one choice down, two to go. sigh. oh no wait, i think it's actually three more. ehh. okay four.



ohkay. og38 is crazyyy. we have been talking online for 2 hours now. i'm dying T_T at first it was fun and enthu and super high but now i just want to go SLEEP ALREADY but they're still talking and you know i hate missing stuffs so *sniff sniff* ): have to wait for them to wrap up and i hope it's soon. tireddd. haha the family tree sounds cool though.

12.47am: finally, some peace and quiet (: hahaha. conversation ended phew.

i have a ton of things to do i think. but somehow i'm quite stone today. sian. i need to hurry up and decide on stuffs so that i can feel secure and stop worrying and then i will start having awesome days again. i think i'll start feeling more awesome on monday (:

okay actually i just blogged for fun i think ^^" haha. before i go to sleep.



my hope's fading already but i'm going to keep at it. it's not over yet, i just have to tell myself that for now. fate, please? are you going to help me out this time?

when you realise that everything you believed in were never there after all. and it all comes hurtling back at you. the pain, the wound and the scars.

i was never meant for this world, was i?
i never belonged anywhere.



day 2 of orientation wasn't too much fun either. talks, tests, games and stuff. i think my og is nice, though (: quite friendly people. names to remember. i should stop wearing my specs so often =.= haiz. had dinner with them and left school around 7 reached home 8 plus sian.

it doesn't seem as good as i imagined, the situation. perhaps, perhaps. choices and decisions. more sighs. not in a talking mood. in fact, i am once again trying to keep those stubborn tear glands under control. here's a prediction that the trouble's not going to end yet, which also means that the glands will probably still run crazy again. why must it be this way.

the choices and chances which are your future, all thrown at you today.

oh by the way, if its fuchun vs rosyth with the people i listed that day, rosyth will win. no matter where i go or what i decide on, i will always know in my heart that rosyth would have won. however, thats just taking a couple of people so i suppose its not a good guide. perhaps if i add in people like duncan and gary to the fuchun group, the score will even out.

now, to read a book to divert my attention in an attempt to numb the pain. or perhaps i will talk to someone about rubbish again. and i'm still hoping against hope that it was all a mistake.



how much more pain to be inflicted, how many more wounds to be opened? before you can start to heal again. how many more scars will there be for you to live with?

it's a long day. went to school with mx, crystal, jennifer. the bus in the morning seems fine. maybe it was because it was the new bus. arrived early, talked to wanjane, she passed me headphones [:DDD THANK YOU!] and then sat around with mx and his clique. talks in auditorium for almost 3 hours [with break.] and then lunch. after lunch was supposed to start orientation but stayed in audi for smtp math test, 1.5 hour. then after that went to take ki test for another hour. 2.5 HOURS OF ORIENTATION AND MAKING NEW AWESOME FRIENDS GONE JUST LIKE THAT. DAMN. T_T i can't wait for orientation tomorrow. still have another 2 hours of chem and bio smtp test tomorrow though, before i get my freedom :DDD red tshirts. and og dinner yay. by the way, math smtp and ki tests were (n) + x.x. haha. went home with mx. was delayed by the test so only done around 5.30, reached home 6 plus. tired~ x.x okay off to sleep my mum is annoyed at me again.

post number 801. cool i spent my 800th post ranting about jc stuffs. hahaha :O nevermind, it's a start of another hundred posts, and start of new jc life :D yays.

okay so i submitted the appeal already but i'm still open to comments while i wait for the results. i should just hope that i can't get in, but THAT'S SO LOSER. so i don't know what to hope for. alright i'll just hope that fate will decide and all i can do is promise to follow my heart (: like i always do. submitting appeal today was a last minute thing. but of course, i had all my documents already, so no problem with that. the only problem i had was that i was sweating away while trying to photocopy about 20 pages of random shits. and the photocopying time totally wasted away 15 minutes of my precious time. haha. tiny problems (: after i started working on getting my appeal together, i switched from confused mode to just doing what i'm supposed to do mode (: and later on i switched to awesome happy mode because. jc's going to starttt :D please let it be something like uni :D NOT like primary/secondary school. yes, i feel awesome because i'm going to jc tomorrowww :D i don't care what jc it is [of course, in this case, it's hwachong which is not a bad jc after all.] but just YAY I'M GOING TO JC and i can leave behind my horrid memories of primary and secondary school :P [memories with friends are not categorised under 'horrid' :D] so there.

IT'S THE START OF A NEW BEGINNING, YO.
and i'm totally loving it (: you jc people better make my life fun and awesome :DDD it's been so long since i had a new start. i was getting bored of my old life in secondary school (: which also means i just switched to high mode. haha! oh well :x

okay, i suppose i didn't mention it too clearly actually. here's a very clear version of what just happened today: i got posted to hwachong science stream [aka my 2nd choice in jae] and i'm in OG 38 which sounds damn fun because the people sound fun and awesome. plus, a lot of them are from band [which i didn't exactly say was fun...] but the fact that so many people are from band is like :O whoa are we some band/musical og or something? because that'd be cool :D i can't wait to meet an awesome og tomorrow and have fun :D

yeah so people asked me for postings :O haha. not a lot luh. close friends! :D i texted suf, muni, tg, chewlin. people who asked me were wanjane, kenneth kor, leon, shuling. i can't believe kenneth kor remembered :O haha. shuling too! but her sms was later at night, so maybe it was because she heard or something. of course, since i'm optimistic, i shall believe that she remembered :D leon should be because his school have news of the j1s or something bah. yeah. haha.

i swear i'm still in shock as to why hc accepted me. i looked through the og list to see if there were anyone i knew, and now i thus conclude that I MUST BE THE LAST PERSON TO BE PUT THERE OR SOMETHING. haha. no luh. but so far those people from st nicks, i think most of them more zai than me bah? haha. so yeah, i'm wondering if it's some kind of error x.x but it can't be because my name is so obviously there. i even checked jae twice. so now, for the puzzling question: HOW DID I GET IN?! oh well. forget it. maybe it was a stroke of luck. which would have been kind of sad ): because it still means that i'm lousy, but I WILL WORK HARDER. YOU JUST WATCH ME IN JC I WILL WORK HARDER THAN I WORKED BEFORE. [or so she says~ she says that every time, doesn't she? what a loser.] mx and crystal are convinced that hc is (y) because they let me in =.=" by the way, anyone ever thought that I'M LOUSY? okay i shall stop trying to convince myself that i'm lousy. [which i am.] i shall just work work WORK HARDERRR. (: go me :D how can i let this destroy my egoness of myself being pro *sigh* tsktsk.

i'm going to bring my new bag tomorrow :DDD crystal's bringing hers too. and a new water bottle. it's a new start! :D and YAY WE ARE ALL GOING TO SCHOOL TOGETHER I LOVE YOU GUYS [okay mx is the only guy there =.="] we all = me, mx, crystal, jennifer. i haven't seen jennifer in a long time. hope i recognise her. IF ONLY CHUGY LIVED HERE TOO! then it would be a full and awesome fuchun-hc clique :D oh well ): i will go say hi to him tomorrow if i see him :D OGs are: crystal 2, chugy 8, mx 26, and OMG I JUST WENT TO FIND FOR JENNIFER'S OG AND THERE ARE ONLY TWO JENNIFERs IN THE WHOLE COHORT WHO ARE BOTHHH [I REPEAT, BOTH.] IN OG 19. is that cool or what. hahaha so coincidental huh. anyway, we all different og ): haha but mx and chugy know some people in my og. should be okay bah. chugy knows one person in his og, but he knows 3 people in my og. LOL. oh well. yay see you people tomorrow :D and wanjane's going to come find me tomorrow too! :D YAY. haven't seen her in a while, plus she's passing me the headphones. [like finally. after two failed attempts to pass me headphones. haha.] :D

TOMORROW WILL BE AN AWESOME DAY.
BECAUSE I SAY SO.
so there.

so. how was the awesome DECIDING MOMENT of your next two years? hahaha. well, it WAS an important moment, right? i was NOT sleepy when i saw the sms. which is good really. HAHA the only thing that made me go straight from sleepy to very much awake was crystal's sms that she got into hwachong. it was the later sms, so i saw it first, thus knowing that the other sms was my posting result. awesome. but no, posting result was not awesome. it's good, not awesome. awesome would have been much much better. while texting my friends my result i asked them for their opinion on appeal. apparently it's all thumbs up. no harm trying, right? yes, EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I GET MY HOPES UP ALL FREAKING OVER AGAIN. DAMN YOU APPEAL. if only there wasn't such a thing called appeal. =.=" but nooo i can't wish for that because it's like a second chance! yes okay i'm starting to talk crap. great. and the orientation group leader or something just called me to tell me which group i'm in and whaaat we need to bring pe attire? whoa :O oh well. orientation games, huh. hahaha the only reason i'm giving for not appealing now? I'LL BE MISSING ORIENTATION IF I DO GET IN. DAMN ): and missing orientation feels like i'm missing a lot. whyyyy must things be like that. yes, i love my choices and i hate them too. DAMN YOU, FATE/DESTINY OR WHATEVER THE HECK YOU'RE CALLED. ugh. but yes, well, it's true that that's what the challenge is, right? the choices you make, i guess that's what determines your future, and who you are. but so does fate/destiny. DAMN. i am pissed. obviously. but yes i suppose i'm quite pleasantly surprised too. hey! you can't blame me! i was hoping for the best and expecting the worst. and this doesn't fit anywhere! =.="

reading muni's blogpost seriously gave me a heartache. T_T totally heart pain luh ): it makes me feel retarded asking if i should appeal. now i'm like, DUH, GO APPEAL, YOU IDIOT. what the heck am i considering, right?

and yes, suf's sms did the same to me to. 'APPEAL PLS' why do i have such awesome friends? now i can't even decide on something without thinking about my friends.

so WHAT THE HECK IS MY PROBLEM NOW, right? maybe it's because there'll be people there too. crystal, mx, chugy, and all those across the road O: totally. UGH. DAMN IT. fps people are zai, seriously. jennifer got into hc too. and tingwei, zulhilmi, charmaine all nj sia. like whoa. so yes i figured out what's my second main reason for not appealing. it's because there'll always be something pulling me back all the time anyway.

chewlin says i shouldn't appeal :/ and i DO understand her point because that's sort of what i've taken into consideration. let's see. reasons not to appeal are...
1) if i get in, I'LL BE MISSING ORIENTATION.
2) if i don't get in, I'LL BE SAD BECAUSE I GOT MY HOPES UP FOR NOTHING.
3) i should be happy with where i am. AND I AM. it's just.... hard to explain.
DAMN.
on the other hand, if i really don't appeal, it'd feel as if i'm passing up an opportunity. and yes, it means a lot to me.

heartache~ T_T
my heart feels like it's being ripped into two. seriously.
WHY MUST THERE BE TWO OPPOSING JCS. and WHY MUST I HAVE AWESOME FRIENDS IN BOTHHH OF THE JCS.
omfg look i can just start crying AGAIN. ah yes i'm crying. gosh i feel pathetic now =.= WHICH IDIOT CRIES BECAUSE OF THIS.
FUCKKKK.

chewlin says, 'why does rj mean so much to you btw? if it really does then you should do all you can :) if it no longer makes sense then hc's great.'

YES I KNOW THAT. but i haven't figured anything out yet. i DON'T know what to do.
i doubt anyone would get it, actually :/
it's EQUIVALENT TO:

FUCHUN VS ROSYTH.
muni, chewlin VS crystal, wanjane
sufyan, tg VS mx, chugy
LOL. it looks weird putting it this way. oh well.


AS IF THAT HELPS. THEY ARE ALL MY AWESOME GOOD FRIENDS WHAT DO I DO NOW.

and oh look now crystal and mx are trying to convince me that hc (y) and rj (n). like that helps =.= haha. but they are funny people luh. which might be the reason why i'm considering not appealing to rj. why does everything have to do with relationships? it's like, okay, if i have better friends in hc, i'll go there, and if i have better friends in rj, i'll go there instead. fuck la. like that helps. i have awesome friends at both schools. why must the two schools be so =.=" against each other. AND so far away. damn it.

LIFE OFFICIALLY SUCKS TODAY.
don't worry.
tomorrow it will start rocking again, alright? (:
or at least i hope so.



OH GREAT LOOK, NOW I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO WISH FOR BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT. DAMN.

haha legend of bruce lee is nice :D shall continue watching :D whee. did i mention that i can't install assassin's creed D: haha okay i'm going to like try again or something i guess. although i have mainly cleared my desk of junk... :/ there's still stuff like j1 subjects filling up so still not a lot of space =.= damn. can't go swimming with jac jes and jos after all :/ HAIZ. sad face sia. my mum say cannot because wednesday getting results. haha but anyway i heard results might be out in the morning, so :O whoaz. haha. went out with crystal and yiinghuey today :D amk hub. whoa we saw shushien and sichen. haha. ate pepper lunch and i tried unagi. haha not bad luh :D next time i'm going to try pasta :DDD and then walked around A LOT. later on took a break and i ate takoyaki while they ate i don't know what.

in the end we decided [i wasn't going to in the first place, but crystal and yiinghuey wanted to.] not to buy shoes and me and yiinghuey just bought bags at zinc. hahaha i think we were good entertainment for the people there. we were talking a lot and talking rubbish and then couldn't decide whether to buy or not and kept talking and then the guy was like 'oh so this is how youngsters save money nowadays?' and i was like lol and then later on we were saying something about getting 3 similar bags of different colours and the guy was like 'oh sure! there's a brown one too.' [since we only saw the grey and black ones.] which was quite lol too. and when we started talking about exchanging bags every month/term, i'm sure the guy was grinning or something. seriously, i think we make entertaining customers :O haha. good what. they must be bored standing/sitting around in the same shop every day so :D

yay new bag :DDD haha. and i got the membership card. damn lol. used it for yiinghuey's bag. double lol. so basically my bag was 2.40 cheaper, since i paid an extra 10 cents for the card but saved 2.50 since it discounted yiinghuey's bag. interesting, really. but it's not like i got the 2.40 back anyway. i owed yiinghuey 2.50 so she just kept the extra change and now i owe her 50 cents. haha. oh well. yay new card, i suppose. haha. i tried calling my mum to ask but she didn't answer so i just bought it. i DID tell her i was going shopping for new bag/shoe anyway, so should be okay bah :/ the only thing she'll complain about is the colour of the bag =.= white cannot because will get dirty easily, black cannot because very dark =.=" siannn. my bag's black by the way (: yiinghuey bought a cool bag too :D huge dark blue tote bag. i almost wanted to get that mans! :/ i might have gotten it if i felt richer. hahaha. it's an awesome bag too :D maybe one day i'll go back and see if it's still there. hee :D crystal already got a new bag that her aunt bought her, so no worries there.

arrived home early :O haha. around 4 plus i think. almost 5. but you know, usually i reach home late after going out. so yay good :D early is good. not long after i came home, my dad came home too. and went out again jogging. haha. before he went out, he was stretching and saying how unhealthy he was. 60kg and he was like :O, saying he'd never reached 60 before. he says he used to be around 55kg, so he's going to cut down to 55kg. me: 'is that hard?'. dad: 'of course not. piece of cake.' interesting. and it would have all ended off well if not for my dad saying 'i give you a challenge. you going back to school on thursday right? in 6 months, you should be able to beat me in jogging. you do your own training and i'll do my own training. 6 months ah. starting from thursday okay.' i was totally !!! what the heck! and went 'WOI.' but he was done with stretching and went out and closed the door =.= damn. and yes, he says when i start school i need to start working on my swimming too x.x SIAN. haiz. so, SCHEDULE. jogging every weekend and swimming at least once a month. it can probably replace jogging for one week every month. stretching and exercise every day. what else? haiz. why do i doubt jogging once a week won't be enough D: maybe i'll try twice a week if possible :/ although it might be difficult to find time on weekdays. oh well. hope there'll be time lor.

didn't practise violin today D: crap. i will mug scales and arpeggios to make up for it. and maybe attempt practising guitar. whoo TOMORROW'S THE DAY. the deciding day for a lot of people for their next 2 years (: awesomeee. it feels so close already. i shall attempt to wake up early tomorrow. any time before postings are out should be fine (: if only we knew what time :/ alright. off to maybe clear my desk/cupboard some more and empty more space for jc stuffs. i've decided that i shall TRY to accept reality tomorrow as i receive my posting, since i think i can't do anything much now to change it. just like for o's results, i'm hoping for the best, expecting the worst. bring it on (:

have an awesome last day of full freedom before you get your postings, people! (:

i'm getting closer to my 800th post :O a little scary, actually. shows that i've been wasting too much time blogging, doesn't it? sigh.



yes, it's TWO days to postings are out and THREE days to the start of jc life.
is that awesome or what? but only if you get what you want, i suppose.



tskk my dad is... *sigh* not being helpful at all.

me: if i don't get in, i'll cry.
dad: you cry ah? nevermind, i pass you tissue.
me: -rolls eyes- that's not very helpful.
dad: support you mah! you cry then i give you tissue lor.

totally, TSK.



and yes, i'm all ready to fill up appeal forms in case of any unpleasant surprises (: although i'm still putting my trust in fate and destiny. stupid kc is trying to tell me the difference between fate and destiny =.= i checked the definitions. wrong luh kc tsk. hahaha okay i can't remember what i wanted to blog about :/ cleared my desk [mainly of junk] already although there's still quite a lot of stuffs there :/ and watched dicey business and going to watch legend of bruce lee :D yay. ta.

oh haha look, my posts are going to hit 800 soon. gosh. i remember all the useless posts i used to type just for the sake of blogging. oh well. memories.

i was staring at the straits times today and saw something about secondary school. i looked at the heading again. social studies. hmm. what kind of subject is that? i mean, social? something to do with people or something? and then i realised OH, CHEY it's ss. haha i damn lag sia. but you know, i haven't heard anyone called ss social studies in a long long time, so there. anyway, ohmygod WHAT ARE THEY DOING to the education system! FULL COMPULSORY SUBJECT? i mean, okay, look, doing that would totally take away opportunities from students. for now, let's ignore my dislike for ss and even elective geog. i take pure elit and elective geog with ss. and oh look, what's going to happen when you make ss a full compulsory subject? it becomes pure elit and ss. good grief. someone tell them that they're totally stealing away the chances that we actually get to learn more. yes, besides ss, we can choose another pure humanities subject, but is that the point? if you make ss a full compulsory subject, we'll only get to choose ONE humanities subject. at least, with ss as a half subject, i get to learn geog too. but without that, it's like cutting off students' access to learn more. unless you let them take an EXTRA humanities subject, but do you actually think they'll be able to cope if elective geog + ss becomes pure geog + pure ss? hard to say, but i doubt so. see? just keep it as a half subject, it'll do everyone good. i can't imagine how the future students will be like if have to take pure ss. gosh that's like such a waste of chances and opportunities. if someone is really good at 2 humanities subject, and can only take one, that's like so D: SAD. they totally shouldn't change it. haiz.

helping my dad do stuff is always D: dunno how to do luh! damn. even if i know, it's like have to do everything D: haiz. sad face sia. and doing research is even more D: i mean, i do research on school subjects, i don't know how to do research on these kind of stuffs luh T_T haiz. and then uhm. oh yes, kc is like damn random can =.= i'm like totally whaaat? haiz. and i want to install assassin's creed soon :/ hope it works on my computer, because my idiot brother said it wouldn't work.

haha jac asking me to go swimming on wednesday. i want to go sia! but wednesday is when posting come out :/ dunno. i should just go and relax first before postings are out right. haiz. i think i'll ask my mum and hope she allows lor. what time are postings going to be out huh? O.O and tomorrow going out with crystal and yiinghuey. wah packed week D: haha. i must clear my desk TODAY. no delays. even though it's so hard to pull myself away from the computer ^^" oh yah and i read finish my book yesterday it was AWESOME SHITS :D loved it. i shall attempt to collect the series :D okay going going gone.

stone day :/ okay not really. read my book most of the time (: went to pay exam fees. seriously i just read my book for almost the entire day :x what a time waster. haha. i haven't read finish yet! a bit more! i can't wait to finish it sia :D and then dinner went out to one of the coffeeshops around the cc and ate zi char or however you spell it =.= yay today had nice dishes all not bad :D and ice milo to top it all off. haha :D yupp and then my brother went home first while i remained behind with my parents to talk and walk and stuffs. whoo we bought chips :D we are UNHEALTHY PEOPLE. haiz~ we always were, and i think we always will be. haha. you must have a high metabolism rate to survive eating chips/chocolate/pancake/ice cream/other junk food etc. almost every day. sigh. didn't clear my desk today after all =.= shall do it tomorrow. i need to do it soon before jc stuffs start pouring in. for today, i shall finish reading my awesome book i suppose. i feel strangely honoured seeing my name typed out by my friend. i don't think i've seen that for a long long time (: haha. yay i ♥ my friend. and i think i'm going to try doing something nice for one of my friends :D hope i remember/have time ^^"

oh no now i have to plan out a list of people to sms posting. haha. k luh just... muni, suf, chewlin, tg, wanjane. close friends only :D lol. unless it's good news then maybe more people :x yeah. but those are like the i'm-going-to-sms-them-even-if-i-get-my-12th-choice kind of thing, i guess. lol. haha i wonder why tg's on the list :O maybe because he let me play on his 5k guitar which was really quite :/ i don't know. surprising? lol. hellooo he treats it so nicely that when someone stands near the guitar casing with a drink, he does something about it. haha. and the plastic covering has attained the name 'raincoat'. lol. typical crazy tg, i suppose.

i also found out that my brother is surprisingly good at arts. okay maybe not really. but i thought it was good. [note: this does NOT mean that i love him any more than on the day when i denied his show of goodwill.] i could understand it, somehow. it went deep into my heart, i suppose you could say. i could really feel for him, and it was one hundred percent pain. alright, maybe it was more of a hundred percent numbness to the pain, or fifty fifty. but that kind of pain, it sucks. no one should be carrying this kind of pain. keep on going. i hope you'll find a way out of the darkness.

maybe, just maybe, when i can fully understand it one day, i will stop hating him. but hey, i said maybe, because not hating him, that's no small decision. if there ever comes a day when i manage to erase my hate of him completely, i will be extremely proud of myself.




have been doing a lot of thinking these few days. i realised that i'm a true INFP :/ which might suck but rocks in other ways but either way i can't help it.

even though i told myself that i'd make decisions based on logic, and purely on that, i couldn't. i just can't bring myself to do that. yes, logic might have been leaning towards that decision, but i made it because my feelings were leaning that way too. it's terrible, i suppose. or maybe not. but it feels terrible. relying on feelings to make my decision. it feels so wrong, but my heart totally agrees with it. so really, what can i do? i just can't stop my heart from feeling, from making decisions and choices based on that. i realised that it's possible that one day i might die of that. relying on my feelings. but it's hard not to listen to my heart.

besides decisions, i've also been extremely selfish [in my thoughts] in wanting certain things. i say 'what right do you have?' when i obviously know that they have more right than me. how could i be so selfish. and yes, my selfishness has stemmed from my INFP personality too, which depends heavily on feelings. it makes me hate myself sometime, causing that disagreement in myself. i've ran through it a dozen times, but both sides refuse to stop it. feeling side: 'they have no right. i'm the one who does.' while logic side: 'that's unfair. look at it logically. you know extremely well that you are the one who does not have the right.' just, DAMN. shut up, guys. i don't want to think about it any more. it's too painful, too hard. i swear i'm getting weaker. too much pain. i need to learn how to brace myself against them, accept the wounds, and wipe away the tears. that's the only way to become stronger.




on a more random note, did i mention this before?

dad: if you just put _jc as your first choice, you wouldn't have any problems, right?
me: yeah, but that's not the point, right?
dad: of course it's not. if you put that as your first choice, it'll be too easy. there wouldn't be any challenge at all.

so yeah, i suppose. there's no fun in life without challenges (: love my dad's way of thinking sometimes. i mean, come on, obviously i don't like his way of thinking when he yells at the laptop [as if it has ears], right? duhhh.


and oh i just wanted to say, no matter who you are, how win or fail you are, everyone has their own problems. even the richest person in the world has problems that, in his eyes, are as huge as problems faced by the poorest person in the world. [well, i don't know! being sued or something? what about caught by the paparazzi? or importing drugs? something, you know!] it doesn't matter. being wealthy has its issues, and so does being poor. EVERYONE has issues. we just need to learn to deal with it.

and some nut is being extremely annoying. for now i'm still at the playing-nice stage. really, you shouldn't annoy me too much. refer to my profile on the left which goes 'dislikes: annoyance'. because i can get really mad. and THEN you'll see what happens. if i'm nice enough, it might just be a 'fuck off, asshole.' so for now, just. STOP ANNOYING ME, IDIOT.

oh and look, i'm the type of person who categorises people who i talk to [by 'talk', i'm referring to online/sms, and not face-to-face talk.] into three groups: 1) delighted to talk to you, because talking to you makes my day. 2) you talk, i'll listen. but you keep going at it, and i'm out of here. 3) ignorance is the best solution. so there, three groups. and if you're smart enough to realise, even some of my very good friends don't make it into the first category. i like talking, but it's limited to certain people. [and isn't talking only called talking if you're on the phone or face-to-face? smses/online stuff can hardly count.] the first category, i can count the number of people on one hand. of course, sometimes i screw up the categories, like when i'm in a happy or high mood, or maybe when i'm extremely bored. but once i'm back to normal, the rankings stay. and that means, no, i'm not going to bother talking to you unless i need to. or maybe when i'm in a high/bored mood again. see? i'm sorry, but that's the way it is. facts, that's all they are.

ah yes and i shall admit that i might seem more emo these few days. well, I AM. so there. yeah, i think yiinghuey sensed it. it's alright i'm fine, really (: but being emo, of course, has it's good points. usually being emo just means i'm doing a lot of thinking and evaluating, which i am. yes, i think too much sometimes x.x but that's just how i am. think think think, crap! or think think think, oh hey it's not so bad after all (: kind of thing, you know. yeah. emo, of course, also means emo, which means that, yes, i am feeling rather sad and depressed, but nothing that can't be cured by talking to people like muni and suf :D [or maybe it was made worse after talking to them. honestly, i'm not too sure.] of course, after being emo and thinking so much, i do feel very much better (: better for wear and tear, perhaps. i wonder if i'm going to continue this streak of emoness. but either way still does me good, no?

ooh yes i'm off to finish reading my book now (: see ya!

awesomeee day :D

woke up early. had huge issues sleeping this morning :/ no idea why. woke up around 8am when my mum called me up. couldn't go back to sleep because i was half-sneezing =.= and then woke up around 9 plus and couldn't go back to sleep either :/ just kept tossing and turning. had serious dream issues :/ IS THAT A BAD SIGN :O shits. haha. woke up when my WATCH alarm went off =.= which says a lot because usually i don't even hear my watch the only thing i can hear is ONE of my two handphones ringing ^^" woke up, used the computer, fixed up my blogskin and yay here it is. i tried to upload onto blogskins.com but somehow it didn't work =.= damn it. shall attempt again later. didn't have time to blog in the morning though :/ i was late. sufyan was LATER. muahaha :D haha okay luh not very late but still late.

met sufyan at mrt station and then went zhiling's house together. wah damn long never talk to sufyan on mrt liao. lol. was fun :D and funny. we were both like 'SHUT UP.' at each other when someone said something which we didn't want to hear. lol. now where did i learn that from... :D lol. he damn long never go for gathering already luh! tsk. yay this time he came :DDD then went to zhiling's house and almost everyone was there already :O jane shock~ muni was earlyy. whoaaaa :O haha. and yes she was proud of it too lol. almost everyone there liao. hmm. names :D me, sufyan, muni, zhiling, aaron, andrew, kiengwee, nickquah, wenda, russ lim, russ wong, bryan, shienhian, daniel, chevy, omg i almost forgot DUH tg, andddd. can't remember liao :/ lol. jaz, brandon and darren came later. yeah. whoo rock band and ddr mat and then the usual mahjong gang led by shienhian and i think there was one suicidal bridge gang. but the mahjong and cards gangs didn't last long. haha. zhiling's house seriously has a ton of things. i tried drums and failed D: i have concluded after learning violin for so long and trying drums that i have no sense of rhythm/beat D: haiz. fail sia~ brandon not bad (: and wenda is zai at guitar, apparently. the last time i thought it was joonkiat. o.O oh wells. this time we played rock band downstairs while ddr mat was upstairs. but mainly rock band luh. the ddr mat quite few people play and didn't last too long either.

haha the highlights of the day were... the 'bring me to life' challenge. which russ lim won. lol. before that, me and kiengwee got the same score. we were like whoa hi5 :D lol. then muni got damn close to beating russ lim. and then me and kiengwee not happy and tried beating russ lim to no avail. haha sing one time already damn tiring sia~ i didn't get a sore throat because of all the junk food we ate there. i got it because I SANG THAT SONG. lol. and i sang about 2 or 3 times i think :/ can't remember. LOL they were like how many times did we play that song already? what, 10? no, 15! lol. kiengwee crazy de. haha the first few times i also crazy with him luh. we were like noooo we're going to beat you russ lim! and then fail. haha. no luh but it really strained my throat =.= i have issues with the bonus thing because i'll go off-track after shouting into the mike =.= guess i'm quite fail. didn't play guitar as often this time, just once or twice i think. tried drums once. oh yah the other highlight was of course when darren came. AHHH OH NO DARREN'S HERE~ haha. russ lim recorded his voice once, and then another time took video. LOL. later on kiengwee borrowed russ wong's handphone to take video of darren again. that time was really DAMN ZAI haha if upload sure damn funny sia. but i don't think russ wong will upload. dunno. but that time was really very over. haha. yeah. main highlights of the gathering i think.

oh yeah and chewlin called me too :D while i was there. she wasn't coming so quite sad luh D: yeah. but actually quite typical of her i think. haha. and then we talked for quite long luh (: yeah. felt good i haven't talked to her in a long time i think. i don't really talk to her online de haha. talk to her need to talk either face to face or on the phone. haha then yeah, i think i'm still quite emo over the postings thing. what's that they say? hope for the best, expect the worst? that was what i was doing for o's results. i think for postings i'm more of like, hope for the best, expect the best, and if i get anything worse, i'm going to kill myself. not literally, of course. but still, it'll be a huge blow for me. seriously. then yeah, talked to her about quite a few things, even about people and stuffs (: haha. then random shits like books and authors and yeah. haha. thanks chewlin! (:

oh and of course, TG BROUGHT GUITAR SCORES OHMYGOD.
tg: 'you can't run away this time, i brought scores.'
me: OH SHIT FREAKS WTF DAMN IT I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE.
hahaha. and then apparently muni owed him a performance too which was like oh wow i have company! lol. she was supposed to sing some jap song while he played the guitar, but then later on she said she wouldn't do it until after I did mine =.= in the end i tried playing and failed :/ damn paiseh luh. haha. why do i have the feeling that tg still doesn't believe that i'm fail at guitar D: haiz~ nevermind luh. haha tg quite nice luh he was like saying something about blaming himself for not bringing easier scores =.= wtf haha no thanks i don't think it matters. since i couldn't play the song, i told him i'd go and practise a song and play it for him the next time x.x I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT RIGHT. I KNOW! but i felt guilty, so :/ oh well. SHIT I NEED TO START PRACTISING GUITARRR. and muni's such a cheater because she didn't perform. hey at least i tried lor. really too difficult sia. but tsk. typical muni~

oh and i asked tg how much his guitar was. he made a number 5 with his hand. so i was like, 500? tg: around there. which obviously meant it was more expensive, going by his tone of voice and expression. so i just went like, oh, it's more expensive than that right! wow. haha. and guessed that maybe it was around 500 - 1000 and left it at that. and then later on while i was putting the guitar back into its case, kiengwee just had to say out loud that OH THAT'S THE 5000 DOLLARS GUITAR RIGHT. tg calls it his wife. and i was like OMGWTF 5000 BUCKS?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! i mean, i seriously didn't expect it to cost so much :/ and the fact that tg actually let me play on it [even if i was damn fail] was like :OOO OHMYGOD I JUST PLAYED A 5000 DOLLARS GUITAR AND I'M HOLDING ON TO IT NOW LIKE IT'S A NORMAL GUITAR. lol. anyway sufyan agreed too so yeah, i guess its true. actually come to think of it, quite typical of tg right. haha. and then later on kiengwee [exaggerating, but i guess it wasn't THAT far from the truth] was telling tg that when i heard it was 5k, i started trembling while putting the guitar back into the case. LOL. haha and yeah tg is like =.= calling the guitar his wife and kissing it and according to kiengwee, murmuring sweet nothings to it in jap. LOL WTF RIGHT. when muni saw him kissing it she scrambled down from the half floor onto the first floor and decided to go home. HAHA. funny sia.

dinner was pizza. HAHA the last time they ordered 10 boxes of pizza! crazy tg. this time 6 boxes. not bad luh (: finished it and zhiling's mum baked shepherd's pie so yeah. i wanted to try but was quite full so :/ oh well. ate and stoned about and watched people continue rock band while a few of us stood around and talked. i realised that kiengwee's sense of humour is the lame kind too. lols. yeah and then as i mentioned in the previous paragraph, muni saw tg kissing his guitar so she decided to go home. haha! no luh. it was also because she was getting pretty bored anyway. nothing much to do luh, yeah. just watched them play rock band mah. so me and sufyan decided to go home too :D even though it was kind of sad leaving, but it WAS quite late and i was going home with muni and suf so it didn't really matter. haha they ran! =.= haha and yes i followed and ran too. we are all crazy people, seriously. no actually we were running for a reason, but oh well. haha we are nutters.

going home with muni and suf was THE BEST (: totally ♥ them (: haha. just talking to them made me feel happy :D and determined to go to their school. seriously, talking to them was just the ultimate best thing throughout the day (: they are awesome people and i feel damn awesome when i'm with them. [not that talking to suf wasn't awesome, because it was. but you know, with the BOTH of them there, it just became ten times more awesome :D] i know it's damn mushy but D: i can't help it, they are really awesome i ♥ them (: hahaha. oh no i hope they don't see this :x lol. haha well even if they do, see then see lor (: they are my best friends :DDD haha we were talking about stupid things and ridiculous things and weird things and all the random things but who cares talking to them is still damn awesome. maybe i had a great day because of that, i can't be sure either. musn't forget chewlin calling and who else i talked to today even if we talked about rubbish or whatever. i think talking to them [the rosyth people i talked to today in general.] made me try to think more realistically, but also made me want to fly. they really stretched me both ways, i guess. they encouraged me but they discouraged me at the same time, if you know what i mean. it's just, yeah, an interesting feeling. like they've just helped to make me stronger and better, even if i was talking to them for just that few minutes or so. thank you so much guys (:



came home and whoa didn't get scolded although i was quite late o.O a bit weird. and then came bad news. like last minute notice that i have to pay my violin exam fees tomorrow. wtf luh. my teacher damn zai can. i felt quite annoyed but oh well, i shan't spoil my day with things like this luh.

okay shits time is running out D: I'M GOING TO EAT ICE CREAM LATER :D chocolate ice cream sia :DDD damn happy. haha. sufyan just told me today that he has a high metabolism rate. i was like o.O and then i started to realise that oh yah, he does. hahaha. okay random. other random stuffs like whoaaaa now maplestory is working with windows live! crazy people. is maplestory that popular huh. work with windows live. haha.

i realised that i have a ton of things to do, like clear my desk and STUDY LIKE A MUGGER and practise guitar and buy new stuffs like bag and shoes. yeah :/ tuesday going out with crystal and yiinghuey, hopefully to buy new stuffs (: yay. and i need to go borders D: shits. how ah. no time sia. haha. postings out on wednesday i can't wait! or maybe i can. i don't know. haha. and then.. yeah luh. still have books to finish reading and return to library. a lot of things luh. sian. i seriously need to clear my desk soon it's too cluttered =.= i guess i'll forget about going swimming tomorrow and clear my desk or something. start mugging. SHITS A TON OF THINGS TO DO. haha and once again, a ton of people to sms when i get my posting (: haha.

okay luh i should get going soon. shall attempt to put my skin on blogskins.com and yeah, do stuffs. loads of stuffs to do.



oh yeah.
HAS ANYONE REALISED
THAT THURSDAY IS GOING TO BE THE START OF OUR NEW LIFE?

TOTALLY WHOA MAN.

i haven't had a new life for 4 years. NEW LIFE, HERE I COME :D



okay i'm starting to sound weird and crappish right. haha. better scram. byeee.








i don't believe in luck or miracles, but i want to believe in fate.
one more time, please.

i can't believe that i'm crying AGAIN. fuck.

[i'm telling you i'm pretty sure i'm going to start crying again when i type this.]
basically what happened was that i was asking my mum if i could go out tomorrow, and she seemed quite willing to let me go out [or at least persuadable.] and then my brother [who did ask me a few hours ago if i wanted to download the dota from his hdd.] came and asked me to download it now and i said no. YES, I SAID NO. wtf did i say no when i want to play dota? here's a pretty good reason: i hate it when one second he's so nice to me and the next second he's yelling at me calling me an idiot. one second he's helping me to call his friend to ask about some subject, and the next he's asking me to shut up. why can't he just be more consistent? ass. and oh btw he annoyed me during dinner just now too. so i decided that i shall just start ignoring him and not think that he can be a nice guy because he never is. and you know what? my mum asked me why i said no. i just said no. my dad asked me why not. i said no. my brother stood there, probably feeling annoyed because i didn't want to accept his gesture of kindness. [i didn't look up so i didn't see] and then my parents were asking why i was being so weird and my brother was offering me something so just take it. and then i said he could just delete it off his hdd if he thinks its wasting his space and my dad was like aiya just delete luh she also dont want and my mum was like 'tomorrow you don't go.' FUCK. i don't care if i'm being weird if i refuse his kind-hearted offer. i just DON'T want to carry on trusting him any more. i don't want to believe him any more. whatever he has done up to now, it's enough to make me stop trusting him. i don't want a brother like him. you know what? I DON'T EVEN WANT A BROTHER, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. i won't care if i'm a single child. it'd be so much better than having a brother at all. i hate him. i hate my family.

one day i will run far far away and never look back.

and oh look those tears are running down like there's no tomorrow. fuck.

the worst thing isn't even that i can't go out tomorrow. oh please i can go out if i really want to. i'll just walk out of the house. the worst thing is that i CAN'T explain to anyone why i'm being like this. how can i explain that i have an extremely inconsistent brother who i have decided not to trust any more? everyone would probably just go 'huh.' in fact, i can't even talk to anyone right now. because i'm not going to talk to anyone about this. because no one will understand anyway. maybe that's just what i think. maybe there ARE people out there who will understand. well, i don't really care. i just don't want to think about it any longer.

if anyone talks to me about this i will either a) KILL YOU, or b) IGNORE YOU FOR A LONG LONG TIME. (: just a friendly threat (: [as if.]

thank you in advance to who i'm planning to talk to later, so that i can talk crap with you and smile again (: i ♥ you. after all, what's the point of telling anyone all this? i don't want anyone to worry about me. i don't want to spoil anyone's day. i really don't.



on a happier note, ate fish&co with my aunt it was her treat. somehow i was really full so i didn't finish it :/ 2 more bites of fish! :O haha. okay luh at least didn't waste so much food (: my appetite is seriously getting smaller. is that good or bad? both, right? haiz~ after lunch we walked into the shopping mall and i almost FROZE to death because i just finished drinking this cup of sprite and there was aircon. shouldn't have been THAT cold, though. weird :/ hellooo. my teeth started chattering! i usually do that on purpose to pretend that i'm damn cold but that was really cold it was on auto-chatter mode.

went to watch the spy next door :D jackie chan is funny :D he always is. i like his movies because they're all action + humour which is like whoaaa. haha. example, rush hour (: [the series] and yeah, not bad lor :D yay hahaha i still want to watch law-abiding citizen and daybreakers. and of course when the movies come out during cny :DDD the chinese movies coming out around that time all sound nice :DDD yay. haha. okay. and then i also borrowed 2 more books from the library today after returning 2 books. lol :/ whoops. i hope this time won't overdue. and OMG i found the sequel of gale force :DDD yay. cape storm. hmm :/ getting uncreative liao have another 'storm' in the titles haha. but i can't wait to read it :DDD weather warden series is da best :D i still owe the library blue noon :/ shall return soon. hopefully. hahaha the fine was 5 bucks :O and another 3 plus bucks for blue noon but can't pay since i haven't returned yet :/ oh wells. my cashcard only 4 bucks left sia =.=

okay off to work on my new blogskinnn :D ta.

i can't believe next week will be back-to-school already. not that time flew, really. but more like i wasted too much time on nothing at all D: haiz. oh well. on the bright side, my teacher choose C3! yay :D all 3 pieces spot on :D I ROCKKK (: haha. you know at first i thought he picked C2 because he flipped through C1 and then turned a stack of pages and then there was the song so i actually thought he only turned one page. and i was like totally DDD: wth C2?! i can't play that! hahaha before i realised while playing halfway that it was actually C3 ^^" yeah i'm damn fail :/ anyway C3 is called woogie boogie. i was complaining to my dad of the title :/ but the song is the hardest among all three, so yeah. JIAYOU ME. haha. managed to successfully memorise arpeggios. now, for scales. scales are the WORST ): sad face sia. haiz. and i shall practise C3 more often now (: have a lot of pizzicatos :/ quite happy about violin stuffs these few days luh. i hope this mood stays :/

i love the cap that i took from crystal (: it's awesomeee (: played sims 3 last night and today afternoon. and finished watching tokyo dogs :D yay. i love it (: it's an awesome drama which totally goes into my list of favourites :D i shall listen to my exam pieces like crazy tomorrow and start to practise hard to become as zai as that person. and i haven't touched my guitar for a long long time ): i feel guilty. i should. it probably hates me now right :/ haiz.

time is running out ): i have a whole ton of things to do before school reopens! D: one week. oh gosh i need to start working on them. and this is exactly how my holidays always run out before i complete my long list of stuffs-to-do. haven't talked to some people in a long long time :/ and there are people who i want to talk to but don't know what to say :/ haiz.

oh yeah go watch this. it's just :O cool
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBvZ8f44Et0

so many things to do, but so little time left :/

my desk is getting dusty. i want to talk to people like shuling and wanjane. like chewlin and muni and other rosyth people. like duncan and gary and other fuchun people. [haha okay that's a bit gay but :/ oh well.] a ton of people who i'm starting to miss :/ i hope i can see them on saturday (: and hope we're going to have that chinese new year gathering again when it's cny (: even though i don't celebrate it.

and my dad is insistent on me getting back on my feet for swimming. not that i can really get back on my feet if i'm swimming. but yeah, he says i should be doing 20 laps straight. i know. i shall go swimming sometime soon again (: it's been too long. [haha okay yeah it was just one week plus but who cares.] i miss swimming.

and my mum forgot about what i said. i said if got 7 points or better for o's, i would be able to get rollerblades. she said okay last time. [well, not really, she just went 'yah. you get first then say.' in a mocking voice.] i told her she promised me something, but she says she can't remember. she asked if it was a bicycle. my dad asked if it was an electric guitar. [he was just doing random guessing] oh well. i suppose i could get those and be happy with them too (: haha. but electric guitar is too expensive i wouldn't ask them for that :x since my phone was already :O so yeah. bicycle maybe bah. thinking if i should change rollerblades to skateboard instead :/ you think?

and so far 3 people told me to get an ipod, [kc, wanjane, and someone else i forgot who :/] versus one person who told me to go for electric guitar lessons [mx.] quite :O at mx actually. i thought he'd choose ipod. haha. hmm. still deciding. i need to decide soon :x

why do i have the feeling that the library hates me. and wants to kill me :/ whoops. haha. okay luh i shall attempt to return 2 of the 3 books tomorrow :x

i want to install assassin's creed soon! D: it looks like a nice game (: since i don't have any games to play nowadays. but no time to play also :/ haiz.

and LOL i still owe tg 2 books wtshits. and 5 bucks. and actually a whole lot of thanks because he helped me do a ton of stuff like picking up chewlin and helping me ask something. tg you're awesomeee :D ok i know that's kind of gay but really, he's like totally :O when it comes to helping people do things because he really doesn't complain at all. AT ALL. not even a sarcastic comment or anything. which is like a bit o.O ohhkay, i guess. if i see him on saturday i will remember to return him 5 bucks and say thankyou (:

and hahaha kenneth kor says maybe one day he'll drive up to my house [after he gets his license, which is quite soon.] and pick me up for lunch or something. lol! but that is so cool :D yay can't wait :D lol. when i turn 18 i shall get a license to drive a motorbike first :DDD and then maybe a car after that (:




hahaha my dream today was interesting (: it was about 2 good friends and some really strong brotherly love kind of thing which was damn sweet and apparently they were supposed to get stuffs for each other and i was one of them so i had to get to the top of my block to get a tshirt [apparently some organisation was giving them out for free] for my friend. but when i reached the highest level of the block and asked one of the person living on that floor, he said i should come back later around 3am the next day to get it. [it was at night, maybe 12am.] apparently they were probably going to start giving those tshirts out again at 3am. i couldn't wait so long because my friend was leaving soon. took another flight of stairs up and realised that that wasn't the highest level actually so i continued going up.

then it was morning and i was at the 20th storey and 21st storey and i was like wtf how come i didn't know my block had so many levels i thought the highest was 18 or something. from the 20th floor onwards there was huge and wide staircases and nice red carpet so i guessed it was for vips or something. never knew that, though. i got to the second highest floor [24th i think] and still found nothing and looked up at the highest floor but realised it had just one door. looked out of the window and i thought i saw tg. somehow i guessed that tg was that very good friend of mine. and then i saw 2 guys who looked like aaron and wenghong. i wonder what they were doing so high up on the rooftop of some other block i think. then i decided to take the chance of getting the tshirt for my friend and headed up the stairs to that last door, when it opened and 2 old guys came out in suits. i think they were americans. following them was shienhian. they saw me and i saw them and somehow i just knew that i had to get away.

i turned my back to them and headed down the stairs quickly. then they realised and started chasing me with shienhian following. i thought of taking the lift but when i pressed the button it took too long to come. i started running down the stairs as fast as i could. the next few flights of stairs were taken in huge leaps. [all the staircases were shallow and wide.] and then somehow there was a lot of different flights of stairs and escalators and finally [around the 22nd floor i think], when i wasted more precious time by pressing the lift button but figured that it was still taking too long even though it was now coming down from the 24th floor, they somehow managed to corner me [or so i thought] by taking different flights of stairs/escalators. the 2 guys stopped in the middle of the stairs up to prevent me from going back up [or maybe it was just because they were too tired to run after me any more] and shienhian came down another flight of stairs opposite.

panicking, i ran towards the escalator while shienhian continued down his flight of stairs to catch me at the next level. [he was like their bodyguard i think so the 2 guys didnt follow, just ordered him to get me.] i panicked even more and as soon as there was a gap to my right, [it was the kind of opposite stairs/escalators so there was a flight of stairs on my right before that. it's usually a wall if you take those escalators at mrt stations.] i made a horrifying decision to climb onto the handle part of the escalator, planning to jump off so that i'd be a step faster. it was horrifying because if i fell from the handle bar, i would be landing onto another escalator. and for your information just in case you didn't know, escalators are SHARP. they poke. if you fall on them, they happily rip up as much of you as they can. anyway, i half rolled half scrambled up onto the handle bar and tried to control my balance even while i got worried looking at the escalator below me [that i would end up on if i fell from where i was]. i could see shienhian hurrying down his flight of stairs. and i held onto my balance for dear life while the escalator got closer to the next floor. [21st, i presume] as soon as i estimated a safe distance from which i could jump, i leaped off the escalator, touching down onto the floor and dashed for the lift, pressing the button in all due anxiety even as i saw an arrow appearing next to the 22 on the lift sign, meaning that the lift was on its way down. faster than my pursuer? i had no idea. the end~

as to why i didn't just dash down the escalator like how i did for the stairs [which also means speed +1], i don't know. either i was too panicked and couldn't think clearly, or thought that climbing and jumping would be the faster way to do it, or the dream just didn't allow me to do that. i could have jumped too, but i think there was a wall on top so i would be knocking into it if i jumped. oh well. i liked this dream even if i was getting chased. i think it was because it was quite action-packed, what with the jumping off escalators. oh but i get chased in my dreams quite often so yeah.





haha okay i'm feeling quite emo actually :/ since yesterday i think. hahaha kc is evil he made me more depressed tsk. haha okay luh no luh. since i'm so damn random, i just want to say i ♥ you to a ton of people, [i know this is freaking gay. ignore me i think i'm not in my right mind :/] especially: wanjane, chewlin, crystal, yiinghuey, shuling, muni, deen, garwai, huishan, melody, kenneth kor, duncan, gary, kc, mx, tg, sufyan, etc. (: haha there are people whose names are not here because i think it'd be weird since we're not very close but i still love them (: haha oh well. i love a lot of people (: sorry it was just an on-the-spur-of-moment kind of thing. off to sleep goodnight (:

today was AWESOME :D

woke up early :/ 8am sia. sian~ had no motivation to wake up at all :x lol. supposed to meet yiinghuey at cwp at 9.30, but she only got onto the bus around 9.40 or so, which is when i left house too. met at ntuc, where we bought food for lunch :D chicken and vegetables (: then went over to cold storage where we bought stuffs to bake. chocolate brownies :DDD and headed over to crystal's house. sian luh haha by the time we reached it was 11am liao =.= and then first part we just stoned a bit, stood around watching crystal build her hotel in sims, and played with her new hamster called ghost :D then talked a bit, finally started on cooking lunch. i was starving :/ then yeah, cooked rice, prepared the chicken, washed the vegetables, then fried the rice with the vegetables and eggs and garlic and some powder thing, then fried the chicken, and opened a can of campbell soup. yay :D yummy lunch :D quite full :/ haha then took a short break, and watched as yiinghuey baked the brownies. haha actually it's quite done already, just open the packet and pour out and mix with water [and oil is it?] and stir. then put in the pan and dump it into the oven. yeah :/ after that me and yiinghuey sat around for a while, as crystal played her lousy piano game =.= and then we were like karaoke!!! and then crystal fixed her mike and can sing already :D haha. her karaoke dvds not a lot luh :/ but still better than nothing :D not bad sia :D yay. ate brownies while karaokeing and yeah. some songs damn funny :D and then yiinghuey left first around 4pm and later on i left around 4.30pm. with an extra item in my bag :DDD crystal's cap :D which actually should be called my cap now :D YAY. finally, a cap! :D i can cross it out on my wishlist! :DDD haha and the cap is damn cool luh :D thankyouuu crystal! (: haha. i'm happy (:

after i left crystal's house, took mrt to west mall and i thought i'd have a problem finding G2000 at first. when i walked in, i realised it was so much easier than i expected. it was right in front of me! LOL. i was like O.O what the? hahaha. then called kenneth kor and he didn't pick up so i walked around a bit and then he called me and i went to find him. haha he's uniform is cool manz. all black sia. haha. went up to some random restaurant [i think it's called mayim if i'm not wrong :/ weird name.] to have dinner and whoaz the menu is like :O so much variety for what! haha. and then i very full at first so wanted to eat dim sum, but don't have because of the time, so :/ ate some pancake like thing with weird things like shrimp and squid inside. okay luh not bad (; I MANAGED TO FINISH THE WHOLE THING SIA. hahaha. okay luh it wasn't a lot, but still. i was full, you know! haha so still quite an accomplishment (: oh yah kor was damn whoaz :O haha. because he got his food first, then i was sitting and stoning and then he called the waiter and ask if mine was ready. i think it was only what, 5 minutes? so nice right. hahaha. after that i was like going 'whoaaa' at him lols. then he was like 'what?' hahaha. funny sia. then we talked about retarded stuffs. hahaha i took his phone first and then he took mine. lol. then yeah, talked about work and school and stuffs lor. his first time working leh! haha. yeah luh, rich guy mah. don't need to work so early. now nothing to do so work lor. haha. he's going to quitttt. lol! reminds me of me and wanyee's situation last month. haha. then after we were like must go watch movie again sometime soon. he's going ns damn late can =.= a bit sian i think. haha. but nevermind luh! have more time to do other stuffs :D yeah. can't wait to go watch movie with him again :D although his taste of movie is a bit. interesting. haha. yepps.

after eat finish about 6.20pm then i took mrt to cwp to buy macs for my brother for dinner and went homeee. my dad at home already sia. haha. i should install assassin's creed on my computer soon :/ haha i feel like gaming. haha sims! okay luh i shan't be lame. need to look like i'm studying =.= oh yah the person who wrote this http://library.thinkquest.org/05aug/01348/elitism.html is totally (Y). and i seriously need to practise violin :/ 2 days never practise already :/ nowadays i feel lousy if i don't practise my violin for a long period of time because i'm afraid i'm going to die during exams D: haiz. and ooh i think i'll play sims after all. haha :D or maybe install assassin's creed. see how bah.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUNCAN! (:

CRYSTAL: THANK YOU FOR THE CAP :DDD
KENNETH KOR: THANK YOU FOR THE TREAT :DDD

yay (: happy day.




quotes! :D very long never type already (: i think they're repeats, but who cares. i like them.

Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone, and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.
- Paul Tillich

Yesterday is but a memory and tomorrow is only a vision, but today well lived makes every yesterday a memory of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back.
Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in.
-Katherine Mansfield

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind.
- Dr. Seuss

today was an interesting day (: whoa i can't believe i didn't blog yesterday. zzz. haha ok so today i woke up around 12 and ate noodles for lunch and basically read a book for the rest of the afternoon. then my mum bought macs for dinner. i'm seriously damn unhealthy. i mean, i'm a person who can eat mos burger 4 days in a row plus macs and other shits. haha. then yeah, last night also ate fries and chicken wing and nuggets for dinner =.= great. haha. actually yesterday didn't do much luh, just practise violin a lot lor. yeah. today after dinner i was using the computer and then helped my dad do some stuffs. hahaha he's damn funny. ask me add colours into the excel sheet then we were arguing about what colour to put as the most outstanding one. he said orange, then i said purple, then he said brown. in the end just stuck with purple. haha. then he was like see now with colour so much nicer. lol. and then those single colours in a row [the bad colours], he was like i feel like shifting this row down. first row already so unlucky leh! hahaha damn funny sia. oh well.

and my parents also quite funny they were so picky over which hongbao to give my brother for his birthday today. lol. 'this one nicer.' 'no luh that one not nice, this one then nice.' hahaha. funny~ then after they found the hongbao my dad asked me for glitter pen. LOL. he wrote on the hongbao with my blue glitter pen. damn funny too! i was like 'EHH WHY I DON'T HAVE!' and then telling my mum 'daddy bias lor, write for kor kor never write for me' hahaha. my dad said because he was in a good mood today and then feel like using colours. lol. then he was like 'but nevermind also what, you know he [my brother] don't bother about these kind of things also.' true luh. haha. he won't care if it's using a nice glitter pen to write lor =.= haiz. HAHA the hongbao have my name! damn lol. supposed to be 'daddy & mummy' then after that have '& jane' LOL. i was like 'EHHH WHY HAVE MY NAME?!' haha. i decided not to get a present for my brother anyway, since he's evil. oh well.

and then omgeee the funniest thing that happened today! :D LOL. edwin saw my reply to jac's post and then he was like why is she my twin, he leh? lol. then after that i saw melissa's post and told him to go see and he started coming up with damn lame replies! HAHA DAMN FUNNY SIA. melissa said she plan wedding 02/02/2020 or something and then he was like why so late? next year la. LOL. and then he was like yay got wedding planner already (: you decide the place. i settle the guest list. LOL. WTF RIGHTTT. HAHAHA. I WAS LAUGHING UNTIL STOMACH PAIN SIA. [plus the fact that i did a ton of sit ups that day.] and then he went and posted it on fb LOL. jokerrr sia. seriously, talk to him can go crazy one luh. hahaha. EDWIN YOU'RE CRAZYYY. and jac is like =.= LOL still at it~ haiz. while melissa is catching on. HAHA WALAO EH Y'ALL AH. haiz~

oh and me and yiinghuey were planning to go crystal's house tomorrow then talking about food and what happens if crystal angry then don't let us use the stove. 'eat her hamster!' LOL OMG WTF HAHA. I SWEAR I HAVE CRAZY FRIENDS. i was like haven't turn white yet! then yiinghuey say let it eat ice. and then i say chocolate ice blended!!! LOL. then she was like yeah then will have taste! HAHAHA. what the shits. totally. haha. crazy friends luh.

okay i realised i have a lot of appointments this week. lol! okay no luh. tomorrow going crystal's house to play and cook and bake, then evening going out with kor for dinner (: i'm going to go find him at his workplace. wednesday is violin as usual. then thursday going lunch with my aunt. and then friday going lunch with edwin plus probably movie. ohmygosh i want to watch that jackie chan movie! haha i love jackie chan's movies :D all damn nice and funny :D sense of humour (Y) haha :D yepp. and then saturday is potential rosyth gathering again. at zhiling's house again :D lol. but i'm not sure if i can go :/ haiz. yep. i think that's all. wah next week postings out already :/ haiz.





you just broke my heart.

was called up early today =.= i like sleeping, you know. went out with my mum to settle stuffs, then ate lunch and came home. wah my handphone almost ran out of battery, lucky come home still alive then i go charge. was talking to edwin lol. came home, stoned, ate a nice chocolate muffin, [dad bought :DDD yummy.] practised violin :D nice nice songs. i'm trying to use vibrato whenever it's possible :D sounds nice with vibrato :D yay. shall practise more. maybe if i think i play ok enough, i will record it and let my friend(s) listen :D then can get feedback and play better :DDD haha. see how luh.

after that went out again for dinner with my mum and brother at siam kitchen. i'm not going to eat there again unless required :/ wanted to finish the meal, but just a couple more spoonfuls before i finished it, i suddenly had this strong urge to puke :x so i didnt finish it after all. but no, i didn't puke. oh well. then went home lor. sian my brother supposed to help my mum record her tv programme, but being the idiot he is, he forgot. or so he says. ok luh this time i will give him the benefit of doubt. then i watched the da vinci code with my brother after that. can't remember if i watched before. i know i watched angels & demons before. not bad luh the show (: i didn't really understand the last part though. is it something about robert langdon being from a royal bloodline too?

i realised that the tour guides were quite interesting. charles, edwin, brandon. CEB. hmm. doesnt really make sense, but it would have been cool if E was a D, then it would be like BCD. nicee. or maybe A. then ABC :D cool right. haha. yeah okay random. while touring with charles, we met his classmates who went 'he's a bad tour guide. you can mess up his hair.' and messed up his hair. lol. and while touring with brandon, we met his friend who went 'this guy sucks. don't listen to anything this guy says.' i thus conclude that tourguides have interesting friends. haha and edwin is like my new best friend :D lol. i thus also conclude that it is possible to talk to someone 24/7 (minus sleeping time). shocked? :O haha I AM SHOCKEDDD. crazy sia. haha. it is totally CRAZY that we click so well. haha okay for one we're both damn lame. and somehow keep thinking/saying same stuffs. and like to talk to people. and like physics. and can msn/sms like THERE'S A MILLION TOMORROWS :DDD haha. i talk to him right, getting lamer already luh. tsktsk.

i am also very pissed at my mum today for annoying me. she keeps asking me to cut my hair. and cut bangs. [wtf.] and study physics and chemistry and math and everything else. D: annoying luh D: if i was less disoriented, i would be using profanities. haha. but yes, i'm disoriented now and a bit blur. aiya edwin i talk to you too much already luh. haha. tsktsktsk.

and i hate my brother for taking my [crystal's, actually.] assassin's creed without even asking me first. HELLO. HAVE YOU HEARD OF MANNERS? DOLT. he's being such an idiot nowadays. i hate him. haiz.

and my dad just came home.
dad: 'on the computer the whole day?'
me: 'no.'
dad: 'tomorrow go swimming.'
me: -thinking- i said no! =.=

HAHAHA. i can't believe that some random hc tour guide just became my very good friend and talking partner :D hi edwin! [since i'm quite sure you'll be stalking.] talking to him on msn is damn funny :D i haven't had such a fun person to talk to in ages. he claims that we're twins. haha because apparently we keep saying the same things and he's damn lame too :DDD lol. he keeps saying i'm a psychic. haha :D somehow just keep reading each other's minds lor. more than 5 times liao leh! quite cool :DDD i've been talking to him ever since 9.15am. OHMYGOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. that's like 5 hours liao! :O scary sia. oh did i mention? he has a weird way of saying it's ok. he says it 'its k.' and he's stealing all my words like coolios and shittos. =.= tsktsk. haha but he's damn fun to talk to! :DDD and he says i'm fun to talk to TOO :D yay.

so anyway i went jogging in the afternoon :D around 4 plus to 5. yay jogged for 22 mins :DDD and this time i didn't get tired. good sign! :D then went to the exercise place [i forgot what it's called :/] and did sit ups. didn't count but i think i did quite a lot :D yay. it was damn weird because there were two other guys there and i was like uhh okay i'll just do those sit ups and get it over with. haha. yepp then went home and felt damn good and took a shower with tap water :DDD freezing, but it felt damn good :D yay. i shall go swimming one day when my arm stops hurting. [from carrying all those goodie bags! tsk.] i need to go swimming more often T_T i want to get my confidence back.

okay actually nothing much to blog about. my dad asked me to read this chinese newspaper article =.=
me: huh. i can read meh?
dad: this article. -points at article- can read la.
me: -acting cheem- do you have the confidence that i'll be able to understand this after reading?
dad: aiyo. your standard of chinese not that lousy right. -walks away sighing-

hahaha okay my chinese must be damn fail :/ haven't read it yet. shall read tomorrow. off to sleep before my mum wakes up (: goodnight! :D [bye edwin! :D LOL.]

submitted jae last night :x to be honest, i feel like going 'ehhh i'm damn scared leh how ah :/' but then i already did that to a few of my friends and anyway it would be considered not nice for those people who are even more scared than me, so. i hope i can get into first choice i guess. doesn't everyone? haha. yeah. nothing much to say about it. i will blog about it when posting results are out, i guess (: just finished watching blood the last vampire. borrowed it off crystal's collection. nowadays it seems like every time i visit her house i borrow a new dvd/game/whatever else i see that's interesting. lol. thank you crystal (: the movie managed to successfully cure my boredom for the last one hour plus. yay. not very nice though :/ i'd rather stick with the blood+ anime (: planning to go jogging later. yay :D and then. uh. oh yah. my dad asked me to do research on some stuffs =.= sian. i'll do later. i hate doing research on those kind of stuffs =.= tomorrow going out with my mum to settle stuffs, i guess. haiz. and then, uh. next week i'm planning to go visit my kor at work or something :D lol. fun what. haha. and then uhh hopefully go shopping or something. but mostly i need to start mugging and chionging violin :/ i want to play like those violin pros ): i will practise more often so that i can reach my goal faster :D i mean, i feel so lousy being grade 7 but still not being able to play pro-ly so yeah ): haiz. more practice. did i mention i also borrowed need for speed underground 2 and assassin's creed from crystal? installed need for speed last night but i don't think i like it too much. i don't know. haven't really played a lot yet, though. yeah.

actually quite bored these few days. i should hurry read finish my library books and return them. and also start mugging soon. ohkays. just a quick update i guess (: see ya.

i'm dying D: haha no luh kidding. uh. yesterday's open houses left me with two aching arms and an aching left shoulder. sian. taking more time to consider my choices, but i think i roughly know what they're going to be already. damn tired from yesterday. it's a wonder i managed to wake up around 11 plus. and i had seriously weird dreams this morning. one was something about me and someone [i think my brother] going overseas so we had our bags and our passports and we took this taxi but the taxi driver was this nutcase and there were already two passengers, so it was like car pooling. except that the taxi driver kept talking to us and started crashing into a lot of things. i have no idea how it ended. i think we crashed and then got out or something.

another dream was about me and a group of friends and then somehow we raised a sum of money for some event, but the money disappeared so then there were a lot of disagreements over random things and then one of my friends rewrote on the whiteboard [it was a whiteboard with rollers, because we were in this open air place], changing the aim of the event [supposedly to earn more money to replace what we lost, since people were unhappy about it] and then the amount that we will raise, which was 51___4. but then i realised that it was actually 51___4 - 51___3, so it just meant we were aiming to raise one dollar. and i started laughing because it was funny and few other people noticed. then one of my friends [it was a fuchun friend! lol.] was trying to read the amount but the numbers 51___3 were kind of small and unclear so i don't think he could understand. then i have no idea why but he started to rub away the numbers with his hand and also rub away other details of the event and stuff and then we got pissed at him. then somehow we got the money pouch back, with a 10 dollar note and 1 dollar coin outside of the pouch. my friend, in charge of the money pouch, stuffed the 10 dollar note back in and i put in the 1 dollar coin [which reminded me again of the new amount to raise. i was thinking 'oh yay we have one dollar now can we end this event?'] and then she took out the notes from the pouch and started counting. i don't think she counted finish but then somehow we had to pay 4 dollars each and then i was like trying to help all of us by asking if we really had to pay 4 bucks each and then another friend [LOL it was a rosyth friend] immediately offered to pay for me and for another two people with his 10 dollar note, but saying that the last person would still have to pay 2 bucks. i was quite pleasantly surprised.

there was also a dream about something really weird. i got this letter cum card thing from this guy and it was some handwritten letter about random stuffs at first, but then when i got to around the middle it started looking more like the kind of letters that you give to your crush. damn lol. and then i was like just reading it and somehow while reading it i got interrupted by the people and events around me [i had no idea what they were, though] a lot of times, which got annoying because i was like thinking, can i just read this letter finish first and not be interrupted after reading every line or something. yeah. the weird thing about it is that the person who wrote the letter was a fuchun friend. lol! so it's really quite O: what the heck? it reminds me of this random letter that i once read. it was some letter to the person's crush. totally lol.

oh wait in fact i think all my dreams are weird. haiz. alright. i realised that it's one plus already and i still haven't eaten lunch. no wonder i'm feeling hungry. lol. i will continue deciding on jae choices and will probably be submitting it in by today. yeah. it sucks when i set my eye on something, because if i don't get it, i can get really depressed. haiz~ yeah okay. off to eat lunch. hahaha you know i think my dream was quite cute actually. lol. okay cute is a weird word. oh well. and i must remember to practise violin today :/ i need to start working hard for music and academics.

alright. if i blogged a couple of hours ago i would have been using a lot of profanities. haha. calmed down already so yeah, great. my mum annoyed me again by trying to decide my future for me. it's just like, i DON'T CARE how badly you want me to go rj, i just want you to keep quiet while i learn to make decisions on my own. so EVEN if i DO go to rj, it would not have been because of you and what you want for me. quoting from something i read before, [whale rider, if i'm not wrong] sometimes life becomes difficult when what children want for themselves is different from what their parents want for them. that's true, i believe. oh wait, i don't believe that, i KNOW that, because it's happening to me right now. when 'wants' clash, huh. but i do believe that at 16 years old, i do have the maturity and the right to choose my own future. [oh come on, in other countries, being 16 is as good as being an adult already.] yes, you can advice me. but no, you cannot tell me what to do. i love how my dad understands this so well. he keeps telling me to make my own choices, but also that he'll be there if i need any advice. THAT is what i want and need. and my dad's advice is extremely helpful, by the way, so yes, i believe my dad's way of handling things is better. no profanities, but i made my point, strong and clear. no one decides for me but myself. so there.

was in the middle of choosing poly courses for my last few choices before this post. did i mention that choosing poly courses is fun? (: haha. basically the jcs are quite decided, just left with the placing, so yeah. i don't want to leave it up to fate, but it's not like i have a choice, right? haha. i will plan well [i'm still fretting over placings, by the way.] and then relax while i spend the last 2 weeks of holidays before 2 crazy years of mugging again. what a rare break (: so anyway, basically quite relaxed now. big thank you to chewlin and songsim for advice and answers to my questions (: i might attempt to ask more people for advice (: advice is good.



oh yes, today was a super tiring day. rjc open house in the morning was not bad (: had a friendly tour guide, asked questions, went to academic and cca booths, clarified my doubts, and yeah, basically not bad. also saw a lot of familiar faces. shiying, wenghong, teyguan, alvan, aaron, russ lim, someone else who was with aaron and russ lim but i forgot who, sufyan, muni, jazlyn. yep. the last group of people consisted of teyguan, sufyan, muni, jazlyn and muni's mum. hahaha interesting people (: sufyan and teyguan were like rummaging through my goodie bag, which was quite lol. i was like 'ahem. sufyan, teyguan, what are y'all doing?' haha :D it was hard to walk away from the group. haven't seen sufyan in ages and then people like muni and teyguan are also like closer to me so yeah :/ felt kind of sad when i had to go, even if it wasn't even a gathering or anything of that sort. chewlin was listening to the talk so couldn't meet her.

after that we went to hwachong and had another tour guide and toured academics and cca too. mostly spent more time in the classrooms asking questions and stuff. didn't really explore much of the ccas, i guess. or maybe it was because there wasn't a lot to explore actually. haha. and i tried to find wanjane but she was busy so yeah :/ later on i was thinking that we were quite according to schedule, until we finished hwachong tour damn early and had nothing else to do. lol. suggested lunch, so we went to coronation plaza and ate baos. seriously. for lunch. wtheck la. haha. but somehow i had no appetite after rjc and hcjc open house. no idea why either. so just ate that. then after that we rested for a while there before leaving half an hour earlier than schedule to go to acjc earlier.

at acjc, there was another tour guide and basically the school compound is quite nice. went to watch performances, toured academics and ccas too. acjc feels more familiar because i went there before haha :D and i forgot! until we walked in through the gate and i was like OH. haha. i came here before. ^^" kind of thing. yeah. toured and asked stuffs as usual and then finally finished the tour around the same time that my kor called me. that was a missed call :x sorry. then we were around the track and i called him back. and then, surprisingly and interestingly, he was near the track too. so yeah, said hi, gave intros, then went to the recording studio. funny djs there were. 'hey guys, can you keep your laughter to yourself? we can hear you from inside, you know.' and when the djs start saying weird things, 'okay, move on, guys.' ah, that was an interesting experience (: thanks for bringing us there kor! (: then yiinghuey came and we gave her a tour and my kor and his gf joined us later and then watched performances. kor and his gf didn't watch so i felt a bit bad calling them to come along and then later on they went off because my kor had cca stuffs to settle. in the end i didn't even say bye before going because we just went straight home. i realised that i get depressed when i have to leave something happy or fun, and also when i don't get to say proper goodbyes. i think. anyway, yeah, rj also like that [dont want to leave the group], hc also like that [wanted to wait for wanjane to come back], ac also like that [didn't go say bye to my kor]. sian :/ why am i like that huh :/ i get depressed easily D: haha very bad.

anyway, yeah, reached home around 5.45pm and wah DAMN TIRED SIA. dying already luh~ and then still have violin lesson later, i was like D: my dad was at home and talked to him quite a bit and then later on i was going to be late for violin so i rushed and my brother came home in a bad mood and started reprimanding me but since i was rushing, i got into a bad mood too and just, yeah, got annoyed. stupid. i dont like getting annoyed. then violin lesson was like D: haha yiinghuey! i was really thinking about jcs while playing violin! lucky can multi-task sia :/ and then i didn't memorise arpeggios yet, plus didn't practise dominants and diminished so i couldn't remember, plus i didn't practise a1 piece at all. screwed up big time, but my teacher didn't say anything. haiz. anyway, second piece chosen! :D B1! yay. going according to plan so far (: i love the second piece. and second pieces always like that? it's called adoration and it's nice and beautiful and sentimental (: nice nice piece. yay. after i came home i was still quite tired luh. yeah. today was a tiring day.

ok can't blog too long, i shall uhm. go ask for more advice and stuffs. will probably be submitting choices tomorrow. plan out today, then confirm again tomorrow loh. yeah. alright (: byeee.

WHY can't i make my own decisions?

i hate it when my mum tries to interfere when i'm trying to choose wisely. go rj luh, it's much nearer and the uniform is nicer also. hc so far the journey take so long later you come back then so tired cannot finish your work. you also know you're the type who gets tired very easily then come home how to finish your homework all that? FREAK LUH YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW. OF COURSE I KNOW. YOU THINK I HAVEN'T CONSIDERED THAT. I DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHERE TO GO. i want to make my OWN choices for once. can you just let me do that? just shut up and let me think, alright? i wish my dad was at home ): he would understand. i know he will. ok shit i can't believe i'm crying again. what is with me and crying these few days. freak luh. first it was swimming, now it was my mum interfering with my choices. fuck. can i stop crying i hate it when i cry.

okay so choosing schools was harder than i thought. i don't know why the heck did i even choose to tell my mum about my problem with rj. [some subject thing.] i told her, she didn't understand, she told me to go to rj again, and i just got really really frustrated. if you don't understand the situation, then you don't have the right to tell me what to do. she says i should go and ask the teachers tomorrow. you know what? i really really hope that they say it's not possible. because if it isn't, then i wouldn't consider rj at all, and i can happily put hc as first choice and nj as second. maybe it's just me and having to make choices. even though i know it would be better if there's a chance of taking those subjects in rj, i really want them to say no very badly. i don't know what is wrong with me. i just want to stop making difficult choices. if i was in a more stable state, i would be scolding myself for thinking this way, i guess. but no, i'm not in a very stable state right now [duh of course not i'm freaking crying again you think?] so no, i just hope that they say it's impossible, and then i can give up any hope of going into rj. what do you think? haha. probably no opinion if you have no idea what i'm talking about. the worst thing about this whole subject thing? i can hardly talk to anyone about it. only told 4 people, and that's not a lot. and i'm sorry but no, they didn't help very much. i need more experienced people to tell me what to do, but somehow i don't trust anyone now. must be a mental state which comes with being unstable. shit.

anyway, oh look how my mum goes and tries to make decisions for me again. do you have to take chinese? if i want to. then you better not take, since your chinese was never good. you also never get a for chinese before, you should know yourself better. better don't take hor. FREAK LUH. CAN YOU STOP DISTURBING ME WHILE I'M TRYING TO MAKE IMPORTANT DECISIONS. IF I WANT TO TAKE CHINESE, IT'D BE BECAUSE I WANT TO, BECAUSE I'M PASSIONATE ABOUT IT OR SOMETHING. having people tell me what to do sucks, because i'll start going all 'reverse psychology' on them, so if my mum tells me not to take chinese, there's a higher chance i'll consider taking chinese more seriously. i mean, i guess it's not really reverse psychology, just that people probing about things make me think deeper about them and yeah. BUT YOU KNOW, RIGHT NOW IT'S NOT EVEN THE CHINESE PROBLEM LUH. ugh =.= shit.

i want my dad to come home ): haha he didn't come home last night, but he came home in the afternoon today and listened to the disc (: it was next to the radio and the radio was left on, so yeah. yay :D haha my dad's so lame.
me: daddy why you never come home last night. now your present is belated ):
dad: its never too late la. i believe every day is my birthday. thank you very much. dont be sad. [like LOL]
me: haha if every day is your birthday then not enough presents for you, sorry.
he damn funny luh. lame luh. haha. yay he just came home. haha retarded his handphone have emoticons mine dont have D: the heart he sent me was so cute! hahaha :D ok random rubbish.



okay i shant continue crapping about jc stuffs.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

13 jan 2010, wednesday, 12.25am


OKAY. sorry i halfway blogging just now then suddenly had a lot of people to talk to plus my parents so i was like damn 乱 and busy and totally wha-? kind of mode, yeah. haha.

okay so rj replied me and their reply is good because it means i can just forget about going to rj, since i can't take the subjects that i want. HAPPY because i can stop fretting about my choices, but also DAMN SAD because i wanted to go rj actually.



talked to a lot of people just now. very inspiring and happy stuffs (:

talked to duncan earlier on and awww he didn't get the results that he wanted, but i don't know what to say either so all i did was like *HUG* hahaha (: i hoped it helped. if i see him next time i will give him a hug luh (: yeah. i hope he feels better (:
加油 DUNCAN! :D

also talked to wanyee and her results not bad luh (: haha. she can get into the school she wants, so yay :D good for you, wanyee! (: yay i feel happy and proud of her (: haha and she's so funny luh. ask me why i never become top student then she can say that she's my friend. haha! so cute :D hahaha. then i told her about some worries and then she was like 敢敢去 [go bravely!] and then felt better after that (: haha wanyee is the best (: i haven't talked to jac and jes and darice yet though :/ no time leh. like damn busy these few days. i will sms them tomorrow or something i guess (: wah like damn busy sia. but anyway, yeah, wanyee so inspiring (:
THANKS WANYEE YOU ROCK! (:

and then kenneth kor talked to me :D HAHA he was like, i wanted to call you but i forgot! hahaha then i was like O: and felt honoured. haha! and then i told him my results and WHOA HE'S GOING TO GIVE ME A TREAT :O WAHHH. really the FIRST TIME in a LONG LONG LONG LONG SUPER FREAKING LONG time that someone's actually giving me something for doing well. haha. really! i mean, besides my parents whose reward for me was a kiss from each of them =.= which is like, yeah, cool, i love you too, but :/ haha. no luh not that i'm materialistic or anything really, but i know they're not the type who rewards you because you do well. maybe my dad a bit, but my mum definitely no. even if i had [AS IF I WILL GET THAT] been the top scorer or something, my mum wouldn't get me a present or anything. hahaha. my dad more likely luh i guess. so yeah, whoa yay my kor is so nice :D nicer than my brother loh =.= and then apparently he's working so maybe i'll go visit him next week or something (: yay :D
THANK YOU KOR (:

and OH YAH i almost forgot. i talked to sufyan! HAHA I'M SO SORRY SUFYAN :/ i forgot to tell him my results and the fact that i was going rj open house. haha. he stalker sia. saw from my conversation with syafiq. haha! feel damn bad now :/ felt a bit weird smsing him my results since i hadn't talked to him for very long, so i didn't sms. wrong decision, huh ^^" haha whoops. nevermind. i'll be seeing him at rj open house tmr (: and i convinced him to POSSIBLY come for gatherings. yayyy :D
SORRY SUFYAN! :/



haha why do i have so many people to talk to! right now it feels like my heart is overfilling with love. haha I'M NOT KIDDING. seriously! (: i love all of my friends a lot, even if they encouraged me, made me smile, made me laugh, or even if i had to encourage them. just yeah, i love all of them a lot (: the fact that i had so many people to tell my results to after o's, it feels quite good (: and having people tell me that i did well, haha. i don't hear that very often (: thank you my friends! whether it was friends from fuchun, rosyth, st nicks, or even my seniors and people like my kor, THANK YOU VERY MUCH ALL OF YOU (: I ♥ YOU.

no i don't love my brother though. he's like =.= not being helpful at all. SERIOUSLY. i mean, even wanjane is looking at schools that her brother can go to. my brother is like, my mum asks him to give me advice on choices of schools, and he snaps at her and asks her to shut up. it was just a question, idiot! i'm happy that my mum is concerned, but her advice is seriously not very good =.= fact. and i'm glad when my dad came home (: he gave me AWESOME ADVICE. seriously. after talking to him i felt SO MUCH MORE RELAXED. haha why didn't he come home earlier huh! tsk. after talking to him, my mind became very clear and i knew what i had to do and everything. he didn't tell me what schools to choose, but he told me what to do, what kind of questions to ask the teachers, those kind of stuff. he won't EVER go with me to choose schools or anything, because he believes we should be independent, but he was really a VERY GOOD ADVISER :D THANK YOU DADDY (: but i mustn't forget either. much thanks to my seniors like shuling and wanjane who also gave me advice (: THANK YOU (:

see? i'm totally overfilling with love (: haha. k luh off to sleep. my mum hates me typing because she says typing this = wasting time. really? i don't think so. it's called recording my life. if i'm old and dying, i think i'll be glad to read through all this (: precious memories of happy and sad moments (: in fact, i think this is important! (: goodnight everyone! (:

open houses to go to tomorrow:
rjc: 9 -11am
hcjc: 12 - 2pm
acjc: 3 - 5pm

[OH CRAP I TOLD SUFYAN THE WRONG TIME. shittos.]

just like what my facebook status says, not happy, not sad. just accepting the facts as they are, and as we all should.

加油 people!
IT'S OKAY IF YOU DIDN'T GET THE RESULTS YOU WANTED. NO ONE SAID YOU COULD PLAN OUT YOUR LIFE EXACTLY AS YOU WISHED. just live with it.



i'm not particularly pleased with the fact that i got a2 for bio, though. seems like it's telling me not to take bio, which just sucks, because i think i'm going to give up my hopes of taking physics in jc. apparently strict jcs require you to get a good grade in physics before you can take it, so i don't think that i'm even qualified to take h1 physics, since i didn't even take physics for o's. sucks ): my mum and brother are telling me that i should have appealed for triple science in sec 2/3. i should have, right? i probably didn't because i was stupid. why did i have to screw up my life just because i didn't take physics. shits ): i still want to take physics. but it seems like that's becoming more and more impossible ):

I HATE THE FACT THAT I SCREWED UP MY OWN LIFE WHEN I COULD HAVE STOPPED IT.
i feel like an idiot. i probably am. stupid retard. when i could have just appealed. WHY THE FREAK DIDN'T I? damn.



anyway, woke up around 8am today and worked on my dad's birthday present while playing on facebook. haha paiseh too bored. stupid computer broke down again at 10am! shittos. when i had to leave at 10.30 :/ had to re-do a part of my dad's present. in the end i left around 10.50am which was damn late. crystal and yiinghuey were already there waiting for me with huge mickey mouse gloves. haha cute but crazy. ate lunch, then walked around a bit and went to school. i hope we looked like we were playing truant :D that'd be cool :D lol. then went to school and stoned for a long long time. tried touring the school but i think they weren't in much of a mood to give me a tour of the school :/ then went up to the hall, sat down for a long long time feeling very squashed, and finally started jae briefing and then overall results and top scorers etc. after that, around 2.30pm, they finally gave out the results to the majority of the cohort and i was like super in front index no. so i got mine quite early.

i made the most retarded mistake by thinking that the number of subjects i got above C6 was my l1r5. haha yes retarded me. i didn't count. haha sorry luh. then i was like smsing people the wrong points =.= LOL. paiseh paiseh. i can't remember exactly who, but i think chewlin, teyguan, gary, genin. yeah. then after that i was like SORRY read wrongly. i think gary owes me 5 bucks and yiinghuey owes me 2 bucks because they said i'd get 6 points. LOL. and i think i owe my brother 5 bucks [because i said i'd get a1 for bio], but i don't think he remembers :x anyway, after that i hung around reading stuffs, talking to people. wanjane came with her friends and shuling came with her friends too. like whoa~ haha. glad they came luh (: stupid wanjane never bring her headphones ): hahaha i sad leh then no present! tsk. hahaha no luh kidding. i need to find a present for her soon! :x

after that, me and crystal went back to cwp first and walked around before going into popular and seeing ken. i was like o.O what are you doing here??? lol. talked a bit, and apparently fuchun people all not bad sia (: shan't announce their results here but i think munjun and sherilyn same, then kc and gary same, and everyone else loner. haha well so far from what i know luh. everyone = crystal, yiinghuey, me, aikching, tingwei, ken, duncan. yeah. so far luh. ehh kc and gary not bad sia :D haha. because stupid kc keep saying he's going to fail damn badly then results come out is like =.= fail what fail huh? and then gary is like i don't know luh just not bad what :D yay fuchun people not bad :D stupid mx he was like 7 points raw? and then saying that he thought i'd get 20 points and i was like wth luh. anyway, later on yiinghuey came to meet us, then we stoned a bit, go civic centre and stoned some more, go see ktv how much, then damn expensive so went library to borrow games then ken went home while we went crystal's house to play (: stupid game cannot work though. and the other one is quite sian. in the end quite sian, then crystal showed us assassin's creed and prototype. wah not bad sia :D crystal should totally start a dvd & game renting service. she has like :O a ton of stuffs luh. crazy. haha. all from overseas de. good loh =.= i only went overseas once =.= if you exclude malaysia. sian.

me and yiinghuey left her house around 7 plus and i reached home before 8pm. haha quite late :x then family okay with my result luh (: yay. it's OKAY, not say very happy or anything loh. haha but apparently according to people quite good liao so okay loh. i think my dad will be happy today (: he didn't come back in the afternoon though, so his present is still there waiting for him. which makes me wonder why he isn't at home yet o.O if he comes back with a present for me that'll be like damn typical of him. lol. no luh. i got present for him then he take so long to come home =.= sian. haha.

okay luh off to do more useful stuffs liao. tomorrow and wednesday going open houses (:
I HOPE I CAN GET INTO A SCHOOL THAT I LIKE.
which is damn easy actually, because i can just get into any random school and learn to like it. LOL. :D optimistic me (: haha.
加油 everyone! (: the world's not over yet! keep fighting! (:

i seriously need to clear my desk soon =.= too cluttered with secondary school stuff.
and i think i'll feel relieved after sending in jae choices (: because i won't be able to do anything but WAIT. which is good (: i think i'll start preparing stuffs for appeal though. just in case.

goodnight world! (:





because every time someone treats me nice
i fall all over in love again