[tag reply]
wanjane: whatever luhh.

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i think this is going to be a long post.

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okay so firstly, updates on life. not much actually. my recent blogging in chinese has lead to people telling me that i'm weird or to blog in english or asking me why i blog in chinese. oh well. i'm trying to improve my chinese here. shouldn't there be words of... erm... support and encouragement instead? :D haha. ok whatever.



wednesday was crap. went to school, then came home and played ff8 and other rubbish on my laptop. on thursday, i was the most hardworking that i've ever been since about... a few months ago? yeah. about there. managed to finish english, elit, ss, and hcl in the day. and since i actually did bio and math during the cny holidays, most of my homework was done and gotten rid of. except for chem, which i finished in school today. but still, i finished it before chem lesson so it was fine :D [although i copied it off my friend. sorry about that, really! but well, i guess it was kind of expected of me.] plus, i didn't turn on my laptop for the whole of thursday. which was just amazing. i was there whining about wanting to use it, but i'm glad i actually resisted the temptation to flip it open and press the power button. its been, what, a year or so since i've last done that? [excluding exam period] which was really an achievement for me. of course, more homework piling up again for the weekends, but hey, after thursday, this shouldn't be a problem. [hopefully ^^"]

sadly, the hcl reviews that i finished on thursday have been rejected because of the short length of the reflection. [a lot of other people's reflections were considered rejected too.] it has to be at least half a page, now that someone finally makes the word range clear. so, we have to rewrite it. other homework such as math, elit, hcl, egeog, eng, and stuff which i owe a few teachers ever since very long ago, like chem hw and more hcl reviews, are starting to catch up with me too. hope i can complete most of the stuff on sunday.



oh yeah. went to school with elaine today and met yiinghuey too. cool. although i don't usually go to school that early. and lol because sufyan woke up at the same time i left my house. wahahaha :D i'm always earlier than him :D -evil grin- and omg he has 3 alarms. that is so :O shocking. but i want 3 alarms! my mum doesn't see the need for them though. and she told me that i should just go buy them on my own if i need them :/ haiz. too lazy to go buy them luhh ^^"

today's lunch was at pepper lunch again. i remember going there just a couple of weeks ago. tsk. jac wanted to eat it so yeah, we went there. its kinda growing on me. maybe i'll like it more. dunno. or maybe its just cos jac likes it so much that she keeps saying pepper lunch to me when we walk home together. windowshopped around amk hub and i found this really cool wallet and pencilbox :D i want to buy them! dunno if my mum will allow though :/ plus i told her that my wallet would last for quite long :/ whoops.

jac wants me to go cycle with her at the park near her house, to sort of practise for the bike-a-thon, before the actual one. i guess i'll go :D can't wait for the bike-a-thon. hope jos and jes can go too :D

after school and lunch today, i went to woodlands library. its starting to grow on me too :D its becoming something like a habit, going to the library and searching for books. and it feels good to find the books that i'm searching for. i keep using the computer to search for books so often that i feel quite embarrassed now when i go use it, for fear of the librarian recognising me ^^" hehe. yepp and i have a lot of books to search for, since i follow lots of series, and have lots of extra books which i want to read too. right now, i have 2 books from a series, and another 2 from another series, 1 book from a series, yet another 1 book from a series, and lastly 1 other extra book. that makes 7 books in total :D yay. anyway tomorrow's the last day for people to borrow twice as many books as they usually can, so i should just make use of it. borrowed 3 books today. the other 4 were borrowed on 2 different days. now, the only problem that i have is to finish reading all these books by their due date. might be hard, since i need to spend more time studying and doing homework and catching up on my sleep nowadays. oh yeah. spent about an hour or two in the library today, and i almost froze and turned into an ice block. all my fingers were numb when i finally decided that i should make my way home. :/ haiz.

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now, for other random stuff.



i get the feeling of almost-getting hypothermia these few days. especially in the nights and mornings. it just gets bloody cold. so cold that i'm freezing from inside out, i'm not shivering anymore, and all i want to do is to get back into my bed and under that super-thick blanket; my comfort zone. too bad its usually just a fantasy for me, since i can't go back into bed when i have to get ready for school. reality is indeed an icy cold place.



it occurred to me recently what i expect of my friends, and how my expectations differ with theirs. i think that we should expect love, trust, and friendship from our friends, nothing more. isn't that what friends are for, after all? to love and trust you, to be your friend. shouldn't that be the basic expectations of a friend? i think so. and i don't think you should expect anything more than that from a friend.

that's why i don't get it. i don't get why being a friend must be so complicated. or rather, why must some people make it so complicated. why do you have to expect so much out of your friend? isn't love, trust and friendship enough? what else do you want from your friend? why has your expectations increased to such an extent that even true friends are not required to have? who said that a friend has to specially take time off to spend it with you? who said that a friend has to sacrifice her time with her other friends, just for you? what kind of an expectation is that? i just don't get it. and neither do i want to understand why.



bad habits die hard. and i know that my habit of slacking and copying others' works and not doing my homework and not studying is not going to be broken anytime soon. and no matter how hard i try to tell myself that i can quit this habit, i know deep in my heart that its not going to happen. probably never going to happen at all. and every time i tell myself 'i can do it', i know that i'm just lying to myself. lying so badly that the whole world probably knows. and every time i pick up a textbook and flip through it, i know that i'm not going to last more than half an hour max. so whats the point? whats the point of all these pointless things, if i know i'm not going to make it in the end? there's really no point, is there?

this year is going to be a long one, with disappointment etched into every turn on the road. i can feel it already. its not going to be a very pleasant year. not one bit.



i don't work well under stress. in fact, i don't work well under a lot of conditions. the only conditions that i can work well in, has definitely got to be those set by myself. my own motivation, my own sense of purpose, my own will to do my best. its too bad, really, that i don't have any of these.

and it totally sucks that i'm probably going to get very stressed soon.

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okay actually i wanted to blog about a few other stuff too, but my memory keeps failing me these few days, so forget it.

and jos just told me that she's not going for the bike-a-thon. ): don't worry jos! we'll be thinking of you while biking! :D

wanjane must seriously lend me her chinese books to read. otherwise i think i'm going to fail chinese really badly T_T i don't want to fail.

did i mention? my dad and i suddenly found a lot of super nice red packets last night, so we were collecting them. now i have 5 already :D they're DAMN NICE okay. 2 of them are silver, with super nice drawings. and then there's one red one with orange and gold coloured fishes which look much nicer than those with just plain fishes. another red one has those china gold stuff, you know those 金, and they look almost 3D. the last one is also a red packet with this bamboo shoot which is greenish silver and which looks damn cool too :D we were feeling damn lucky yesterday, suddenly finding so many nice red packets :D hehe. and collecting red packets is fun :D especially if they're super pretty.

oh man. jos told me that jes isn't going either ):

i was planning to play my guitar after i was done blogging, but now i just feel extremely tired and in the mood to have a nice long sleep. ): oh nooo. i'm feeling more and more 歉疚 towards my guitar with every passing day... :/

and i seriously feel like returning to my old habit of watching videos and dramas. damn. what did i tell you? old habits die hard. DAMN. i must NOT start watching any videos. i am sooo dead if i do. i seriously need to get myself to start concentrating and focusing this year luhh. this totally sucks. goodnight.

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okay extra stuff.
i took about almost 3 hours to finish this. with breaks in between surfing the net and playing random stuff and crapping.

p.s.: to my dear friends who are having difficulties in any aspects of life right now, [definitely more than 1 friend whom i know of] just to let you know. i might not be able to 体谅 you or whatever, because i'm not in your situation. but whatever it is, i believe that you'll be able to get through this, so just 坚持下去 like the way i know you will, and know that i'll always be here for you, k? :D love ya~ [okay crap it sounds kind of cheesy and disgusting. whoops. that is sooo not my style. tsk.]

[tag reply]
wanjane: i really don't celebrate cny luhhh. tsk. don't believe then don't believe lor.



唉. 我觉得我好浪费时间哦. 今天已经是星期二了. 好像时间过得很快似的. 但我知道那只是因为我没有做什么有意义的事情. 我不喜欢自己的态度. 这种浪费生命的态度. 为什么我就是不能够认真地对待生命呢? 希望能够, 但是却做不到. 而我自己都没有一个好理由来解释为什么.

[对不起, 要先让你知道, 我的"整天"不包括早上, 因为我是12pm才起床的.]
四天能够过得这么快. 星期六整天呆在家里用电脑. 星期天去了阿姨的家吃午餐, 然后就回家看两片电影. 星期一整天在玩ff8. 今天还好啦, 做了一些功课, [一些是真的指一些而已] 就再次用电脑. 哇靠. 如果每天都放假, 我的生活应该离这四天不远吧. 加一些outings, 跟朋友出去玩, 应该只是这样吧. 唉. 有点觉得自己很可怜, 但是也很讨厌自己这样浪费时间.



啊. 对了. 差点忘记了. 那天我们的mini团圆饭, 我还在那里想着, "团圆饭是在cny eve吃的啊? 好像不记得了耶..." 哈哈. 还有, 我还去跟我妈确定, 那些商店关门是这个星期一和二. 我也觉得自己满retarded的啦, 但是我真的很久[几年]没有庆祝了, 你要我怎样?

好了. 去看我的电影了. [movie = 电影, 应该对吧?] 现在有wendy wu: homecoming warrior. :D 虽然我看过, 但是在看一次也没有损失啦.
[遭了. 我还有很多功课还没完成 ^^"]

昨天去了阿姨的家. 超闷的. 大概呆在那里一个多小时吧, 然后就回家了. 而且不知道我爸是怎么搞得, 昨晚的晚餐坚持一定要一起吃. 所以就好像有了一个mini团圆饭. 还好啦. 只不过我觉得有点retarded咯. 晚上超好玩的. 看了两片电影. 一个是kung fu mahjong 3, 满好笑的. 另一个是romeo must die. 那个我看过了啦, 但是还是很精彩. [而且我忘记了一些东西, 所以还好啦.]

你知道吗. 我还没练我的吉他!!! ): 不是故意的. 只是好像有很多其他的东西要做, 所以 :/ 希望今天就去练. 啊. 还有, 我也已经很久没练我的小提琴了. ^^" 糟糕. 等一下一定要找时间去练.

昨晚我哥帮我download ff8在我的电脑上. :D 超好玩的. 使我今天整天都在玩. ^^" 这次就谢谢他咯. 我爸还说喜欢看我哥这么好心帮我. 哈哈. 我跟他说这样的事情发生是很难得的.



几天前有个满有趣的事发生. 就是因为我家订了每个星期买两条vitagen瓶. 然后因为新年没有送货, 所以上个星期四就一次卖我们四条. 星期五下午, 我回家开冰箱时, 看见里面有多四条yakult. 吓死我了. 原来是我爸买回来的. 所以中共有八条yakult + vitagen. 真的吓死了. 因为在普通的circumstances下, 两条就已经够多了. 看到八条, 真的被吓倒了.



我爸现在在看他很久很久以前拍的videos. 里面当然有我们全家, 除了我爸, 因为是他拍的嘛.他说我那时大概3/4岁. 我不相信咯, 看起来大概5/6岁了. 哇靠. 好像只有一点点影响, 我们去过那个地方. 真的不敢相信, 既然有那么久以前的记忆. 哈哈. 还有, 我那时在穿一个红色的dress. 还满有趣的啦. 很难过我不记得了. 就算记得, 也只有那么一点点. 为什么我的记忆会这么差呢? sucks.

好了. 要回到我的ff8了. :D [很怕我妈叫我去练小提琴. 我不想练. ): 希望她不会记得.]

my 600th post! :D awesome or what!

[tag reply]
wanjane: haha i don't celebrate cny, remember? anyway, my teacher said she bought the last of the car stickers already, so yeah.



spent the afternoon reading a book called 'the road of the dead'. its quite interesting, although i don't think the title really fits, since they didn't really mention the road too much. i especially liked how the relationship between the brothers were so close :D it was just really really touching. like how the elder brother was always protecting his younger brother and they shared this really close bond. it just made me wonder why the world can't be like that. why reality can't be like that. even though they were so badly beaten up or whatever, their lives still sound like heaven, because they have each other. i don't know. i guess i'd rather my life to be like theirs and i get beaten up by others, than being safe here at home with hardly anyone whom i love and trust.

so yeah, i haven't started on my homework or studies yet, which is crap. [i almost said 'shit'. ^^" hehe sorry too influenced by what i've been reading nowadays. all the characters in the books which i've been reading these few days kept saying 'fuck' and 'shit' extremely often. the books being 'ill wind' and 'the road of the dead'. well actually i don't really give a damn because like, who cares if you say fuck or crap? it doesn't really make a difference, right?] and i've been yearning to read 'the gunslinger' and all the other books i have at home but haven't read yet. but i don't have time, since i have to read my library books first. time is what i need. and no one can give it to me. so forget it. i'll just have to live with it. so much to do, so little time. haiz.



星期一就是新年了, 对吧? 我就是想呆在家里, 静静地过着新年. 这样也不能吗? 这几天我的阿姨一直在烦我们, 要我们过去一趟, 去见她. 才不要leh. 但是由于她很烦, 我们应该会去一下子吧. 我真的很不想去. 去那里, 一定会闷死的. 我恨这种被逼着做我不喜欢做的事的感觉. 为什么你就是不能不烦我们? 一定要这样子吗? 我最讨厌被烦. 我可能不会去吧. 看事情发展到怎样才决定吧.

而且, 这根本就不管我的事, 因为她想见的人是我哥. 所以应该是他的问题. 但是他不想跟阿姨讲话, 所以就轮到我来说服她. 可惜她这次就是不能被说服. 这件事又让我再一次记得我对我哥的怨恨. 我自己很清楚, 这个怨恨是不会那么轻易地消失的. 可能一辈子也不会消失. 对不起, 是你逼我恨你的. 这已经不是我能够选择的事了. 伤痕已经太深了. 我永远都不会忘记.



真是累死了. 昨天其实想练我的吉他, 但是因为太累了, 因此睡着了. 今天就练吧. :D 很久很久没有练了. 使我觉得很内疚. :/ 如果今天还不练, 一定会恨自己的. 不敢相信我这么久没练吉他了.

超想去borders现在. 想买很多书本. 尤其是关于吉他的书, 还有我的'the dark tower' series. :D 我想到那里. 不知道什么时候能去. 啊. 对了. 新年时会有很多商店关起来, 不是吗? 那是什么时候啊? 不知道borders也会不会关. 应该也会吧. 唉. 要不然, 我明天就去? 但是我很想呆在家里耶. :/

[tag reply]

wanjane: i'm not emotionally unstable lahhh. haha. its just a bit only! which doesn't count! :D haha okay i'll try to control my urge to burn stuff/people :D and just admit that my chinese is weird already! tsk. oh yeah. sorry about the previous tag reply, btw :/



garwai asked me to post in english so here it is. maybe i'll post one english post for every two chinese posts? sounds like a good idea to me :D and yeah besides garwai, jessica and wanyee were also like 'why is your blog in chinese?!' ^^" whoops? i didnt know that trying to improve my chinese would bring about such consequences. in a way. haha. so yeah.

didn't do any homework on wednesday night, because i was doing cca stuff the whole time. [and, of course, sleeping too.] thursday was alright and the first time i went to eat recess in a long long time :D and yeah, i was damn happy. then cca was better than expected. it seems the teachers planned something, so -phew-. although i know its short term. plus, we're doing something interesting this time. maybe, just maybe, things will turn out better? i really hope so.

a couple of interesting things happened on thursday. like when my chinese teacher asked us for the meaning of a part of a sentence, which was "只是父亲的墓地, 却已绿了几回青草, 飞了几次雪花..." so the real meaning was that the 父亲已经死了一段时间. thats what the author was trying to imply. yeah. and then because my teacher called people up to answer, the first person said something like "意思就是父亲死了." which was fairly amusing because they already said "墓地". and then the second person said something like "因为有很多青草, 所以墓地是绿色." and the whole class was like LOL. i was really glad i didn't fall asleep during that lesson. it was just hilarious. which really makes me perk up in class. the other interesting thing was when i was reading my book, 'ill wind' by rachel caine, in class after school, and my friend/classmate wanted me to teach her math. but i told her i didn't know how to do, and i haven't even done it yet, so yeah. while trying to convince me to help her with math, she said something like "come on, jane, why are you reading about the wind? look, the wind is all around us, you don't need to read about it lah." which totally left me speechless. i was like :O [my mouth formed this big fat O] and thinking 'what?!?!?!' and trying hard not to laugh. i don't know if you find it funny, but it was amusing while it was happening.

thursday night was spent slacking again, and hardly doing any homework. got really tired quite early in the night, so i told myself to sleep for 15mins, and then wake up to do homework. it didn't work. when i woke up, it was almost 1am, and when i attempted my math homework, i was still bloody sleepy and couldn't concentrate. plus, it wasn't very easy either. so i just skipped it, decided that elit homework was of no urgent importance and that hcl reviews could wait, and went to sleep. i love my bed :D i think its one of the few things that i love these days. thinking about my bed gives me all the warmth and comfort of being able to empty my mind, forget all my troubles, and go to sleep. except that it's only for a night. [and usually just a few hours for me.]



today was awesome for me. must be because of how much i'm looking forward to 4 consecutive days of rest :D yay. since i'm probably not going to visit anyone, nor clean the house [we don't do that. the 大扫除 or whatever.], nor go shopping for new clothes, nor whatever. i'm just going to stay at home, catch up on my sleep, finish up my homework, maybe study a bit, and practise my music. yepp :D

the cny celebrations in our school were okay, i guess. passable. and then we ended at around 10am, which was freaking annoying and made me bloody pissed, because my friend's school ends at 10am right after the celebrations, while we have lessons after that until 2pm. lessons after that were still okay, at least. got quite a few presents too :D like a red packet and chocolates from the school, chocolate from our math teacher, and the st nicks car sticker thing from our elit teacher. she bought them lehh :D coolios. i thought it was specially made for the yellow badges. but looks like now we have them too :D yay. yepp then lessons were quite cool. math was fine, although a bit guilty for us, and then hcl was just doing our review so we could talk and stuff, and then elit was going through whale rider, and chem was the finishing up of simple cells and about 15mins of free time. yay :D

after school, i hanged around in class for quite some time talking to people, and then went home with jac. ate lunch/teabreak at long john silver, then i went up to popular to buy stuff. i actually wanted to buy a pencil only. but then i went over to the notebooks section and found this really cute notebook so i grabbed it. it was really really cute. i won't bear to write on it so i'll just use pencil i guess. and then i realised i had to buy a new correction tape too. then i wanted to get a shaker [like my very old one] and was about to get someone to open the drawer thing for me so i could get it. but then i remembered that i was kind of broke and checked and realised that i had EXACTLY enough to buy my notebook and correction tape. luckily i have a popular card :D after deleting 10% off the price, it costed $8.40, which was really the exact amount of what i had. isn't that cool? which also means that after buying the stuff, i was really, fully, truly BROKE. not even a 5-cent coin could be found in my wallet, and thats saying something. my wallet is seldom so empty.

went to the library after that to return 2 of my books, [which leaves me with one left that's due next week] and found another 2 books to borrow :D i took a long time to check the computer for my whole list of books that i wanted to find ^^" i got the 4th book of the chronicles of ancient darkness, and another book that i've been wanting to find for quite some time. yay great :D yepp so planning to read my storybooks during cny too :D

its going to be a great holiday mans. although i have at least 10 pieces of homework to do. but i think i can manage. hopefully. i feel like reverting back to my old habit of watching videos. i might. we'll see how it goes (: off to slack~ [this post sounds rubbish.]

[tag replies]

jessica: ermmm. because err. i wanted to try to improve my chinese? ^^"

wanjane: is my chinese that bad? T_T. and YUP. wanjane exists to make noise :D hehe. lol and you'll never guess who i'm referring to =P



超累的. 有很多很多事情在烦我, 但是我不要去想. 只会让我更头痛. 这几天来我有那种要死但还没死的样子. 每天都有这么多事情要做, 功课要完成, 测验要温习. 好烦哦. 睡很晚, 就会被我妈骂. 而且她的‘晚’是11pm. 恨不得叫她闭嘴 :/
不管了啦. 功课就不用麻烦了. 今天就做cca的东西. 管那些老师们怎么说. 我就是觉得我有比功课更重要的事要做. 怎样?

今天早上在巴士上碰到了yiinghuey和jac. 对不起. 真得很对不起. 我不是故意不理你们的. 我只是那时候觉得很烦, 不太想讲话而已. 对不起.
真的很不喜欢我自己的态度. 好像我的情绪不稳定的. 如果觉得很烦, 就会把气生在别人的身上. 不敢相信我真的有怎么做. 我又不是在生他们的气, 怎么可以对他们那么冷呢? 一点资格也没有.
比如说我这几天在家里都会觉得很烦, 因为有很多事要做, 然后就会对我妈大声. 不应该是这样的. 我不应该连累到别人. 不可以, 也不准自己这么做. 这个态度我一定要改掉.

小提琴课时, 差一点被老师气死了. 那个考试的纸他根本就没有去拿, 害我去问那些人的时候, 就听他们说明天是最后一天了. 所以明天就要去付考试费. 还好我妈说她去付, 因为我明天有cca. 这么说, 我应该是很感激我妈, 但是我做不到, 因为她现在也很烦. 不知道为什么. 就是觉得全世界很烦. 你们一个个不要再来烦我了好不好. 我已经有够多事情要处理了. 可能只是我有一点anti-social或者emo吧. 但是我现在的心情, 恨不得烧掉全世界. 包括我自己. 嗯. 对. 还是自己去死算了. 反正不应该把每个人都拖下水, 不是吗?

我现在的心情: 很烦, 很气, 很累, 很想睡觉, 很想打人, 很想到山上大声地喊着, 很想放轻松, 很想到一个温暖的角落坐在那里一辈子.

好了. 还有事要做. 保重了. 不要被我烧掉哦.

wanjane: er no its a playstation stimulator. i wish i had one though ): haha yesyes last minute studying is getting more fun :D



今天有很多事情.

我和我的section去了singapore robotic games比赛. 好险我在休息时间决定不去食堂吃东西, 而去试一下电脑, 然后发觉它不能用, 所以去找老师等. 差一点就吓死我了. 比赛不太成功啦. [或者也可以说超级丢脸.] 哦. 还有我发现我有两个很奇怪的juniors. tsk.

今天也和我的朋友成功地用了existentialism这个字来创造/写100+个字, 然后我们两个就坐在那里觉得自己超棒 :D 还好我还满幸运, 上半天的课都很好玩, 然后下半天的课全都很闷, 所以没有留下来听那些课是一件很好的事 :D 回来学校时, 就是数学课, 还可以啦.

对那些为成绩而难过的朋友们: 不要在难过了! 如果你是非常用功地去读书, 那你没有任何理由难过, 因为你已经尽全力了, 不是吗? 如果没有用功读书, 那就告诉自己以后更努力就可以了 (: 不要想太多啦.

今天的cca还满好玩. 做完了应该做的事, 就在那里复习我的html :D 造一样跟wenyi一起回家. 我们两个都好像很累, 也不知道为什么. 然后就想到了wanjane, 因为我们说如果wanjane在就一定会很吵的, 应该不会觉得那么累吧. 哈哈.

我真的需要好好教我的juniors. 不想看他们明年像我们一样, 这么不喜欢自己的section. 虽然有时候真的想放弃一切, 不想管太多, 只想让自己满足就够了. 但是, 我知道我不能这么自私. 要不要负这个责任的确是在于我的决定. 虽然很不想这么做, 但是我不能不管, 也不能让他们自己去处理事情. 身为他们的senior, 就觉得这件事是我应该做的. 唉. 不知道为什么, 想起这件事让我觉得好累哦. ):



我现在很想念某人. 我肯百分之百地确定, 某人就算读了这个, 也不会知道我讲的人是某人. 唉. 希望某人能够现在就出现在我的面前, 但是某人根本就不知道啊. 好烦哦. 真的很想某人.

我真的很不喜欢这种感觉. 这种非常忙而没有时间做你想要做的事情. 为什么时间只有这样, 不多不少? 为什么一天只有24个小时? 但为什么有时候时间又好像满了下来, 仿佛在耐心地等着我们追上它? 应该只是我们的脑袋在跟我们玩耍吧. 可是对我而言, 时间就像是一种不能预示的东西, 一种我们永远都不可能把握的东西.



这几天来都很忙碌, 私人时间很少, 使我没有机会去想想我这几天所做过的事情, 是对或错, 是否应该改变我的态度等. 因为这样, 才会想要特地安排一些时间做一些我想要做的事.

昨天很生气, 因为我妈很烦, 一直要我去剪头发, 但是我坚持不要, 因此也使她满生气的. 然后不知道为什么这几天都会花很多时间去deviantart看看那些超级漂亮而吸引人们注意的作品. 也满喜欢看那些会让人动动脑筋的东西. 所以就用电脑到大概12am才终于关电脑.

而且最pro的是, 那时候我还没有开始读我的egeog. [egeog测验就是今天.] 那时就开始紧张了, 花了大概一个小时去读书. 结果慢慢地睡着了, 最后只好去睡觉了. 而今天早上在mrt上, 巴士上, 和休息时间就很急忙地在读书. 在测验上应该还可以算及格啦. 今天也拿回了上个星期的生物学的测验, 那个也是last-minute读书的, 做得还好. 现在我差不多每天都这样读书, 让我觉得自己好像慢慢地掌握了"最后一分钟读书"的技术. 还满好玩的啦, 只是经常会觉得很烦, 因为知道自己还没有读书, 而且测验就在那天.

今天放学后还有数学课, 所以留到4.30pm. 高等数学课是在别的课室里, 自己坐在那里做作业, 让我觉得非常闷, 所以就做功课. 但是普通数学课因为在自己的课室里, 所以我比较习惯, 因此做了满多的题目 :D 哈哈. 有成就感哦! :D



我决定以后在博客上写更多关于对我比较重要的事情 (: 再见了, 世界!

(我真的不敢相信我花了这么多时间来type这个post. ): 还去查字典耶!)



and for some english updates, i decided to remove my blog song [after A complaint] and also because i was getting quite pissed at the song and it doesn't seem that nice anymore when it's played repeatedly on my blog and i listen to it so often. yepp. also, today's a lot of people's birthdays. my bro, duncan, nicolette, weiqing. so, wishing them [excluding my bro] a happy birthday! :D 16 years old liao! haha.

one more week till chinese new year holidays. i can do it. 要撑住! no more important tests this week. yay :D off to complete my homework/deviantart/facebook. oh and my bro's helping me to download playstation games :D yay. i like it ONLY when he's such a nice brother. at other times, its just -ignores- or -pissed-, so yeah. yay deviantart rocks :D i love it there. and josie is being random to me on facebook. lol.

i know where i got my bad spending-money habits from. my dad. hehe ^^ i could tell by how he just grabbed those books off the shelves at borders. although he did check the prices [which is what i do too] but he ended up buying the two more expensive ones and stuff. haha. no wonder. and my mum and bro are kinda opposite from us. oh well.

had little time to do much today. i've found out that my dad can get as annoying as my mum when he starts explaining something. he was trying to learn how to use the camera in the early afternoon and i was half teaching him, because he was sort of teaching himself too. and i got quite annoyed hearing him explain it to himself. or to me. or whatever. anyway, showed him deviantart and he got really annoying too, because he was commenting on all the photos but obviously he can't do that himself. he knows that though. he knows that he can't, and he can only comment. he says thats why he wants to learn it for himself. haiz. my early afternoon was wasted off playing on deviantart and facebook and other random stuff.

later in the afternoon, i finished up my chinese speech in record time. copied most of it from the website though ^^" but i did research and delete all the extra stuff so that i was only writing the main points, so thats counted okay. took under 2 hours. yay :D also cleared my english and chinese files to bring to school tomorrow. helped to cook dinner in the evening, which took up quite a bit of my time too, and then it was back to deviantart. i think its damn cool :D so i only got back to my homework at around 10pm. finished up my bio practical worksheet, and cut out 6 articles from 读者. 6 okay! :D and i read most of them already. yay :D feel proud of myself. although i haven't written any reviews yet ^^" yepp. and then now i'm left with studying for egeog. which sucks because i haven't started yet and i'm supposed to sleep by 12am. i guess i'll be missing recess again tomorrow to study.

jos told me about this bike-a-thon coming up in february, on valentine's day. and she asked if i want to go. haha i was like 'YEAHHH I WANNA GO'. hehe ^^ yepp it sounds super fun okay. even though the distance is like 28km and i'm not sure if i can make it. lol. but i definitely wouldn't pass up this chance :D [a few years ago, i read about this run-swim-cycle sort of marathon thing, and i wanted to go sooo much, although i knew i probably wasn't fit enough, but then it sort of just slipped out of my mind after a few days so :/ T_T so yeah i want to go this time :D] haha and jos was like saying 'YAY SO WE GO FOR A DATE KAY? :D' yepp and we're going to ask jac and jes too. so it'll be a double date. lols. sounds like a lot of fun, seriously. yay :D the thing starts at 8am and jos said that they said somewhere that an average person takes about 2.5 - 3 hours to complete it. cool :D so should be okay lor. [although we have to be there by 6.45am, which is like a killer.] looking forward to it :D

and my mum is being damn annoying today. she wanted me to go and trim my hair, and i was totally against it, so i didn't go in the end. and now she wants me to go to sleep. I NEED TO STUDY LAH. it sucks because she asks me to sleep when i'm studying, but yet expects me to get full marks for everything. she should go try it herself. she wouldn't even get a pass lah. i am sooo pissed right now. ugh.

[tag reply]

wanjane: uhh. my blog DO have a song right now. is it just your computer or something? and the verb and noun thing is just cos i translated it into english lah! haha. as in, i meant that my sentence structure and everything was wrong. and SORRY LAH. haha not like i can help it if i do better than you in theory right! =P



nowadays i keep getting really tired and sleepy while blogging ^^" hehe oops. [not enough sleep :/] didn't do anything productive yesterday night or the whole of today. crap. i still haven't gotten used to being guai. and i'm quite sure i'm not going to change my attitude anytime soon. definitely not by tomorrow, or in time to complete all that homework that are due. anyway, today was fun :D got my dad to bring me to somewhere after he finished work, around 10am. went there for cca stuff, but in the end the place was closed, so i just shoved the issue to the back of my mind. then, we ate at this nearby coffeeshop, and then my dad asked me if i wanted to go borders, because he wanted to go buy a book for my brother. i agreed, since he said i could get a book for myself too :D hehe. [but i would agree even if i couldn't. going to borders is a rare chance nowadays :D]



so we went to borders and my dad searched high and low for the science books that my bro wanted. about richard feynmann's lectures, i think. i went over to the computer shelves, but found nothing interesting, so returned to the science shelves and my dad told me that he found one. and he wanted to get another book which was related to science and which both me and my bro could read. continued searching for more books on/about/by richard feynmann. and i found three :D haha i think i rock :D hahaha. was telling my dad how pro i was because i could find so many books in such a short time period. [and he couldnt.] anyway, my dad picked the two more expensive books out of the four books, which costed about 150 bucks together. and he grabbed the other book too, the one which he wanted me and my bro to read. that was about 30 bucks. then, my dad asked me to go choose a book, so we went over to the fiction book shelves ^^" haha big difference, right? while making our way there, we stopped at the audio book shelves, and i found another richard feynmann audio book, so my dad took that too. which he later found out contained 6 cds. that was about 50 bucks.

then, we went over to the fiction side and looked around at science fiction. didn't find anything particularly interesting. when my dad wandered over to the fantasy shelf, he asked if i wanted a book, and then we were talking about how all the fantasy books have about the same storyline and are about magic and stuff, so we scratched that and went back to science fiction. my dad then wandered over to the opposite shelf, which was horror and something. can't remember. he found some stephen king books there and called me over, and asked if i like books by stephen king. looked around [too many thick books which i didn't bother with] and found this thin cover book by stephen king, and grabbed it off the shelf. the gunslinger by stephen king, first series in the dark tower. and nice coverpage too. my dad was like 'whoa'. read the summary, then put it back, and looked through other books around the area. in the end, i chose that first book which i picked out, which was about 30 bucks, and we went to pay for all the 5 books we got.

we were so damn lucky today. there was this offer thing, where if you buy a straits times newspaper, there's this coupon which comes with it which gives you 30% off a book you buy at borders. my dad bought 5 sets of newspapers, and we got 30% off everything. then, he bought a borders card for me too. because at first we thought that the card could be used too, and that'd be a good thing, since it was 10% off. but we later found out that the card couldn't be used with the newspaper coupon, so :/ that was sad. but anyway, still glad that i've got a borders card :D yay. although it costs like 20 bucks a year, which is darn expensive. so my dad says i have to use it often. probably means that i'll get to go to borders more often. yay :D haha and no i'm not going to lend it to anyone. too precious ^^ and i doubt my dad would like it. in the end, the total price was supposed to be 275 bucks but it was cut down to 217 bucks. :D although my dad lost his cashcard today [or more like, it was STOLEN.] and that would have added to the cost too. damn those thieves. although i feel pretty guilty myself, because i was supposed to remind him to take it, but i totally forgot. T_T sorry dad!!!



came home around 3pm and i've been using the laptop till now. how unproductive. damn. i need to seriously start working hard. thats what i keep telling myself. but right now i'm sick of hearing it from myself any more. haiz. well, back to deviantart :D i've been playing around with it for almost the whole night i think. its pretty cool. hehe :D seeya!

[tag reply]

wanjane: haha i didnt cheat okay! but its for grade 5 only, so its POSSIBLE okay :D i just did it. and i bet there were people who did better than me too. and my chinese is so NOT cheem lah. look at how crappy my sentences are structured and how i used my verbs and nouns wrongly! o.O and did you read it wrongly? because i meant that my next blog song is going to be a linkin park song too ^^"



reached home late and was pretty tired yesterday. so, after watching jackie chan adventures [which my brother amazingly recorded for me.], i fell asleep from around 10pm+ to 12am i think. somewhere around there anyway. my mum said i was asleep when she came home, which was around 10 plus. but anyway, after i woke up, i realised that i had homework to do, so finished up my math homework and did the one paragraph plus one sentence of my elit homework. then went to sleep. bleah. slept around 2am i think ): today morning, i did another 2 paragraphs of my elit homework, and another one more paragraph during recess. and i didn't complete it. oh well. at least i did something satisfactory. morning jog was alright, and i started getting cold really fast after that. it was like, once i stepped into class after the jog, i immediately wore my pinafore, because i was getting cold. i wonder if i'm sick ): i don't want to be sick!!! but i feel sick. freezing everyday doesn't feel right in any way.

i have another pile of work waiting for me. i can't be bothered too much. shall try starting on them later. also planning to practise my violin and guitar. i miss my guitar :D so if i'm not too sleepy later, i'll give it a shot. i also still have some cca stuff to settle. its quite important, but i doubt anyone else is really looking for a solution. and, i want to sleep early today! had lunch at pepper lunch with jac :D i'm still pretty full right now.



and, here's something funny. just now when i was walking home from the mrt station, i was really very tired. [and i mean seriously tired. the kind of, if you gave me a bed, i'd fall asleep in less than a millisecond.] so, i was walking home and then when i reached my block, i thought it was okay and i didn't need to keep myself so awake anymore, since it would just be a minute or so before i get home. so, my eyes went on auto-close and my legs just continued walking straight, while i was already in my own world. so it was like walk walk walk and BANG. OUCH. i thought i knocked into someone. immediately opened my eyes, all prepared to say 'sorry'. and wow, i realised i banged into a wall. -__- [you know, those pillars in the middle of nowhere] hehe ^^" and then i was sooo embarrassed that i turned back to check that there was no one behind me, and hurriedly continued walking home. my wrist hurt pretty bad after that, [it hit the wall] but i think its better now. phew.

i remember that something like this happened once before. i think when i was coming home from cca camp that day, because i stayed up the whole night. anyway, i can say honestly that these kind of things rarely happen. very rarely. so the fact that it actually happened, just means that right now, my sleeping hours are almost equivalent to zero. which freaking sucks. i need more sleep!

[tag reply]

jac: haha no i didnt!!!



spent the night yesterday searching for a new blog song. i rock, right? i think i'll change it during the weekends. its another linkin park song :D yay i love linkin park. love all their songs. nowadays, its hard to find songs which have loads of meaningful lyrics and are NOT about love. yepp. although a few linkin park songs are, but at least not all. which is good. not that i don't like songs about love. its just that, well, it feels good to have some different song themes :D and rock songs are nice because they wake you up when you're sleepy and let you vent your anger when you're angry and let you emo when you're sad. see? :D

can't believe i didn't do anything productive yesterday night. felt crappy. anyway, today's a good day. quite, anyway. the only 挫折 that i met during lessons was hcl compo [which i wrote rubbish for]. plus, i was listening in chem lesson leh. haha. after school, 3 sec4s and 2 sec3s from my section went to ngee ann poly. took a bus there and arrived kind of late, but our teacher wasn't there yet. passed the mouse to the person there, and he helped us check our mice and declared that there wasn't anything wrong with them. which is good, but which also means that there's probably something wrong with our download cable. damn. anyway, we went to the canteen to have a bite and a drink after that, and then went home. i met wenyi at yck mrt [because it was around the same time cca ends, so i called her :D] and took the mrt together. she updated me on some cca stuff, which made me quite depressed. haiz. and i was supposed to eat dinner outside, but since i had already eaten so late, i just skipped it. went to cwp and bought an ice cream. walked around and bought a new green pen [my old one is running out of ink T_T] and i'm planning to buy my linkin park album soon. T_T shall start saving up. then, bought something from delifrance and rushed home. luckily, my mum wasn't at home yet :D [and she still isn't -_-]



我希望我不会对想要学的东西失去兴趣.
我希望我能够保存那份热情, 不要再为自己感到内疚.
而且, 我想要继续相信自己一定能够做得到的.

不管怎样, 我还是需要承担这个责任.
虽然不是我心甘情愿想要负的责任, 但是因为我知道没有其他人会做, 就更觉得我需要完成它.
就让这个责任顺利经过, 让我再能够体会到那种有成就感的笑容.

[tag reply]

wanjane: haha its not that bad lah. its just... my section. ^^"



i was supposed to study chem last night, but i was so pissed at a lot of things, and so tired from everything that happened in the day, that i couldn't concentrate and was nodding off to sleep while trying to study. so, i just went to sleep. yes, WITHOUT studying chem. when my chem test was today. i sooo can't believe myself. although i have to admit that its amazing how i can actually squeeze chem into my brain [especially bloody metals.] in about one hour [with lots of breaks in between] of studying. tried to study on the mrt to school today, but fell asleep. then i managed to study on the bus, and when i got to school. i was planning to study during lessons, but i have absolutely no idea why my brain decided to be so guai today and listened to all the lessons instead of studying for chem test which was right after recess. in the end, chionged most of chem during recess. finished up metals, skimmed through mole concept and redox reaction, and tada, end of recess and start of our test. it was quite okay, really. for someone who studied the three chapters in about an hour, i think it was really okay. [i usually take 2 hours or more to study for tests, you know.] left a few blanks, which were mostly related to metals. it almost killed me. but luckily for me, i was saved by mole and redox, since we've studied those before and i'm familiar with them. stupid metals ): but anyway, i think a pass should be expected. [if i fail, my mum's going to kill me. after all those hours of bragging about how easy chem was ^^" but hey! it was easy in the earlier part of sec3 okay!]

got back our math test and it was quite expected that 12 marks had already flown away. i left the whole last question blank, you see. [as in, totally blank. no words, no attempts, no nothing.] and it was worth 12 marks. either i was not feeling right that day, or i just didn't know how to do it at all and didn't want to try, or i couldn't give a damn. so it was quite expected. except for that careless mistake which costed me 1 more mark, so now 13 marks flew away instead. -__- darn it. sorry lah! i didn't understand the weirdly phrased question so i answered it wrongly lor. and it costed me a mark. whatever. maybe my english sucks more than i know it. i'm sooo not going to show my mum that test paper mans.

feeling extremely cold these few days. i think its the weather and the strong winds combined. or maybe its just me. was freezing in the morning and wore my jacket again. until pe, where we jogged and my hands were still freezing cold after the jog. when i was supposed to be sweating or something. then we sat in the sun, so i guess i warmed up and was okay after that. but i have a feeling i cooled down pretty fast again. because when i returned back to class after recess, i could hear people saying how warm it was, when i was feeling perfectly alright. hehe ^^" yepp i think its just my problem. plus, when i went for violin lesson, i started to freeze again when i stepped out of my house and a gust of wind blew past.



i have to admit that i'm glad that my cca problem is almost fully solved already. but, i can't believe that i'm going to miss interviews AGAIN. on thursday. because i need to go to out of school to settle some stuff. this sucks. i wanted sooo much to do interviews. i wanted to ever since i was sec2. and now i'm already sec4 and this is how it ends. i don't know if i'll ever get another chance. i can't believe it. this sucks. doing something i need to do at the expense of doing something i really want to. sucks sucks sucks. ): hard cold reality sucks.

however, i'm not too depressed right now because i just got back my theory results :D finally. i love getting results back. its a good feeling. better than the feeling of waiting and waiting for something that is yours but not with you. anyway, i got 96/100 marks. i really managed to beat crystal! haha wow :D a bit unexpected. although its only by one mark, but yeah. and i didn't get 100 marks. a bit disappointed. but i know its really hard to get, so its okay (: i'm fine with it. although i could have gotten 97 okay! i just made some stupid careless mistake in the first question, i think. because i don't remember doing anything wrong. and of course, the composition segment is quite hard to score full marks, so yeah. i want to take the other grades too. i think i'll take grade 6 theory after o levels :D yay. taking music exams sound like fun. [although i know they're not ): well, they just SOUND fun, okay?] haha anyway, i was quite happy about it and came home and started saying extremely loudly that 'i rock!' to my mum and brother. [and of course an extra 'you suck' to my brother.] hehe :D

AND. AND AND AND. i asked my violin teacher about taking grade 6 violin exam this year, and he said ok and he's going to help me get the form and everything :D YAY. i was scared that he'd say i wasn't good enough or something, you see. so i'm really really glad that he's fine with it. [although i have this nagging suspicion that he's just suaning me or something, and wants me to sit for my grade 6 exam and then fail it, so that he can tell me how lousy and unprepared i am and how i'm wasting my parents' money and that i should just stop learning violin. but nevermind. let's put that suspicion aside.] plus, i know that i can take it, because i just got back my grade 5 theory cert, which is needed for grade 6 practical exams. so just YAY to everything right now. all hail the wonders of music!!! :D [especially grade 5 theory, since i heard that from grade 6 theory onwards, the stuff are quite difficult and rubbishy. hehe ^^]



oh crap. its getting late. I DONT HAVE ANY TESTS TOMORROW :D YAY. i just feel so glad that i have one less thing to worry about. for now, at least. [since i've been worrying about studying for tests for the past few days.] have quite a bit of homework. shall try to complete as much as possible by tonight. a few more things to settle regarding cca, but its not that bad already, which is good. i'm glad, really. shall go keep my cert. and do other stuff later. i failed at my attempt to watch chinese news. it just bores me out [news bores me out anyway, english or chinese.] and i fall asleep. plus, i can't possibly do that with tests everyday. wonder what i'll do now. i think i'll just try reading 读者 articles for now. [which reminds me that i owe my teacher 9 book reviews.] oh well. off to do other stuff. yay no test! but we have chinese compo tomorrow. which is quite bad too. -sigh-

oh yeah. today after school, went to eat at cwp macs with jac. its kind of eerie yet interesting how similar our habits are. hahaha. seriously. and right now sleeping seems so tempting. haha. whoops? sorry lah but i'm really just very tempted to curl up in my bed and sleep for a few days. maybe i'll curl up on my bed and do homework there. oh and today's gina's birthday :D she's getting old too. hehe. and our councillors asked us about prom today, if we were ok paying for it and stuff. its too expensive for me ): so i doubt i'll go. my mum will kill me if i tell her i need to pay a hundred bucks just to go for prom. she's sooo not into those kind of things anyway, so yeah, she wouldn't allow. haiz. i'm getting sleepy~

wanjane: okay okay i won't take it to heart, don't worry luh (: and i can't cry lah. later so paiseh! haha. i don't want people to see me cry anyway. oh and THANKS A LOT. for i-dunno-what. just thanks for everything, i guess. yeah (: btw, never mind lah you can continue ranting, its okay de :D i'll be listening okay! (:



[tag replies]

MX: o.O

suzume: haha thanks for what? i didn't do anything, you know. and i wouldn't cry in front of my friends luh. later ruin my reputation! hahaha. okay kidding. umm. well, i just won't, i guess. yeah. but thanks a lot, really (: you rockkk! *hugs* :D



i spent my time really badly yesterday. didn't do much at night, then started mugging like shit around midnight to 1am+ for bio test. until my mum woke up and spotted me half-asleep and scolded me and i asked her to wake me up early the next morning, before rushing into bed to have a good night's sleep. and my calculations tell me that i only slept for about 3hours+ yesterday night. T_T sucks. i can't carry on like this. i'm a goner if i do this every night. woke up around 5am today morning to study bio and continued studying on my way to school and after i arrived in school. studying = stare at the textbook and read like your life depends on it. i usually study from notes, but we didn't have any good notes, so yeah. 害我需要带那个超级重到要命的生物课本到学校! ):

did my chinese speech today and i can tell you honestly that it was crap. i was pausing a lot of times, reading everything wrongly, and looking at my script all the time. sucks. one of my first times making such a bad speech. its usually quite okay still, because i'm usually much more confident and speaking in ENGLISH. haha. and i've realised that i've been trying to avoid doing a lot of homework nowadays. didn't bother doing my bio and chem homework at all. and i had a hard time trying to hide the fact that i didn't do my homework. ^^" oops?

my recess was spent in some corner of the school studying bio. haha okay not a corner lah. but yeah. studied in this 满安静的地方 lor. yeah. i can't study in anywhere with noise. even background noise. because my mind will wander. like when i was studying during recess, i could hear muffled noise coming from the canteen, and i started wondering if those people in the canteen were idiots or something, making so much noise, and whether they had eaten, and what they had eaten, and how i was so hungry because i hadn't eaten anything, etc. yep. haha. studied during lunch too. ended up not eating anything for almost the whole day. except a few potato wedges which were bad for my throat. [my throat's getting sore, i think.] but honestly, bio test was much easier than expected. i was like, wow, i only read through the two chapters, without even memorising anything, and i could answer those questions. yay :D felt good about it.

had auditions today. which is just an interview in our cca. i was sooo looking forward to interviewing people, but my whole cca time just got totally ruined. talked to 2 of my cca teachers for almost the whole cca time, with a few of my section mates. i'm glad that they were there, really. the talk not only made me miss my interviewing opportunity, but it also made me extremely annoyed and irritated and depressed and guilty and pissed at the same time. which sucked big time. settled extremely complicated cca stuff, which totally made me feel like disappearing on the spot when so much was expected of me. glad that we had a proper conclusion at least. sorry to be so disappointing, but this is something really huge to handle, and i guess i just wasn't ready for it yet. sucks. in the end, i only got to interview one sec1 with caroline. well, its a start. although i have no idea if i can interview anyone on thursday, seeing as how i might be going out of school instead. haiz.

oh yeah. and i was pretty cold for the whole day. no idea why. i was just colddd. brought my jacket to school [see! i could predict!] seeing as how i was freezing early in the morning at home. well, freezing more than usual, at least. at first, i arrived in school feeling quite warm, but after assembly and sitting in class for more than 15 or 20mins, i started getting cold again. glad i brought my jacket :D

super tired today too ): sucks.

i was right. i am doomed.

right now i have super huge cca problems which i sooo do not want to talk about. its driving me mad. its weighing me down so much that i spent the whole night worrying about it instead of doing my homework or studying for my test or worrying for o levels. wtf. i'm going to be so glad when this is over. which is in about a week's time. please pass quickly, time.

anyway, my right elbow still hurts ): sucks.

amath test today was alright, i guess. better than last week's math test, anyway. during recess, jes passed me my belated christmas present. its damn pretty okay :D its this pin with a row of stars on it. coolios :D thanks jes! she ordered it from america okay! cool right? and we missed our bio lessons today because of the o level results. went to collect our chinese results first.



i guess i already knew it my heart that it was going to be a B. although i was hoping so hard that there would be a miracle and i would get an A. well, i've learnt that i should trust my instincts and logic more often. as expected, i got a B3. i have no idea how i felt at that point in time. it was sort of expected, but still depressing. it didn't hit me too hard when i first saw it. but as the fact started to sink in, i guess i got quite upset. although i didn't show it, of course. how can i start crying when i know [and SEE] that there are so many other people who need so much more comforting than me? i couldn't let those tears fall, could i? instead, tried to push it aside and went to comfort my friends instead. thats the right choice, isn't it? helping others instead of making others worried about you. but i guess, deep down inside of me, i was really very 难过 about my results.

after that, we went to see the yellow badges get their results. all the screaming before the actual results were given out really pissed me off. i'm quite sure my ears deproved in hearing after all that screaming. saw quite a few names that i recognised, who got 7 or 8A1s. anyway, after that, i wanted to go find a teacher with caroline, but then wenyi called me to come back to the hall, because shuling was there and they wanted to go find wanjane. so i went back lor.

in the end, shuling went to find her sister i think, so wenyi and i went to find wanjane without her. i can't believe wanjane cried so badly okay ): i really didn't get it at first. but i think i sort of understood why later on. she almost made me start crying really badly too. the only thing that stopped me from letting those tears drop was the fact that i tilted my head up so that they wouldn't roll down. and i'm really glad that probably the only person who saw that was wenyi. i didn't want to cry. i really didn't want to. i don't know. i think i was afraid that if i started crying, i wouldn't stop. and i didn't want to worry others or cry in front of so many people. so i really had to tell myself to stop the tears and get out of the hall.



after that, wenyi and i went back to my class to get my bag, then we went to the hall to find some other seniors. we saw genin, wanjane again, emily, cheryl, weiting, kahyan, drina, and i spotted lena, anna and diana too. then, when we were finally done, we stayed in school for a while more, before finally going home. anyway, wanjane was waiting for us at yck mrt stn when we reached. so fast lah. tskk. so we went home together. i went to cwp with wanjane and wanted to buy the edutainment cds. but after a very long time, i finally decided not to buy it. it seems a little like a waste of money. since the age group is supposedly from i-dunno-how-old to 16 years old only. so i think it'll be kind of limited. in the end, just bought 2 pens [yay. proper pens finally :D] and went to civic centre to see if my theory results were out yet. they weren't ): which was quite sad. i was really looking forward to it.

arrived home and i became really depressed for a few minutes, as i was all alone in the house with no one to notice me crying. got over it after that [or more like, pushed it aside] and started doing other things. i feel so tired ): i am soo not cut out for mentally stressing stuff. plus, i haven't eaten lunch yet ): all because of the o level results. so i'm really hungry now. i can't wait for dinner. listening to music now [van fan's album ^^" stole it from my dad's cd before i gave it to him.] and i think i'm just trying to use it to make myself relax. well, its not working very well i think. and i'm so tired that i feel like sleeping really badly right now. my eyes are tired and hurt a lot. [either from crying or being open all day] i feel like blasting my music. maybe i'll wear headphones later and blast it. [my bro's watching tv so i can't just directly blast it.]

bio test tomorrow and i'm definitely not in the mood to study. [in the mood to sleep right now.] math homework will be easy enough. and i need to go through my chinese speech again. probably presenting it tomorrow. oh and its confirmed that we're having chinese compo on thursday. haiz. i feel so dead. when we haven't even reached the middle of january. HAIZ. and i proved myself right. i AM doomed.



this is the first time
getting that feeling of hurt
of disappointment

experiencing the
urge to cry out so badly
let out the sorrows

i'm really sorry
sorry to disappoint you
i didn't mean to

but i promise you
i'll work hard and try my best
from today onwards

quite a rubbish haiku. but whatever. i just thought that saying it in one whole chunk would be kind of stupid. not like this isn't stupid either :/ anyway, i dont think anyone will know who all this is meant for. probably not even the person whom its meant for. but i just wanted to type it out. just maybe, that person might know.

i have this extremely bad feeling that i'm DOOMED.
in every sense of that word.

yeah man. i feel good. must be because i finally finished my 演讲稿 at 2am and sent it to my chinese teacher. i think its very rubbish. but whatever. i'm glad i'm DONEEE with it :D did it from around 8pm - 2am you know! although 8pm - 10pm was just stoning and thinking but not doing anything much. and then watched the news from 10pm - 10.30pm. chinese news leh! haha :D made me feel a bit accomplished at least. i could actually understand a few things, you know. like the newly created jobs in sentosa, the fake money, something about obama, the upcoming youth olympics, and a couple more things. of course, there were quite a lot i didnt understand too ^^" hehe. but nevermind. its a start! :D right? so i've decided to try watching chinese news everyday, and then read english newspapers [to understand what i watched ^^"] yeah so anyway, i guess the proper time i took to do my 演讲稿 was from 10.30pm - 2am. around there lah. haha. and i typed less than one page using font 16 leh. very little right ): but nevermind. WHO CARES. as long as its 3mins [and it is! :D i timed myself! and i was talking quite fast too okay. for chinese language-speed.] yay :D i always feel accomplished when i finish difficult stuff and set new goals.

anyway, i passed my dad his present today. i took super long leh! was sitting around and wondering whether i should pass now or later, now or later, and then i finally decided to pass it to him. i think its the first present i've given him in my life :D cool right? [well, that i remember, of course.] and i think he was quite happy with it. he played the songs on the radio and i could hear it from inside the room. i realised that he probably wouldn't really like some of the songs, but i don't know, since he didn't say anything. and i felt really really bad that i only got my mum a cake and nothing else, but i gave my dad a music album. ): i felt horrible. like some evil kid. ): sorry mum! [i wanted to buy a present for my mum okay. i just didn't know what to get. and i didn't have enough time to walk around the whole shopping centre finding something suitable.] anyway, just for your information, i did check the songs out yesterday night ^^" to make sure that they sounded okay and that they weren't damaged or whatever. yay i like the songs :D hope my dad likes most of them too.

did a little bit of homework and studying today so far. come to think of it, its not really that much actually ): haiz. shall try to do more work later. lots more things to do, actually. but right now, even with all my homework and tests in this overflowing pile, i still feel good and relaxed. [i wasn't feeling too good yesterday.] yay :D although i don't feel too good about the fact that i didn't practise my violin today :/ but i can do it tomorrow. and i'm aiming to finish most of my work today. oh yeah. my brother went to this survey thing today and he came back and gave my dad 4 pocket calenders. my dad said he wanted them, but when he saw, he was like ! why you get so many! one enough already!. haha. oh and my brother left a diary on the table and said that i could have it. its quite a nice diary actually. those with the dates and everything, and its long and red :D coolios. decided to use it. since its quite handy and stuff. so yeah. my brother can be nice SOMETIMES.

oh and i somehow injured my right elbow by accidentally hitting it against a door or a wall. [i was sort of in a rush and yeah.] that hurt. i thought it was just the usual hit-something-and-recover-in-5-mins. turns out its lasting longer than 5 minutes. i think i shifted the bone a little by hitting it, because thats what it feels like. the bone feels a little out of place. just that little bit out. sucks. hope it recovers by tomorrow. tried pushing the bone or something, but i have no idea where it goes, so i doubt it helped much. but after pushing it and making it hurt for quite a while, its not really very painful any more now. just a bit of pain and out-of-place feeling when i place my arm at certain angles.



something happened on friday that caused me to once again reaffirm my thoughts - that i don't trust teachers. i don't think i've ever trusted them. no idea. maybe i used to. but as time went by, i guess stopped trusting teachers. in fact, i think i don't trust a lot of people. i wonder if thats being anti-social. but whatever. when i was younger, someone once told me that i couldn't trust anyone. i guess i believed that. not that i was trusting anyone at that time. i just felt that whatever the person said made a lot of sense. out of all the things i could have listened to, i decided to listen to that statement. i don't know what to think of it. was it the right choice? maybe. but then again, how would i know if i haven't had the experience of trusting someone fully?



i'm going to get my o level chinese results and theory results tomorrow. can't wait to get them. for my chinese results, i'm not really aiming for anything or expecting anything. i don't know how to explain it. its something like, i'm going to walk up to the person giving out our results, and just tell that person: 'surprise me'. because i think i'm going to be totally fine with whatever results i get, so whatever my result is, i don't really care. i just want to know it, and go 'oh. okay.' and then go off to get my theory results :DDD i guess music's more important to me than school stuff. besides that, my dad allowed me to buy the edutainment cds that i mentioned about that day :D the 'buy 2 get 1 free' row of encyclopedia cds. yay. i'm going to buy them tomorrow too :D although i still want to buy the other cds. the guitar guide, graphic designing, world atlas, and physics cds. i'll get them eventually. you just wait and see. i might buy them later though. probably not anytime soon. although i want that world atlas and physics cds really badly right now. i might not buy the graphic designing one after all, if i don't feel like it. and the guitar one, well, i'm not sure if i really want it or not. see how bah.



okay. back to the rubbish dump to clear out all the junk. [that overflowing pile of rubbish, remember?]

i'm going to try to make this post quick.

today's cca fair was quite okay, i guess. came at 7.30am and helped to set up the infocomm booth a bit. then rachel and i went back to the computer lab for a last attempt to try to make the micromouse work. it didn't help. by the time we went back to our cca booth at the cybercafe, it was a few minutes past 8am already, so i went to mpr1 [which is just beside the cybercafe :D yay] and saw the green club already set up. basically, for most of the morning, i stayed mostly in mpr1, occasionally hopping to cybercafe to check on how things are going there. presented for green club, but didnt do too much for infocomm, since i was seldom there. wanjane came around 11am i think. and shuling came around 12pm :D things got more fun with them here. wenyi had to go off earlier though :/ which was sad. cca fair ended around 1pm for us. i went over to infocomm to help pack up. oh yah. i got bookmarks from both infocomm and green club :D yay. [and they're both super nice! :D] after that, i went to eat lunch with wanjane, shuling, shuling's sister shujie, charmaine, and linghui at sumohouse. after that, went to the mrt station and everyone else was taking the train in the direction of marina bay except for me and wanjane. -_-

went to mj multimedia at cwp with wanjane to find a music album for my dad. his birthday present :D shhh. bought an album by van fan, since i know that my dad likes one of his songs, and its one of the most suitable albums already. and also because, in case he doesn't like it, i can have it so it won't be too much of a waste of money. do hope that he likes it though (: sorry lah, but i'm not too sure what else he likes mah. i know he listens to songs like kitaro and by kenny g and stuff, but i don't really know much about those songs i guess, so yeah. after i picked it out, i spent some more time looking through the other music albums. [i want linkin park and evanescence albums :D] left cwp around 4.30pm i think.

arrived home to a really bad atmosphere. no idea what happened. but these kind of things are so common. thats why i always don't like going home. my dad seemed angry at my bro. my bro was being ruder to my mum than usual. my mum was in a bad mood and scolded me for staying out and coming home so late. [helloooo it was hardly 5pm -_-] and told me that i should come home early to study, instead of wasting my time going out with someone who already took her o levels. [wtf. i was damn pissed at that comment okay. i have the right to make my own friends and go out with them. stop interfering with my life.] anyway, the whole bad atmosphere put me in a bad mood too. maybe thats why i always dread going home so much, and always want to stay out late. homes aren't supposed to have atmospheres like this.

anyway, hid the cd and practised my violin, but fell asleep when i sat down to rest. -_- after that, i turned on the radio [to keep me awake] and practised finish my violin songs quickly, then kept it. which reminds me. i want a radio!!! a pocket one sounds good. anyone can get me one? ): i am in serious need of a radio. i don't know where to find them. i want a radio as a present :D anyway, i tore open the plastic wrapping just now and realised that the album cover had a crack in it T_T damn. oh well. at least its just the cover. better than the cds itself. [although i haven't checked the cds.] might check them later. but its hard to check with my mum so near. i'm afraid she'll see and scold me ): for wasting money or something. haiz. so i'm not going to tell her that i got my dad a present. not yet, at least. she'll find out once i pass it to him though.



i have an overflowing pile of homework and tests, so i shan't bother elaborating. you just need to know that its overflowing. cca fair's over, so thats good in a way. i still haven't confirmed the transporation to srg2009 though. i'll send the teacher an email tomorrow. and, crystal told me that her friend, who sat grade 8 theory exam last november, got her results back. which probably means that they're out :D I WANT MY THEORY RESULTS!!! shall go check on monday. i hope i get 95 or more. crystal got 95 for her grade 5 exam, so i can't lose to her :D of course, getting a 100 will be nice. crystal says they give you money if you get 100 marks from grade 1 - 5, or a distinction from grade 6 onwards i think. i'm not exactly sure that i'll get 100 or whatever, but i have the confidence that i'll do well :D yay. i can't wait to see my results. and hopefully sign up for grade 6 violin exam too.



other than that, i just realised recently that i'm an oddball everywhere. [i don't like that word. oddball. sounds ball-ish. T_T] like, in cliques, i'm usually left out. examples: when i was going for recess with my friends and they're all walking in this line and i'm walking behind them. [for some reason, that always happens. extremely often. i wonder why.] or when my friends are talking and laughing and i don't understand them at all. don't get me wrong. i'm not saying that i feel left out. i don't. i'm just saying, i don't think i fit in anywhere. i mean, yeah, i have friends and all, but like, i don't click with cliques and all that. i just have friends here and there, some good friends, some acquaintences, some classmates. yeah. but i don't have this specific group of friends who i can really hang out with everyday or something, you know. and even if there is, [there sort of is.] well, i'm still the oddball, i'm sure of it.



oh well. nothing to it. homework time T_T i want to watch a movie later! if its nice. and check out that music album before i pass it to my dad tomorrow. hahaha :D

[tag reply]

wanjane: haha i'm already dead so i can't possibly die for term 3. =P and uhh yeah i guess thats kinda true lah.. but they're still my friends.



morning jog was fun. really. i wasn't tired at all after that. and i could actually talk a lot while jogging. hope it remains like this :D although my right leg did hurt quite a lot during and after that. i think i accidentally injured it. wonder if its because i didnt stretch? :/ as for lessons, it was just another boring day at school. was half-asleep during math and felt extremely guilty so i tried waking myself up by sitting cross-legged on my chair and keeping my posture straight. it helped :D especially since my leg started getting numb after about 10 mins and that bothered me so i didnt fall asleep. see? my methods to keep myself awake works. although i dont use it often. because i'd rather sleep most of the time :D and i fell asleep again during elit, but i woke up when we had groupwork, because it was fun :D went for recess with huishan, celine, sharon and munfoong today. haven't gone recess with them in a long time. as usual, alison was missing in action. and shushien is still in beijing, so yeah. but nevertheless, it was super fun :D going recess with them again, that is. i guess, even though i stopped going for recess with them quite long ago [because of personal reasons], i still missed them a lot. plus, today was 1 hour recess so that was good :D

after school, i went to the computer lab with rachel and we worked on the micromouse to no avail. D: i was DAMN SAD OKAY. felt so screwed up. and lousy and pathetic and useless. i have the feeling we need to send it for repair. and that is sooo not good. -lets out a string of swear words- i am sooo not in a good mood because of the stupid micromouse. after i finally admitted defeat to the micromouse, i went over to the science lab. peishan and chaiyi were there, plus a few yellow badges from 4L last year [genin's class :D], like drina and yi hsin, and the teacher. helped out until around 5.30pm. all the yellow badge people were damn funny :D it was super fun just watching them screaming their heads of at each other, then ending up laughing.

went to cwp after school, and walked around finding cakes. decided on a black forest cake from bengawan solo. then, i walked around cwp while calling my mum's handphone and the home phone, to try to get to my mum. wanted to ask her if i needed to have dinner out. no one picked up either phone. i was at popular and i found quite a few super cool cds :D there's one guitar guide cd, a program to do graphic designing, this atlas cd thing, this whole row of educational cds which were on offer [buy 2 get 1 free leh!!! :D], and another row of educational cds which weren't on offer but i wanted the physics one. i think i'm going to get the 'buy 2 get 1 free' cds, and then hopefully, the guitar guide cd sometime soon. i'm not too sure about the rest. anyway, ended up buying macs [i wanted yoshinoya but there wasn't a student meal at that time] to take away for dinner, and went out of cwp to eat. i have no idea why. then, i went back into cwp and drank my milo while walking around the shops. after i was done, i got the cake from the shop, and went home.

sneaked around at the void deck of my block, while trying to finish eating up my fish burger. didn't want anyone to spot me, you see. when i got home, i got scolded for buying the cake because the refrigerator was full, and coming home so late, and some other stuff, and that totally ruined my mood. i think the cake was quite okay [i always thought cakes were nice], but it tasted terrible when my mood was so bad and i couldnt enjoy eating it. sucks. my dad bought ice cream and he didn't get scolded. bleah. but that went into the freezer, so :/ haiz.



i think tomorrow is going to be a crappy day. well, the first part of the day anyway. wanjane and shuling are coming :D ok i'm super sleep now. shall post another day. goodnight (:

did i mention? i totally screwed up my math test yesterday. i left the whole last question blank, because i didnt know how to do it, and then became damn pissed at myself. [you would, if there's only 6 questions and the last question costed 12 out of 40 marks.] could feel the tears trying to burst their way out, but they didn't, luckily. spent the rest of the day in school feeling miserable.

today, i didn't sleep in lesson [wow :O] and enjoyed hcl lesson a lot. [WHOA.] but that was because we went to the computer lab, so i went online and talked to benson :D which was fun. plus, the computers are much better now and i like that :D then had to rush through recess, which meant indigestion again. and then after school, peishan and i wanted to help out with the new cca, but the teacher wasn't there, so i went back to my class. oh yeah. we're playing this angel-mortal game in class this week. our angels are going to be revealed tomorrow. its quite interesting actually :D and during cca today, i didnt do much with my section. :/ most of the cca members watched peter pan in the computer lab. anyway, my group's mouse isn't working [i think its spoilt T_T] so we have to use the other group's one. but we have a competition coming soon, so i think we have to sent it for repair D: oh and we have two new cca teachers.

and i'm still feeling very dead today. i mean it. let's review what i still have to do. an update of yesterday's list.
1) study for three [or maybe four] tests. [next week]
2) chinese speech. [due next mon]
3) work the micromouse for cca fair. i need to go to the com lab with rachel tomorrow after school to download the program and make the mouse work.
4) confirm transportation for srg2009 asap.
5) help out with the new cca tomorrow, after i'm done at the com lab.
6) get a cake and present for my mum on my way home tomorrow.
7) i want to sleep now ): plus i have a bad headache.

at least its shorter than yesterday's one, if only by a bit. i solved a few things. like the cca fair duty roster. managed to get people to swop around and now its much better. although i still probably have to run around a lot from one cca to the other. and i renewed my library books already, so at least thats off my list. also, i found out today that our prelims this year is during august and september, and was quite glad about it, since IF i'm sitting for my grade 6 violin exam this year, it will probably be around july and i don't want it to crash with anything. i'm still quite upset about the fact that my grade 5 theory exam results aren't out yet, but i guess there's nothing i can do about it. shall go ask about it again next wednesday, and maybe ask my teacher about it if its still not out by then.



i share the same sentiments as wenyi. its only the 5th day of school, but it feels as if we're already in week 9 or term 3 or something. what a terrible feeling. i don't know about wenyi, but as for myself, i'm already sooo tired right now after just 5 days of school, and i really can't believe it. all i want to do right now is go to sleep and never come to school ever again. i guess the main things that are making me so tired and depressed are our coming tests, homework waiting to be done, and the cca fair. maybe it'll be a bit better after cca fair? i don't know. hopefully.

like i mentioned earlier, i got a headache today. i think its a bit better right now. it started sometime during cca, i think. the usual back-of-the-head one that i always get. i can't believe how often i'm getting headaches nowadays. i used to get it once or twice a year. now, i'm getting it almost once every month. i wonder if it has anything to do with getting more stress or pressure or something? my mum says it might be because i don't drink enough water, or don't get enough sleep. i know the second one's definitely out, because i used to sleep later when i was in primary school and my headaches weren't that bad. so maybe its because of the water? its true that i seldom drink water, i guess, since my mum isn't there to remind me. [she used to tell me to drink water when i was young. i wouldnt take any initiative to drink until she told me. and she told me that quite often.] but anyway, i have no idea how i'm going to survive this year if i keep getting these bad headaches every month or something.



o level results are going to be released next monday. i heard its in the afternoon. cool. i think a lot of people are going to be stressed out by it. i don't want to be stressed out by it. there's no point. i'll only be stressed out during exam time, not during result-receiving time. and my expectations are quite low, so i won't be too upset when i receive my results. although, of course, if i'm upset, i wouldn't show it anyway. so whatever. just keep that neutral face, and everything will be alright. everything will be alright.



i know i said that i wanted to go to the library often with jac and study. guess i changed my mind. i've realised that i shouldn't waste too much time outside and should instead go home to do things like practising violin. haiz. of course, that doesn't mean that i won't go to the library any more. [of course i will :D] it just means that i wont be going as often, i guess. hopefully, monday wednesday and friday afternoons can be used to practise violin. and saturdays to swim. haha. i guess what i'm telling myself now is that its alright to skip homework and chuck it aside, and its more important to concentrate on my violin exam, and that i can study for o levels after my violin exam. i wonder if thats the right way to do it. but it seems right to me, so i guess thats what i'll do. IF i even take the violin exam this year.

which makes me feel like playing the guitar now :D

[tag reply]

wanjane: but i cant think that i'm best cos i know i'm not! it doesn't make sense, see? and. i DID NOT make it complicated okay! its my friends who made things complicated for me.



yesterday night, i spent about an hour doing egeog [no idea why. i think its because i spent a lot of time writing crap], which left me studying math at 12am. my mum was hurrying me and threatening me by then, so i only managed to squeeze in 15mins of going through notes for 4 topics briskly, and then hurried to sleep. and i just realised today that we've got a different pe teacher too. thats two teachers changed. anyway, slept again in class today during hcl. [i remember now. yesterday, i slept during math.] isn't it amazing? the contrast between the two subjects and lessons, and the fact that i can still sleep, no matter which lesson i'm in. i predict that i am going to fall asleep very often during lessons in the coming weeks :D

didnt eat much today. the 30min recess is really hard to adjust to, after three years of 45min recesses. which resulted in me skipping meals, since the queues are forever long and i dont like long queues and i dont want to waste time queuing and be left with only 5mins to gulp down my food. i dont think they should have changed it straight from 45min to 30min. either they should have left it at 30min all along, or maybe changed it to 40min and then slowly 35min and 30min. its really hard to get used to. and i'm guessing its resulting in a lot of people gulping down their meals in a few short minutes. -sigh-

reached home early for once ever since school started, around 3.30pm. practised my violin from around 5pm - 6.30pm. which totally exhausted me out. i almost fell asleep halfway, so i had to turn on the radio, which helped to keep me awake ^^" after i was finally done with my violin at 6.30pm, i browsed through the aural tests quickly, then packed and went for violin lesson. the student before me was quite pro and i heard her playing the violin really well. made me feel inferior and lousy and rubbishy. haiz. maybe thats why my teacher always scolds me. i doubt i can match up to her standard. she was using vibrato too, i think, which is actually a common thing, but i'm not good at it, so i consider it difficult and thus admire people who can use vibrato while playing the violin. T_T am i THAT noob?



on to birthdays again. just wanted to say, i realised that a lot of people that i know share the same birthday. like my brother, duncan, nicolette, and weiqing, who all have their birthdays on 19 jan. interesting o.O and i sort of figured what to get for my dad, although its not very specific yet, so i have to think some more. as for my mum, still no idea. wished benson happy birthday today, and he actually replied 'thanks who are you?' T_T sobs. anyway, next week is gina's birthday. exactly a week apart. how cool is that? :D



on a more serious/lighter/different note, i'm not only just dead right now, i'm buried under a pile of dirt covered with a truckload's worth of rubbish. probably died in the dumping grounds or something. and there's probably maggots eating up whats left of me, since i dont even have a coffin, and by the end of this week, the only trace of me left will be a few bones scattered around in the dirt.

i bet you're wondering why i just said that. [or maybe you're not. but whatever.] the point is, i'm in this state because of all the things that i have to do and are on my mind and annoying me right now. lets do it in point form again.

1) we have at least three and up to four tests next week. monday math, tuesday bio, wednesday chem, and probably thursday chinese. what do you think?!?!
2) my homework comes in the form of a chinese speech. is that awesome or what?
3) the duty roster for cca fair for the people in my section is giving me serious issues.
4) i forgot how to work the micromouse because i haven't done it in a long time, but i need to make sure everyone knows how to work it [and teach them if they don't] by the cca fair this saturday.
5) i was supposed to confirm the transportation for srg2009 with the cca teacher on monday, but i haven't done so. [and its wednesday already!]
6) i still haven't helped out with the new cca, and i'm feeling guilty. i'm supposed to go help out on friday, which i might do, but,
7) i was planning to rush to cwp after school on friday to get a cake and a present, which i haven't thought of yet, for my mum.
8) my theory exam results aren't out yet, and if they're not out soon, i might not be able to take my grade 6 violin exam this year, since i need a grade 5 theory cert.
9) i have two library books due tomorrow, but i'm not done with them and i doubt i can finish them by tomorrow, which means that i'll probably have to spend a dollar renewing them T_T
10) i am bloody tired AND I WANT TO GO TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW. but i cant because i have homework to do. damn.

uhh okay. i guess i underestimated the number of birthday people you can know in january. besides benson, gina, my family, and duncan, other people who also have their birthdays in january are jey-sng, kirk and gifford. but they're all quite distant so :/ haiz. i remembered i met jey-sng on his birthday last year, at the mrt station, which was super weird. oh anyway, we received our new student diaries today. i think most people were quite happy to get it. last year's one was nicer, but this one is thinner, so i shan't complain. [thinner means that my bag will be lighter :D] still no idea of what to do for the birthdays, so lets skip that.



its the third day of school and we're already being killed. well, i am, at least. lets see what happened today...

1) i was so bored and tired and sleepy [after three days of lessons] that i fell asleep during lessons. again. as usual :D haha. i think it was during math or one of the sciences. and then i was half asleep during hcl [my head kept nodding off and i was brain-dead and not absorbing anything at all.] but anyway, the whole day was crap.

2) we got this whole bloody load of homework due and tests coming up. homework: egeog assignment [tmr], research on some chinese speech [i have no idea what about and its by thur. and we're supposed to write it in class. wtf.], and supposedly bio homework [but i finished it in school today, which was lucky for me]. tests: math test tomorrow [which i havent studied for], amath test next mon, bio test next tue, chem test next wed, and after listening to someone from another class, i'm predicting we'll have a chinese test next thur. oh wow. i am sooo amazed. LETS CELEBRATE. wtf. school is absolute torture. especially since its only the third day and i'm already dreading everything.

3) we've got a whole load of extended lessons [thats just to make it sound nicer] waiting for us in the coming days. just yesterday, there was chinese. today, there was chem. [luckily, its optional.] next week's going to be math on monday. and bio on tuesday. tuedays are science days. i have no idea what mondays are. and i have no idea about the other days. and i thought i could go to the library on mondays and fridays. [i hardly have time now, since i have to be home before my mum, so i probably dont have much time to linger around in the library if i have extended lessons on that particular day.]

4) my bag is freaking heavy even though it doesnt look like it is. you have no idea. it looks so damn light. but when you carry it, thats another story. i dont know if its just me [it might be, since i'm quite weak so i cant really handle heavy stuff well.] or what, but my bag is still super heavy to me and i'm not going to deny that. i have no idea why its still so heavy after taking out all the extra stuff like my textbooks and storybooks, and only leaving my file and a few other things inside, but it just is. which sucks. i almost died from the weight of it.

apart from those, there's not really much else to complain about. [those are the main problems, you see :D i identified them and explained them :D] recently, i've been hearing a lot about the middle east countries. especially since we look at them in both ss and egeog. oh yeah. and the egeog students in my class no longer have to move over to 3d :D yay. we asked for a swop so now the ehist students have to move. its much better because moving over is pretty tiring and troublesome. so we thought it would be fair to swop after a year. anyway, i dont think i've adjusted to school yet. i guess i'm still in stoning mode. or something like that.



we had our first session of cca for the year today. i regret to say that most of the cca members didnt do anything and wasted most of their time today. sorry about that :/ i guess its because the exco wasnt really too organised and still needed time to sort out stuff, so for the moment we didnt think about the others. i didnt realise that at first, actually. until i went over to talk to my juniors and they asked me what were we doing today. that was when i first noticed the harsh reality of it all. [haha is that too exaggerated?] almost everyone else were hardly doing anything and most people were just talking and stuff. i dont want it to be that way any more. i dont like it that way. i dont want to waste people's time making them do nothing. or doing my own stuff while they wait and stone and waste their time. from now on, i want to try to make the best use out of everything, so i'll try my best not to waste other people's times.

sort of miss cca, i guess. not by that much though, i think. but it felt good seeing everyone gathering together in the same room again. especially since we were all in the same room, unlike our usual split-into-two-rooms habit to do our course and sectionals. so the room felt more crowded than usual, which was kind of good. worked mostly on cca fair today. we did the duty roster. [i'm quite sad to say that i'm going to have to be there at the start and around the end, to help set up and monitor stuff and help out and clear the stuff at the end. cant believe it turned out this way. i dont know how i'm going to get out of helping the new cca and go over to mine instead. hope the teacher allows :/] anyway, we'll be working on cca fair again on thursday. oh and i also hope that i'll be able to communicate more with my juniors during this year :D i think i didnt really talk to them very much last year. mainly it was just the sec2s whom i chatted with, i think. cant believe i didnt really talk to the sec3s. i'll make an effort this year :D i want to get to know them better, honestly. no motives or hidden agendas or whatever. making new friends is fun after all.



having friends is a complicated matter. i guess i used to think it was simple. but i've realised that it isn't that simple. there are so many things to take into account. but i think that, as long as you and your friend are friends, it's really quite hard to break that bond. [okay i'm thinking chem now.] but anyway, the thing is, i believe that no matter how much setbacks you and your friend face, both of you will still be friends. isn't it as simple as that? for me, i think that i treat all my friends alike. around the same at least. i believe that we should show due respect for each other. if someone is my friend, i sure wouldn't be talking behind her back or anything of that sort. [unless of course its for birthdays or stuff like that :D] i think that, if you betray someone, then that person wouldnt be your friend at all. i doubt that person can be your friend, since you're being so mean. and i would really pity that person to have you as a friend. thats just in my opinion, of course. this is just my way of being friends with someone. my way of looking at it.

but anyway, my point is that, as long as you're friends with someone, then you're friends with that someone. i mean, you can't really change it. and i think that friends should trust each other. and trust includes respecting their friend's privacy, and believing in their friend. respecting their privacy meaning that, okay, if you want to 'stalk' your friend [which basically means just things like reading your friend's blog everyday or stuff like that], go ahead, but don't bring up things which you know your friend won't like. and if it's private, keep it that way. the other thing is believing in your friend. friendship is a lot like love. [well, duh, friendship is made of love between friends.] so if you're friends, you are. if you're not, then you're not. isn't it the same way in love? either you love that person, or you don't. and in love, there's always jealousy and unhappiness and things like that. the same goes for friendship. but then again, in love, the jealous third party seldom get a chance in the relationship, when the two main characters are already in love with each other. [okay too much drama] the main point is, friendship is a lot like love, so if you have a friend, maybe you should learn to trust your friend, and trust that your friend trusts you too. believe in that bond of friendship. i just wish that friendship could be as simple as that again.



i actually wasted an extra half an hour typing that stuff. damn. now i need to rush my egeog in half an hour, and then give about an hour to study math. -curses- plus my stomach hurts and i'm freaking cold right now. this just sucks. off to do egeog.

[tag reply]

wanjane: haha you didnt isolate my blog after all :D anw, you dunno what i talking about what? and i'm sure that i can't play such nice music, because i've heard recordings of my music before and it really sucks. i swear. plus, my parents keep telling how lousy i am, so that can't be wrong.



everyone's birthdays are coming up. its benson's birthday this wednesday [which is supposedly one of my worst days too, because all my assignments and tests are due T_T], and then my mum's birthday on friday, and my dad's birthday on sunday. then next wednesday is gina's birthday :D and on the monday the week after that is my brother's birthday, which is also duncan's birthday and i recently discovered also nicolette's birthday. wow. thats a whole lot of birthdays. i doubt i can meet up with benson or gina [because they're all so far away T_T and forever busy] so i'll just sms them or something :D havent smsed them for very long :/ feel very bad. haiz. then i'm wondering what to get for my mum and dad. bleah. maybe i'll get flowers or a cake or something for my mum. [but she might scold me for buying flowers T_T damn.] and i have no idea at all what to get for my dad. i dont think i've ever given him a present before ^^" because its so hard to think of a present for him. haiz. its this week leh! i didnt know all their birthdays were so soon. [forgot ^^"] and as for my brother, its obvious that i'm not going to get him a present, so dont bother asking. [if i gave him a present, it'd probably be a swear word or some curse or an insult. which is what i give him everyday anyway.]

i doubt i'll have much time to get anything much or do much this week. not only do i have to worry about birthdays, but this saturday is cca fair, i think. so that means i'm really really dead. i think i have to help my cca with stuff, but then at the same time, on cca fair itself, i'm supposed to go help advertise for this new cca called green club. err its an environmental club lah. and i'm supposed to go help out because i'm an ec, i guess. bleah. but it sounds rather fun too, how they're going to be learning more about a lot of stuff and i think even going on excursions to places to help save the environment. maybe i'll go drop in when they start cca :D i think the teacher said we could drop in :D yay. its for the sec1s only though, so we won't be able to join. haha. but it sounds fun so yeah, i dont mind going to help out :D



school today was boring. didnt see sufyan on the train again, because he's later than me :D wahahaha. although it made things kind of boring. met yiinghuey and alicia at the bus stop though :D during lessons, i practically stoned through most of them. oh, no, wait. change that to all of them. more homework. haiz. recess was the usual. the crowd was hardly any less than that on friday though. i wonder why. i sooo do not like crowds. doubt i'll be eating recess tomorrow. the queue takes too long. i'd rather starve myself and just buy a drink like jac :D anyway, we were told that we had extra lessons in the afternoon today. wth. that was so unexpected. i think people were amazed that we actually have extra lesson on our second day of school. wow, right? haha. anyway, it was chinese today. next week's one is math. went to buy lunch with zhuangyun, then we returned to class. met chaiyi on the way, who told me that it was compulsory to go for the meeting with the teacher in charge of the new cca later in the afternoon. and then peishan called me at the same time and she told me that she was going. so i skipped afternoon lessons and went to meet the teacher instead.

the people who went were peishan, chaiyi, janeal, linglan, and me. five of us. out of about ten ecs, i think. apparently, the sec3s didnt come at all. wow. none of them. thats interesting. we stoned around for a while, then joked around and laughed, and then tried getting down to work by wondering how to use the materials we had to make suitable stuff. didnt figure out anything too helpful :/ but its really hard, considering we're supposed to save the earth, so we can't do quite a number of things. yeah. nevermind, we'll continue thinking. i went off around 3.30pm, to get my stuff from class and meet crystal to go home. and darice got a present for me :D thanks darice!

i went to the library after school to return that freaking heavy 3 in 1 book, omnibus. it almost killed me on my way to school and back. anyway, my bag's quite heavy these few days. i wonder why. as in, even after i took out my super heavy book, my bag still remained extremely heavy. anyway, i found ill wind by rachel caine, one of the books i was searching for. want to read the whole series :D yay. lets start with book one. spent the rest of the time in the library reading through it, then realised it was 5.30pm and decided to hurry home. but then, i remembered that i needed to get new pens, because all my pens were almost out of ink or just having issues, so i went to popular and grabbed two new pens. felt good to use my new popular student card :D haha okay i have no idea what kind of feeling thats called. but it just felt good ^^



okay off to do my homework and settle other stuff. hopefully i can be more productive today :D and figure out what to get for people's birthdays. [i miss my cousins T_T] see you!

right now, i am slacking. and thats exactly what i've been doing for the past two days [:D/D: because slacking is fun but its not good.] almost no homework or studying done. bleah. i had egeog and math homework, both untouched. egeog seems too... troublesome to do. because i have to go read up on what i've learnt last year. again. [i forgot everything ^^] because i need that knowledge to do the homework. and math is this worksheet due last year. but i havent handed it up. and i have no idea how to do it [the last time i tried, i got stuck on the first question. pro, right? and then i just got really pissed and ignored it.] so i'm just trying to avoid it, i guess. haha. i admit that i'm a lousy student :D plus, i told myself to study for math test early, but i'm reverting back to my old habit - last minute studying. hahaha. now i'm wondering how i'm going to cram studying math test and completing my egeog assignment on tuesday night. haiz. i'm hopeless, aren't i? [i was supposed to do both during the school holidays ^^"]

anyway, i just ripped my exam pieces from the cd and listened to them on my laptop. they sound DAMN PRO okay. i feel so :/ pressured. and inferior. and lousy. and. like crap. the music is so nice and beautiful and i still cant produce that kind of sound. bleah. i wonder if i just plain suck. or do i have a specific problem which i do not know of. haiz. T_T but the music really sounded so beautiful. and i listened to one exam piece which is a solo violin song, and it was just amazing. how i wish i could play like that D: well, no point complaining, might as well practise, right? the problem is, i dont have the mood to practise. and my fingers arent working the way i want them to. my left hand fingers are super slow. so slow that i screwed up all the fast songs. which is like, all the songs. -_- and i dont know why but the muscle in my fingers feel very strained and starts hurting when i try and make them move super fast or stretch a lot. :/ that really sucks. i wonder if practising more often will make them better. but they still hurt! and when they hurt, i dont have any mood to practise. in fact, i'm almost never in the mood to practise. but there ARE times when i am in the mood to practise okay. its just. usually at the wrong time. like when i'm in school. or eating lunch/dinner. haiz.

my dad's cooking dinner these few days. for us all. wow. he usually doesnt do that, okay. i think he's trying to be nice to my mum. since my mum has been nagging a lot the past few days/weeks. on no wait. months. or years. or forever. his dinner isnt that bad lah. haha. still okay lor. i dont think i'm looking forward to school this week. its going to be one long week of boring lessons and missing my laptop and thinking of how i can spend my time much more fruitfully. haha. oh well.



here's an extract from 'just in case' by meg rosoff. its pretty funny. justin is some teenage guy who thinks that the whole world is full of disasters and he is doomed, while dorothea is his friend's little sister, who is quite smart and interested in justin's weird psychology. something like that anyway. just for background information. but never mind that. here's the funny extract: