oh did i mention? i ate subway for lunch on friday :D and then delifrance for dinner. it was a no-rice day. and i met christopher at amk hub when me and crystal were walking to the mrt station. havent seen him in ages, i think. anyway, he and his friend took the mrt too and then he got off the same stop as me. and i was like :O you live here?! because i remembered that he lived somewhere quite near me but i thought it was woodlands or something. so yeah. really so shocked to find out that he lived around here, because i've only ever seen him around once before, and that was on the mrt i think. isnt it so weird that we live so close but i havent seen him around for years already? haha. weird. at least i see ex-fuchunians around quite often. yeah so anyway, weirddd.



today, i was late in going to the library. had to help my mum to do some stuff but it didnt turn out right in the end so i just left hurriedly and was still late -__- anyway, the seats that peishan and our kor found were reallyyy weird. so me and peishan went up to see if there were any seats and we found a table for 3 so i went down to tell our kor and bring our stuff up. but then when we got there, the guy who had reserved one of the seats by putting his bag there said that his friend was coming so the other seat was taken up. and i was like totally shocked. and quite pissed too i think. just that i didnt really show it. haha but then our kor was damn pro okay! he just went like 'sorry, but there's no reservation for this seat, so..' and sat down there! :O like WOW. hahaha. i was so amazed lah. damn zai okay! hahaha. i'd never do that mans. really 佩服 him. didnt know he was so pro. somemore peishan said that when they arrived [earlier than me], he walked damn fast to find seats. [since we were all late] lol. didnt know he was so pro. haha okay lah maybe i see a bit of the president blood in him already. haha.

anyway, i attempted to do chem homework while peishan studied for elit and our kor sat there reading twilight -____- hahaha. okay lah he started studying soon [not very soon, actually] after that. managed to finish one and a half pieces of chem homework by the end of the day, and a tiny bit of chinese homework. haha. i feel so epic fail. haiz. anyway, thanks to our kor for helping me in chem :D me and peishan talked quite a lot, i think, which wasn't too good :/ but couldnt really help it. went for lunch at macs. [and it was so weird leaving our stuff there and just going off because i've never done that before. it was either we pack up, or 2 people go down while someone stays there, when i go to the library with yiinghuey and crystal.] i think i ate the most :/ haha. ehh but mine was a regular meal so its not really counted as a lot. anyway, during lunch peishan started looking through our kor's wallet, which was quite interesting because of all the cards he had and the pathetic 2 dollar note inside. hahaha. after that, we went back and peishan left around 2.30pm ): she had to go meet her friends super early to buy flowers and i dunno what else and eat dinner before going for the hwachong performance, which starts at 7 i think.

after peishan left, tried to continue doing work but didnt complete much. talked to kor a lot, before we finally decided to leave around 5.10pm because apparently kor had pizza for dinner and he wanted to go home early to eat it hot -__- and yeah, i was quite late already since my mum said to be back early. wanted to shop for a new bag [my mum's idea. she said my bag was too small ):] but then since i was afraid that my mum would nag a lot if i come home any later, i just decided to go straight home. had a fun day :D even though i didnt do much work :/ but still! it was fun okay.



spent most of today slacking away. i seriously need to stop doing that. ugh. i'm so dead. i think i need to chiong homework tonight. but then again, i feel like watching videos :D haiz. argh i suck at time management ):

[tag replies]
wanjane: haha okay i shall sms you more often :D when i'm bored too. you can sms me anytime! but i cant guarantee immediate response.

debbie: hey debbie!!! i thought i told you to stop being so gay! hahaha. and aren't you supposed to be resting! tsk.



i cannot believe it. i didn't even blog on monday! which is supposedly one of my free-er days. haiz. the cost of spending so much time on this new desktop is really killing me. for the past 2 or 3 weeks, i have been sleeping in class every single day [especially chinese, i'm really sorry.] and struggling to complete my homework at night without falling asleep first. i really need to do something about this. when i tried to stop my habit this week, i ended up falling asleep before even writing more than 3 lines of my homework. so, i'm going to try to cut down on my computer usage time and instead start to sleep more and at more appropriate times. special thanks to my table partner for waking me up so many times the past few weeks, and i'll try not to sleep so much from next week onwards.



MONDAY. egeog graded assignment was alright. went to the library after school [ahem] with crystal and tried to do homework, but didnt end up doing any. in the evening, yiinghuey and shokling found us and we went to find a table to sit at. talked a bit, then crystal left and then shokling left. went home quite late. but anyway, mini doughnuts are yummy! :D attempted homework at home but i dont think i completed any.

TUESDAY. usual school day. cca was alright.

WEDNESDAY. went home quite late and had to rush through my violin practice. i think i'm improving slowly with the metronome. but i have a bad feeling that i might still not be able to make it without metronome. slowly trying to pick up the speed too. i need my teacher to stop practising it so slowly. i cant possibly play the piece that slowly for my exam. i'd just die and get an f9 or something. violin lesson went reasonably alright. finally got the notice for piano accompaniment. i might have some problems with that, but nevermind for now. went i arrived home, had to chiong homework but i ended up only chionging maths, since it was the simplest. attempted to do the chinese assessment book, but epic fail by only completing the first 5 questions of cloze passage, leaving me with 5 more cloze passage questions, 2 more full mcq comprehensions, 2 more full open-ended comprehensions, and 1 more full summary. pro, right? fell asleep from just reading the passage and doing 5 questions. awesome.

at night, there were suddenly huge gusts of winds throwing off anything of decent mass in their way and scaring a lot of people. and a LEAF flew into my house. i mean, a LEAF, you know. the nearest tree is 10 metres away and wayyy short. haha okay whatever. but anyway, the main point was that, just before the winds started blowing everything around, the weather was freaking hot and humid and i had to sit in front of the fan just to stop perspiring. so the change was just really huge and you dont really see these kind of things often in singapore. interesting weather.

THURSDAY. track meet! skipped elit period because of that :D only 1 period though. the other 2 was for assembly, so that's not really equivalent to any lessons. track meet was fun even though i spent most of my time either standing or sitting somewhere in the middle of 4w's class and talking to peishan. tried to find people from other schools who i know, but unfortunately i couldnt spot anyone else. haiz. left around 6pm and was supposed to take the bus, but then decided to walk there [apparently it was a short distance], but then we turned right instead of left and walked to yew tee mrt instead. which was -___- and wasted our time and energy. but well, at least it's nearer to our homes than cck mrt. also liked the fact that there wasn't cca for us :D

FRIDAY. i ran 4 rounds for morning jog instead of 3! :D [our class came down quite early] haha. felt damn good after that. somemore i wasnt panting THAT badly after the 4 rounds. yay it means i'm improving :D i think i'll run another 5 rounds next week just for practice. after school, went home with crystal and we ate at subway :D whoo! and then walked around amk hub for a while looking at handphones [we both need new handphones] before going home. went straight home and somehow wasted a lot of time on facebook instead of resting -___- so, i shall try to sleep really really soon tonight.



i'll be going to the library tomorrow with peishan and kor to study and do homework. hopefully, i can complete more than my usual. hopefully. shall go sleep now. goodnight world! [i need to wake up early tomorrow! ):]

blogging for the sake of blogging. how pathetic.

anyway, i didnt get my new handphone today after all. will probably get it next week bah. i still have no idea what i want, and the website which i tried going to compare handphones keeps blanking out [i tried it over 20 times already] so i decided to check it out another time.

doing chinese reviews now. got super good ones from the newspapers so i'm pretty happy about that :D should be fairly easy to write on these topics. yay :D unlike my previous review which was :/ crappish. supposed to go through egeog too [graded assignment tomorrow, albeit being open-book.] since i haven't even looked through the notes properly. hope i can still make it in time to sleep early. wanted to watch my videos actually after doing my reviews, but i guess i wont have time for that since there's egeog. HAIZ. oh well.

and the temperature has risen drastically [i have no idea how drastically, but it feels like a very huge difference. or maybe its just my room? when i walked past the corridor in the hall, it was quite cooling there. hmm. but my mum's complaining about the heat, so i dont think its just my room.] i think i might be able to turn on the air-conditioner in my room after i turn off the computer :D yay.

didnt practise my violin today. instead, i practised at least 2 hours of piano. [felt like 2 hours anyway.] 3 times. seriously. played once before lunch, once after lunch, and once after dinner. awesome, right? i really dont get why i cant do the same for violin. is it because of the stress and pressure? in addition to the trouble of taking it out of its case, perhaps. i wonder if this is a natural reaction? or is it just me? and why do i still suck at violin so much, after years of learning it? havc i even been learning anything at all? for all i know, i could have stopped learning ever since i was in p2 or something. ugh. how terrifying. doesnt that mean that i've been wasting my parents' money for the past 7 or 8 years? just for the sake of lessons which i'm not learning anything from? you are kidding me. am i really that terrible?

this week is quite a good week - no tests :D but i think that, even on a week without tests, we'll still be as stressed. haiz. no difference la. haha. even if there's a test, i'll just study it the day before, so yeah, no diff. i'll just treat it like another piece of homework.



feeling quite quote-ish right now, but since i haven't transferred my stuff from my laptop to my hdd and desktop, i dont have my nice list of quotes. ): nevermind. i have a backup source (: [even though there's very few quotes in there.] here goes.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know."

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

have fun pondering (:

[tag reply]
wanjane: haha okay okay. but i really dont really have a choice right.



i hate the fact that i'm always trying to escape reality. even though i do enjoy it a lot of times, when i just stop thinking about my life and think about other things instead. but then again, when i do that for a long period of time, i'll feel guilty about it. escaping reality. is it just another way to escape life? running away from everything that is real? or maybe nothing was real in the first place. when will all these unanswered questions be answered? perhaps never.



spent friday afternoon and night reverting back to my old habit of watching videos. today, went to school for elit seminar. one of the lectures was ok. the other one wasnt too good. teabreak was good :D really delicious food. after the whole thing, went back to class to get my egeog notes with bianca and zhuangyun and something really funny happened. then, we went to amk hub and ate at macs, before heading home. it was so funny eating the fries with bianca. haha :D when i got home, i was damn tired and fell asleep for about an hour plus i think. and then i spent the rest of the afternoon practising piano and violin :D i should do that more often.

alright then, off to watch more videos :D hahaha. yes i know i'm slack. no mood to do work now. and i'm quite pissed at my mum because she keeps spotting me blogging these few days [my screen too big lor] and says that i'm wasting my time. which i dont really agree with. plus, i still havent transferred my nice songs from my laptop to the desktop, so i guess i'm still not in such a good mood. hopefully i can get a new handphone tomorrow. loads of homework to do but heck la. [see how i'm always running away from everything. the pressure and the stress. i hate myself for being so weak. ugh.]

[tag reply]
wanjane: -horrified- ugh you're so gross. haha EH. i dont take bio then take physics meh? walao. i dont have much of a choice, you know -__-



haha okay i think that i was quite random in the last post. and i'm quite shocked at the frequency of my posts too. its like. my last post was on monday?! whattt. siao arh. i seem to have been very busy the past few days. or is it just my own mind tricking me? maybe i really wasnt all that busy. so where did all that time go to? using the computer? perhaps.

nothing much happened during the week, but i seem to be sleeping A LOT the past 2 weeks. much more than usual. that day i was counting the hours of sleep i got, and i was really shocked that sleeping at 2am only gave me 3 and a half hours of sleep. [i counted three times before finally accepting the fact.] guess i forgot that 5.30am is quite close to 2am. i seriously need to STOP SLEEPING.

random things. like i bought this puzzle thing on monday [i think. or was it last friday?] which i solved on wednesday. yay :D the feeling of accomplishment was just great. oh yah. me and crystal went to eat lunch together on monday and the food sucked big time. totally ruined our appetite.

violin lesson was not very good still. okay, but not good. ohmygod and my exam is coming soon. wth. why am i not going nuts and practising daily yet? when will i start doing that? ok lets try it starting from tomorrow onwards ok? i seriously need to start practising like mad. add in the aural and everything else, and i'm not sure at all if i can pass. and i mean it. unlike other times when i just say 'oh no i'm going to fail' just for the sake of saying it.

thursday's chinese test totally killed me. shock. i was like wth?! and then i just decided to crap some stuff and hope i pass. the only thing was the last compre question which i could have earned 1 or 2 marks for, if i had a minute more to do the paper. but whatever, i dont care now because there's no turning back the time. for today's amath test, i guess it was ok, albeit being quite difficult for me, in addition to the fact that i FORGOT [oh yes, remember my extremely bad memory?] how to find the equation of a tangent. shocking.



the most important thing this week would be how i spent the whole of thursday night working on an entry for a competition. seriously, the whole night. i had a damn lot of trouble transferring the stuff everywhere. and i only started studying for amath test at 12.45am, by which time i was already very frustrated and pissed but also relieved that the entry submission was almost fully settled. attempted to study amath but i ended up falling asleep from about 1am to 2am plus, and when i turned off everything, i got a super huge scolding from my mum for sleeping so bloody late. [i HATE the fact that i'm sharing a room with her. i cant even stay up or go to sleep without her knowing. ugh.] anyway, after the scolding, i was still bloody pissed from everything that had taken place the whole night and i, sad to say, only rinsed my mouth before going to sleep. i didnt brush my teeth leh. haha. only for that night though. because i was so angry that if i didnt go to sleep soon, i think i would have gone nuts and into killing mode. [oh and in the morning, i had again another frustrating time searching for a proper envelope to put the stuff into.]

and how did i get repayed for that whole night wasted on the entry submission? i went to find the teacher, and she told me that i was very late and gave me another huge scolding. and then she refused to accept the submission. WTF LAH. ugh. i was sooo angry and pissed and frustrated and upset. in the confusion of emotions, i didnt take the risk of asking the teacher again if i could please have my entry submitted. but later on when i thought about it, i was so stupid not to have tried, and for assuming that even if i tried, she wouldnt allow it. what if i had tried? perhaps by now i would have been in a better situation? i don't know. anyway, i was totally in killing mode after that. almost cried i think. met a friend and tried to tell her about it, but obviously she was hardly listening at all and thinking about her math test instead and how she was very upset about math test, so i just got even more pissed. luckily, i went to meet my friends after that, so i didnt cry after all since there were other people around. and then i stopped thinking about it and just enjoyed my meal happily.



today after school, shifted my stuff back to our original classroom, then went home with crystal. bought delifrance for teabreak [skipped lunch, because my recess was quite filling] and macs for dinner. then went home to eat while watching my videos. felt like quite a pig, sitting there eating. but whatever. called my kor in the afternoon and talked for quite long. [kor: thanks for letting me rant and telling me interesting stories :D] after that, went back to watching my videos. getting kind of sleepy now.shall sleep early today, hopefully. i really really miss watching my videos man (:



the world's a facade. everything's a pretense.
life is just a game to enjoy while it lasts.
all you need to do is put on that fake smile and hide your tears to win this game.
because how else is it possible to live in such a cruel world?

[tag replies]

wanjane: ehhh what! so if you all dont do well then you won't treat me? D: how can like that! tsktsk. but anyway, jiayou for your syf okay! while i try to start studying hard too. haha. really miss you leh! haha like live so near but then so long never see you liao. [oh wait. was it very long? haha oops i cant remember]

kor: hi kor :D haha i agree that i blog too much sometimes, but then right :/ aiyo. just need to blog la. although i only like it when i'm reflecting on stuff because thats the only time that blogging is meaningful. and i didn't say that you weren't ok as a facil! you're fine. its just a different way of being a facil, right? i didnt ask you to change! (: and i've never forced anyone to blog. i'm very nice de lor (:



its amazing how just seeing some people online can cheer me up and lift my spirits. and i haven't even talked to them yet. talking to them makes me even more cheerful. isnt that just wonderful? nowadays i have this feeling of being so 幸福 just because of the people around me. i think i'm finally close to understanding what love is [and by love i mean love between friends], how loving someone has really no boundaries. its been too long since i felt this, the feeling of having someone caring about you. and having someone to temporarily erase away all your bad experiences just by making you laugh. these people whom i love so much, they really feel like family to me. members of the type of family that i've always yearned to have. not that my parents dont love me. but its just so different. i think its more like the feeling of having really close siblings and being able to talk to them. just the thought of it makes me feel really happy (: i bet you probably think i'm nuts. oh wells.

anyway, besides that, i would like to acknowledge [oh no i'm starting to sound like one of those people at the morning assemblies in our school.] the people who have really made an impact on my life. i guess. haha. in no particular order okay.

1) wanjane. for making me laugh and almost cry and shout at you so often but then feeling very good after that because we're shouting at each other about weird and random stuff which dont matter but it just feels so fun to be doing that. and for being such an awesome senior and helping me so much even though you had o levels last year.
2) chewlin. for talking to me for ages on the phone [even once upon a time long long ago] and always comforting me and being such a great friend and listener.
3) my kor. for, i dont know, being the first nice kor that i've had and hopefully will continue to be my kor (:
4) muni. for being such a huge influence on my life and my best friend in primary school and making me admire you so much.
5) crystal and yiinghuey. for doing weird things together and celebrating my birthday for the past 2 years and always going out together [to eat] and for making me laugh and roll my eyes so often. [oh no, rolling my eyes isn't a good thing, right? whoops? ^^"]
6) wanyee and jac and jessica, for going recess with me and yet not kill me when i so often skip it to complete my homework and still letting me join you guys when i feel like it.

oh wait now my list can just go on about random people who did nice stuff for me. whoops. haha okay a few more important ones.
- deen for being such an awesome friend in primary school and although you're so busy nowadays, its ok because we'll remember you no matter what, so jiayou!
- sufyan. for entertaining me on the train ride to school and i would like to say sorry for suan-ing you all the time but i dont think i can stop that habit.
- gary. for being concerned when i was down and trying to help me solve my problems and letting me sms you when i was dying of boredom in school. [saved my life there.]
- munjun. for helping me raise my self-confidence by telling me something that i dont really remember right now either.
- fuchun friends. for letting me join your gatherings even though i'm wasn't with you guys for 3 years. and for remembering me. that was the best ever and it really meant a lot to me. thanks loads.

and many others, but yeah thats all i'm going to say for now (:



i dont know what's gotten into me, but it felt really good to say all that. i think i did something like this not too long ago. maybe a year ago. cant remember. but its always good to do this often, because i'm only who i am because of the people who have impacted my life. thanks loads (: love you guys.

saturday was fun in a weird way.

went for the en-mazing race and our team comprised of 2 sec4s and 3 sec1s, and the whole event was about going around singapore and doing challenges. we didn't complete all but i thought we weren't that bad la (: and it was an interesting experience with sec1s to take care of plus a facilitator called kenneth who is currently in jc2. weird how our facilitator was quite quiet. haha. yeah so anyway we went from harbourfront to simei to tampines to hougang to yiochukang to woodlands to clementi to harbourfront. whoo. we were quite exhausted by the end of the day. and i managed to obtain 3 cuts on my hand and legs. i have no idea where they came from. oh yeah, and it rained halfway through, and i was really pissed when water got into my shoes and socks at the tips. if anyone heard me curse, sorry! ^^" i thought that, on the whole, i enjoyed the event mainly because of the experience i've gained from it (:

after that, me and peishan and kenneth walked around vivocity for quite a while, waiting for kenneth's friend to come to eat dinner with him. and then me and peishan just wanted to walk around lor. yeah. haha and kenneth told us really interesting stories :D thanks! haha so fun mans. then after he went off, me and peishan walked around a bit more, until around 7 plus, before we finally went home. had a fun night too, listening to stories and walking around this huge place as if we didn't had a care in the world (:



my whole family is really really pissed these few weeks. its freaking annoying. especially my parents. i don't know what the hell is their problem. i wish they'd just stop it. it isn't a very pleasant experience to have people shouting all over the house and at you.



yay i've got a kor :D he's quite nice la. but can be quite mean sometimes too. haha but anyway, it feels so cool. like finally having a nice kor to talk to, instead of my stupid mean brother who is so egoistic and self-centred and doesn't care about me at all.



do you know that i've hardly touched my homework these 3 days? call it a holiday. thursday night and most of friday was spent at the sleepover, saturday at the race, sunday trying to move stuff into my hdd but being epic fail. haiz. time can pass really fast.



slowly, bit by bit, i think i'm starting to understand what love is.

i keep thinking today's saturday. i need to stop doing that. tomorrow's saturday. and the future's looking bleak for me.

thursday was a long day. kept thinking about the sleepover throughout the day. 公函 was alright, i guess. ate recess yet again :D eating recess is such a bliss. haha. the rest of the day seemed quite long :/ and cca seemed like such a bleak future, but i managed to survive it pretty well :D yay. after cca, i somehow managed to go home pretty late, so i was kind of pissed at how late i was probably going to be. reached home around 6.45pm, and then went to shower and pack my stuff and somehow that took very long so i only left my house at around 8.30pm i think. had to go to cwp to buy pen refills and then i went over to crystal's house. i think i reached around 9pm.

the whole sleepover wasn't too good i guess. maybe it was because i had a headache, and crystal was still kind of sick and we just weren't extremely enthusiastic. when i got there, we hung around a while, then went to prepare our dinner of cinnamon bread stars, french toast, and blue pancakes [they turned out blue-green though], the second piece with chocolate haagen dazs chocolate ice cream. oh and siew mai which crystal's dad made. drank apple juice combined with ribena, which was quite interesting :D yes, that was our dinner. took dinner at 10.30pm. haha. after that, we were all kind of tired and wanted to sleep, but we just ate, so we decided to just rest for about 15mins. too extremely long to prepare for that 15mins. shan't say why. then, after we woke up, we all felt more energized and ended up watching twilight [i know i mentioned this before, but crystal really has an amazing supply of dvds :D] until around 2.30am. after that, we all went to sleep.

in the morning, i woke up the earliest, at 8.30am. it was a total surprise because the last time i was the last to wake up. and i'm usually the last to wake up. after we all woke up, somehow i became very tired and fell asleep. i don't know for how long maybe around 15 - 30mins. i vaguely noticed yiinghuey going off to brush her teeth and then both of them saying something about letting me sleep, but by the time i comprehended that statement, they were out of the door and i was too lazy to walk out plus still feeling extremely sleepy. when i woke up, crystal was in the middle of making some more blue-green pancakes. went to brush my teeth, then went back to the kitchen and tried to help out. had more blue-green pancakes and cinnamon toasts for breakfast. plus more apple juice. after that, we went to play hotel626, which was quite interesting. then, we went to karoakeparty for a couple of rounds, before yiinghuey had to leave.

after she left, me and crystal watched step up 2 after a lot of discussion. step up 2 is cool :D especially since the girl is that little girl from step up, which made it really cute :D i didn't notice or realise until after tyler appeared and they started talking about how he looked after her when she was a kid. and then i just found it so cool :D after the movie, it was about 3 plus and i wnated to go home, but it was raining, so i decided to wait a while. the rain turned heavier, and unable to find anything interesting to do, i decided to sleep for 15mins from 4pm to 4.15pm and crystal said she'd wake me up. so it was really surprising when, at 4.40pm, i woke up and looked at my watch and noticed the time and that crystal was sleeping too. haha. i guess we were both really tired. crystal was sooo alarmed when i woke her up. haha. anyway, i decided to go home so yeah, left her place around 5pm and reached home around 5 plus. home sweet home :D



my mum was actually in a good mood, but her mood worsened through the evening. haiz. oh wells whatever. i shan't wonder why people get mood swings so easily. at least when i get a mood swing, i don't snap at other people. i'll just stop talking and if you don't talk to me then you're safe. anyway was quite pissed today too. these few days, everyone in my family is always in a bad mood. my mum keeps nagging and my dad keeps shouting at people when they piss him off and my brother just keeps shouting at my parents. ugh. SHUT UP PEOPLE. maybe the reason why i hate noise so much is because of my family.

anyway, i'll be going out for almost the whole day tomorrow. hopefully, the event will end early. i doubt i'm going to like tomorrow. except maybe for the flying fox thing. other than that, :/ nope. haiz i need to sleep early today mans. have to wake up early tomorrow D:

oh and my handphone is working again! :D maybe that's why i love it so much. it's like a living thing, because it can get sick and break down, but then it can recover too. the last time it broke down, i let it rest for about a day, and it was fine after that :D this time, it took about a week, but that's alright :D it's working now! :D oh and did i mention? during the week, even while it was turned off, the alarm was still turned on, so every weekday i could hear it ringing and trying to wake me up to go to school. hehe. i love my handphone! :D i bet i wouldn't bear to buy a new one when it really breaks down next time. the only thing that i don't like about it is the mp3 and the fact that the back cover refuses to close properly. other than that, it's really a nice handphone :D i'm really really fond of it. yay :D



have you ever wondered what it would be like to live in a world filled with darkness?

here on earth, there's light even when it's at night. we don't know what total darkness is like. probably only the blind have experienced it. but apart from them, who else knows? who else can understand what it's like to have your whole world filled with nothing but black?

imagine, for the rest of your life, unable to see what's around you, unable to see words or drawings or artwork, unable to look at something and say that it's pretty, unable to see others' emotions, unable to see people laugh or cry, unable to see the people you love.

how would it feel like? feeling so lost in that huge world of black, like being so unimportant in the world, just a fragment of black, feeling so afraid of what you cannot experience.

living in a world of darkness is scary. i don't want to live in a world of darkness.

[tag replies]

wanjane: hahaha. firstly, how am i emo??? because of the question i asked? haha but that's not really being emo. and did i say that i'm studying? o.O haha whoops. well, i guess i'm sort of studying lah, but not really considered lor. its just for tests. yeah. and i'm still chionging a lot of stuff, thus showing how slack i am.

shuling: hi shuling! :D haha that's an interesting decision. i guess most people would choose that also lah. but then right... if you really have to do it, i don't think many people would actually do it. i guess its something like, just the morally correct answer, since it'll be helping to save more people. haha yup i bought the pencil case! :D



tsk tsk. i'm being pestered by wanjane to blog. haha. but i was going to blog anyway. so yeah, anyway, here is the explanation for my absence from this blog for the past OMG ONE WEEK?! wow. weird.

THURSDAY. nothing much, except for the fact that i went to collect club tee during cca with wenyi, nerissa and natasha. [i think. failing memory, sorry.] the travelling time was quite long and the bags of club tees were heavy! tskk. but it was fun going there anyway. anyway, we were all damn tired after that so when we came back to school, we dumped the bags and went off to eat lunch first, before returning to cca and then giving out the tshirts later on. mine's huge D:



FRIDAY. changed class with 4d, because someone from 4d injured her leg. our whole class didn't like the environment at first, but i guess we slowly got used to it. after school, i stayed back in class waiting for yiinghuey and crystal. did some homework and then something extremely memorable happened. my handphone DIED. ugh. it was half dying already on thursday, but i thought it was just a temporary thing and that it'd recover, but looks like i was wrong. IT DIED. crap lah.

anyway, after that, i went to meet yiinghuey at around 4.30pm and then we went to amk hub and waited for crystal. when she came, we ate dinner at pepper lunch, and then went to novena to shop. shopping at square2 was funnn :D especially all the turns and corners there. and crystal bought 2 pairs of shoes! :O i wanted one of them a lot! the one i wanted was this blue coloured high heels, while the other one was just flats. crystal has piano recital on saturday, you see.

after we were done shopping, we went to tan tock seng hospital to visit yiinghuey's grandma, and it was really weird to see trella there. anyway, we left the hospital around 8 plus and yiinghuey's dad sent us home so i reached home around 9pm.



SATURDAY. the new computer was supposed to arrive at 10am. it arrived at 10.45am. well, better than nothing. it was just freaking awesome and it looked damn cool. it's an acer gaming pc, i think i mentioned before. and the screen is like 23 inch! :D there was also a subwoofer and wireless mouse and keyboard. YAY :D and then my dad asked the person to add 2gb ram, but then apparently his boss gave him the wrong ram, so he had to go back and he came again later to fix in the ram. finally, a new computer. when my dad came home, we shifted the new computer desk [remember the one that he bought together with the two new chairs?] into my room and placed the computer there. did quite a bit of shifting and now my room's kind of crowded, but it's not very bad. so, a new computer and computer desk for me :D yay.

left the house at around 4.30pm and met yiinghuey at amk hub. we were both wearing jeans and brown tshirts. haha. ate at macs [everywhere else was either too expensive or too crowded.] and then went to buy a purple rose before proceeding to take a bus to methodist girls' school where crystal had a piano recital. well, sad to say, we were late D: when we arrived, we met jingyun and yiinghuey passed her her 'ticket', although we didn't really use it as tickets. it was sort of a free concert thing. yeah. and the 3 of us were damn pro, all wearing tshirt and jeans. i think we entered the auditorium looking like the 3 musketeers or something, what with tshirt and jeans while a lot of other people were all wearing dresses or suits or something more appropriate. lol.

anyway, looked around and crystal waved to us so we hurried to go sit with her. nicolette and clarice were there too. niki was performing too. we missed the first performance D: anyway, we sat in front of them and i seriously never noticed the guy sitting behind them until probably 5mins later when niki and crystal started laughing like nuts. turned around, saw some guy probably telling them some jokes, thought he was probably related to niki or something, and turned back. another few minutes passed, and i heard more laughter. turned back again, and then i recognised who was it sitting there. mr wong. totally shocked. and niki was like 'say hi to mr wong'. i was like :O wth?! even though i DID hear crystal say something about matthew asking niki if he should invite mr wong. but still, i didn't think that he would really come. so yeah, i was seriously shocked. and then even later on, mr wong was like 'hi jane' and i was still in this state of shock that he actually appeared [out of nowhere, it seemed to me] and so i just sort of waved and turned back to continue watching the concert. i didn't notice debbie and her friends until about half an hour or an hour into the concert, i think. haha and they were all wearing dresses.

during the interval, some stranger took up mr wong's seat while he was gone, so we were all like thinking 'oops. that was mr wong's seat.' and then later on we were like 'he's going to sit with clarice!' and clarice was like 'no thanks.' but anyway when he came back he sat next to clarice. but then debbie and her bunch of friends moved closer, so he ended up sitting between clarice and yiling. and from then on, i could hear a constant stream of laughter [he was diagonally behind me] coming from behind. -___- anyway, soon after the interval, crystal and niki performed :D nice one! :D and then some time after that, something gross happened which i shall not elaborate on. niki said it was normal. well, it was still gross! and debbie keeps exaggerating it. hahaha. just know that it was gross. and yeah, it had something to do with mr wong.

the last performance by matthew was very pro, and then since he was leaving, his friend ran to the stage with a pineapple, which was really hilarious when it happened, probably because his friend was running down the steps waving the pineapple in the plastic bag. when the concert finally ended, it was probably around 9.45pm already. took photos, and then went home with crystal and her dad sent us home. when i reached home, it was already 10 plus i think. bathed then watched a horror movie with my parents which was quite freaky, and finally went to sleep.



SUNDAY. spent the entire morning and early afternoon trying to fix the internet. later on, we figured out that by some careless error, i hadn't fixed in the antenna and didn't know that it was an antenna because i hadn't seen one before. [my brother's computer doesn't use an antenna and my laptop's one is built-in.] after fixing it, the internet could work and i used the computer for the rest of the day, i think. slept around 1 plus ^^" [but i was doing research around the last couple of hours.]



MONDAY. met sufyan on the train and i was telling him about my new computer while he tried to suan me back by talking about how he didn't have o levels except for one subject. haha whatever lor. damn sleepy in the morning. got my envirolympics tshirt which looked really huge. [i confirmed it today when i opened it up] got quite high in the last one hour of school because i was thinking about how i would be able to go home with crystal and yiinghuey. but then later on realised that yiinghuey had math learning club, so i went home with crystal and we went to yoshinoya to eat. met a schoolmate there who actually said hi to us because we were schoolmates. weird. while eating, we had this idea of a party, and by the end of lunch, we decided to really have a party and called yiinghuey to come over to crystal's house later on.

i went to crystal's house and we were planning to study, but ended up playing music and playing games and doing weird stuff and not studying at all. turned up the music volume loud, and then invited 'friends', so that when yiinghuey arrived, she was extremely freaked out by us. haha. after that, we just slacked and then crystal was quite into sabrina's secrets magazines so then she took out her set of stuff and we started trying to do yiinghuey's hair. didn't really work so we did her toenails instead. blue and pink leh! haha. then, they tied my hair into a french plait [according to them.] and then we put make up on crystal and did her hair a bit too. i left at 8.10pm. seriously. even though me and crystal had a bio test the next day. we were also planning a sleepover on thursday night, since friday was good friday.



TUESDAY. damn sleepy again and chionged bio during recess and lunch time. bio test was okay. after the test, i rushed to biopolis because i was late. plus, i was all wet from the rain. ugh. at yck mrt stn, i decided to just take a cab there. not that i have a lot of money, but i hate being late for stuff. the cab allowed me to reach with a few minutes to spare. was quite nervous before that, but the interview was pretty okay to me and then i went home and almost died from tiredness. finished my overdue math homework, which made me feel quite accomplished :D yay. a lot of things done and over with.



WEDNESDAY. TODAY. slept in class again. during chinese. i seriously need to stop sleeping during chinese. ugh. quite pissed at myself, but i really can't help it. anyway, i finally went for recess after so long of skipping recesses. just to eat nice lemon chicken rice :D hahaha. after that we had math and then elit test, which was okay. then i had this briefing after school about the envirolympics on saturday. peishan and zoe went too. in the end, because of a lot of factors, by the time i got to the bus stop with yiinghuey, it was quite late already. luckily, somehow the travelling time was not as long as i expected, thus allowing me to reach home in time to practise my violin. phew. but even though i thought i practised it quite well, i was totally crushed during violin lesson when i realised that i still can't memorise my scales properly and my timing and beat for the exam pieces still suck. ARGH. damn it. why can't i ever get it right?

when i came home, i again asked my mum if i could go for the sleepover [i described it as a study session, but it was true that we were going to do some studying too.] when i finally asked the 3rd or 4th time, she agreed. i knew it when she said the first sentence. it was still in disagreement, but i could tell from her tone that she would allow me to go in the end. she always does. i guess my mum really IS very nice, just that sometimes she can get quite annoying. but i'm glad that she agreed. crystal was sooo happy. haha. i heard her squealing in delight! haha okay that's a bit exaggerated. anyway, i have gong han tomorrow, so off i am to study [hopefully] and sleep early [hopefully.]



goodnight! haha wanjane i know you're probably going to read the whole thing right. are you very bored or something? o.O haha. and yeah, hopefully, the frequency of my blogpost will start to stabilise at around a couple of posts per week.

i am so damn slack. but okay let's forget that and move on to my main point of the day.



it's not like i'm not aware of people's presence. but there are so many reasons to avoid someone or just shut yourself up when you're with a certain person. almost everyone has their own reasons, i know. but that isn't going to stop me from feeling guilty. guilt created from the fact that i'm not talking to someone. maybe i don't like her. but if she's making an effort, if she's working hard, then who am i to say that i don't like her? who am i to judge people? who am i to ignore someone who is working so hard to communicate and be friendly to others? it's not in my place to say anything. we shouldn't judge people so easily.

i think it's just me. maybe i'm being over sensitive. but then it really hurts to see her being ignored by so many other people, including myself. when everyone obviously knows that she's nice. somehow, for some reason, people ignore her. i think it's because people don't really notice her. but you know what. being an unnoticeable person doesn't stop someone from being a nice person. and when you see a nice person, you're supposed to be nice to them too. isn't that just simple logic? why then, is everyone ignoring her? why am i ignoring her? is it just a human reaction? i wish i knew.



i wonder if i think about a lot of things. it'd be good if i do. i want to think about all those things that people don't question in their lives. things that, to them, just happen naturally. wouldn't it feel so good to find the answers to these questions?

today's the first of april. our math teacher actually played an april fool's joke on our class. interesting, really. it's usually the other way round. nevetheless, it did help to improve the class spirit for about an hour or so, i guess. plus, it was a really interesting joke and we really believed it. but after getting over the shock of it [maybe half an hour], my table partner and me just started getting extremely sleepy and tired. well, i had about 4 or 5 hours of sleep yesterday. that's hardly enough.

homework as usual, but i don't want to do it. i want to watch my videos. maybe i'll do it in school tomorrow. and my mum wants me to sleep at 11pm today which is hardly possible. dream on. might sleep around 11.30pm today though. really too tired. after school today, i arrived home and was planning to read my storybook, but since it was kind of freaky and i was all alone at home, i decided to watch videos instead. was supposed to sleep, but i wasn't in the mood to sleep. yes, you DO need a mood to sleep, even if you only had 4 hours of sleep and your body system screams for sleep. well, i need a mood to sleep anyway. i need a mood for everything. seriously. even the kind of videos i watch are based on my moods. [which explains why i currently have 18 half-watched videos, not even counting in the 5 that i'm rewatching. i need the mood to watch a certain kind of video, you see. like sometimes i want to watch a gangster kind of drama, or a high school kind, or a funny and cute kind, or a serious kind, etc.]

anyway, after watching my videos, i practised my violin and went for violin lesson. and to my horror found out that there isn't violin lesson today. i knew there would be one cancelled this month, but i thought it would be the one during the last week of the month, so i didn't bother checking the calendar to confirm. -sigh- thus, i went to the library instead and wasted my time for about half an hour before finally going home. and i borrowed another book too.

okay well time for my videos. hopefully i shall sleep early today :D byeee!