i guess everyone has their own opinions. so if i think that i should be feeling sad, but i'm not, then i can only feel guilty for myself. and not for anyone else. i cant blame anyone who isnt affected by it. neither can i blame anyone who is affected by it. suddenly, life feels so complicated. i want to learn psychology. i want to understand people and why they do what they do. i want to understand the world and how it works. and yet. is this my lifelong dream? or just a dream which will disappear when i wake up tomorrow morning? i cant even understand myself.

[tag reply]

wanjane: what! you got a problem with me eating late? tskk. if i told you that my dinner yesterday was at 6pm, would that make you happier? :D



wow. i didnt touch my laptop at all yesterday. thats near impossible for me during the holidays when i'm at home. because i usually have nothing else to do except use my laptop. well, i told you that i was supposed to go jogging with crystal and yiinghuey right? i guess my tiredness changed my mind. i set my alarm at 6am, but i woke up at 7.15am. the exact time when we were supposed to meet at the bus stop :/ bleah. so i had to cancel my jogging trip. it was far too late to rush. beyond the point of no return :D hahaha. okay so anyway i woke up at 11.15am i think. quite late right? :/ i suppose its because of me swimming on friday. usually, the day after i swim is spent resting at home for a long long time. which caused me to be unable to wake up early on saturday. haiz. i was just bloody tired after all that swimming and i guess my body just wanted this nice long rest so it didnt budge when the alarm rang. in fact, i dont think i even heard the alarm. haiz.

when i woke up, my mum was nagging again as usual. i thought she'd give me a break after me swimming the whole evening on friday, but no, there wasnt a break. practised my violin for a long time to try to please her, and also to practise lah. haha. because usually when i play my violin, my mum stops nagging :D great. maybe i'll do that more often. haha. bleah my mum doesnt like me playing piano or guitar :/ i think she thinks that i dont like violin and thus often play piano or guitar to escape from playing the violin. which is quite true actually :D haha. not that i dont like violin. its just too troublesome to take out ^^" haha. guitar's quite troublesome too actually. so the easiest instrument i have at home is the piano. open, play. easy as that. :D

after practising my violin, i didnt do much really. just hanged around and ate bread for lunch and read my storybook. its a different one. i finished the tomorrow series already. this is the chronicles of ancient darkness. remember that 3 in 1 book? haha yeah this is it. i read the first one already. wolf brother. now i'm on to the second one, spirit walker. there's five books so far, i think. hope the other two are easier to find. spent most of the afternoon reading my book, i think. and i didnt really get scolded, because after my brother came home, my mum hardly bothered with me. which is good, actually :D haha. had early dinner, around 6pm, since my dad needed to go to work at 5.45pm. dinner's always extra early on saturdays because of my dad. and then i sat around and continued to read my book.

and around 7pm i checked my handphone and i realised that i had a missed call from my dad a minute ago. called him back and he told me to pack the camera and charge the battery and that he'll bring me out to shoot some photos later. i was like :O WHAT?! but i got over it pretty soon. i guess i was shocked because i didnt expect my mum to let me go. well, wow for me, she didnt say anything to stop me from going. all she said was something like 'what? he so free today arh?'. 'he' referring to my dad. i was elated yet scared. yes, scared. because when i shoot photos with my dad, i'm a 100% sure that i'm going to get scolded. oh wait. make that 1000%. but anyway i was quite excited. my mum was quite sure that he was going to take me to orchard road. i had no idea at all myself. i thought either that, or somewhere which nice views too.



anyway, my dad reached home around 9pm and i grabbed the camera bag and we went off. although i had a small quarrel with my mum for a while, because i wanted to bring my black jacket [my dad asked me to bring a jacket] but my mum said no, and told me to change into this long sleeve blouse instead. i refused and after ensuring that she really wouldnt let me bring my jacket, left without a jacket at all T_T but doesnt matter. my dad told me to wear his windbreaker. which was extremely large. but it kept me warm. felt a bit guilty though. i didnt like the travel there at all. not one bit. although i was damn happy about being able to be on a bike :D the only thing was, the helmet didnt really cover my face fully so the wind was quite strong and my hair kept flying into my eyes and hitting my face. which hurt, okay. and the left foothold had sort of broken and was tilting down so it was hard to step on too. i was trying to figure out where we were going but all the signs i could see just said 'changi airport', which made me quite worried actually. ^^" haha.

we ended up on orchard road and it was bloody crowded there. drove through the whole road and spotted stuff that we wanted to take photos of. some nice christmas trees and decorations. then we turned off orchard road and went to some more ulu place. where it wasnt so crowded. erm. i'm not too sure where that place is. there's a stretch of water, a nice bridge, an mrt station nearby, and you can see the top of the parliament house across the water. yep. started taking photos from around there, then moved on to the merlion and took photos of the esplanade and flyer too. i realised that i hardly know singapore at all. i hardly knew that the flyer and esplanade and merlion were all so close together. seriously. and i dont know any landmarks except these three.

after we were done, i thought we were going to go home, seriously. but no, i wasnt tired or anything lah. we stopped at this coffeeshop [oh wait its not a coffeeshop. its much larger but i forgot what you call these kind of places.] and sat down for a drink and ate xiao long bao. it was 12am. and i was wondering when my mum would start getting worried and call. haha. anyway after we were done, i thought we were going home. got on the bike and then my dad said, 'orchard road won't be so crowded now'. and i knew that of course. it was 12am. of course it wouldnt be so crowded. and i also knew that meant that we were going orchard to take photos. really didnt know if that was good or bad. but it sounded fun.

went in from the start of orchard road again. this time, i held on to the camera while riding the bike, so that whenever we saw anything nice, my dad just stopped and i could start shooting. :D it was super fun. although it was freaking hard to take photos while wearing a helmet. seriously. took a few photos of the decorations near borders, and the tree outside paragon, and along the street, and those outside hmv. there were less stuff to take, because some places had turned off their decorations, which was pretty sad. :/ then we finally stopped to keep the camera in the bag and went home :D

while on the way home,
my dad: tired anot?
me: not really.

10mins later,
me: are you sleeping?! [he seemed like he was.]
my dad: no!

anyway, we got home at... guess what time? 3am. :D hahaha. and my mum didnt nag! not much anyway :D great. going out with my dad is fun because my mum seldom nags. by the time i was done showering and drying my hair, it was 3.45am. finally went to sleep :D and i woke up at 11am today, which meant 7 hours of sleep. wow. but i'm still quite tired from yesterday. although i wasnt tired during the trip itself.



so i guess i did practise my photography after all. i have no idea whats going to happen to my novel. i dont know if my dad will forget about it, but i dont think so. haiz. and i havent done my homework, you know. :/ whoops. off to eat lunch. porridge again. haha.

[tag reply]

wanjane: haha whatever. and its not that i didnt want to reply you okay! i was eating and i forgot to put my status to away. and by the time i came back you were gone. poof just gone like that. tskk.



AND. I DIDNT EVEN START ON MY NOVEL TODAY. DAMN IT.

woke up and practised violin for a long time :D yay. scales, exam pieces, sight reading, and the first two parts of aural. great. i'm working hard on my scales. hoping to be able to play them well and memorise them all by end of this year. which is about 5 days away. damn. and aural is pretty difficult for me. i think the first part and last part are difficult. haiz. having trouble with the first part when i practise. but anyway, felt quite good after practising for so long :D

did my homework after that. because my mum was at home [wtf she's going to be at home from christmas till new year T_T] and she was nagging about how she didnt see me do any school work or studying at all. and so, to prevent my ears from hearing her further nagging, i decided to do some work. and. i managed to do one question of maths. yep. thats all :D haha okay no lah. plus 15 questions of english compre. and thats really all. organised my certs and was browsing through when i saw my violin exam cert for grade 5 and was reading the comments that examiner gave. felt pretty dead by the time i was done reading. i really suck, dont i? haiz. then i managed to organise my file a bit by writing with a marker the subject of each folder. but then i just took super long to wait for the marker to dry up and stop smudging so that wasted a lot of time. especially since i wrote 9 times and had to wait 9 x 5mins for the stuff to dry. spent the time doing other stuff. lunch was porridge again. this time i finally managed to finish the whole thing :D yay. haha.

later in the afternoon, i stopped doing homework [because i didnt want to continue since i was writing super slow with my left hand and it pissed me off. plus, my mum saw me doing homework for the early afternoon already so she probably wouldnt nag anymore.] and organised my camera and the lenses and stuff. put most of the stuff that i needed into the camera bag, for easy use. what went into the camera bag was the camera, the two lenses, the straps, extra battery, battery charger and the wire, the manual, some other manual-like stuff, and the memory card :D yay. left the others in the box, since i probably wouldnt need them anytime soon. the cleaning stuff, the manuals in other languages, the wires, and some other stuff. felt accomplished after that :D haha. at least now i dont need to go through the trouble of opening this super huge box and take out all the manuals before i can touch the camera. great :D and yes, the camera is mine :D its my christmas present :D cool right? hahaha. [actually it wasnt. my dad just used it as an 'excuse', but it'll do.] my brother's christmas present is the dvd recorder. i think i mentioned this before, but nevermind.

after that, i went swimming. before that my mum suggested going to make my specs, but then later on she asked if i wanted to go swimming. so in the end decided to go swimming today and maybe make my specs tomorrow :D anyway, the pool's so much emptier on a weekday :D great. i hate crowded places. i enjoyed the fact there werent too many people to crash into :D swam for 45 mins and did 24 laps again :D yay. [that day i did 24 laps in about an hour i think.] but its definitely not fast enough. i have a huge problem with the goggles that i'm using right now. its my dad's. and it keeps fogging up after every lap. so i have to rinse it and then go on. which is damn irritating. i want my goggles T_T but my mum gave it to my brother for ns. DAMN HIM. seriously. my goggles are way better and they hardly fog up at all. I WANT MY GOGGLES T_T

ate dinner around 9pm and was quite full after that. and then my dad wanted to eat some of the turkey but he couldnt finish it because he was full and didnt like it anymore so i ate some too but got sick of it too. threw the rest away :/ haha what! both my parents told me to do that okay. because anyway we have lots more turkey in the freezer so we can eat them everyday and get sick of them everyday. thats what my dad said. i'm just quoting.

anyway, i think today's quite a good day :D except for the fact that i found out about the singapore robotic games 2009 today and its really bad because i need to sign up but i guess i need to get a teacher to confirm it. damn. blame my last-minute doing of stuff. but then again, i only found out because i was flipping through my certs and saw this cert from srg 2008 and it was in early january so i realised that srg 2009 would probably be in january too. and i almost died. damn it. i need to rush this out. maybe i'll ask wenyi about it and see which teacher i can contact. haiz.



so i think i'm in a bad day tomorrow. plus, i'm going jogging with crystal and yiinghuey tomorrow morning. things cant get any worse. waking me up in the morning to go jogging is sooo gonna spoil my mood for the rest of the day. haiz. and the thing is, its almost right after my swim this evening! i mean, jogging then swimming is a good thing for me. after jogging, you can go swimming to relax and stuff. but swimming and then jogging... that is sooo not nice. and i'm not really looking forward to it. not only that, when i get home, i need to settle the srg stuff, practise violin, work on my novel, practise photography if possible, and do homework. [probably with my left hand again and thats going to piss me off really bad.] and, my brother will be at home. HAIZ. yep, tomorrow looks bleak. hopefully can make my specs tomorrow :D that would be fun. shall go sleep now. before i get scolded. goodnight! :D

[tag replies]

wanjane & shuling: i am not talented okay. stop saying i am because i'm not.
wanjane: you're welcome (: and so what if you love word challenge? =.=
shuling: haha yes you sound very bohliao! [haha but don't worry! wanjane is more bohliao than you! :D]



okay christmas is over. great. i dont think i really like christmas. not sure either, but :/ oh well. haiz. thanks for all the wishes! especially the smses. i got quite a pleasant surprise when i saw who smsed me. like terrence[from see2], sherilyn, shuling, wei liat[from see2], yingtong, and joey[my junior]. those were definitely a surprise. and then the kind-of-expected-but-still-made-me-quite-surprised people were wenyi, jac, rachel, leon. sad to say, the people who totally didnt surprise me were caroline and zhuangyun. ^^" haha no offence! yep but whatever it is, thanks for the smses! it did feel kind of like christmas, getting all those wishes.

when i woke up at almost 11am, i had to wait for my mum to come home with lunch, rush down that steaming hot porridge AGAIN, and then go to cwp's cold storage. to collect the stupid turkey. =.= i reached around 1pm, which was quite late to me. took a long time finding the place to collect the orders. ^^" oops. when i finally found it, things went smoothly and i got the turkey in no time. the only problems? it was in this huge box. and. it was freaking heavy. the label said 3.6 - 4.5kg. i guess must be because i'm quite weak? :/ but anyway it was freaking heavy to me. i struggled to carry it all the way from cwp to the mrt and finally back home, feeling damn pissed on my way home and cursing out loud when no one was around. [and yes i made sure no one was around before muttering all those curses.] plus, a lot of people were staring at me like i was a weirdo. =.= darn it. got home pissed and left everyone else in my family to deal with the turkey and the gravy and the stuffing. the cutting of the turkey, and heating of everything else, etc. and they made a whole lot of noise shouting at each other about what someone else did wrongly, that i was feeling as pissed as when i was carrying the stupid turkey home. but anyway i didnt give a damn. sat in front of the fan reading my storybook until the turkey was ready to be eaten and went to eat it. was damn full after that, and that was around teabreak, so i didnt really eat dinner. just ate junk like cake and yogurt bars and drank milk :D and my brother went back to ns after that, in the evening. yay :D

my dad bugged me about my novel AGAIN today. which left me feeling quite angry but yet upset. angry that he had to bring it up, but upset that i actually left it to rot. he wants me to finish my novel by the end of the year. which leaves me exactly 5 days starting from tomorrow. IS HE NUTS?! thats not enough time at all. damn it. but he said so and i have no idea what i'm going to do. guess i'll start chiong-ing it tomorrow. and i can just forget about all my homework already lah. its nothing compared to finishing my novel in 5 days. maybe i'll ask him for a few more days, but i know that its impossible to just leave it to rot anymore. i have to finish it, otherwise there will be no end of trouble from my dad. felt extremely annoyed at him. one of the rare times, i guess. and i almost cried while he was talking to me about it. he tried to start by just asking how many more words to 50k, but its more than i can ever tell him. he thinks it isnt much. he thinks i can just finish up the story quickly, short and sweet, yay completed end of story. as if. if i could do that, i would have done it a long time ago. i'm not even halfway through yet! thats why i was so bloody annoyed because i knew that it was going to take a lot to keep going at that and finish it. and, i dont like the plot. not liking the plot makes me hate the novel. and thus, i guess you could say that its become something like homework to me. a burden. something i moan and complain about and hope will disappear out of my life forever. not going to happen. and i am so dead. because i know my dad means it. he's been bugging me about it occasionally, so i thought he would just forget about it some day. but then his friend, who's a lawyer, just HAD to call him up today to wish him merry christmas or something, and he was reminded of my novel. because he had told his friend about my novel. i am so pissed that i could just kill someone right now. ugh.

okay i ended up watching videos, then reading my book last night :D haha. finished watching corner with love today. actually i already watched most of it super long ago. left with the last two episodes only. somehow lost interest in it, and decided to just finish it up, since i have so many half-watched dramas. my next half-watched drama that i'll be watching will probably be bull fighting. left with the last episode. :D haha i think i suck because i'm forever left with the last few episodes only but then i just leave it there and go on to something else. i guess thats my character. i'm only interested in stuff for a while and i usually stop doing something halfway through because i lose interest really easily. haiz.

anyway, last night i was reading 'the other side of dawn' in bed. yes, in bed. its the last book in the tomorrow series :D and i read 37 pages leh! thats quite an accomplishment, considering how my neck was super suan from my position and my finger was super tired of pressing my phone for light to read. was lying on my bed on my front and reading it with only my handphone light [i have to press it once every 5 seconds =.=] because my mum was sleeping so i couldnt afford to wake her up. but i didnt go into the living room to read in case she woke up and saw me, because then she would ask me to go to sleep.

i'm halfway through the book by now. then when my dad went out, i turned on the laptop to watch my videos. planning to play facebook after this, and then maybe... read my book again? haha. no idea. my brother came home around the time i was just starting to watch my videos. and he's not going to shout today because he has a sore throat :D yay =P to him. too bad he cant eat the chocolates that my parents thought he would like so much. i cant believe they actually did all this for him. we're eating turkey tomorrow, and they bought chocolate for him, and my mum's christmas present was this box of chocolates so she saved it for him, and my dad has been making chrysanthemum tea plus dates and other stuff recently so they saved that for him too, and we had this bengawan solo voucher which we could use to collect a cake and my mum purposely collected it yesterday so my brother could eat it when he got home today. and we're celebrating christmas for once this year just because my brother's back from ns. wtf. i sooo do not like this. something like, its disgustingly nice. i dunno. i'm not used to these kind of things. i wonder if its just because i'm jealous that i'm not getting that kind of attention. but then again, it cant be, because if i went to ns and came home for christmas, i sure wouldnt want all these things to be done just for me. [except maybe the chocolates because everyone knows i love chocolate :D]

i've been itching to post for quite a while. i think its because its the only meaningful thing that i do these days.



well, sunday night my mum did watch war: rogue assassin in the end, but i ended up playing facebook throughout, so ^^" and i didnt even start on my book yet. i'm going to start on it after this post :D cant wait to read it.



on monday there was a rosyth gathering. which i didnt go for. i cant believe i actually stayed at home instead of going for the gathering! was bloody pissed at myself for making that decision and i really regretted it, even though the gathering didnt sound like much of a success. but. i could have contributed too, right? damn. and the thing is that i couldnt even understand why i didnt want to go! it made me feel really disappointed in myself, the fact that i didnt go when i could go. my excuse? i didnt know where the place was, plus i didnt have a present. i cant believe i actually used those excuses! i told that to alvin, who asked me at 1.30pm if i was going, which was surprising since the gathering was supposed to start at 1pm. haha. i told him i was going and i gave those lousy excuses. wtf. am i that lazy to the point where i cant even bother to pick up the street directory and find the place? and go to cwp and get a present? thats not even the point. the point is, i didnt want to go. and i have no idea why. i think it was just the laziness. if it is, then i'm really not going to forgive myself for that.

i believe that i really treasure my friends, and thats why i dont reject invitations to gatherings or outings. but, these few weeks, i've been rejecting quite a few. i wonder if i've changed. my excuse to myself is that my mum might find out, so i dont go. [she wont allow me to go if i ask.] but is that really the reason? maybe, the reason is that i've finally realised that even if i go for those gatherings or outings, [not only referring to rosyth gatherings.] i dont come home happy. i really dont. i mean, yeah, you have those moments of happiness during the outing and stuff, but at the end of the day, i'm not happy. i always leave feeling very upset, because i know that i dont want to leave in the first place. but even if i stay until the end of it, i still leave feeling upset. either because the event has been a failure, or because, in the end, i'm still going to have to go home on my own, without my friends.



instead, i spent the whole of monday wasting my time. although i did enjoy watching hot shot very much. watched until the 2nd last episode yesterday. i realise that christmas is coming very soon. and you know that orchard road is decorated and all, right? well, my dad wants me to go to orchard road and snap loads of pictures of the place. bleah. i sooo do not like that idea. with that new camera. oh did i mention? he bought the camera about a month ago, i think, but he lent it to his friend to learn how to use it. i was quite admiring his friend for that at first, but then on saturday my dad brought home the camera, saying that his friend gave up on it. that was really sad. and to think that i thought i could be friends with that guy and if he was good at the camera, he could teach me too :D actually i thought his friend sounded pretty pro. oh yeah, that day, my dad wanted me to talk to his friend about signing up for this camera course, and told me to call him. i was like WHAT?! i cant just call someone like that! so i ended up smsing him instead. haha. talking to him would be weird, i think.

oh yeah, so anyway, my dad told me to take the camera and go to orchard road and take photos of the place. haiz. it sounds :/ to me because i bet it's going to be damn crowded there. plus, i can hardly use the camera yet. and its bloody heavy with the lenses. i'm sooo not used to this kind of cameras. haiz. anyone willing to follow me to orchard road and take photos? haha. my dad told me to ask my friends to go with me. although i doubt anyone will want to go.



i was pretty pissed this morning. early in the morning, around 5am, when my handphone dropped onto the floor. my mum woke up immediately and told me, and i was in an extremely bad mood at that time. it dropped from the edge of my bed. and what was it doing at the edge of my bed? well, it was next to my pillow, because i was waiting for a bloody sms from someone. but that person took freaking long to reply so i fell asleep eventually and then accidentally hit it and it dropped. onto the bloody floor. DAMN IT. i was freaking pissed okay. and i was still feeling pissed when i woke up at 10am in the morning, because the freaking alarm clock that my mum set was ringing non-stop and my dad told me to turn it off because it was noisy. DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT. i cant believe that my precious phone actually dropped onto the floor! you have no idea how much precaution i took to put it in behind my pillow in the middle so that it wont accidentally drop onto the floor, because there was a day very long ago when the exact same thing happened. and then it actually happened again. just because i was waiting for some bloody sms. i was sooo damn pissed at myself okay. and pretty angry at the person who was smsing me too, but forget it, i cant say that it was that person's fault, right? just DAMN. argh.



anyway, there was supposed to be an outing today. me jac jes and jos. a christmas gathering to exchange gifts and stuff. but then jac said that jes and jos hadnt replied her. so, scratch that. heck. i spent the early afternoon wrapping presents. just in case they replied and decide to meet up and exchange gifts. bleah. oh well. at least they're done now. so i dont have to worry about that anymore. and in the later afternoon i finished watching hot shot. it was an interesting show, and one of the rare times when i think that the ending is good. i usually dont like endings of stuff. so i'm very wary when i come to an ending of anything, be it a movie, book, or drama, whatever. but it was good, really. with their coach dying in the end. not being a sadist or whatever, but it really ended the whole thing well, i think. its a good show and i really liked it because i've liked basketball ever since young, so i thought it was worth watching. although all those nice moves of flying, you can just ignore them if you want to learn real basketball. yeah.

which reminds me. i want to play basketball. and i really want someone to play with me. the only thing i'm afraid of is that that someone might be really good so it'd be super paiseh to play basketball together. but when i mean someone to play basketball with, i mean for a very long time. like maybe once every week. yeah. until... i dunno when. for a very long time. anyone willing to play basketball with me? i think i'm no good at all, but i promise that i'll learn.



i seem to need a lot of volunteers today. haha. hmm. anyway, i just went to meet yiinghuey at the mrt station and she passed me cookies :D thanks yiinghuey! i think i might watch more videos later. even though i was supposed to practise violin and photography today :/ damn. and do homework. argh i suck. i dunno. either i end up watching videos somemore, or reading my book. -shrugs- oh well. see ya later!

i had to rush through my steaming hot porridge of lunch in the afternoon. because i was kind of late. was supposed to meet wenyi at yishun at 12.40pm. but when i got there about 5 mins late, i realised she was later than me!!! T_T damn. i could have ate my porridge slower. anyway, we got to caroline's house about 15 or 20 mins late i think :/ haha. oh yeah. wenyi gave both of us our christmas cards. haha she had no stamps to post! tskk. haha no lah. she just havent bought her stamps yet. anyway, i returned wenyi's shoes and caroline's investiture uniform. finally. anyway, we did our homework until around 4pm or 4.30pm. depends on who you're talking about. me and caroline gave up quite early ^^" but wenyi did until around the end. had breaks in between of eating chocolate and cake :D yum. and then around 4.30pm - 5pm, we all stopped [including wenyi who was so hardworking] and watched devil beside you for a while [the super funny parts and wenyi said later that she wants to watch it because it was so funny], before finally going home. it was super fun! :DDD i really loved it. and omg i just read wenyi's letter and i feel so... um... happy and touched and honoured :D hard to describe. haha. now i feel kind of bad that i wrote so little in my tiny piece of letter to her :/ but i was rushing to get it done so :/ T_T sorry wenyi!

when i got home, it was 6pm. showered and ate dinner and practised my piano for a while. yiinghuey passed me 2 scoresheets that day :D and the 2 songs are nice :D not that hard actually. great. hope i can learn the whole song soon. then i went facebook to play pet society. i've been kind of addicted to it lately. and then i realised that crystal invited me to this game called battle of the bands, and its SUPER FUN okay. whee :D i love anything to do with music. and its really super fun and cool :D yay.

i wanted to read the last book in the tomorrow when the war began series actually, later tonight. but i might be ending up watching a movie instead. my mum is like a movie nut. ever since my dad got that dvd recorder which could play dvds, and we dug out about 13 dvd movies, she's been asking me to play a movie almost everyday. lol. we tried hitman yesterday, but it seemed quite old fashioned [the video pixel and stuff were weird.] so we gave up on it and my mum could only continued watching some chinese show on tv. and then, she wants to watch war: rogue assassin today. bleah. i'm dying of a movie nut here. AND. the best thing is that she almost always falls asleep halfway while watching them. whats the point then?! haiz. but luckily, my dad is at home today, so maybe he'll watch too? no idea. and then maybe i might decide to just read my book and ignore the movie. but that might be kinda hard. if its interesting, i guess i might watch it after all T_T which sucks because then i wont be able to read my book. DAMN. anyway, off to play battle of the bands and pet society on facebook :D seeya!

[tag reply]

jac: HEY GOOD POINT! :D maybe i should do that! being nuts is fun okay? :D



i think i did quite a lot of stuff yesterday. compared to my usual stay-at-home-and-slack or go-out-with-my-friends-and-play routine. woke up quite early because my dad said his friend was coming over around 10am. then i was like crap have to wake up early =.= but in the end his friend didnt come. and he only reached home around 11am. -_- make me wake up early for nothing. anyway, my dad wanted me to order a turkey for christmas, so i spent the morning on the internet finding that stupid turkey that fairprice advertised in the newspapers. and wow when i typed turkey i only found about 6 matches which were all not what i wanted. then my dad came home and suggested i call them. and when i checked their contact numbers, it said (mon-fri) so i just gave up. decided to order from cold storage instead. it was more expensive though. but anyway, i checked the internet and there was no sign of roast turkey. the only turkeys they had were the uncooked ones. luckily, their contact numbers said (mon-sat) so i immediately called them up and found out that we had to go down to cold storage to order it.

my mum came home from her doctor's appointment or whatever [i think she was at the hospital or something] and volunteered to go order the turkey with me. and said that we should go shopping as well. for back-to-school stuff like school shoes and new specs and a pair of slippers because i said i wanted slippers. and i was like 'no one's going shopping' but she just ignored me. bleah. so anyway we went to order the turkey, and the waiting time was considerably long. ugh. i read i-dunno-how-many pages of my storybook while standing there waiting. tsk. then we finally ordered the turkey. stupid turkey. damn you. you wasted almost my whole morning and afternoon. and you dont even taste as nice as chicken, which is so much cheaper.

anyway, after that, my mum went to shop for clothes for a while, for me. bleahh. and her taste is like damn different so i just sulked and stood around waiting for her to be done and not showing any interest in anything. after that, we went to bata to find school shoes and i wanted the normal kind that almost everyone wears but she didnt like it so she suggested we go to sportslink. and she actually thought that sportslink was royal sporting house. =.= plus, she kept looking at sport shoes and i had to tell her that they were sport shoes before she moved away from them and started looking for any white-coloured shoes around. anyway, we went to sportslink and my mum saw this nice super-white shoe and it was super light so she asked me if i wanted it. i ignored her as usual. then i saw that the other shoes werent very nice either. she picked up that shoe again and i took it and... analysed it. haha. the first time i didnt bother with it because it was damn bloody white and bright so much that i got annoyed and didnt like it. but on second thoughts, it WAS super light and the design was quite cool. the brand name is erke, by the way. and i was like hmm okay i'll try this one. since i didnt like the rest. i tried the shoe on display but it was too small. so i asked person there for another one 2 sizes bigger. it was almost perfect :D

i seldom have shoes or sandals which fit my feet, because my mum usually forces me to buy super huge ones so i can still wear them when my feet grows larger. but since sec 4 will be my last year wearing school shoes, yay for me :D i finally have a pair of shoes which fit my feet and isnt too large like all my other shoes. even my sandal is super darn large okay? my mum thinks that we should buy everything one size larger so that we can wear it for very long. weird logic. its weird, especially when i dropped my shoe while rock climbing once because it was kind of large. and that was damn embarrassing. you need shoes which fit, not shoes which you can use even when you grow super old or something.

after buying the shoes, we went home, even though my mum was bugging me about when i wanted to buy new specs and slippers. i told her i'd buy the slippers on my own. as for the specs, i wasnt it the mood so i skipped it. got home and i dropped my stuff and sat around for a while reading my book. then i ate some food and then went swimming :D this time, i did 24 laps :D 10 more laps from last week. and i tried swimming to the bottom of the pool and doing 2 breadths, like last week, but it didnt work. i almost died while forcing myself halfway through the first breadth. and i tread water pathetically to the other end and stayed there trying to recover. was pretty upset about that. i used to be able to do that at the deepest part of the pool. and only needed to take a breather 3/4 through. i could almost do a whole breadth if i tried hard enough. now, though, my lungs seem to have shrunk or something. i need to breathe in air so often. this sucks. i seriously need more practice. and water got into my right ear again. like last week. there's definitely something wrong with my right ear. when water gets in, it cant come out. no matter how much i tilt my head and try getting the water out. my left ear is normal because when i tilt my head the water flows out. bleah this sucks. water getting into my right ear is freaking uncomfortable. and it used to take a day for it to evaporate off or something. but now it takes 2 days.

yesterday night, i finished reading my book, the night is for hunting. its the 6th book in the tomorrow when the war began series. yay one more book to go :D things are getting interesting. and i'm going to caroline's house later today, with wenyi. gonna return their stuff and do homework together. off to eat lunch now. seeya!

okay so i went over to crystal's house super late today :/ i had some last minute stuff to do in the morning. supposed to go over at 10am, but i reached there at 11.30am. wow, right? anyway, we worked on the jigsaw puzzle until about 12pm, i think. and then decided to destroy it because it was getting on our nerves. crystal especially. [although she said she was feeling extremely motivated to finish it at first. lol.] then we cooked lunch in her kitchen. rice, egg and onion omelette, chicken patties, and boiled cabbage with oyster sauce. yum :D it was super nice. then we played game of life for two rounds. [actually three. but the first one was played wrongly, so :/] the second round was interesting because we were extremely rich [our characters inherited the money from the people in the first round. they were supposedly the children of the characters in the first round.] and it was quite fun to play. hahaha cheating is fun mans :D then we stoned around for a while after the game. i was super tired at that point in time. ate ice cream [tiramisu is yummy! :D] and then wanted to go down to play badminton. but, being tired, we played mahjong instead. crystal bought this mini mahjong set from china which is cool because its mini but not so cool because the tiles are tiny. anyway, played mahjong until around 5pm. and then i went home soon after that. i didnt want to watch house anyway. crystal claims its nice but i dont like it because my brother likes it, so haha too bad i guess.

reached home around 5.30pm and i dumped the clothes into the dryer and opened all the windows. and i realised that i keep forgetting to turn off the computer switch in the room. i need to turn it on because thats my internet connection. but since my laptop is in the living room, i usually forget to turn off the switch in the computer room. oops :/ i'll try not to forget next time. [last time, my brother would always be using the computer in the room so it wouldnt be a problem, since he'd turn it off.] anyway, my mum's buying macs for dinner :D yay. she was in cwp so she called and asked me if i was fine with macs. although its just going to be small fries T_T haiz. and i've been playing pet society on facebook recently. its uber fun :D its something like sims, in a way, i guess. and i like sims. [except for the fact that it lagged like @#$*(&*#@$!# hell on my laptop so i had to uninstall it. it was the super nice sims2 leh!!! with almost all the extra stuff like university and whatnot. T_T damn my bloody laptop.] and pet society hardly lags at all [because its so simple =.=] so i'm fine with it.

oh and i forgot to mention. yesterday when me and jac went to the library to borrow our books, jac borrowed eldest by christopher paolini for her brother. you know, the 2nd book of the series. the 1st book is eragon. and then it was a hardcover book, and the cover was the type which could actually come off. so, what happened was that it had actually come off and someone pasted it back. upside down. LOL. so if you were reading that book the right side up on the mrt or bus, people would think that you're nuts because the cover would be upside down. ISNT THAT COOL? :D THATS AWESOME. hahaha. if i hadnt read eldest, i would have loved to borrow that book :D lols.

bleah. my holidays are killing me. they're not holidays to me anymore. i'm going out almost every single day and i hardly have time to stay at home and play on my lovely laptop. [OH YAY my mum just came home and she bought macs and delifrance :DDD] haha okay i shall stop here for now. i need to use my hands to eat my burger, you know? :D seeya!

hmm okay ate lunch at yoshinoya today with jac, then we started walking around cwp. shopped until around 5pm, i think. i bought a pair of shorts and 2 tshirts and i almost wanted to buy a cap too. didnt buy it in the end though. and jac didnt buy anything =.= haha and yes i think me and jac have the same shopping habits. like taking an extremely long time to decide if i want to buy something or not. lol. we went to quite a few places to shop, i think. yeah. then while we were in metro, wanjane called me and asked me where i was. and then she said she wanted to come over and hit me before going home. i was like ?!?! and =.=" lor. tskk. haha yeah so anyway she dropped by. oh yah. i also wanted to do my homework actually but i didnt end up doing any for the whole day anyway. haiz. i'm really hopeless, huh? but hey, on the bright side, i found out that some of my friends, like crystal and jac, still havent started on their homework. great :D so i'm not alone. hahaha.

after shopping and eating ice cream and with me eating an extremely spicy black pepper chicken wing, we went to the library and i found a few nice books there. another 3 books to add to my waiting list :D hahaha. to think i just borrowed 3 books yesterday. ah well. i found omnibus! its a book with a collection of the first three books from the chronicles of ancient darkness :D yay. i thought i could only wait helplessly for wolf brother, the first book, to finally appear in the library, but then omnibus appeared so i just grabbed it :D i was super happy after that. hahaha and jac was like o.O at me. the other two books are just random books. OH DID I MENTION? out of the three books i borrowed yesterday, one was just a random one, while the other two books were the last two books in the tomorrow when the war began series!!! :DDD YAY. i can finally read the last 2 books. there are 7 books in the series by the way. i only have the 1st and 3rd, but i've read until the 5th book already. LAST TWO BOOKS :DDD YAY haha okay i'm nuts. anyway, we finally went home around 6pm or 6.30pm. thanks jac! :D

when i got home and my mum saw what i bought, she wasnt too happy i think. she said i have no taste leh! #$*%(&@$!#^ who's the one who dont have taste arh! tskk. bleah. when my dad got home with his hair untied, my mum started complaining again. =.=" i think she's really old fashioned lah. there's nothing wrong with me buying shorts and there's nothing wrong with my dad not tying up his hair okay. he's cool! :D haha and i'm cool too :D haha okay i'm being ego here. i dunno. just felt pretty pissed with my mum today, i guess. i want to buy clothes that i like, not clothes that you approve of. my mum thinks that pe shorts are extremely short. =.=" and i've seen at least 3 of my friends wear pe shorts out before. for casual wear. to go shopping and stuff. obviously shorts are short. but they're not extremely short what. whats wrong with wearing shorts?! #@$*&#@$!& its not like the shorts i bought are those 'micro' shorts what. [well, jac calls them micro. lols.] so i really dont get whats her problem. its MY clothes, not yours.

anyway, me and yiinghuey are going to crystal's house tomorrow. finishing up that jigsaw puzzle, maybe do a bit of homework, and play badminton. the only thing bad about it? i have to wake up bloody early. zZZ. sian. oh and christmas is coming :D my parents say they want to buy a turkey and get that marble cake for christmas. wow. we've never ever celebrated christmas at home before. seriously. dont believe me? here's proof: i have no idea what a turkey tastes like. anyway, my family isnt the type who celebrates anything. no christmas, no new year, no birthdays even. as in, birthdays are usually a super quiet thing. we dont celebrate them. like for my birthdays, its only once in a while that my dad gets me a present. and my mum usually just buys a super tiny fruit cake for me and i eat it on my own. haha. so its going to be weird celebrating christmas. i think they're celebrating because my brother's going to be at home for his first holiday from ns. bleah. disgusting. i think thats the stupidest thing ever. celebrating because he's home. oh well. i dunno. i just dont celebrate stuff, okay? shoo.

i see that there are no tags recently. must be because of my extremely long posts that are scaring people away :D lol. anyway tuesday night was noisy indeed. with my brother shouting his head off and my mum trying to calm him down and then my dad waking up to tell my mum not to disturb my brother, since he was going off to ns soon again anyway. and i just sat there with my mouth shut and without getting shouted at :D yay.



yesterday, my brother and dad went for this appointment with some psychologist. apparently, it seems that my brother has low eq and the doctor even recommended autistic therapy for him. COOL :D hahaha. he's autistic! wahahahah :D okay i'm evil. lol. he went back to ns after that. my dad sent him there leh! on his motorbike! T_T i want to ride his bike! but anyway he said my brother fell asleep on the way there, so he must have been really tired. whoa. interesting. my brother who stays up all night to play computer games. must be tough training there i guess. kinda pity him a bit, but since he came home and still hadnt changed one bit, shouting his head off at us, no i dont think i want to pity him.

as for me, i went out to have lunch with wanjane at macs. she was late! tskk. ok fine i'm usually late anyway when i meet my friends. my bad. and i spilled milo on my pants and bag T_T okay whatever. that was because the table was somehow slanted. tskk. or was it the tray which was slanted. hmm. anyway, after that we walked around cwp. wanjane bought her cd album and was super happy after that. example of how i know she's happy: she holds it up for me to look at and starts smiling. =.=" haha then we walked around [i cant believe we spent so much time walking around] and went to places like popular a lot of times. then i bought a guitar pick for myself :D shall go back there to buy more next time :D but the guitar pick was super cool okay! then we went library and i borrowed 3 books. wanjane borrowed 4 i think. she didnt let me see any of her books =.=" then we went to cwp again and wandered around, before finally going to macs to buy ice cream and going home. i have no idea how we wandered around so long, but it was a fun day lah :D even though i only bought one pathetic guitar pick.

went home and started practising my violin :/ i thought i would be dead meat since i got home so late and i hardly knew the scales and all. luckily, violin lesson went well today :D teacher only tested on most of the random stuff like double stop scale, dominant, diminished, and arpeggios. didnt test the scales. -phew- although i was definitely prepared if he tested them lah. umm then we went through exam pieces and i finally know which is my third piece. quite easy to play, but the tempo is going to be hard to catch on to. its super fast. my first song is also quite fast :/ then we did sight reading which was actually quite average, and finally aural which i just died. DIED. there are four parts leh! T_T and the first three parts are hard enough. although during the third part, i actually did it correctly by identifying that it was a perfect cadence and in the minor key. PHEW. :D yay. but i have the practise the rest more. especially the first part!!! i cant really hear the right hand playing, because its mixed with left hand :/ crap. do i suck? T_T that was super hard lah. T_T or maybe its because i haven't gotten used to doing this yet. i dont care i seriously need to practise more. but i didnt get scolded leh! :D was super happy and came home and was telling my mum 'i didnt get scolded!' -beams- hahaha.

at night, watched that korean movie in the dvd, called fate. its quite nice :D the 2 guys died in the end. killed by their own friends. -sigh- but it was quite expected lah. the whole movie was quite... um... violent, i guess. there was one scene where this car smashed into one of the guys [who died =.=] and they showed his body in two parts, i think. lol. and i was like 'whoa. COOL.' and i think my mum was probably wondering if there was something wrong with me. lol. and the other guy, sort of the main character[cant really say that he is, since there are 4 main characters.], he was damn cool okay :D he could fight while he was drunk. and he could just brush off the people who were in his way :D like just whack them with that metal thing and yay :D and he could even fight while he was drunk :D haha okay i think i'm too high. anyway, the movie was nice. oh yah. before the movie, i was also practising my guitar and i realised that the canon in d song that wanjane gave me is actually quite hard :/ haha sorry lah! i didnt know! haha because havent try yet mah. then i tried it and almost died. and i found this song, the sound of silence, which is super nice :D and i can play it on the guitar. yay :D



today i'm going out to eat lunch and shop with jac. and maybe with wanjane later in the afternoon. because people are going to fumigate this place. bleahh. and i dont want to be at home. anyway, my mum 'chased' me out of the house. at first i wanted to go swimming. but she didnt allow. so i told her that they were going to fumigate the place tomorrow, and she immediately said, 'then you go library'. and i was like =.=" crap still cant go swimming and i'm getting chased out of the house as well. sigh. i might be doing some homework today too. see how bah. anyway, i told my mum that i wanted to go shopping for clothes so she gave me some money in case i found anything i liked :D yay. i am in serious need of new clothes.

oh and right now i'm blogging here even though its already 11.30am because my dad asked me to do something for him. remember the camera he bought? he wants to send his friend for some course on how to handle the camera. so he asked me to sign up for the course for him, and in order to do that, you need to register for the warranty. but turns out that the either the serial number is wrong, or his friend already registered. ah well. whatever. i'm going off now :D seeya!

prepare for an extremely long post :D



i've suddenly realized how childish and immature i've been all this while. i had this same feeling once, a few years ago, and i changed some of the stuff i did. and now here it is again. and i figured out that maybe coming to this realization once in a while really helps. i guess the last time i had this feeling, was when i finally decided not to hate anyone in the world, because everyone is a person and when i decided that the only people in this world that i couldnt help hating are myself and my brother. and also when i realized that it was really selfish of me to want anything, so i decided that everything i put down on my wishlist, i would get them myself, so i'm not expecting anything from anyone. that was the last time i realized how childish i was.

this time, i've realized yet again how immature i am. the things that i do sometimes, they really show who i am. and i've regretted a lot of things i've done. like how, about a few months ago i think, i decided to stop calling my brother 'my brother' and instead call him by his name, 'jan'. wasnt that just stupid of me? by calling him jan, what could i do? i couldnt change the fact that he's my brother. i was just disillusioning myself, thinking that by calling him jan, he would be more of a stranger to me, and would not be as closely related to me. that was a dumb thing to do.

and how i thought that wanting something badly enough would cause me to work hard for it. i was wrong about that too, wasnt i? just look at me now. i'm not working hard at all. how i thought i needed someone to push me to do work, but thats not true. i thought that all i needed was someone, to give me that shove and then i would start working magic and finish all my work and more. that was a false impression. i didnt know that i knew so little about myself. not even understanding what i was and wasnt capable of. and how i thought that i knew what i wanted, but was again proven wrong. i didnt think that my goals would actually be different from what i wanted. those had been my goals ever since i was young, and i never gave a thought to wondering whether that was truly what i wanted. i hardly understood myself. and i still dont. and i dont understand others either. i realized that i hardly know the people around me, and i can almost never tell what they're thinking. i guess i dont know them well enough, huh? it really makes me feel very disappointed in myself.



on a happier note, here's a quiz about my name's hidden meaning. jac helped me to type in my name and gave me the results, so here they are:

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you.
You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night.
Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

i think some stuff are kind of true, like having an active imagination, getting carried away with my thoughts, having enthusiasm but with it fading quickly, and wanting to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time but not being able to finish the stuff that i start working on.[usually because i just drop it and go off to do something else more exciting.] as for the other stuff... haha you can decide on your own, since i'm not sure of them myself.



and here's another quiz which i got from wanjane's blog:

The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you
Italicize the statements that you WISH are true
Leave the Fibs alone
Then, stab 5 guys to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch TV these days.
I own lots of books. [whats the definition of lots?]
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm totally smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends. [i guess so.]
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone. [sometimes.]
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop then eat.
I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before. [um. somewhat.]
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything. [that i know of so far.]
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before. [there's alcohol in wine, right?]
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends. [lol. care to tell me who my best friends are? nonetheless, i would die for some of my friends, friends who are special to me.]
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. [its awesome because people freak out.]
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friends's ex.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I'm a good girl!
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car. [no idea.]
I love my job. [i hate it.]
I am comfortable with who I am right now. [i am, but then again, i wish i was.]
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream. [sure. but i dont even know what my goal/dream is yet.]
I'm proficient in a musical instrument. [i wish.]
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies. [sometimes.]
I think water rules. [definitely.]
I went college out of state. [i'm not even in college yet.]
I like sausage.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep. [how would i know?]
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions. [i guess so.]
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at least one person that I work with. [can't stand? then sit.]
I am a caffeine junkie.
I know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary. [i dont have a room, remember?]
I like a person of the same sex. [no idea.]
I love being happy. [i dont think so.]
I am an adrenaline junkie.

and i cant think of anyone to tag, so i'll just tag any random person who wants to do this quiz.



long post, right? and WTF my bro just called to say that he's coming back tonight, since he has an appointment tomorrow. whatthehellthisisnutsiamsonotlookingforwardtohimcomingback! you have got do be kidding me. and me and my mum actually wanted to watch a movie tonight T_T IN PEACE. this sucks. and i've been watching this anime recently [um okay its a bit wrong but.] about this guy who likes a girl but he likes his younger sister too. and his younger sister likes him too lah. the last time i watched something like this was about this pair of twins who fell in love. which was really sweet, actually. but it just makes me feel even worse. knowing the fact that there are brothers who are so nice to their sisters. and not being able to do anything about the fact that i'm related to my brother. i feel so disgusted.

anyway, i think i'll try blogging in chinese from my next post onwards. hopefully. i'll end off with a haiku.

the icy wind blows
a light goes off in the house
animals scurry

okay i'm not really satisfied with this haiku :/ its kind of. shallow. now that i think about it, my previous ones were quite shallow too. the only one which i thought was quite good was the second haiku in my previous post. the one about imaginations. because its more... in depth. yeah. ah well. goodnight! [i sense a noisy night ahead. -sigh-]