zomg. finished posting/blogging in 4 minutes then go back to mugging liao. LOL. dunno. SIAN. supposed to mug but mug damn hard liao efficiency damn high but productivity still damn low. and then after that damn tired so slacking lo. eeyer all the cool things after blocks haha. and everyone will be enjoying life after blocks zzz. then i need to mug violin zzz. sian ttm. but i don't want to fail violin either so :/ yah. no more violin lesson liao. next week don't have, then next next week is exam liao. not gg la but then quite insecure lol :/ like not prepared yet haiz.

stuff LEFT to mug:
gp especially aq.
lit half of wss + unseen.
math 2/5 chapters.
chem 6/6 chapters left.
bio 5/8 chapters left.

1 day and 1 night left ): i don't feel good at all, but i don't feel very stressed either. i want to watch drama! D: or movie or something. feel extremely tempted to watch anime right now o.o and then lol i acquired a sore throat a few hours ago. damn smart. oh but dinner is pizza you can't blame me the pizza damn nice lo. ate 3 chocolate biscuits that might have contributed. my brother say i can finish it plus i never try before so just ate all even though got damn lot of chocolate. then ate another tiny piece of chocolate with nuts later on. then ate chepati. don't have liao la. zzz get sore throat 2 days before blocks haha i'm damn smart can. yah and then i think next week will be ): except friday. i should ask crystal if want to eat lunch before our papers (: like last time o level :D hmm maybe can ask mx come also.

ok exceed 4mins liao la yah. damn sian don't feel like mugging cos very tired of mugging. maybe slack a bit more then do work bah.

whoosh. lol just read gary's blog he damn long never update de. but it reminded me of some stuffs. like thoughts and opinions and swearing and all that shit. it reminded me of life. i was right when i said that he lives his own life. he really does. GARY IS MY EFFING ROLE MODEL. no one's perfect, but he is really (y) and he knows how to enjoy and live life for what it is. it doesn't matter if he's a crazy nutter who swears like shiz, but he loves his life and his friends and that's what matters ain't it? times when i wish i was like that too.



2 days i'm sure blocks gg liao la. please UGH i gg like hell can. CHEM HAVEN'T STARTED. BIO 6/8 CHAPTERS LEFT. LIT HALF A BOOK LEFT. GP DIE ALREADY. MATH DON'T HAVE A CLUE HOW TO DO THE REVISION PACKAGE. fuck la. blocks should just burn and die. and i found out that i have fewer bio notes than i thought D: not good. oh well. chem and bio are on thursday and friday at least. maybe i can salvage a bit more :/

AHHH FUCK LA. it's not just about the bet i had with zichao, it's about everything. it's about life. because education, like it or not, is a part of life. it's about wondering whether i want to focus on education in my life. it's about wondering whether enjoying life includes things like this. the determination and satisfaction of studying, of learning? because sometimes i feel like education isn't worth this much of our time and life. fuckkk. why the heck did i come to hwachong for. because it's a good school? because of its reputation? because i wanted to be in the top? who am i kidding. i'm nothing. i don't even know how to live my own life. jc kids are just. ugh. jc kids suck, don't they. sometimes i wish i went to poly. again, why did i come to hwachong? because my parents wanted me to? because it was what i wanted? was it? well, was it, really? maybe not. i don't even know what i want any more. fuck.



and i find that i'm starting to live with more regrets day after day.



what is with life. maybe it wasn't the right choice. maybe all the choices that i've made so far were wrong. what is right and what is wrong? fuckkk. ): i just want to lead a happy life. is it about achieving your goals? what are my goals and dreams? what do i want in life? maybe one day i'll come to my senses and realise that i've wasted all my life on something that i didn't enjoy. i miss having a proper life. i miss having time to think about this kind of shit.



fuck life, really.



and sometimes i hate my friends too.





besides that, i think the only people getting me through this week of crazyness has been fuchun people and lolol zongxian kor (: haha. thanks guys y'all are awesome to the max. maybe that's why i miss fuchun people. when you're with them there's nothing called stress. nothing called pressure. it's just having fun to the max. it's because we/they/whatever know how to lead and live life better than most other people. muggers are just (n) to the max okay.

getting the warning sign in life but not giving a heck. watch me on sunday i'll panic. i'll cry even. but time doesn't wait for anyone. and at least i'd know that i've done some reflection before that, that it's not worth it to cry over shit like this. that elite schools are just shit places where everyone has no life, where you get killed all over again and where you learn what goes on in the elite world. where you either find your place or are displaced.

oh yah besides that trying to get back to topic lol. i want my hybrid theory album i am serious! will go get it after v exam lo. sian. can't wait till end of blocks & end of v exam. paiseh lazy spell out la. can't wait till i get a hold of myself, stabilise myself and lead my life the way i want it. maybe it was better when i was more anti-social like last time. hmm.





okay brighter stuff like life.

mugging week ftw didn't do shit but had a ton of fun thanks guys (:

last fri: mug at library with yh & cryst, training
last sat: mug at library with yh & cryst & ken, pw meeting with estee & parv, boty sg 2010
last sun: lesson, shopping
mon: back to school for exco results, mug at library with yh & shokling
tue: mug mx's house with mx & ttw & ken
wed: mug at home, v lesson, mug more until 3am :D
thur: mug at library with ken & kc & yh, kbox with cryst & kc & ken.
fri: mug at library with chugy & cryst & yh & acy & sam, trim hair.

yeah went to trim my hair today. fringe is gross but back is fine. mum nagged/complained about my hair not being short enough like i expected. was imagining the potentially undesirable consequences if i hadn't asked the hairdresser to cut my fringe shorter. fuck. she has no sense of style at all. agrees with my dad. fringe damn short now damn gross, but she likes it because she thinks it's nice and neat. fuck la. then my ponytail still damn long she damn pissed say why never cut looks like never cut at all tmr you go down and cut it again. FUCK. no way. not even for you to like, i like can already. i think i regret cutting my fringe shorter. if i hadn't asked the hairdresser to cut it shorter on purpose, [because i was thinking about the catastrophe if i didn't cut it short enough and went home.] i'd actually be a happier person. even if it'll put me under my mum's mercy for a longlong time like 2 weeks or something. oh well. opportunity costs, measuring the pros and cons i guess. at least she won't complain about my hair too long [hopefully] because my fringe balances things out. she not happy about the ponytail but happy with my fringe so it should end up as neutral right. mm. i wonder.

oh yah kbox that day was fun (: thanks guys! (: fuchun friends are seriously, THE best. you can't find more awesome friends anywhere. i can't, at least. hahaha ken spam english and a few korean songs lolol. crystal normal la. kc lolol chinese songs he sing a lot with me lolol :D at first the few songs he sing still okay, then i was like :O whoa actually he sing not bad leh! but later on it got worse and quite out of tune i think ._. but actually i don't know because we sing together then i cannot hear myself so maybe i was the one who was out of tune lol. we don't know who but we just know someone was damn out of tune lor. haha. but damn fun la. 4 hours wasn't enough for our entertainment actually. haha. yeah next time get people like duncan chugy sherilyn ttw come, it'll be (y) fun :D yeah.

oh yah then today lol mug with hwachongians angchongyee and samong. lol. chugy and cryst know them also so yah. zai lor. haha. okay la. dunno why they come here mug though but i'm fine with it i did eukaryotic gene expression and finished it. whoo finished in 2 days hahaha felt a bit better but after that i slack like shit. like NAO. actually 9pm i free then wanted to mug 3 hours until 12am then sleep. but dunno why time fly until 11 plus then fly until 3am liao. gg can. i miss my old life ): hahaha next time must 拜 gary 为师 then can liao :D lolol. thanks ah gary even though you didn't exactly do anything lol.



off to mug if i'm not too sleepy. hope i don't get caught. ugh.

wahahaha. not. i finished half of DNA =.= well, only left dna replication so should be okay la, but HAIZ. 20 pages leh D: i'm bored of bio. but i have been veryvery muggerish from about 12 plus to 2 plus :D yay. but erm dna is a super long chapter so ): haha i think no hope of getting 1A 2B liao D: i want my ice chocolate T_T shall try bah. yup and then i haven't started on chem zzz. all the earlier chapters i'm just going to read through. don't care liao.

besides that, i stopped at pg 60 of wss yesterday. hmm okay will aim to get to page 83 by today. zzz doubt i can but haiz nothing much else except to try my best liao. i think i dont even need to do revision already can =.= this is all mx and tingwei's fault ): they so slack make me feel damn slack too ): hurr. yah then chemistry LOL gg liao lor. teacher going to kill me or something. uhh. i think i try doing chapter 5 today if possible, it's one of the more crazy chapters. after that should be easier liao. i have notes for chapters 1 & 2 so :D just read through lor. bio have notes for chapter 2 only though :/ will have to make do. sian bio chapter 1 is the most sian one =.= yah. DNA still okay, i think eukaryotic gene expression also should be fine. then carbs prots lipids enzymes all those aiya just read through lor. zomg my brain power not so zai cannot remember so many stuffs la.



somewhere in the back of my mind i'm still thinking about it. there's still hope, if i want it. but i don't know if i'm worthy of it. i still want it veryvery much. the ship.

probably trying to distract myself with mugging bah. it's working, since i'm too busy to think of stuff and i DON'T want to think of it anyway. but one day will i look back and regret doing this? i think so. i don't want to have any regrets. it's now or never, isn't it?



haha chocolate bread ftw :D ate that for lunch. and yesterday my dad bought home a whole bunch of delifrance food :D :D :D whee. damn nice :D delifrance is awesomeness :D and later i might be going library earlier if anyone's there. need to go see my windbreaker too :D hope it's nice then i will buy :D haha. besides that nothing else alr bah. zomg exactly 5 more days to blocks. i need to buck up it's not possible to finish all this crap but i can try. won't know until i try. writing notes damn waste time ): i wrote 8 pages of notes for DNA liao very tiring and waste of time but it's helpful so :/ HAIZ. dunno la. i want to speed up but also cannot. will speed up for other chapters bah.

kk back to mugging zzz byeee.

short post because i need to go mug.



today's mugging session at mx's house was epic ttm! we hardly mugged. people there were mx, me, ttw, ken. i reached at like 12 plus and tingwei was there liao. haha damn zai la. we mug less than half an hour, then ken came with lunch, so we ate lunch, then we went downstairs buy bubble tea, then came back up and talked a load of crap and TSK mx refuses to tell us who's that person LOLOL. make us waste n minutes of our precious time trying to find out and he never tell us in the end =.= stupid mx! ): then after like 1 hour plus of talking crap we finally went back to mugging again by shifting back into the kitchen to mug. but mx soon came in and we [by that i actually mean ttw LOL.] sort of got distracted. i didn't really get distracted mah. then continued mugging until about 6pm then mx chase us home because he want to sleep =.= mx is a bad bad host. then me and ken damn sian go follow ttw to mrt and then coffeeshop because he going dinner with his family there. lolol wanted to just walk past him and pretend we didn't know him, but he waved to us first LOL plan fail~ oh wells. then after that went home lor. haha zomg SO FUN MANZ. we should do this more often :D seriously talked a LOT of crap but it was so so so fun. haiz. times like this are the best (: one of those days that i will miss when i grow up i guess.



besides that, my dad was talking about the 'ship'. HAHA. i don't know what else to call it because it'll be weird saying the whole situation out here. but anyway, yah, i wanted to handle it, i wanted it a lot, that's what i said. but i don't know if my want is enough, really. it's sinking now. and my dad says he's going to let it sink. i don't want that to happen. but am i good enough for it? he can save it easily, the ship, but am i good enough to handle it afterwards? is it true that i don't have enough passion for it, not enough drive and determination? not even to achieve those dreams in my life that i could so far only think about? maybe it's too much for me. but i don't think so. i'm not passionate enough, i'm not proactive enough. proactive is the word, really. i know that. but it's so hard to be proactive when i have this inferiority complex all day long. where's the courage and the confidence? it just seems so hard to find them. i want to change my life, but it's not going to change if i don't work for it. because just thinking about it isn't going to do anything for me, because if i want to be myself then i need to start doing it, and not just think about it all day long.

): i really really suck.
i really hate myself right now.
i want that ship, i don't want it to sink, but i'm afraid that if i ask my dad to save it, he'll refuse.
what the heck. nothing's going to happen if i don't try.
i hate hate hate hate hate HATE myself ):

i'm glad the mugging session distracted me from thinking about this the entire day, really.

i didn't get to see my bookshelf ): cos my dad never come with us. haiz.

oh but sunday's lesson was totally (Y) :D teacher said i was good! :O yayyy :D and i got most of the aural stuff right :D :D whee. happy.

but i haven't been practising violin often ): ahhh. will pia like mad for the 4 days after blocks/before exam. to be exact only 3 DAYS AHHHH. probably going out a lot too so :/ NOOO. this is very bad D:



today went school in the morning to hear exco results. whoo YAY bboy have 4 exco members sia! ok luh modern got 5, but bboy have p & vp! :D :D uber zai and imba manz. yay :D grats kahhow, xinyun, jiahan, weicher (: can't wait for next training session! [after blocks! D:]

k then after that went back woodlands library to mugmugmug with yiinghuey. shokling was there too. then tingwei say maybe come then in the end never come lo =.= mug lit, ate lunch at macs, used library computer for super long [zomg i spent 2 bucks on that i think.], went back to lit, and finally went home. haha topped up cashcard today 20 bucks. zomg damn fast spent 10 bucks liao. 7 bucks for fines [LOL. that day nlb sent me letter tell me pay fine.] and 2 bucks on using computer. oh well at least i have 20 bucks to return didi and estee liao, cos i changed 50 bucks when i topped up cashcard. next time should just use nets to pay manz =.= haha.

oh yah then yiinghuey's windbreaker damn cool manz. ok not hers but dunno who's de. i like :D going to get my own. my mum say she saw one at cwp, shall go see it tmr :D :D if nice i buy! :D shall go mug again tmr zomg i need to stop using computer and start MUGGING. yep.



i don't think there's anything to be sad about. no regrets because i gave it my all and my best, and i know what i screwed up, so yup, no regrets, not sad or anything, just perhaps to do better next time. which is good, really. i was just thinking, what's there to be sad about, really? it doesn't mean anything. it just means that your destiny/fate doesn't include this. maybe it means that you're destined for other things. no point feeling upset about it, not just because life goes on and you have to accept it.

besides, there are so many other things in life to deal with. this isn't everything there is to life. there's still so much more to do - laugh, talk, sing, dream, smile, sleep, love. life isn't just about winning and getting what you want. life is about losing, about the process, about everything else, about not getting what you want, about screwing up, about failures, about life itself. life isn't just about happiness, about those tiny little happy moments in life that last for such a short time, it's about sadness and stress and pressure, about crying and working hard and gosh. what the heck am i talking .__.

yah. but anyway, i would never ever do anything to hurt my friends. even if it means getting hurt in the process. never. it's against all my moral values to do that.





talked to my dad again today.

he says it's like a ship. well, if it's like a ship, then i want to sail it. i want to steer it and manoeuvre it. i want it. so much. i guess i'll end up going for it. it's just one of my many dreams. i suppose he doesn't know that it's my dream though. sigh. what a difficult dream to accomplish ): but i still want to try. and this time i can't fail. or at least i shouldn't. so many things to do, so busy with so many other things.

i just realise that i turn 18 next year. and then i'd be on my own. well, not exactly, but the independence and the freedom - can i really handle them? starting out on my own, managing things. can i do that? i hope so. i hope that i'd be ready and prepared by that time. or is it too much to hope for? i want to grow up from the little kid that i am now. i want to learn so much more, i want to experience so much more, and i still have so many things to work on and change. will i be able to do that before the time is up? in time for my freedom? i really really hope so. there's still so much to do.


'the most important thing is studies.'
fuck you. because it's not.

studies are not important. they're just the basic requirements in this entire life that you have to live. studies are nothing. nothing at all if you don't know how to live life, if you're not truly intelligent. and by that i don't just mean a high IQ.





i think i need lit consultation manz. i have this whole page of questions to ask teacher. LOL. gg liao. haven't start on bio and chem. even more gg. kk shall try to do more lit & start on bio later. AND sleep early. need to start sleeping early. this week & next week chiong blocks, after that chiong violin, after violin exam chiong bboy & homework :D whee. JIAYOU ME.

my new word today is pia. haha. erms okay anyway. nothing much liao. fb getting spammed with this note craze. one note going around like siao. oh yah then boty videos whee :D yup. SHALL GO SEE MY PROBABLY-GOING-TO-BE-WINDBREAKER TMR! :D yay. need to mug hard nao! LOL ZOMG i just talked [and is currently talking] a whole load of crap to zongxian. walao eh he's super lame can! hahaha okay i know who to talk to when i'm emo liao. really SUPER LOAD OF CRAP hahahaha. okay off to mug/sleep. tmr going mx house to mug. yay next block nia :D zomg i took 3 hours to type this whole thing out + loads of distractions =.=

lol i'm still awake.

watched boty today whoo bakau rockers representing singapore :D then went dinner at kfc with bboys (: our j2 seniors damn evil especially kelvin zomg president sia. HAIZ. and then morning went woodlands library mug with cryst yh ken and eat lunch at yoshinoya. afternoon went amk library for pw meeting with estee and parveen and eat at cafe. after that went boty lor. yay awesome day (: whee.

still awake cos my dad's been talking to me for the past 2 hours. super serious & deep stuff! zomg. sleepy but it's interesting (: reply in 2 days time. haha. whoosh. i actually have a choice. wow zomg. i really want it actually, the chance. but must thinkthinkthink somemore cannot be so rash. yah.

shall go sleep now. yawn. tomorrow have lesson zzz. after that can GO SEE BOOKSHELF! :D zomg. yayyy :D i want my own bookshelf manz. my dad say de (: cos tmr parents going to see/buy stuff too. yup.




I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me

make it a point in life never to regret.



wah siao yesterday headache super bad ): almost cried again zzz. then just went to sleep at like 9 plus liao, never even brush teeth ._. haiz. better now but have after effects de. i think my headaches are getting worse ): should go see doctor or something but i don't want to be labelled sick ): and i hate going to see doctors anyway.

oh well at least i got like 11 hours of sleep. whee. and yiinghuey just called to ask if i want to go library mug! hahaha so random. i asked if she was surprised that i was even awake! lolol she said yah, but she had a feeling i'd be awake zomg haha coolios :D telepathy or something manz. haha must be my headache too strong liao she can feel or something? lol. okay talking crap. i want to go library mugmugmug with them [hopefully crystal's coming too] and never stop ): until i mug finish la duh. but got training later in the afternoon so :/ cannot lor. T_T nevermind. i have the whole of next week to go crazy mugging with them! :D yay. damn long never see them liao can. even crystal. and i want to go kbox with them & ken & sherilyn and any other fuchun people who want to come :D

anyway, sleeping 9plus yesterday also means that i haven't done pw or lit. go library do lor. no choice liao. just hope i can finish both today. sianz. if cannot finish by 1pm then i think i quite gg liao. i want lunch ): hungreh. haha. tomorrow is pw meeting. then sunday onwards can mug like siao :D can't wait. i really really miss mugging ): guess i'm not such a slacker after all huh :/



okay off to grab something to eat then pack bag and change and whatever then go library liao :D bringing my laptop there of course (: whee library here i come! :D




mugmugmug. kbox! train! sleeeeep. eat [healthy]. revise. listen to music. prac violin!!! read. mug and mug some more. sleep and sleep and sleep (:

yay hopefully my life will be made up of these for the next week. zomg i forgot exercise ): but only if have time bah. yep (:



wanjane: haha it's only because of the apollo tee luh (: haha those aren't x-mini speakers though! they are fake x-mini speakers! my friend's de. o.O speakers can use for dslr ah?




after effects ):

so many stuffs ahhh. okay exco elections today okay luh. i think my speech was screwed up but the rest still can loh. dunno. don't expect to get in actually. i hope people who deserve it get into exco! it would make MAD life better if we had really dedicated people in exco yup (: besides that, uhhh interviews take super long sia! wah sian i was damn tired + getting headache. see luh now got headache already lor. grr. i don't think it's the waiting time luh, it's more of somehow the classroom felt like a super bad environment and gave me a headache ): bleh. i hateee headaches. so far it's still mild headache so still can do stuff luh. if it worsens and becomes the usual headache i will just gg don't need to do pw liao.

anyway, lolol what am i talking manz! i'm talking to xinyun on msn now and i just said 'i miss boy' LOL. zomg ttm. what am i saying! haha. no luh. actually i miss radikalforze members! haha. like damn long never see them liao ever since dancenight ._. also miss training. i think all these are becoming habits for me. breaking, training, getting taught by boy, haha i don't know. lol that day oneski's birthday lololol. rf people are friendly people :D yay. okay what crap am i sprouting. must be my headache.

anyway, back to topic uhh i didn't buy tbg [the big groove] tickets today! D: shall go early tomorrow to buy bah. maybe ask if anyone want to go j8 with me :D no sistic outlets near my house de bleh. and then haha brought violin to school today lolol nelsonkuan play so much aiyo he should have just brought his own luh. haha. then seanlim also tried playing zomg he have hidden talent sia! not bad de leh he play! then liuyi also tried playing haha. yarh. oh yah then after interview release liao went back class bench. before that lunch break i saw weichuan and engway there and yah they were still there luh. zomg haha weichuan say he never mug yet. i don't believe manz! my new goal is to be as muggerish as weichuan. i'm serious. then sit there a while then play one game of taptap with weichuan then went home lor. haha zomg he 94% i 86%. eh but i think i very zai liao leh i mean the song was like very hard. i need to play taptap more often! :D too bad i don't have ipod touch D:

i want iphone 4 :D :D :D
i am greedy but i really want it ):

yah anyway i'm supposed to finish pw & lit by tmr. and since tomorrow have training i think i gg liao. lol. lit homework says 'late submissions will not be entertained'. eh but then pw ish more important because erm. because it just is. darn. how ah D: and i need to do both on computer. AIYA i think i just bring my laptop to school tomorrow if possible. seriously can just die liao have to chiong both by tmr + got headache now = cannot think properly = will end up doing rubbish. anyway, tmr last training! :/ mixed feelings.

anyway can listen to josh groban album later yay. i haven't listen yet. ipod nano is slowly becoming my new best friend. seriously. i need to give it a name. k luh shall just call it nano (: shall attempt to use my awesome new 4gb thumbdrive then can bring to school tomorrow haha.kk will finish pw today then type out lit tmr bah. maybe do a bit of lit today also if possible. anyway, seeing weichuan at class bench today felt. normal. like it's a school day again. haha. i miss people ): i miss our class ): all those people who i haven't seen in a long long time. random people like sandy, felicia, weichuan, kevin, a lot a lot of people. i even miss the seniors too. i miss fuchun people. i miss [a few] rosyth people. i miss st nicks people even. :/ miserable.

oh yah violin exam ish on 6th july. like wtf. 4 days after end of blocks. seriously, world, you should just burn and die. super sian can. like walao eh blocks just over then have to chiong violin. and it's 2 freaking days after my last accompaniment lesson. ugh. stressed dao.

edit added after dinner: and my headache just magnified in scale so it's like quite bad now. wtf. ugh i want to sleep la.

and i don't like it when people tell me what to do. my life is my issue okay. after a while it gets annoying like my mum. i realised [for like the nth time] why i don't like it when people talk to me about my blogposts. well, just don't. don't talk to me about my blogposts.





'after that i asked myself what i was doing. just going in there and whacking. what the heck was i thinking of? but no, i wasn't thinking of anything. after that i realised that that wasn't the point. i had missed the important part of it. that no matter what, they will still be my idols, people i look up to, people whom i respect. i just wanted to get that step closer to them, a step closer to becoming like them. so it didn't matter what had happened, because in the end they'll still be there, there for me to watch from afar.'



i thought too highly of myself, because these kind of things aren't based on luck. they're still too difficult for me to understand. but at least i know that i had gone all out, i had put my heart into it, and come out of it with no regrets. and if there's ever a time when i look back and start regretting what i've done, i'm going to tell myself this: i went all out, i might not have done my best, but the effort put in cannot be forgotten so easily, and i tried. no matter what, i tried, and that's all that matters.

regret is only for wallowing in.
when you live life, live it without regrets.
otherwise life would just be full of regrets and 'what if's and 'i should have's.
how stupid.

i came here to do something that i love. this isn't going to affect anything and definitely not my love for it. maybe it's a lesson to me this time. maybe i will learn the true meaning of passion after this, the meaning of drive and determination, of loyalty and courage, and of love. because i don't remember ever having done something i truly loved before. maybe this will be my first.

zomg.



i'm so effing screwed ): it's 5pm and i'm not done with choreo or speech =.= later still got violin lesson zzz. i seriously can't wait for violin exam to be overrr. anyways UGH. super screwed ._. choreo ish :/ haiz. i don't know. doesn't feel right, that's all. zzz. and i woke up at 1.30pm. and i spent a ton of time fbing shits i need to stop going facebook.

oh yah thanks jireh for talking :D really lifted my mood luh (: whee. talking crap is uhhh fun. haha. yah whoosh he going overseas AGAIN today lol. crazy person don't need mug de lor. yah i was like smsing him yesterday after talking to him so yah. ohmygosh he has a stray cat! LOL i know it doesn't make sense but yah. walao eh i want also so cute :D

hahaha hearing/seeing sweet love stories very often these few days. lolol. so cute :D i like to hear because i'll be like ohmygosh so sweeeeet! :D lol! hahaha chewlin will say i'm a hopeless romantic o.o where got manz! haha. just very sweet only mah. nice to listen.

decorated my new foolscap pad with quotes yay :D it's super colourful now. lit text wss also becoming super colourful i can't wait till i'm done with the whole book :D

mugging week from saturday onwards! whoosh chiong mug with fuchun friends hopefully. haha we should just go camp at woodlands library manz. there very shuang somemore :D yah i will mug super hard after this actually today feel like mugging de but then have the election stuff to chiong and settle so :/ yah.

might be going to buy the big groove tickets with xinyun after elections tomorrow! :D need to find my starhub bill ._. it's actually 35 bucks but if buy early 30 bucks and if starhub student user then 25 bucks. awesome or what :D the big groove! i have no idea what it's really about besides hiphop and dance, but it sounds really cool and all the cool people are coming so MUST GO i know i won't regret de luh (: 11th july whoosh :D plus after blocks so okay luh (: yayyy.

tomorrow is exco elections liao. hope everything goes well (:

anyway, photos which were supposed to be uploaded yesterday.


i owe wanjane $24.70 though. x.x

nevermind my dad returned my money liao yay :D lolol just in time since i need it to buy tickets tomorrow.

kk off to DO WORK zomg i need to stop wasting time and hurry do choreo!

need to sleep! quick post. wasted too much time on fb D:

did choreo today with xinyun since training got cancelled. also saw nelsonkuan and seanlim later on. whoosh choreo almost done but not done yet! shizzz. scared ): damn freaking scared. i always am. i hate myself for the lack of courage. WHY must i be scared of every freaking thing. puhlease. exco elections. battle. handstand. cypher. wtf. i need to kill myself manz. getting too jittery and jumpy and not myself. like dahwei says, just go in and whack. yah. how come people can be so courageous? i really admire those people. anyway, exco stuff ah. speech not done, well everything else not done but i did attempt to do the hidden talent thing today ._. haha xinyun attempted to too! :/ going to chiong tomorrow liao lor. sian. no need mug liao. after thursday then can mug. then training changed to friday so friday also have to go school so yah =x bleh. saturday i will start mugging like some shitass mugger manz.

thursday need to chiong pw liao. inside deadline ish friday. effing dead.
friday onwards will be chionging bio + chem + lit + gp + chinese [chinese?!] all the way. seriously. no time to waste liao or i will just kill myself some more.

goals for blocks. 1a, 2b, 0u, average c/d. yah somewhere there la huh.

wtf i need to stop wasting time. currently extremely worried for pw. don't want to let my group down :/ it's not good when i can't meet deadlines. fuck luh. it's not like i'm damn slack or anything, but i still can't get work done? what the fuck i hate the world. and i wanted to post photos actually but even the laptop kaobei-ing me liao don't let me transfer the photos.

this is what happens when i get stressed. still go spend n hours on facebook sia. i totally just gg-fied myself manz.



thanks to xinyun for today (: thought it was fun even though i was quite stressed. nelsonkuan go die luh pangseh me walao eh. oh yah talked to jireh for super long today 20+ minutes, very helpful in taking away a lot of stress, cos he talk all crap de. thanks jireh too :D and then after that got pangseh-ed by everyone then ask wanjane want to eat dinner anot. yay :D we went cwp mos burger zomg fastfood again but aiya heck la. i damn unhealthy liao. if there was a drain, my health would be rolling down it nowww. anw after dinner then we went popular bought a ton of stuff yay :D i got josh groban album and like 3 new pens & 3 new refills whoo :D happy. shuang dao can. thanks wanjane! pay you back next time k.

kk need go sleep liao getting scolded. tmr is gg day need chiong ton of stuff + got violin lesson wtf. kk goodnight.



wanjane: hahaha no la that one is my dad bought de.

blehhh ):

so i missed ptp. haiz. shall ask friends about it tomorrow (: haha nelsonkuan better have a souvenir for me tomorrow if not i will whack him. tomorrow last training for holidays! whee. which reminds me that omggg i still haven't choreo-ed. dang D: maybe will do later. gosh like no mood to do leh. i'd rather mug. nooo not good D: will choreo it by tomorrow or i will just gg! yarh.

then today woke up [correction: got woken up] early and then didn't really do much. managed to write down notes on my violin exam pieces so i won't forget stuff now :D hope i didn't miss out anything. i keep forgetting to diminuendo during the sequences for first piece D: second piece is love! :D romantic period ftw :D hahaha superrr nice i love playing da second piece :D my piano accompaniment teacher loves playing it too! :D third song ish just weird because the timing all damn weird and very hard to catch. i need to go read the piano score liao, if not exam gg. dunno where to come in. some more got a lot of pauses so every time have to come in dunno where D: but my teacher says she likes playing with the timing haha. okayz. then packed stuff and istation and everything and helped my dad sell his shares before going out. yup.

reached school around 12 plus then do work lor. lit hahaha. zomg i spent too much time on lit today liao luh! zzz. 20 pages i spend whole day do sia ._. close reading zomg. damn waste time. okay luh i did a lot of crap too. and slacked a lot. and played basketball and badminton and ate lunch but yah. erm. anyway i'm sure i can do 20 pages much faster than today luh. so i counted liao. got 120 pages. everyday do 20 pages can finish by this week :D awesomeness. but wednesday probably won't be doing 20 pages luh so will drag but should be completed by this week! :D as for bio and chem, haha. erm. i will. find. a. way... yup. gp... HAHA. gp is zai. i brought stuff to read today but i didn't read. didn't really have time/i was busy with crap. so yah. will start reading tomorrow! where does all my time go, seriously.

today in school quite fun also luh (: hahaha got THE pw group in school AGAIN. zomg. haha dunno they meet how many times liao, my pw group haven't even meet once. which reminds me that I NEED TO DO PW RESEARCH BY THIS WEEK DAMN. AND LIT HOMEWORK. DAMN IT. sianzzz. okay i will attempt to do sometime soon. anyway, yah, mugged then went to eat lunch with regina and kor then come back, teach didi math then play basketball then play badminton then go home. basketball was with seniors! :D shiing zijin their 2 friends and kor. badminton with kor and didi. so yah, zomg TIRED. oh and got discovered by my mum on the train when she called my handphone, so got nagged at and kaobei-ed when she got home ._. haiz.

and my foot cramped up AGAIN while i was in the shower! =.= i hate it when my foot cramps. super pain [actually is not pain but the feeling just sucks TTM.] and i will just hold my foot and freeze for like until it stops. but always have after effects de. dunno if it's my imagination or what but can feel that the cramp is still hovering around not completely dissipated yet. ): i hate foot cramps. very annoying and it affects me alot alot. after that the next hour plus plus PLUS cannot concentrate on anything de. concludes that i need to eat more healthily and take in more vitamins and whatnot, instead of spoiling my stomach and getting stomachaches. i shall believe that if i eat healthy and exercise regularly i will not have foot cramps as often! [don't dare to believe that i won't have them at all even though i really want to believe that.] if this carries on i won't be able to enjoy my favourite sport liao T_T i need to change my life manz. and mentality. and stop having foot cramps. zomg yah.



anyway i have limited time [plus i still have much more things to do] because laptop ish running on battery now! lazy bring power cable into the room + might wake my mum up. so yah. was planning to go back to mugging after this blogpost but see how la. tired. too many things to do ):

oh yah just now i walk to kitchen drink water then look out of window saw that mx's study room light still on :O wao. jane shock~ haha and then since i brought my laptop to the table next to the window [because the other table is occupied with my lit/mugging stuff], i can see his window. 12.30am still awake O: zai kia. now sleep liao luh 12.49am. whatever happened to sleeping early o.O haha. okay I AM NOT A STALKER i need to sleep too ): didi go sleep liao HAHA WALAO EH CALL ME MEI?! tsktsk if not for your sleepiness i would have ZAM-ED YOU okay! haha okay no luh i so nice won't be so evil de la.



whee i feel satisfied with my lit book now it's super colourful :D haha. only the first 20 pages though. LOL. don't feel like doing the 2nd part of PART ONE. sianz. super blurry part where i have no idea what's going on and teacher never go through much. i bet will take longer to do de ): but yah i can't wait to colour my whole lit book with my awesome highlighters :D colour-coded by themes :D 6 colours whoo yay :D

okay have to do other stuffs now. TOO MANY THINGS TO DO gosh i need to start listing them down manz. yarh. tomorrow and wednesday will probably be chionging exco stuffs zomg no need to mug liao manz. can't wait until after exco elections on thursday then can fully concentrate on mugging! I AM GOING TO CHIONG ALL BIO & CHEM AFTER THURSDAY ELECTIONS ZOMG WISH ME LUCK MANZ. bio damn hard to chiong can D:

and to end off with a photo of my ipod + istation :D lol.

bleh.

wanted to blog yesterday but my mum was chasing me to sleep so ._. yah. nothing much to blog about actually super boreddd~ going to school later to mugmugmug. can't go for ptp liao T_T SAD FACE GOSHWTSMANZ. i hate life ): well actually no i don't, but not being able to go for ptp ish ): and i told weisheng i was going! need to sms him later hope i remember. zzz. and then actually i wanted to go out early then go school early and mug longlong, but then i can't go out before 11am because i need to help my dad sell the shares, and i can't come home too late because my mum says so. wts right =.= cannot go out early, cannot come home late. AHHH DAMN IT. life sucks manz. i mean like, at most i go to school for 4/5 hours then need go home liao. wts no point manz .__. but need to pass speakers to kor for their sl project so bo bian lor. if not i think i might as well just stay at home and rot. waste 2 hours travelling there and back wtf ._. life SUCKS. okay maybe only for today but well, life sucks for now. ugh. i want to go for PTP! D: it starts at 4pm! D: that's why i can't go. if it starts at 1pm or something at least i can go in the afternoon mah. SIANZZZ. but since it starts at 4 and is super far away, by the time i go there and i can go home already la wtheck. SIAN. ptp! T_T

anyway, whoosh lending my istation to people leh omg should feel honoured. i almost never ever lend stuff to people because i'm over protective of my stuffs. seriously! haha. it's a habit, like OCD ._. like when i have random bouts of OCDishness as what i was telling didi, and start packing and organising everything like siao. haha okay no link to being over protective right =x haha yah it's just habit luh, not lending things to people. it's not called selfish! aiya if it's really urgent/important then most probably i'll lend mah.

yup then yesterday i was woken up at like 10 plus am from all the shouting again =.= my brother lost his landiao handphone and they made a huge fuss and they were shouting at each other as usual. damn sian. wake up hear these kind of thing so noisy cannot sleep right. anyway, in the end cannot find, he probably lost it at library the day before, so yah, went to buy a landiao phone for 38bucks [eh quite cheap manz. and the phone looks like some toy haha so cute. nokia de :D] then they went to get new sim card so yah can use now lor.

anyway parents went out to eat so we ate macs breakfast for lunch whoo :D hotcake + big breakfast stuffs damn nice can. yum :D and ice milo lol drink liao damn full =.= then after that violin lesson whoosh quite fun :D hahaha omg aural fail liao luh bleh. hope the examiner plays left hand louder manz. and TREBLE CLEF pleaseeee. sight singing still can make it luh. cadence haha i don't know i think i gg liao. worst is still the last one. never do the last section yesterday so yah. next week bah. haiz. gg manz. need to dig out my theory books liao wth is interrupted cadence manz. PERFECT CADENCE V I. whoosh haha that's all i know and it's because teacher tell me LOL. imperfect is it IV V? haha dunno liaos. yah but anyway, as for exam pieces first and second song still okay (: third song hahahaha i will 尽量 lor. need to practise moreee! NOW.

yah okay besides that lolol dinner part 1 was fish burger from macs. bought for my dad too. dinner part 2 cum supper was pizza hut ocean catch :D 2 slices from pan pizza yay. junk food day manz. but it's okay that's my life.

YUP OKAY got a ton of stuff to do i don't know why got so many things to do also! but yah. need to go do stuff liao. ahhhh getting stressed for choreo .__. shall get the song and at least skeleton of choreo out by today bah. exco stuffs getting more stressful :/ kk off to do work then going out later mah. buhbyez.

WHOOSH.

LINKIN PARK METEORA ALBUM!

PURPLE 16GB IPOD NANO!

FREE 4GB SANDISK THUMBDRIVE! which is super tiny and sleek. and matches wanjane's specs! LOL. hahaha retarded. but it was free! hahaha. i'm going to kope. it came with the norton internet security thing hahaha :D so glad i bought it instead of letting my brother buy online. whee :D

yupyup and thanks wanjane for going pc show with me :D haha damn fun going with her :D and ate burger king for lunch o.o haha. super full after that. okay photos :D

yupp okay nothing much liao. shall get back to my desktop. using my laptop now because needed to transfer photos from my phone onto the laptop. my desktop no bluetooth. and then need to play with my ipod nano! :D and listen to my OH-SO-AWESOME meteora songs! :D even though i listened to almost all of them before already! haha. and gosh i just downloaded like nth number of breakbeats today. just totally spammed breakbeats. need to start working on choreo :/ ahhh jiayou me. haha WHEE CAN PLAY WITH IPOD NANO YAY :D and listen to music! music is godly :D and i have 2 new pairs of earphones now! one normal one inear. whoo :D the inear came as freebie. plus headphones! haha. one day i shall wear that gay baby blue headphones with my gay baby blue cap. wanjane say super gay! haha. i want to try i think it'll look cute! haha!

kay off to do work. work = find song for choreo! yup. and then hopefully i do some REAL work too but i doubt so. yupp okay byeee! :D




and REGINA, gosh YES romeo x juliet is UBERRR NICE! :D and sad! D: but yah. that's what happens in stories. but so inspiring wahahaha i dream to be like juliet! except for the crazily-in-love-until-you-seem-dazed part luh. haha! zomg yeah. SEE YOU SOON YEAH? :D wow so cool regina reads my blog! :O haha!

whoo i'm gonna get ipod nano 16gb purple :D :D :D yay. tomorrow, tomorrow! :D can't wait. feels excited now. haha. and must go buy norton too >.> haish. i hope it doesn't flood there tomorrow! D: i want to get in quick and get out quick. need to come home mug. and of course, play with my new ipod nano :D whoo it feels like a DREAM. being able to finally get an mp3 :D :D :D i had an mp4 once for birthday present before psle. but that one quite fail luh. yarh. but omgeeee MP3 WHOO :D can cancel out from my wishlist liao. cool i never thought it would be so soon :D :D :D yay. hahaha. okay when i get my ipod nano tomorrow i will rant more :D

doubt i'll be getting camera liao though. no money D: see luh my dad borrow money until i broke huh. tskk. but anyway i doubt i can get a camera plus ipod it's a bit crazy right. yarh. maybe i'll get my camera at the end of the year or something. or stick to my dslr. hmm. oh wells. yarhh can't wait to get my ipod! haha.

anyway going pc show tomorrow [duh you know that already] with wanjane :D yay. hahaha she say go buy first then lunch because you'll feel hungry after buying. what kind of weird logic is that! o.o yup but anyway yeah can't wait! :D ipod nano~ whoo :D i know i said it a hundred times already whoops =x haha.

oh yes today i went lunch with regina! :D :D :D hahaha pizza hut. tio scam it was almost 10 bucks =.= but nevermind luh so fun :D haha. must go eat lunch together again kay :D and then after that we told ourselves that we would go home and mug hard :D yay so motivational. and then i really mugged for the rest of the afternoon. whoosh i am sho guai :D but then mugging time =/= work done. so yah ): nevermind. i think by the time i'm done with integration tutorials i will just heck math liao because waste too much time on it .__. don't need mug for math after that liao can. where got time! ugh. haven't TOUCHED anything else D: bio looks exceptionally scary. and chem calculations are just UGH siannn ): gosh i need to add muchmuch more oil.

lastly, to motivate myself further to STOP WATCHING ROMEO X JULIET and START MUGGING OTHER SUBJECTS WHICH ACTUALLY USE UP MORE BRAIN SPACE, [because math is a brainless subject where all you need to do is apply formulas while subjects such as bio require memory work ):]

There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.

the quote from a previous post. MUGMUGMUG IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. STOP VIDEOING IT'S FUN BUT IT'S NOT GOOD! -slaps self- okay back to work now. hopefully.

3rd short post today! :O blogging a lot today manz.

just spent about an hour just now fretting over stuffs that my dad asked me to do .__. now i'm broke again D: damn. i knew this would happen again =.= just a matter of time. but it's okay i'll stop being broke by next week. yup. which means i haven't been mugging! D: crap. shall get back to mugging soon =x for now going to watch a bit of romeo x juliet :D haha sorry leh just feel like watching lor. but it's okay i know i'm not addicted because i feel like mugging! yah. okay then nothing much liaos. supposed to trim my fringe today but don't feel like it. maybe later. and haven't prac violin oh mans okay i have a ton of things to do! damn. AHHHH.

and another hour plus looking through pc show stuffz. eek. i want ipod nano 8gb either blue/purple :D yay. and then if possible canon digital ixus but not sure which model. must ask toonmin his camera what model :D :D :D haha. last time i use his camera until super shuang. yay i can't wait to get an mp3. then can wear baby blue headphones out. hahaha and wear my baby blue cap whoo :D damn cute hahaha. damn aa also luh .__. but aiya heck la. haha. can't wait :D :D :D i think i'll go pc show tomorrow if possible. weekends sure super crowded unless you go in the earlier afternoon bah. oh but need to ask parents first :/ maybe can go with my family on saturday or something :D eep okay i don't think so my dad need to go work bah. dunno. i want my ipod nano! haiz.

back to slacking/mugging whoosh.

another short post! :D just quotes, feel reflective today. whoo muggerish day ftw :D



As you reach for the future that is heading your way, may you find your tomorrow in the heart of today.



Nothing is hopeless; we must hope for everything.
- A Wrinkle In Time
for the people who have lost hope, or are losing hope - don't.


There is nothing to fear except fear itself.
- A Wrinkle In Time
for myself and myself.


Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
- William Jennings Bryan


For myself I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use being anything else.
- Sir Winston Churchill
for all the pessimists.


Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone, and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.
- Paul Tillich
solitude is love (:


Yesterday is but a memory and tomorrow is only a vision, but today well lived makes every yesterday a memory of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
- Ancient Sanskrit Poem


No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
NO ONEEE. for myself again.


Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only for wallowing in.
- Katherine Mansfield
neverneverNEVERever regret.


Ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands, but like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them, you reach your destiny.
- Carl Schurz


The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
- Martin Luther King Jr.
for all the leaders because this is important.


There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.
for the slackers (:


People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
for my brother, of course. i think he'll like this.


To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
don't let others change you.


In art the hand can never execute anything higher than the heart can inspire.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
for kor, if he ever reads this.


Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours.
- Richard Bach
for all my friends.


To dream anything that you want to dream, that is the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do, that is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself, to test your limits, that is the courage to succeed.
- Bernard Edmonds
and this is for myself.





all english quotes. just felt like it. and to end with a chinese quote,

最快乐的人是并不需要任何理由而一样可以快乐的人
旨意快乐而快乐
我决定要快乐就快乐
快乐就是那么简单
- 小鱼儿与花无缺

stay happy! (:



okay luh i realised it's actually quite long, but just dumping quotes so yah.
back to mugging (:
mugmugmug, thinkthinkthink, reflect, dream, act. so many things to do!



SOLITUDE.

oooh today is 10th june liao. hahaha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIEW WAN JANE! :D :D :D hope you read this! :D



and haha tomorrow i will MUG LIKE CRAZY. i will i will! i need to. tomorrow and friday need to stay at home and mugmugmug. don't eat also doesn't matter lolol not going to go out to buy lunch or anything so i will find random food at home to chew on so as not to starve. whee so fun. 2 mugging days. maybe saturday also bah. but saturday won't starve so yah. next 4 days are going to be crazy mugging + crazy violining + crazy planning for cca exco elections. ahhh yah okay i must jiayou. and omg i totally owe kelvin like a hundred favours or something haha yay thankyou kelvin! :D and then umm yah loh next 4 days I PLAN TO MUG HALF OF MY WORKLOAD FINISH AT LEAST. because week 3 will be a mad MAD week! haha. monday ptp [post transcendance party], tuesday training, wednesday nothing yet but got violin and maybe pw meeting, thursday MAD exco elections, friday REST + MUG. haiz. yah crazy week so must make the most out of this week otherwise i will gg for blocks! yup. I WILL WORK AS HARD AS I'M MOTIVATED TO. WHICH IS VERYYYY. yup okay no idea what i'm talking liao. going to sleep now. GOODNIGHT WORLD (:

why are people not online when you want them to be! and online when you don't want them to be. bleh ):

seriously needed to talk to people today but no one online lehs =.= haiz. i just sent in mad exco application. i took one hour. while sort of multitasking something else, but mainly worrying about the exco thing. the last few seconds it was just going crazy like do i click or not click. it wasn't really about whether i want to join exco cos i know i want to, but more of the position and choices thing. but anyway the last second i just decided ah heck i'll just click and go for it. all out, i told myself. and i'll do it. so even if i don't get into exco at least i know i've tried my best and there's nothing to be sad/disappointed about. it feels like i'm overestimating myself doing this, but heck, i'm just going to put in my best and the results will show it, won't they. jiayou jane.

i think i will spend the next one week worrying about exco elections, but i need to remember to mug too! can't forget the promises to myself either. jiayou for blocks, jiayou for elections, jiayou for violin. too many things at the same time, they're making me go crazy because i want to put in my best for everything. and i will. at least as best as i can, and i hope i can make it out of all this alive. my mum didn't like it when i told her i was running for cca exco. but it doesn't matter because that's not the point. look at our seniors, you can feel the passion in them, and it won't stop burning no matter what. there are things more important than studying. i totally agree. but i won't throw aside mugging either, because when you do something, you have to do it with your heart. there's no point if you don't. i need to split my heart 3 ways and do well in all 3 aspects, but it's okay because i will persevere. don't give up. that's the spirit. too many things, too little time, too little control, but it all comes down to how strong your determination is. i can get through this. i just need to believe that i can and start doing it.

motivational post i hope. for myself. i don't know. i don't want to give up. no way. watch me, i'll get there if i keep moving forward. i can, i will, and i must. just watch.

first is about dancenight! well actually now i can hardly remember what i wanted to post about dancenight =x but basically it was about thanking the whole of bboy division for being superawesome and everything, and of course, a lot of people for coming to watch (: yeah. thanks for the flowers and everything, presents letters whatever, appreciate them LOADS :D yupyup. and then hmm. i sort of miss it a bit. but it was super tiring so yah, sort of glad it's over too. i don't know. i'm SOOO tired now ): even if it's the holidays! after dancenight there are parties all over and then only two trainings though D: but must mug! and then post trascendance party on monday lor. and mad exco elections on thursday. so fast! eek. going crazy from all the crazy stuff. they're all adding up. i need to mug. yah anyway i'm running for exco too luh yeah. i think i will stress until elections are over and then mug like crazy for blocks. haiz. TIREDDD.

next is about stj, which was yesterday. whoo :D thank you seniors! (: brandon is a superawesome angel i feel veryvery fortunate to have him as my angel (: haha my mortal ah hmm haven't reveal yet luh haha. and big thank you to shiing too for organising the stuffs i think she was quite stressed over it ): don't stress, shiing! it's okay, thanks for everything! (: oh yah and zichao is my friend! as in, no, seriously. he's my friend. i don't know. i think he's a veryvery nice friend (: it's good to have him as a friend (: haha yah luh he's my senior too of course (: anyway stj was at minds cafe and then vivo, but we went to lan in between so yeah. lol. too tired to describe and recall everything like i usually do, so i'm veryvery scared that one day i'll forget this experience, but at least i know i've experienced it before (: thankyouthankyouthankyou i think my angel rocks and i can't wait for jts even though i know i'll go broke (: oh yah forgot lastly thanks weiqi even though it's not on purpose that you live near me luh, but yah, talking to you on the train very fun luh (: like i was super tired but yah talking to you is very calming and not tiring so yah (: xiexie (:

after this, there's... training today lor. yah. not bad (: end super early kayz! first time manz :O shocked. yah. so after that went to eat lor (: later on more people came cos they stayed back to train more. haha i think training lifted my spirits, and of course awesome bboy batchmates very funny also, xiexie (: joey has to learn to stop poking people. tsktsk. and then haha card games aiyo y'all addicted ah. haha chinghun are you sure you not full anot! lolol inside joke, sorry. i think all the niaoing damn funny makes me laugh so yah, thanks (: wanted to bball with seniors but had to go home early so i didn't dare to go in case end late. should have went though! haiz. it'll be cool to bball with seniors! :D heard chinghun quite lousy hahaha. airball pro :O haha. oh yah anddd. i didn't cypher today! D: i wanted to but today just quite nua and no mood lor T_T i should have cyphered right! usually i go out at least once. haha even andrew asked me and joey to go out. but joey never goes out de, so yah. my toprock today super sucky can. do one minute feel like dying liao. i think not enough sleep or something ): yesterday sleep 1 plus am today wake up 8am leh. wtf. my mum wake me up de =.= i hate waking up early. today whole day super sleepy and tired and no mood to do stuff and no energy to talk to people lor. yah. cos in the morning went to school to mug and then went lunch with s77 friends. by that i mean family duh. regina dajie kor didi daddy. yeah. haha couples ftw. hehe. regina is awesome i love her (: yarh. haha.



yeah la haha LIEWWANJANE IS BACK (: haha. whoo. their choir winning video very funny and cute! (: and then hmm i owe you like a ton of present(s) right! i will get it when i'm free-er okay! ): PAISEH. haha and she says she'll treat me if she get 2As and same for me. mm. yahyah let's both jiayou hard to do well okay! MUST MUG HARD OKAY. I WILL MUG HARD TOO!

yah okay now i'm just trying to convince myself to mug hard. not that i don't want to, more like no time ): see stupid time spent on stuff like blogging wtshits right. but i can't survive without blogging. blogging is like my life. i mean, if anyone wants to know me just read my blog frequently can liao lolol. cos very personal mah. yah. all the reflection and thoughts and whatnot. but stalkers a bit the scary so don't stalk la huh. or even if you stalk can pretend that you're not stalking yah? and then just like that lor. sometimes i want some friends to come read but i won't ask them luh. it's just this imaginary line. i think my blog is one of the closest things to my heart. as close as anything can get anyway. i guess it's quite right to say that if you don't read my blog you're not very close to me. unless it's someone like chewlin or muni or suf la. or like, i don't know. if i consider that friend close lor. or those random moments when i go crazy. otherwise i seldom open my heart i think.



i'm starting to not like people ): i feel supersupersuper guilty but it's just by feeling so i can't change it. because my heart tells me so. even if i know it's wrong not to like them but it just happens. trying my hardest not to be biased already. gosh jane what the fuck is wrong with you can you like turn back to normal mode. i don't understand the you right now. i don't understand myself. fuck. i don't even understand what's going on.

i think i miss my old life. i think i miss the calm and free days when i can sit and stone and do nothing. when i can wake up in bed and stare and stare at the ceiling and just keep staring and think of all the things under the world but not get off from bed. i miss life like that. but i need to accept this no matter how crazy it is and just jiayou jiayou jiayou. i mean, hey, if liewwanjane can do well in blocks why can't i right! YAH LOR. okay so yah must jiayou lor. even if i'm not in good mood, even if i'm super tired, even if i'm on the verge of dying [and i already am], i still need to add oil and do well because i can't deviate away from my goals or i'll be lost sheep.

decisions to make.
people to hate.
work to do.
books to read.
sports to play.
money to earn! [must remember to do stuff tomorrow!]
hours to sleep. [get more sleep! SUPER SHAG.]
notes to mug.
papers to revise.
stationery to buy.
food to eat. [all the untouched chocolate in my fridge!]
violin to practise. [eeyer 2 lessons liao must improve must improve!]
moves to train.

AIYA. a lot of things la. no end. super tired now. going to stop blogging. i hate the world right now. i want my mp3 ): i want my emo songs. i want to listen to them to sleep! haha. i miss a lot of people. i miss chewlin. i miss wanjane. i miss kenneth kor ): never talk to him super long liao ever since he went army. i miss leon. i miss fuchun friends - gary duncan sherilyn ken kc chugy, blah. i miss rosyth friends - chewlin, muni, suf, tg, blah. i don't know. i miss a lot of people. i miss my old life. i miss the old me. i wonder if i've changed. ARGH. too many things to think about i'm going crazy .__. will stop here for now. hope i will calm down after this. hopefully do a bit of work before crashing again yeah.

dancenight post! but then i need to sleep really really soon so just photos kay! SO SORRY ): words next time. yah so actually it's just dancenight photos luh huh.



okay yah, reflections another day kay? paiseh.



and like, STJ is today! but tomorrow for me because i still need to sleep. heard a lot of people not coming. we'll see tomorrow, won't we. feel like yelling profanities but no use right? gosh. like wtf manz. y'all suck ttm. i feel like kaobei-ing all those people. sigh.

okay need to sleep before my mum finds out that i'm still awake. buhbye (: