yesterday totally threw me off track from what i wanted to post during the weekends actually. well, so i'll post it now, i guess. before whatever happened yesterday, i was going to post something like this.

every day goes by as usual. but to different people, every day is different. today might be the best day of my life. and your worst day ever. since i'm living my life right now, i guess what's important is what these days are like to me. am i having a good or bad day? do i want to have a good day or a bad day tomorrow? what about for the rest of my life? to be honest, i want a mix. my dad said, 'if everyday is a good day, then you won't know what's a good day anymore.' true, isn't it? it's only when you have bad days and good days that you can tell how good life can be.

if striving for accomplishment is like climbing out of a pit of quicksand with a rope, then for the past few weeks, i'd say that i lost my grip on the rope. i've been climbing it ever since i was born, and after all the years of climbing up bit by bit, i fell. i fell right to the bottom, my feet mere inches away from the quicksand, while the rope slowly sunk in. and i watched, terrified, as the quicksand pulled in my feet. perhaps my shoe got sucked in. with one feet in the quicksand, i then started climbing again, afraid of the consequences if i couldn't manage to pull myself out of there. it wasn't too hard, getting my feet out of there. now, i'm half a metre above the quicksand and safe. but yet again, it's pulling in the rope. and the distance of half a metre that i had created is quickly disappearing. right here, right now, i'm getting closer to the quicksand again. and i'll always be, unless i climb further and faster than it can suck in the rope.

so that's what i'm going to do. climb, and keep climbing. and this time, i'm not going to stop at anything. i might fall again, but if i do, i won't fall too far down, and then i'll just keep climbing because i'm not going to let myself get sucked in by the quicksand. i might not be able to climb out of the pit, but if i don't, i'll just keep climbing anyway, and make getting out of the pit my reason for climbing. this time, i'm going to climb higher than i've ever gone, and keep climbing. it's not going to be an easy climb, but i'll do it.

i admit that i've fallen, cried, been defeated. i've given up hope, lost faith in myself, thought the world was against me. but no, it isn't. the world isn't against anyone. if you feel that the world is against you, then why not try and make friends with it? yes, i've fallen. and now, i'm climbing back up, more confident and sure of myself than before. i used to be climbing without a direction, without a purpose. that's the reason for my fall. but now, i've found my goals, seen my destination. and i'm going to get there. i guess sometimes you need to fall to realise where you're heading for and understand the reason for moving forward. now, i'm coming back up, stronger than ever, prepared to face those obstacles, and determined to reach my destination. just watch me and i'll show you. i'm going to get there.



i woke up today feeling quite lost. lost and unsure of what to do. spent quite some time sitting around and starting into space, thinking. thinking hard. maybe not so hard. but still, thinking. there are so many things to do, i don't know where to start. maybe. or maybe, i just blanked out. perhaps i needed a break for my mind. mentally drained, they call it. but why would i be mentally drained? there's absolutely no reason for that. so i don't know. i just sat there stoning and thinking. i guess it helped. now i understnad perfectly what i need to do. this is going to be the first school holiday in my life that i'm actually NOT going to use to slack. no more games or videos. an occasional movie, maybe. and some time for thinking. it might not sound like much of a holiday, but i think it's going to be the most interesting holiday ever. and then, after that, the december holidays this year is going to be the most awesome ever.

JIAYOU JANE! you've got to start climbing back up (:

i must be very contradictory. but today was an extremely miserable day.

had to wake up earlier than usual to study for chinese in the morning before i go to school, since i didn't finish studying for 听写 yesterday night. had to chiong it. and i can't believe i did that. i told myself i would get full marks for 听写 this time round. well, now i'm certain i can't get my full marks. not if i had chionged a whole passage without taking note of all the words that i was unsure of. plus, i missed my train so i had to take the next one. which was not a big deal actually, but since i was so stressed up and irritated with studying chinese, it was a huge deal to me. ugh.

got back our pprs today and mine was rubbish. a pathetic piece of garbage paper. it might not be garbage to others, but everyone has their own expectations. i have to admit that i took quite a long to absorb it in. the fact that i really did so badly. my all time low. it's the first time that my results have dropped to this level. quite pissed at myself and started getting damn scared about what my mum would say when i show it to her.

next period was chem and we got back our test papers. mine was definitely not well done. then we had chinese test which i could not even score full marks for a stupid and freaking easy 听写. math lesson was then spent trying to make my mind work and understand what teacher was saying. recess which i used to do cme, then english summary test which i exceeded the word limit for. ugh. after that was elit which was quite alright, spare the two essays for homework. and then ss thematic review which i only did one and 1/10 of a question. why the hell am i so freaking slack. it was fun to laugh with jessalyn and garwai, but in the end, the feeling of guilt will remain stronger than ever.

in the morning, i also realised that somehow, the sticker on the back of my watch tore, causing it to become extremely sharp and thus kept poking my wrist when i wore it. so i had to take it off. D: my watch! ): i'm very fond of it. haven't really been wearing it. and it made me quite depressed ):

rushed through lunch, then went back to class to chiong cme while being extremely distracted by the english remedial going on which totally disrupted my train of thoughts. pronunciation, people. cca after that was shitty. that was my last cca session. how awesome. chatted with my juniors and was trying to explain to people how screwed my life was. at least i got to talk to people. but what the freaking hell i had to carry this stack of heavy books and magazines and file and whatnot home, with a stack of newspapers on the verge of bursting out of my bag.

after i got home, the dread of showing my ppr to my mum started to creep in a little. but anyway, when she came home, i showed it to her. and she totally EXPLODED. what the fuck. she totally just started saying 'you better show this to your father! he's going to get very mad, i tell you. this is term 2 only leh! terrible.. finish.. you're finished. you better not tell any of your friends. so embarrassing! see lah, never monitor you only then your results become like that. terrible.. you better show your father!'

after that, my dad came to see my ppr and hellooo, he wasn't even as dramatic as her. he commented a bit, then just asked me how many months i had left to study and if i could improve in that period of time. i said yes. and then he told me that i had better improve and work hard. [and that i freaking wasn't like my brother whose memory is freaking good and thus doesn't need to freaking study for exams and can play his games all day long.] but still, he was alright. and my mum freaking jumped and screamed at him immediately when he said that she was distracting me from my work by asking me to do stupid things.

after my brother came back a while later, she started saying 'eh you better teach her. tuition her. you want money right? i pay you. how much you want? [with a crazed look on her face] i'll pay you. but you better teach her everyday and make sure she improves.' 有必要那么夸张吗? argh. her tone was as if she would do anything at all to see my results as all As. anyway, i ended up sniffing pathetically for the next hour. and then sniffing again later on because of all the dusty stuff i handled while sorting out my study materials.

not only that, my chinese dictionary broke down and now i freaking can't use it. when i seriously need it. why must it break down! now i need to get another one. UGH. and, when i wanted to eat an apple just now, somehow its skin was much more sticky than usual and i had to skin it because i was afraid that the skin was contaminated. and then my dad came over and scolded me for being slow and whatever and started skinning it. and just a while ago, when i went to get a cup of water, i poured the water into my cup and drank a little and brought it into the room. the next time i wanted to drink it, i looked in and saw an insect in the water. what the hell.



i definitely had a very bad day today. but i guess you need these kind of things somehow. you can't have good days everyday. well, off to sleep now. getting really tired and i hope i can have a better day tmr. goodnight!

this week has been a much better week. although i haven't touched the computer in a long time. but at least i know i was really concentrating on my work and everything so i felt quite accomplished. planning to study hard during the weekends and stop my bad habit of playing so much soon. i can't afford to waste away my june holidays just like that.

something freaky happened to me recently. remember my headache last friday? well, i wanted to go to sleep early because of that, so i went to brush my teeth. and somehow, with my headache, i couldn't think clearly and even brushing my teeth was extremely draining and tiring. especially how my head would have a silent explosion every time i moved my head even by just one centimeter. so i closed my eyes and brushed and tried not to think about it. and somehow my brain started thinking about maths and i became very stressed because apparently my brain needed to solve this math question to go on, which i didn't know how to solve. and then when i opened my eyes, i realised that i was brushing my teeth and that brushing my teeth did not require me to solve the math question. so i went back to concentrating on brushing my teeth. but that was just damn freaky okay.
and then yesterday night while i was doing english homework, i was nodding off to sleep. and then one of the times when i fell asleep, i woke up thinking that i was doing math homework and i needed to solve some math question with x2 in it. the next time, i woke up thinking about the sign for integration. like WTH. my life is so screwed. i wonder if i'm too stressed or something. hopefully not? haiz. but i was just damn freaked out by this sequence of events.

i'm slowly improving. stopped watching videos. phew. although i'm half playing computer games now. but hey, i spent the whole of my time ever since i came home from school today doing math homework. which is quite amazing considering how i usually come home early on fridays just to watch my videos. so yeah, at least i guess i'm improving. also developing a more positive attitude towards homework [oh wait. somewhat, i guess.] so that's better at least.

today was a good day. more than half of the class left for jubilate, so by the time recess was over, there were only about 15 people left in the class. which was really cool :D and it was a rather pleasant day because there wasn't the huge stress, but we still did revision and stuff which felt accomplishing :D [if there's such a word.] and we managed to talk quite a lot too, so it felt quite good feeling sociable. recess was emptier than usual, and i enjoyed my meal in a good half an hour or so without any rush, and with extra time left for any other random stuff. plus, our class hoodie came today. and i think it's really good :D i mean, the material and everything is good, and although it's plain, it's plain in a cool and nice way :D hopefully everyone will like it bah. those of us who saw it today and got ours today, i think we all liked the hoodie :D yay. my very first hoodie leh! haha. everyone was so anticipating it although it was kind of disappointing that it was delivered a bit late, so a few people had gone off already :/ oh wells. i wonder what the class' reaction on monday will be.

have been quite slack tonight :/ whoops. shall go sleep soon. before my mum wakes up and starts nagging. goodnight! :D

phew. i spent half an hour re-adjusting my computer and lamp wires because of the new extension cable. ugh. it's temporary, since the supposedly new one spoilt and i had to send it for repair. not too bad though. quite satisfied with the wires now. it might seem messy to others but it's good for me, probably because i'm the one who adjusted it and who knows what goes where and why. other than that, i wasted a lot of time today doing unnecessary things. need to cut down on that kind of stuff. but i know that i'm making progress, even if very slowly. i just have to keep this up and i'll be fine. i know i will.

now that i've settled most of my procrastination against school stuff, i have to start dealing with procrastination against violin. what a bother. i just refuse to practise. how annoying. how am i supposed to make myself practise? it's equivalent to torture for me, i guess. haiz. and my exams are nearinggg. i don't have much time left. if i don't start practising seriously before june, i'm not going to make it. every time i tell myself to practise, i just end up avoiding it. is it that much torture? why can't i just work hard and get it over with quickly? that's a good way to see it. get it over with quickly. why not, huh? i'll try. i sure don't want to keep regretting what i've done. [or not done, in this case.]

i still haven't found time to transfer my music from the laptop over to my desktop. it's getting highly irritating. i want to listen to my songs. ugh. and the only way i can do so now is to listen to them on my handphone. which is sooo not good because my handphone mp3 sucks. i seriously need to find time to transfer my music over. i'm dying without them.

i've still got quite a bit of work to do. off to complete them now.



just to end off with a really inspiring quote.

"Yesterday is but a memory and tomorrow is only a vision, but today well lived makes every yesterday a memory of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope."

let's aim to make every yesterday a memory of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope, alright? :D

i can't believe how bad my headaches are getting. yesterday's one was torture. i hate that feeling of being so helpless and weak. i really want to know what's causing my headaches. stress? lack of sleep? it's really irritating not being to be on schedule. although i have to admit that it's a good reminder for me to rest more. slept at 10pm yesterday and woke up at 11am plus today. felt much much better. although i did feel a little of the effect of the headache in the early afternoon, but it wore off soon after. phew.

i realised that i really like basketball :D i don't know why. it just makes me like it a lot. i want to play basketball. i really really do. haiz. someone play with me please? ): haha. well, even if there's no one, i'm still going to play. i can't let that deter me from doing something i like, right? maybe i can find time to play basketball even with all the studying and stress. hopefully (:

i was so close to getting a gold for napfa. 1 more inclined pull up. why didn't i do it? i don't know. maybe it's just my mentality. but it's been so long since i've regretted something so badly. i promised myself i would live my life without regrets. so what the hell am i doing? was pretty pissed at myself for quite a while. but then i realised that there's nothing i can do about it. so, i'm going to set a new goal of getting gold for napfa when i'm in jc. preferably As for everything if possible. i'm not just going to get a silver for the rest of the napfa tests that i take.

i managed to motivate myself to study hard. it's not so hard actually, once you take the first step. right now all i need to do is keep motivating myself, and not give up. even though i'm still breaking the 3 hour video rule i set for myself, but i'm going to try my hardest to keep to it next week. i just have to work harder. it's so possible. all i need to do is keep motivating myself and keep working hard and i'll get there. and i know that i'm going to feel extremely accomplished. finished watching a series of videos today. the one that i've been watching for the past few weeks. that's a good sign. it means that i won't be able to continue watching it anymore. which also means that i can use my time concentrating on studying instead of slacking. i guess it's true that i have to believe in myself. thanks to everyone who have encouraged me so far. but i must remind myself that working hard isn't something others can help me with. i need to do it myself. and i'm the only one who can motivate myself to work hard. so that's what i'm going to do. it's going to be a tough fight, but i'm not going to back down.

JIAYOU JANE!!!

i feel that i'm actually quite fortunate. to be able to have everything that i have right now, it's not something everyone can have. and yet, even the richest or smartest or strongest person will have his troubles and problems. but, don't you think that, compared to people who are starving from hunger, a rich person's problems is hardly anything worth solving? well, maybe. i guess it's how we see things. to a poor person, these problems might be nothing compared to their hunger pangs and need to survive. but to a rich person, it might mean a world of difference. it makes me wonder how insignificant my problems must seem to others.

my results this term isn't too good. already got scolded by my mum for getting Cs in subjects that i should be getting As in. why 'should', i wonder. why is it the norm for me to get As in that subject? just because i get an A every time, does it mean that i HAVE to get an A every time? likewise, just because i fail every time, does it mean that i should be failing every time? why do people see everyday occurrences as normal? using the computer now is normal. using it a thousand years ago would have been the most absurd event ever. everything just becomes a habit. getting As and Fs, reading the papers, listening to music, all of it is normal. what IS normal? something that occurs often? what kind of definition is that. oh wait now i'm digressing from the topic. back to the topic, my results. yes, i do want to get good results, yes, i am motivated. but no, i did not get good results. perhaps it is because i only decided to work hard not too long ago. but what do i expect, then? a huge turn in my results for the better next term? maybe. maybe not. i wonder why do people even get upset about results. if you lose, then that's too bad. if you win, then good for you. but in the first place, who said that results is an accurate measure of your talent or strength or intelligence?

i'm certain that i had important matters to bring up in this post. but my headache right now isn't allowing me to think clearly. yes, it's the usual back-of-the-head headache. and it's showing no signs of pity on me right now. until my next post, then.

i broke the rule.
the right word is probably self-hate. but i have no idea if such a word exists.

helped my dad do some stuff today, but it wasn't very fulfilling nor satisfying. i can't wait till the june holidays, when i can stay at home and help out more. it's fun stuff.

spent the entire day slacking once again. too angry and pissed at myself to rant, i guess.

off to study for chem and do my chinese compo. HAIZ.

i almost broke the first ground rule just now. 3 hours of watching videos. ouch. it certainly didn't seem like 3 hours to me. more like just an hour. that's what addiction does to you, i guess. and i'm already extremely lenient with the rules. didn't count in the approximately at least 5 hours of watching videos on friday. well, but i can't really count that in i suppose, since i only started with setting the rule on saturday. ok then, i shall keep to the rule. no watching videos tomorrow at all mans. ): haiz.

anyway, loads to do tomorrow. my dad wants me to help him with stuff. which will probably take almost the whole day. from morning to late afternoon. plus, i have to wake up early just for that! ): noooo D: whatever happened to being able to sleep in on holidays? tsktsk. so unfair mans. but oh well. whatever then. anyway, after helping my dad out, i'll probably be left with about 6 hours to do work. oh crap. it suddenly seems like very little to me :/ i still have a whole load of homework to complete and tests to study for. this week is a killer - chem test on tuesday, napfa test on wednesday [and i have a bad feeling that i might be late for violin :/ or have no time to practise at all], egeog and chinese test on thursday, math test on friday. heck the one day holiday on monday. it doesn't make up for anything. i'm better off having 5 days of school and only 1 or 2 tests.

as for today, it wasn't very productive. only managed to study one chapter for chem so far. [oh wait. change 'study' to 'read through briefly'.] spent the rest of the day doing other stuff and practising a lot of piano and finding guitar tabs. my parents went out and got a super nice chocolate cake for mother's day. [err well yes i do feel slightly guilty not being the one buying the cake, but well..] it was extremely delicious! :D i loved it a lot. i want that cake for my birthday! :D it's really super super nice. to me at least. i haven't eaten such a nice chocolate cake in a long long time. and then for dinner, we ordered pizza. yum :D wasn't as nice as we thought it would be, though. but better than nothing. and it also meant sparing my mum from cooking dinner. yay :D

i think these 2 days are really quite 'family day' like. hehe :D it's a really good feeling to be able to be with your family, i have to admit. and it's been a really long time since i've had this feeling. it's these kind of days that you suddenly understand how much some people mean to you and appreciate them for everything that they've done for you. some, of course, more than others, but still. i guess i want to say that, yes, i do appreciate it. everything that i've got right now. (:

okay. back to work. i need to do some serious studying and homeworking today. i definitely won't have enough time to finish everything tomorrow. jiayou!

[did i mention that i'm quite afraid of what's going to happen tomorrow? :/]

if only i would just try, and try hard.
i know i can do it. i know that.
now, all i need to do is to really DO it.

today was one of the most productive and meaningful days i've been through ever since a long time ago, i guess.

the main thing would be my dad calling for a family meeting today. haha yes, a family meeting. shocking? i don't know. the last time we had one was when i was somewhere in upper primary. that was quite meaningful too. anyway, i spent almost 5 hours listening to my dad talk today. haha. firstly, no, it wasn't 5 hours of family meeting. our meeting was supposed to start at 1.30, but then my brother delayed as usual, so then it was around 1.45 - 3.15, which is 1 hour 30 minutes. and then we had to pause because of some technical glitch. and my dad said to meet again at 6. he addressed my brother and me only, though, because he wanted to teach us something. so then, add in the delaying and the second 'meeting', although i would call it more of something like a lesson/session, lasted from 6.30 - 8.45, which is 2 hours 15 minutes. our mum did come into the room sometime halfway though. and so the proper time would be somewhere around 4 hours, right? but then later on, from around 11 - 12am, my dad came to talk to me again, so you add another hour to that and you get 5 hours of talk from my dad! :O -horrified- hahaha. i have to admit that i'm quite tired now. it wasn't so much of me not being able to understand, but more of the fact that there was a lot of information very mixed up and it's quite tiring listening to someone for 5 hours in a day, even though it's not consecutive. as for the content, well, it's personal. hehe :D

besides that, i spent most of the rest of the day doing homework. math, bio, chem. oh wait. that isn't a lot! crap. now i feel guilty ): but well, i thought it felt like quite a lot in the afternoon. especially math which took up a lot of time and was quite tiring too. [i shall sleep early today. everything took a huge toll on me ): but it's already past 12am! even if i sleep now, it's not considered early. haiz.] well, i felt that i was quite productive lah, although i'm sure i could have done better. but hey, i spent some time on the piano and whatnot too, okay. and i attempted to make my own breakfast which failed quite miserably. but it's okay! because i know that i've learnt a lot today, be it from that terrible breakfast or from the family meeting, i know that i've learnt loads so i still feel that today can be considered a really meaningful day (: it's not often you get to experience such meaningful days, you know. (: i really have to learn to start appreciating what i have.



i know my previous post was quite :/, but i guess what i want to say is that, i think that i'm re-inspired to do my best. after today, and after a few events recently, i really think [and believe with my heart] that i want to work hard because i don't want to regret what i've done. i don't want to regret anything, for that matter. i want to lead a life filled with meaningful days and events and memories. i've always talked about working hard, but i've never actually done it no matter how many times i've mentioned it. this time, [yes, this time. i always say that, don't i? and nothing ever happens in the end.] well, this time, i want to give it my best shot. and i think that, to start off, i need to set some ground rules. hopefully, they'll last me until after o levels are over.

1) no watching videos during weekdays. NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND. [use wednesdays to sleep! don't watch videos!]
maximum of 3 HOURS OF VIDEOS during the weekends.
2) no playing computer games during weekdays.
maximum of 1 HOUR OF GAMES during weekends.
[unless videos are cut down on. in total, 4 HOURS MAX OF SLACKING ON THE COMPUTER. FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK!]
3) practise violin at least 3 TIMES A WEEK.
4) STOP PROCRASTINATING.

ok, that should do it. i can't set too many rules, otherwise i probably wouldn't follow them. [already i'm afraid of myself not following the rules :/]

and, to set a good example, i shall go sleep now. (:

oh yah, and before i forget, HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY CHEWLIN! :D [if you ever see this.]

well, i'm sorry i can't live up to your expectations. i'm sorry that who i want to be is totally different from who you want me to be.
i know what you want me to be like. isn't it all the same? that perfect little girl who would do whatever you say whenever you ask her to, even read your mind before you ask her to do so, so you wouldn't have to waste your energy nagging about it.
you want someone who listens to every word you say. you want someone who doesn't argue with you at all. you want someone who can help you whenever you need help. you want someone who does all the chores. you want someone who gets straight As in her studies. you want someone who is top in the class. you want someone who scores a 100 marks for every paper she takes. you want someone who stays at home on weekends and holidays. you want someone who comes home early every time she goes out. you want someone who sleeps by 10pm every night. you want someone who studies hard everyday. you want someone who can help you yet at the same time do well in her studies. you want someone who knows all about the issues in the world. you want someone who saves money. you want someone who, when attending courses that you pay for, excel in those areas. you want someone who is an asset to you. don't you?
the only problem you're facing right now is that i'm the exact opposite of that picture-perfect scene you've painted for yourself. well, i'm sorry, but this is my life, and i'm going to lead it the way i want. i might not be as hardworking, smart and helpful as you expect of me, but that's alright. no one's perfect. not you, not me. and i'm sorry if i can't live up to your expectations, but that's the way it is. you know it's impossible to be perfect, so maybe you shouldn't have had these kind of expectations in the first place. although i know that if i try hard enough, maybe, just maybe, i'll be able to live up to a few of your expectations.



i almost had a mental breakdown earlier in the day. funny when i think about it now. it's stupid, really. and then i remembered how my dad used to tell me that 'crying won't solve the problem', so i decided that having a mental breakdown wouldn't solve the problem either. it made me feel weak, though. i definitely didn't like that. how come people can survive and go on with their lives without having mental breakdowns? surely there are many others out there who are in worse states than me. and yet they can still live on. i want to become stronger. i want to be like those people, stronger than others, so that i can help others when the need arises. wouldn't that be good?

but anyway, the main issue which almost led to the breakdown was how i didnt want to cope with the stress of studying for exams. stupid, right? yes i know. but the thing was that it wasnt that i couldnt do it, but i didnt want to do it. i mean, thats totally not me. or is it? i dont know. but i dont remember being this weak. i dont remember being like this. what have i turned into? who am i becoming? i dont want to be like this. it's pathetic. but to be serious, i really didnt know how that i could be so slack, or so addicted to watching videos. cutting out using the computer from schooldays isn't effective enough. i need to stop my addiction during weekends and holidays too. [i finished watching 2 japanese dramas in the span of thursday night to sunday morning. and yes, i spent most of my time with that, thus leaving me with very little time to complete anything else that i deem more important than watching videos. which consists of a lot of things, actually.]



i want to sleep ): [yesterday, i originally wanted to sleep for 10mins from about 5pm, but then i extended it to 15mins, and then 20, and then the next thing i knew when i woke up, it was 7pm.]

and you know what? i realised that i still haven't read that book that i bought from borders last time! 'the gunslinger', the dark tower book I. really feel like reading it now. and sleeping. i don't know. more to sleeping i guess. just NOT doing homework is fine. but i have to do homework ): ugh. i wish homework would stop ruining my life ): maybe i'll read the book a bit, to become more awake and then attempt some more homework. ganbatte, jane! :D [i've taken a liking to japanese recently. you must have noticed after how i said i watched 2 japanese dramas. i don't know why though. it just suddenly seems nicer than chinese. i wonder when i'll revert back. and i've also taken a liking to watching teen dramas. hmm. weird. oh wells.]

sorry for ranting so much. [oh wait i'm not sorry. this is my blog, after all, right?] well, sorry for not blogging often, then. haiz. i shall try to work harder and improve my life and stop being so slack and stop my video addiction [ouch. ):] and chiong for o levels. i must remember that, after all this, i will feel good because my hard work would have paid off and then i would get 3 months of freedom which i can use for whatever i want to do. come on, just 6 more months of hard work. i can do it if i try hard enough. stop thinking about those videos!