and again.

i really can't imagine what would happen if this goes on.
tuition? damn it are you nuts. no way.



i'm already so close to breaking, i just need out.



thankfully i have awesome friends (: thanks a lot to zongxian, charlotte, esther (: also thanks to edwin, jireh, mark and engway. life just feels so screwed right now, and i'm already doing all i can to stop myself from going crazy.

and i'm not very happy today. not only am i not very happy today, i am in an utterly foul mood today. except for the first part of the day when i got to take tons of photos with my camera because i brought it to school today. so yay for that.

other than that, i'm really really pissed. i mean like, i wasn't even the one who started it! not happy with my results lor. that's your problem. seriously just EFF OFF can. you assume too much. you think that just because he can do it, i can do it too. you think that just because he finds it easy, it'd be easy for me too. you think that if he gets full marks, i'd be able to get full marks too. well, then you don't know me at all. and maybe one day you'll end up realising that you've never known me at all. you expect too much. you think it's normal to get As, because i've been getting them all the while. you expect me to do well, top the school, get full marks for everything. i know, you always do. because you're never satisfied with my results no matter how good it is, not unless it's 100/100. too bad then. that's not going to happen. it just goes to show that you don't know me, and you don't even want to know me. i'm so different from who you think i am, i wouldn't be surprised if we actually weren't related at all. stop throwing all your expectations and wills onto me, trying to shape me into the person you want me to be. i'm not going to conform, you know.

also pissed with my brother because of related issues. eff. effing stuff. just damn pissed la. always like that, and i always say the same things, but they're the worse things that somehow never have any solution.

I WANT TO MOVE OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW. NAO NOW.
feel so pressurised and stuffy and limited and restricted in here. without my own freedom. without my own free will.
i need out. i always do. but i never get it. sigh.



damn sleepy even while typing this. wow. lol. k shall go sleep and dao all the tests tomorrow cos i'm a good kid. buhbye.

i am a HAPPY GIRL today! :D

arrived in school at a reasonable time, but dao-ed chem stuffs [they were mugging for performance task which later on we realised that we could bring home to do =.="] and slept instead. thanks longpeng for waking me up for assembly, otherwise i'm quite sure i'd continue sleeping at bench. yeah. then talked to crystal a bit today [D: she say don't want to go on thur. hope she goes ):] and then continued attempting to sleep some more before math lecture. math lecture was perfectly fine. then whee no chem lab today :D :D :D yay awesome. had tutorial instead. then pw was rubbish, but we delegated work so yeah. break was :D yayness. i ate a lot .__. but i ate honeydew which is healthy so yay :D LOL. yup then math tutorial damn sian because i did the tutorial liao, and bio lecture also damn sian because i became damn tired. fell asleep ._. lucky only missed 2 pages of it. PHEW. after that played bball with mark bryan zichao and his s79 friends [zixin, etc.] lol today's game quite fun :D and funny. then lit was okay LOL knelt on the floor throughout almost the entire lesson because i was damn sweaty so it was quite gross. then after that went back class bench, attempted work and i don't know what else, maybe just emoing and stoning and slacking bah. left for training quite late [with geri!] but proud to say that it wasn't because of bball :D

training today damn fun :D did conditioning :D throughout the whole conditioning i was laughing so much i couldn't even do a half turtle or anything luh! at first it was just boy and his weird noises, then after chinghun just made ridiculously gross noises and everyone couldn't stop laughing. DAMN FUNNY CAN. all their fault, if not i actually can do the exercise de okay! haha. yeah then after that just did random stuff and boy taught us random stuff, and then he showed us POWER BALANCE! zomg. it's really epic, it actually works. but it's a science product so yeah (: IT WORKS ZOMGGG. I WANT! 70 bucks though ._. but it's so so so useful! i mean, especially if you need more balance and stuff. just don't be too reliant on it can already. yeah. it's uber cool ttm. then after that did choreo, then talked a bit, then went home. met zongxian at bus stop and took bus home and slept on the bus trip, apparently losing the sleeping challenge by a tiny bit. but aiya, it's like, i don't even want to quarrel any more because there's no point in quarreling, and aiya just let him win luh. fan zheng i always get my way all the time, i'd feel retarded if i wasn't a bit nicer to my friends. yeah. so today was a good day :D whee.

okay TIRED. need to sleep. buhbye (:

today was fine la. wanted to bring my camera to school alot alot alot ): didn't though, because it was raining and i'm sure my mum would have scolded me. she was already not in a good mood in the morning. so yarh ): T_T like that lor. haiz. no camera lor ): haiz. came school late today but took same bus as regina and sandy. lol. didn't matter because no assembly because it was raining, and then pt session no teacher, totally (y) :D hee. pe it just stopped raining so we stoned in the hall for quite a long time, then watched captain's ball. i didn't watch floorball, but apparently their first goal damn epic, it's their opponent help them hit inside de. LOL. yup then went down for netball. first game i didn't play, only second game. won second game 4-2 :D yay. yup and then it was break whee :D haha i wasted a lot of time during break. basically today whole day i quite high about the studio thing :D :D :D yup. after that chem lecture was fine and then break went to eat. lol zichao and weiqi ponned lessons to eat. like =.= haiz. our class sat with them in canteen. then gp after that LOL i was very thirsty and teacher wasn't there yet so i went to canteen to buy drink and reached the classroom just in time :D yay :D and then after that bio tutorial was just presentation, which i didn't really listen because i was reading :/ and going through bio prac which was okay. yup.

whee after that my friends went to play bball leh! T_T i want play too. i think suat mark bryan and maybe jarin. yeah. but anyway couldn't go because i had training today. supposed to be stage, but we moved to rua later on, which was better. then train train train then left around 5pm.

before i went home i was at class bench talking to esther and i swear i almost broke down .__. we were talking about blocks and results and i guess i was talking more about my parents and how they react to my results, parents referring to my mum. i mean, it irked me that she didn't exactly go on about how badly i did for the subjects i failed [bio and chem], although she did talk about them, but i mean like, she scolded me for getting C for maths. she said i should have gotten A and what happened to me because i would always get A when i was in secondary school. i mean, wtf la. this is jc, not secondary school, and hwachong, not st nicks or whatever. just pissed lor.

after that went home with my 'kor' (: haha retarded sleeping challenge during the last part of the journey. was damn lame and retarded. lol but very funny. then got home and ate leftover pizza for dinner. damn burnt out today ._. -big big yawn- i want to sleep nao!!! yah kay buhbye (:

SIGH. i had the awesome-est dream this morning. it was the sweetest dream ever, in a long long time. sniff ): if only it comes true. reminded me of happiness and that sweet feeling of love (: it's really SWEET TTM. i would draw little hearts all around this if i could ._. hehe (: i think it'll keep me going for the rest of the week or something :D it's things like these that i can never blog about, just keep in my heart until i forget about it someday.



can you believe it, i'm eating supper now :D 12am lol. went out for dinner with family just now. was quite okay luh (: whee nice food (: yay.

okay actually nothing much these few days. didn't play basketball for half a week. i think i had withdrawal symptoms or something o.o lol okay fine no luh kidding. but didn't feel good about it. finally played on thursday and friday (: yay. lol thursday played with zai people like zongxian and kaien. walao eh zai diao can ._. felt damn noob T_T yah... and then friday played with LOL caleb and kaeyuan. caleb's afraid of the ball [or at least i suspect so] and kaeyuan's shooting is so pro that we all cheer for him when he gets the ball in. [sense sarcasm here :D] yup. but it was damn fun to play with them. valerie and weiqi and mark and zixin too. yup. the rest of the people i don't really know luh. yeah. eeyer my fingers got injured from trying to get the ball from kaeyuan .__. 3 fingers injured, but 2 recovered a few hours later. it was effing pain when i hurt it though. yah. and one still not fully recovered yet .__. haha then friday night i was typing something then use my finger to type mah, then walao eh damn pain can. now not really liao phew (: but one more finger haven't fully recover yet. ahhh. hurry hurry.

playing basketball feels good (: even if it's with pros. and it's such a fun sport :D lol and it's damn funny too. so i'm like always laughing ever since i started playing basketball yay :D

friday's training session was at pe studio. boy didn't come and we did choreo cos we're rushing it out for audition on wednesday. but i think it wasn't too bad, really :D and training was fun :D and lolol totally died for drills. like the first one to die for everything, except the signature squat :D hahaha i'm damn good at that luh. yeah. oh yah and the balancing thing. but other than that all the energy-sapping ones i just died. lol. yup. but very fun luh :D ended damn late though. then went to eat at serene centre, talked crap, had fun and got home late. and got scolded but shan't talk about it here.



saturday woke up early and went for jss cip. at the bus stop, some j2 guy came to talk to me and i found out that his name is edward and he's jireh's good friend! :O whoa. haha. and then later on that he's from choir! like whoa, cos i know quite a few people from choir mah. yeah. so quite cool luh. yup :D so it was quite a good start cos i made a new friend :D whee. then we were early and the others were late so stoned outside the library [changed venue] until the rest came. started quite late but it was okay luh. my tutees went for consultation with teacher, so me and kaiyan found temporary tutees and they were quite good :D so sorry i couldn't help with physics questions, but i managed chem and math questions and felt quite proud of myself :D yay. literally. like in real life i would give you a big smiley and go 'yay'. haha. yup. only got stumped by like 2 questions in total? quite good luh yeah ^^" and i felt good helping them (: really. so yup, it was good. also saw new people like shinny and vern there. haha quite surprised to see vern actually. and then shuyi didn't come again because she forgot ._. yah... besides that nothing liao.

after jss cip i took a train from lakeside to tampines. like, seriously, all the way. so basically i just went from west to east of singapore. it was quite fast actually o.o green line so much faster than red line. wowee. yup then saw nelson at mrt station and went to the place with him and met everyone else there. well, most people anyway. a lot of bboys there liao so yup (: then helped to set up but there wasn't really anything much luh. i helped to arrange all the photo frames and boxes, and put the notes in the right boxes :D yay. wrote notes too and dropped them in so yay :D then uhh stoned and slacked and had fun with batchmates from bboy for quite a while until the party officially started in the evening. cyphers, battles and then montage and presents. yep. it was cool (: haha hiphop division tshirts really damn cool :D rua dance crew like whoa :D totally (y). then our division haha whee shoes and pebbles i think quite cool also luh, maybe not as nice as hiphop but i thought the shoes really fitted the bboy image thing :D yup. and the pebbles got mad design so not bad. oh yah the graffitti that kahhow drew, epic ttm man. seriously, after i saw that, i was just whoa. mindblown. lol. yeah, just loads of respect. it was good, it was way nice. (y) x1000 (:

left the place with nelson and huangbin and took mrt to jurong and home, since both of them taking to jurong and anyway it wouldn't make a big time difference if i changed to circle and red line, so yeah. got to sleep most of the way, super tired and it felt damn good. got home 11 plus and got zammed by my mum, and apparently she doesn't know me well or something [not like zongxian's mum] cos i was like really really tired with my eyes half closed but she was damn mad at me and made me wash my clothes and hang them out. like wtf i really damn tired liao can! ugh. yah but k nvm la huh.



today woke up 10 plus still damn sleepy but did math tutorial lol for the entire day quite fail actually .__. but i managed to do questions 7 -10 so YAY :D cos everyone said they didn't know how to do, so i felt quite accomplished with myself YAYYYYY :D it's little things like these which make me happy. even though i didn't do bio tutorial at all and i have bio tut tomorrow and NO math tut tomorrow =.= but nevermind luh, feel accomplished can liao. i want to try going for ooep new zealand yay yay yay. doubt i can get in but it's worth a try :D i really want to go if possible. yup. then nothing else liao. dinner out, we had zichar and then came home and continued with work and like that lor. nothing much liao. oh yah dusted off the book that i'm bringing to school tomorrow for mark and read like 5/8 of it liao. lol. it's damn thin la. then planning to bring camera to school tomorrow too :D tomorrow also have training because of auditions on wednesday. and then i was blogging around 12pm just now but took a damn long break cos my mum was using the computer, so it's like 2.11am now so yeah, going to sleep liao la.

last thing is that my dad says he asked his friend about the equipment that he lent his friend [lightings and cameras] and his friend isn't returning it to him yet, but he says i can go to the studio with the lightings and play with it. and can bring friends and he also bringing his friends so yeah. plus need models mah. so yup. i've asked regina already and she said okay, so yay :D also told bryan about it, but i dunno if he can come anot, i think need to ask my dad .__. cos my dad say he dunno how big the studio is .__. and tell me just invite 2-3 friends, so yah. other than that should be okay luh. WHEE SO HAPPY CAN'T WAIT TO GO :D i miss the studios i used to go to so often last time. i don't know if the one i remember is instant glamour or treasure studio, but i just remember it and i miss it. the whole company and business and photography and studio atmosphere. miss it. i can't wait. it's a bit like relieving the past, i suppose. but i'm bringing the future there (:


okay shall go sleep now damn late and i scared my mum wake up. goodnight! (:

emoish post :|



i seriously can't believe i can be such a jerk. [and no, not bitch, jireh, because bitches are really awful and i don't think i consider as one yet.]

i can't stand myself. UGH. i actually didn't talk to my friends for a very very long time, because i didn't feel like it, [and i still don't. well, half half anyway.] and i thought it'd take up too much energy and effort and time. i think i'm a retard. i'm a very very VERY BAD FRIEND. aiya. don't know luh. just didn't want to talk to them, but felt like crap not talking to them so i have no idea what to do. but it's just, effing tiring to talk to some people really.

you know, there are those friendships that don't require any effort to maintain, and there are those that require your strength and willpower to keep. it's just hard to do it, i don't have any strength or willpower left, i hardly have enough energy to keep myself going, let alone friendships like these. UGH.

'kor' [lol.] says i'm human and it's natural to get sick of people. perhaps :/ but i still feel bad about it. i told myself i wouldn't hate anyone except my brother. well, i'm starting to realise how ironic that is. if i'm going to stop hating everyone, i need to stop hating my brother too. i don't want to hate people, it burns me out. hating is so much more tiring than loving :/ i wonder if i can do it.

but anyway, yeah i guess i'm going to try to mend it. me being a bad friend, that is. i don't want a repeat of what happened in st nicks :/



and it really REALLY hurts to know that i have such wonderful friends, because i SO don't deserve them. what kind of jerk gets such awesome friends? ugh. it's just so wrong. it's like not having gratitude for all my friends. how can i treat friends like that, and still let other friends treat me so well? damn it luh. i don't know. i just feel so freaking guilty for everything.

but anyway, thanks wanjane, kevin, zongxian, charlotte especially (: awesome friends, seriously. not that i changed my mind, i still think i'm a jerk [and a retard], but just, yeah, thanks (: you guys rock. [and wtf what is gary doing liking kevin's comment =.="]



i might do the stupidest and weirdest things with my friends, but when it comes to serious matters, i never joke. i don't. i mean, that's what friends are for, right? to be serious when you need them to be? perhaps. i don't know. i've honestly never thought about myself as a bad friend, but now that i think of it, it seems so likely. i am, aren't i? :/ i'll try to do better, i will.

thanks guys, everyone. now, to think of what to reply on my facebook status :/





and i told my mum about my blocks results [not exact, but i just said that i did badly.] and she totally zammed me. i hate her ): she's not my friend, she's family, but is it justifiable? seems so to me. maybe i was wrong about hating my brother. after all, he's not my friend either. so i can hate him for all i want. hmm. i don't know. i just hate my family. and yeah, she just got really annoyed that i've been doing badly. and my brother, being an asshole, [that's why i hate him, you see], and a natural hater of my cca, commented that it was because of my cca that i'm doing badly. then, my mum, being stupid, and also a hater of my cca, obviously took his words seriously and got convinced that my cca is the cause of the problem.

fuck off. all of you.
just, leave me alone, will you?

you've never considered, have you? that maybe i don't even want to go to an effing university, maybe i don't even want to do well, maybe i don't even want to work hard or put in effort. you make it seem like it's what I want. well, look again, because that's just what YOU want. not me. you. it's as if getting into uni is the easiest thing ever, and as long as i work hard for it i'll get it. well, perhaps. but i wouldn't know because i've never tried working hard. you talk to me as if it's so natural for me to want to do well, to score well, to work hard and enter university, to get a good job and earn lots of money. well, fuck no. just keep dreaming, keep hoping, keep thinking that way. one day you'll see the truth, one day i'll show it to you. and you'll realise that you never knew me because you were too busy pretending to know me.

fuck. seriously, life sucks. i shouldn't have told them my grades. every single time i try to open up and accept you again, and every fucking single time you do this to me, close your ears and leave your mouth wide open at me.



it's a two way relationship. all relationships are that way. you just don't get it.





sleepyish.

monday.
started off the week with a lit test. fun or what. at least paper 5's better than paper 1. then street netball for PE and we were overall champions :D and captain's ball was fun. monday afternoon went to parliament. whoo interesting :D :D :D might go again next time. with friends. and i passed mandarin gallery hahaha need to buy something there next time for a friend.


tuesday.
got back bio paper and i was quite D: then training was alright but i didn't cypher. okay luh. then went home with zongxian :D haha yayyy. so fun like finally have someone to go home with. trip home is usually damn sian and boring and yarh ): so yay trip home was fun :D then tried to do bio aa but crashed horribly.

wednesday/today.
morning woke up realised i havnen't done bio aa and chionged. bio aa presentation was alright. also got back lit paper 1 today. eeyer overall results E :/ and then chinese listening was fine, just boring and a total waste of time. then went home with zongxian again. lolol. but fun luh and bus life isn't so boring any more :D



too many things to do and feeling like crashing too often, like now. eff. i need to catch some sleep before violin. ta.

too many things, too busy :/

stuff i wanted to say... hmm.
well, ever since i've entered hwachong it's just been one day after another without any end, it's just been one weird thing after another, and it's just been like doing everything new in the world, everything that i haven't done before in my life.

forgot to mention how i've been seeing a lot of random people nowadays.

saw some bboy guy on the train after jts. it's just so weird to see them on the train. i guess i wouldn't have been able to tell last time, but i now i know better. dickies and stuff, and i'm quite sure i saw him around before. looked very familiar. when he alighted at woodlands, he was sort of limping so i think he injured his leg.

also, met a j4 senior on the mrt with shuting after the big groove. at first i thought he was just interested in our conversation because he kept looking at us, from one person to the other, then he asked 'from hwachong?' and we were like 'yeah' and started talking. lol. how queer.



updates (:

sunday. the big groove. it was awesome to the max. awesome crews like wrecking crew orchestra and tiny toons was like whoa. of course, quest crew too (: they were just godly. bought quest crew shirt at the end of it. then went home late and almost got killed again.

before tbg i went to see the library book sale [because it was at expo too] for like a few minutes and grabbed a ton of books. a lot all alias, and there's one on a samurai girl. dunno. haven't read and not planning to read so soon la. bought like 6 or 7 books. yeah.



monday can't remember what i did. probably just lessons and bball.

tuesday lessons and chinese oral lolol i think i got killed. die liao can. my chinese freaking fail, and i didn't study at all. haiz. oh wells :/ then cca boy taught us some new stuff and some old stuff and we did this routine thing. one legged squats was x.x after that my leg muscles all damn tight. then cyphered and left early and got 961 early :D :D :D before i opened my bag and realised that i had left my school uniform in dance studio =.= haiz. had to ask xinyun help me take :/ paiseh! :/ haiz. ruined my good day =.=

for the next few days my leg muscles were damn tight and dying and in danger of collapsing. thursday was the worst i think.

wednesday and thursday were normal days.

wednesday didn't play bball though, went home early to wash my clothes and didn't play bball cos the sun was damn hot.

thursday had no chinese lesson so we were all :D :D :D and then played bball and the sun was burning, even my feet felt damn hot and burning. suat teng too. i played for quite long. later on i got hit by the ball ._. hit my lip. and then after i was done playing i was black ._. could totally see the contrast between me and jarin x.x and then went home and played violin :D another good day. before crashing at night ._.

friday my thigh muscles were still not okay! ): haiz. still freaking tight la. can collapse while walking de. especially walking down the stairs. then got back lit paper 5 unseen poem. i did the poem so i got back (: it wasn't too bad. quite proud of myself. i hope my paper 1 isn't that bad :/ got 28 and the highest was 34. which is a c (: but quite zomg cos lit higher than math ._. which is technically not possible because my math is better than lit. haiz. oh well okay yeah. and at least i know i'm on the right track, so yeah (: i think i only did well cos i thought of the 'women in literature' thing and tried to write my essay in relation to that. had oneski for training :D learnt new stuff, then did sets, and then just trained together. he taught the girls air freeze :D :D :D i thought it was super fun. seriously. like in danger of falling and whatever but who cares because it was so fun. after oneski left, jiahan taught us our first mass choreo for performance (: not bad. i need to prac more though. yep. and then had to leave at 8pm because we have to do this starting from now because of teacher :/ yeah. then a lot of people left for ncc stuff so we ended up going poolside for dinner. lol. chinghun claims poolside food is for dogs. used my laptop at poolside and on the bus to finish up bio aa but didn't help much :/ was home at normal time and considerably early for a friday night :D yay. i like going home early actually. crashed before i sent bio aa but woke up again and sent it before crashing fully.


haiz. next week getting back a lot of results :/



saturday morning supposed to go to school but i thought i was going to be late so i took train to newton and wanted to take bus to school. scotts road was freaking flooded and 3 buses stuck at mrt bus stop ._. crazy can. so just went to jurong sec straight. missed a lot of the briefing but it's fine la. wanjane's friend, honghwee was there, which was rather comforting (: at least not everyone was a stranger to me. yea. and then me and a few other people ended up teaching a bunch of sec4s in the av room so yeah. made a new friend (: kaiyan (: and then my 3 tutees quite cute :D haha they actually very nice de. yeah. but felt a bit weird tutoring people la. haiz. need to brush up on my chem because i should help them with that too. yah. i damn rusty already. but overall it was okay, they were alright (: after that went out and waited for bus. wah freak took like half an hour. asshole. then went woodlands cwp (:

walked around cwp to shop a bit, then ate lunch at pastamania, then went back to shopping. then ken came over and found me and walked around with me to shop and asked if i wanted to go fly kite with him and sherilyn and their friends. so in the end i went. ken sherilyn jelyn stanley. yup. lol flying kite quite fun and super exciting. haha. our kite almost flew away when we lost the string but someone helped us take back. yeah (: lol. then after that they went dinner, i went to buy my windbreaker, borrowed 5 bucks from ken, then paid and went homeee~ and crashed.



today woke up late then i didn't do much work then went for ice skating ._. people who went were [in order of punctuality] wilson me yiying siming clarice&boxiang toonmin shaun walter. and almost everyone was late. yeah. but ice skating was effing fun. hard to explain much, it was just awesome ttm. thank you og mates (: love all of you alot alot alot (: then huiying came for dinner and we ate at pastamania before going home sweet home. talked to clarice the most today plus she lives near me so yay (: haha. oh yah, and she just made my day by telling me that she thinks that i'm pretty, just very unglam. haha wah. thanks ah. oh well. at least it's hard to be even more unglam when i'm already so unglam right o.o hahaha. haiz. [now that i think of it, that day weiqi said that i was unglam too =.=]

kk off to do work. buhbye (:

what kahhow said yesterday made a lot of sense.



i'm failing as a person. failing so badly, like never before.



every single step i'm taking, it's the wrong step and i don't even notice.
walking into the trap so obvious and so clear, and once i fall in there's no coming back up.
i have to change. change my direction, change my navigation, change myself.

i thought this time would be different, i thought i had friends.
but instead it feels so lonely, suddenly. because we're all so different, i can never be one of them.
i miss my old friends. even if i'm not like them, even if i don't fit.
and i don't fit in anywhere, it's not the first time i realised, so it shouldn't be too disappointing.



emoish mood yesterday :/ just a lot of things crashing down on me. if only. if only this was like that. i wouldn't be so upset otherwise. i never thought that would happen, and i never thought i'd be jealous. it's like i want the attention but yet i don't want it. honestly i don't even know what i want. i just want to do well for myself. do i? when i came here i didn't expect anything. and then my expectations suddenly shot up, so now i'm just a fool dreaming of the impossible. but then again, what's impossible?

life comes up and hits you when you least expect it to.

i thought i was happy. maybe i was wrong.





anyway, a lot of updates for these few days.

tuesday got back chem paper lol i U-ed it. sigh. thought i'd pass at least. oh wells.

wednesday was alright except that there was violin lesson in the evening. i mean, the day right after violin exam. awesomeness, totally.

thursday was half day whee :D after that went high school canteen to eat. then came back and stoned around. wanjane ask me if want to go home after that but i didn't go find her in the end cos i didn't go home. ended up playing basketball with weiqi christopher bryan chongyee kaien chinghun. with some people going off earlier/later and stuff. then after that washed up and went to plaza sing with weiqi to meet other seniors, shiing and kaeyuan. hahaha damn fun going out with them :D seriously. i would skip lessons any day to do that (: went to buy movie tickets then walked around and bought stuff. HAHA i bought birdfood for my angel! :D :D :D EH. BIRDFOOD DAMN HEAVY CAN ._. next time i'm not going to carry it around liao. lol someone says it's the best birdfood ever =.=" then watched despicable me together. i freaked out when i realised it was an animation show. like AHHH WHUTTT. but it was okay luh. lolol weiqi was laughing his head off throughout the whole movie. sit next to me de leh. lol like some retard like that. then after that we went to meet the other seniors at mrt before going to sakura.

jts itself at sakura was fun :D haha retards the guys all sit at one table walao eh 什么东西吗. even weiqi agreed with me that all the guys at one table is not good. oh well. but basically i think senior-junior thing started off well, but then later on our class started to sit together and became clique-ish so there wasn't much interaction ._. sometimes i really don't like our class. after dinner we hung around for a while outside sakura, then some people went home and the rest of us went to plaza sing arcade. played the basketball game with classmates and senior class. haha damn funny :D zichao like some little boy climbing all over. oh yah and he totally looks like the monkey on his shirt :D hahaha. then spent about an hour there before it was 10pm and we finally went home. took mrt with brandon teri zijin weiqi. lol i realised that i always seem to be taking the train with weiqi. haha. stj also mah. yeah.

went home, turned on my desktop for a couple of minutes, stared at the screen, then turned off the desktop and went to sleep. i think i'm in some serious lack of sleep problem. =x



friday only had 3 lessons, felt like another half day. lol. after that was bbi and i slept for a whole hour. super shuang. when i woke up i was like :D and felt damn good. after that went to library to finish eom and print it out to submit. after school played basketball with bryan suat and their friends for about 45mins before going for training. training was quite fun :D i damn long never break, super nua and dying and tired. i love the jumpshot thing :D :D :D whee. and the monkey circle thing whatever it's called. i think i gave up trying to find the names of all the steps. i will just create my own names for everything, unless i know the name of it. other than that, i need more practice. i think i'm rusty. oh and bboy going to do 5 performances, first one being voice out. jiahan showed us the first choreo. it's cool (: and then seniors came too and we had battle turned cypher and then after that went to eat dinner as a batch and with the seniors at sixth avenue and then went homeee. i got home, showered, attempted to look through sabbaticals and ended up going to sleep while halfway through reading the booklet.



today woke up at 12. looked through sabbaticals again and whoa have quite nice stuffs. eventually cut down mine to 4 choices but i'm currently having some technical error with the registration so i just sent an email to the teacher in charge. whoosh. also signed up for the live parliament thing, hope i can go (: it'll be fun. and going to do cip at jurong sec starting from next saturday by teaching the students whoa haha so cool zomg can't wait (: i put down math, but i should do chem and bio too because i can help out more, but i'm not confident enough to put them down. so yeah. chem definitely not, bio i was considering but it's not very safe :/ i really wonder what i've turned into. some coward, i suppose. i really really suck.

anyway supposed to go for rosyth gathering in the morning/afternoon but i woke up late plus my mum wouldn't approve. then there's 2v2 battle at recognize studios, which jiahan kahhow daniel and xinyun are going for, but i doubt i can go either :/ yeah. hope they take video then i can watch (: yup. then might be going for dinner with wanjane, still not sure, have to ask my mum and see how. and going for the big groove tomorrow yay :D it'll be cool. i haven't told my mum yet though :/ damn.

and by the way, i feel insulted to be described as being affected by the clique disease. as far as i know, i'm not in any clique and i don't intend to be in one. i'm just distancing because i feel like it, and if i'm distancing, it's not because i'm getting closer to certain people, but because i want to get further from people. not for any reason. just because. just because i feel like it. if i find a reason for it. well, maybe because there's nothing to talk about. maybe because i don't want to have to handle all the problems and pressure that comes when you talk to certain people. maybe because i'm just weird that way. maybe because this whole thing is taking up too much time and energy, and i'm a selfish person who doesn't want to continue wasting them. maybe because i'm a bad friend and an evil person. maybe because i'm just like that, but it's just that no one knows. but anyway, i'll revert back soon, i hope.

i'm an idiot who can no longer tell who my friends are. but then i tell myself that i never had any friends to begin with.

other than that, have a ton of work to do. 2 ongoing projects. pw and bio alternative assessment. at least for bio aa i'm doing with reg esther weilun bryan (: feels a bit better to be doing with people i'm more familiar with. still, i shouldn't let myself think that just because of that i can slack off. then there's bio and chem homework. whoo math no homework because i finished the tutorial during holidays :D like for once. wow. and then gp journal BLEH. sian diao. and a lot of other crap like printing excuse letter for my violin exam thing =.= yeah. supposed to give teacher on wednesday LOL. yeah. kk i'm glad i finished eom yesterday though. even if it was full of crap. did i mentioned that my printer died? like damn. died as in no ink but i don't know where to get ink and i definitely don't have time for crap like that so in the meantime i'd have to find some kind people :/ haha found one liao thanks suat (: yeah, shall do work now. zomg today ate a ton of junk. like 2 slices of chocolate bread and orange juice for brunch. then dad came home with more food and i ate a butter croissant. then he heated some stuff and i ate another half a croissant and half an onion roll and half a slice of chocolate bread. zzz after that quite full lol. then my mum came home with pizza which i'm going to eat later. yep.



when something's flying at you but you're so stunned that you can't move.

i miss my dslr ): ): ): ): ):
should i ask my dad to bring it back home?



violin exam was crap. damn nervous for pieces i think i screwed up 1st and 3rd pieces. well actually i can't remember. at first i thought i screwed up all, but i forgot where, so i thought 2nd don't have, then now i'm thinking 3rd don't have. but aiya sure have de luh. 1st was the worst though. easiest piece and i screwed up because i wasn't focused. 4 beats then i somehow counted as 2 beats. seriously i have no idea what my mind was thinking of, but it was NOT of my exam pieces. fuck la. performance level is like half of my usual performance level when playing with pianist. then scales i wasn't very focused either, my mind just kept wandering, but i think can SCRAPE a pass luh. then sight reading zai-est. TRIPLE STOP PIZZICATO. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. like what i put on my facebook status, pizzicato is fine, double stop is still okay, triple stop is bad enough, but TRIPLE STOP PIZZICATO?! like wts seriously. screwed up shit. and my sight reading no rhythm also luh, i was concentrating too much on pitch, not tune/beats, so yeah :/ haiz. aural was fine at the start. examiner play very fast but i tried my best, and i thought singing lower line and sight singing were passable. then cadence also passable. interrupted cadence IV - V. then starting from modulation i started going a bit nuts. had no idea what the modulation was because it sounded like it started in minor key and i was like huh? then just anyhow guess and say subdominant. then after that the piece she ask tonality and i had no idea what it was i go say got central tonality, then she tell me major or minor, so i was like huh then just say minor, then she ask if got any changes in tonality i have no idea also just anyhow say don't have. i think actually have de. style and period that one still can, although i not sure whether i was supposed to say polyphonic, but it didn't sound polyphonic leh :/ i just said sequences only ): then clapping the passage freaking long can't even remember luh. last part i anyhow guess guess anyhow clap de. then last question was in 2 3 4 or 6/8, by then i was damn desperate liao just want to finish the exam and get out, plus i had no idea anyway so i just rubbished and said 4. I AM SCREWED MANZ. ARGHHHH. want to kill myself liao. performance level today sucked ttm plus examiner play too fast i can't catch up. and then i feel veryveryvery bad & guilty to pianist ): wanted to apologise but by the time i came out she was gone, so :/ yeah. haiz.

other than that, thank you for all the support from my friends (: lol i forgot to pass wc the ct rep copy of the out of campus form. and i took the long way out cos i didn't know the gate on top was open =.= and xinyun bought the kneeguards liao passed to me today (: i want to go shopping for windbreaker tmr :D :D :D but no one to go with me leh ): haiz. always like that de. lol anyway glad that violin exam is FINALLY OVER can heck it liao and not be stressed. see how after i get my results but most probably i'll be quitting luh. unless i fail then maybe i take again in march or smth if possible. hope it doesn't boil down to that. zzz owe a lot of ppl money. kk shall bring money tmr and return ppl and then go shop for windbreaker yay :D if cannot find then go buy scorpia the book. LOL.

I REALLY WANT MY DSLR ):

my desk is neat now (: -beams- k off to do work. zomg pw ton of work to do. don't feel like doing ): karate kid showing last day tmr! T_T really damn sad. anyway i think i'll do bio or smth. k do work liao bye (:



and go http://no--reasons.blogspot.com/ ! gogogo.

didn't really prac violin today :/ i have no idea how freaking dead i am tmr ): can't prac now cos it's too late i'm supposed to be going to sleep so even playing with mute won't do. cleared my whole table and cupboard again. cupboard = 1 /8 of the cupboard which is officially my space and which i use to dump books and whatnot crap. took damn long to clear, like 2 hours? cleaned my whole desk again and everything. feels good now (: hope it doesn't get packed again too fast.

also spent some time packing my bag. seriously have no idea what to put inside it o.o

besides that, getting addicted to maximum ride recently. bought book 1 before blocks. read halfway before i concentrated on blocks for the week. friday i bought books 2 & 3 from kino. spent friday & saturday reading the other half of book 1, and the whole books 2 & 3 finish. sunday i went out for lesson and bought books 4 & 5. and i finished reading book 5 today. now just left with book 6. lol zomg crazy right i know but i really really love the series (: it's like totally love. one of my favourite books i suppose :D yay.



UGH i think i am dead for exam tmr but i don't want to admit it, i just want to continue believing that i'm prepared for it. which, honestly speaking. i have no idea if i am or not ._. well, i'm sorry, i'm a confused little bugger okay. basically i feel quite confident for almost everything except scales. which i am supposed to know by heart and not screw up. oh yes the other major thing i'm worried about besides scales is my 2nd piece which i want to add vibrato but haven't really practised :/ so better not to add, or do very little, since i'm not confident about that. besides that, i think i'm rather confident about the whole thing. timing wise a bit scared too, but as long as i keep counting it'll be fine, especially for 3rd piece of course. tmr is going to be crazy day ): but after that i will feel veryveryvery much better. -sucks in a deep breath- -blows out air- okay. i can do this. i will do this.



oh yah and before i forget,

PLEASE DO VISIT DARK! :D
YOU CAN FIND DARK AT:
http://no--reasons.blogspot.com/

yay! do have a look :D :D :D




OKAY. OFF TO PWN VIOLIN EXAM TMR. THEN START CHIONGING PW AND WHATNOT CRAP HOMEWORK THAT WE HAVE. JIAYOU JANE! YOU'LL FEEL A TON BETTER AFTER THE EXAM! GIVE IT YOUR BEST AND YOUR ALL, DON'T CARE IF YOU SCREW UP COS YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ALL THIS TIME JUST FOR THIS EXAM. GO PWN IT AND OWN IT LIKE YOU KNOW YOU WILL :D 6 MONTHS OF PRACTICE WILL NOT BE IN VAIN, AND YOU KNOW IT. TELL YOURSELF THIS IS THE LAST ROUND, JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE AND THE RACE WILL BE OVER. ONE MORE DAY. LESS THAN 24 HOURS AWAY ACTUALLY. IT'S SO CLOSE, JUST THE LAST STRETCH OF LANE. JUST LIKE HOW YOU RUN, PUT YOUR HEART INTO IT, GIVE IT YOUR FUCKING BEST SHOT AND LEAVE NO REGRETS BEHIND OKAY. go kick some music butt tomorrow (:

hey guys (: what's up? haha it's freaking youth day. just feels like a break from blocks though, nothing much else.

going over to reg's house later (: having dvd celebration or something :D me reg dajie kor sarah charlotte weilun. i think that's all bah (: before that going to eat lunch with kor and sarah at cwp :D whoosh can't wait. BUT I NEED TO GO PRAC VIOLIN NAO. sianz. i can't believe exam is tmr and i'm not giving a heck. at least doesn't seem like it. i'm going to be sooo freaked out tmr :/ damn it i really hope i do well. refer to wishlist (: erm then yeah lor, i might bring my violin over to reg's house. please it's like walking distance from my house hahaha (: just going to check weather forecast first make sure its not going to rain i don't want my violin to get wet. and will bring an umbrella in case luh yeah (:

okay i'm going on a maximum ride craze these few days zzz. haha. finished reading books 1 - 5 in 3 days whoo :D erms. well, okay fine i haven't exactly finished reading book 5, but almost. might read later today. yep :D and then i spent like another 30 bucks yesterday buying books 4 and 5, which means that i've spent a total of 75 bucks on all the books that i've bought the past 3 days. friday bought 4 books for 50 plus. SIAN. haha yes i should be feeling freaking broke now but i don't. i mean, come on, the books were totally worth it. as long as stuffs are worth it, they're fine.

and yesterday my dad went a bit siao la. erm. my mum claimed that he was drunk and my brother agreed but my dad said he wasn't. well technically he probably was but he was talking freaking damn coherently, except for a tinge of agitatedness. yeah. and then my mum was trying to fix the new washing machine problem [yes we got a new washing machine because our old one was causing the power failures.] and he came home and saw and ask my brother to go fix it or something , i don't know. they went out to talk, then came back in, then he called me to go out and told be about the problem. then said something about intelligence and fixing the thing and what exactly is intelligence. well, the important question there did make a lot of sense, but i just kept quiet and listened because it was kind of scary. then yeah, just went on to talk about it before he went into the room so yeah. a bit freaked out.

yesterday's lesson was (: yay and phew. screwed up some parts here and there, but i think overall i'll be fine. if i don't get too nervous on the day itself. going to bring a jacket just in case i freeze or something. jessalyn told me once that if my hand freezes then it's gonecase. yeah, i experienced it myself. whatever happens, do NOT let your hand/fingers freeze up, especially the one pressing the strings. of course, for pizzicato i need to make sure my right hand's working well too. ugh. scared for tmr but i'm not feeling the stress yet :/ i feel freaking unprepared. you have no idea. i want to quit violin after this ): it's too much, really. for me to handle, that is. i don't know. i'm thinking of quitting but it's really really hard to do that ): after all i know i still love violin. and i'd feel like such a loser quitting, and the most will be violin crashing with blocks next year, which won't be that bad. but i doubt i'm going to get through grade 7 this year, let alone grade 8 next year :/ UGH. sucks.

k off to prac violin then shower then lunch then reg's house (: yay see you guys after my violin exam tmr! (:

long post below, watch out (:



sunday

had lesson, then went to cck popular and found ZOMG MAXIMUM RIDE THE ANGEL EXPERIMENT. whoo! :D been searching for a while. bought it YAY :D then spent like an hour reading it, then mug a bit, then went out for dinner with family at coffeeshop :D LOL SPENT LIKE 2+ HOURS on dinner + play with new bicycle that my brother bought. and then come home, spent another one plus hour watching tv. zomg i damn zai right. somemore monday start exam leh =.= HAIZ.



monday

mugged lit in the morning and a bit of gp. ate lunch with cryst at kfc then went to school for gp. gp was okay luh (: then went to get sticker for my calculators with regina, then went home with regina. come home mug lit like siao yeah.



tuesday

was a bad day! in the morning my mum wanted me to help her print stuff, so i went to find then print, then stupid printer not plugged in. i was wondering who was the idiot who pulled it out. [later on realised it was my dad. ugh.] then after that the printer DAMN SMART CAN. GO AUTO CLEAN. FOR FREAKING LONG. i was like wth i still need to study de you take so long to clean?! also hurt my finger/nail/area between finger and fingernail, from trying to scrape off the retarded sticker [placed wrongly] on my calculator. lit paper 1 was okay, paper 5 was :/ hmm not so good. and then i was staying back a while in school with regina and esther who were doing math, and edwin told me he saw 2 961s go past. i was like O.O SHIT. then regina was damn sad after that and told me that i shouldnt have told her because ignorance is bliss. lol.

came home then realised there had been FUMIGATION, thus wasted about half an hour to clear the cockroaches who had ran into my house + mop the kitchen floor which felt damn oily from the fumigation. last time fumigate not like that leh! our floor won't become oily de. my dad say maybe they add some extra chemical into the thing to make it stronger and thats why it stays on the floor or something. after mop already still have ): EEYER damn gross can, every time i walk past the kitchen i will like take super big steps or run out or something, then go room toilet wash my feet. lol. yes i am paranoid and i have occassional ocd.

also realised that chem and bio are morning papers which meant that i had NO TIME TO STUDY! since they were the laggiest subjects because i was left with 5.5/6 chapters of chem to mug and 5/8 chapters of bio to mug. oh yah, that, and i realised that my math now sucks because of the graphic calculator. last time st nicks my math damn pro de okay! wtf la. the events of the next day totally proved my point. 总之, tuesday was a BAD BAD BAD DAY because of the numerous events that wasted my time and things gone wrong.



wednesday

mugged in the morning and was damn sleepy ): fell asleep eventually, so didn't mug much of chem D: then went to bus stop and waited damn long because i think i missed a 961. later on mx came along. then got onto the bus and saw zongxian. lol weird days like these when i suddenly see a lot of people i know. ate lunch in school, then went to talk to cryst until quite late before going up for math paper. when i got into the classroom i was feeling very very ): because i wanted to continue talking to cryst.

i was damn sian during math paper [3 hours leh. sian diao can.] + shoulder ache. in fact this whole week have shoulder ache de ): quite bad. i don't know what to do about it. then i damn smart can, i spent FREAKING 15 WHOLE MINUTES trying to figure out how to type integration into the graphic calculator for the first question. then damn somemore super pro, i got it after like 10mins, then i accidentally press clear then it was gone and i forgot what i pressed to get it, so i had to find ALL OVER AGAIN. I'M DAMN SMART RIGHT. totally proves my point of me not doing well in math because of the graphic calculator. i mean, come on, i can easily do differentiation and integration WITHOUT the freaking stupid gc.

anyway, math paper was okay, and by that i mean absolutely manageable and A-able but obviously i didn't mug much so yah. please, i didn't even finish the math revision package. i did like what, 9 questions of differentiation? ONLY. PLUS i used the computer for one hour the day before, on tuesday, so basically i didn't mug a lot. later on me and cryst were laughing at others :/ okay felt bad about that. shall try to do stuff like that less often, but being with cryst a bit hard not to do that luh ^^" reached home quite early, because we chionged for the crowded bus, and mx and meihui took it too, but they were going to find their friend, so yeah. regina and zongixan didn't get onto the bus ): no space! and i think regina dropped her stuff i don't know but i saw her picking up stuff from the floor so :/ yeah. felt quite bad about that ): haiz. bus was super crowded but eventually got seat so i slept for like uhhh i think 10 minutes? but it felt damn long and damn good so :D happy me. and then later after i got off, i went to buy food from the breadshop = happier me :D

of course, happiness never lasts long. at 10.30pm there was ANOTHER power failure in my house while i was trying to chiong mug 3 or 4 more chapters of chem. out of 6! which meant that i was damn screwed, basically. but no, there had to be a freaking power failure, which meant NO LIGHT and that i couldn't study. was panicking and freaking out a bit actually, because i wouldnt be able to mug, then my dad opened the door to go out and check something and i realised that THERE WAS LIGHT OUTSIDE! :D BRILLIANT. thus, i went to sit on the doorstep to mug. after all, it's just 3 or 4 metres away from my original mugging place, although sitting on the doorstep wasn't very comfortable + i saw a bug. so yeah, mugmugmug for like 1 plus hour before the technician/electrician came to fix the thing. and apparently the previous person who came to fix it was a scammer. i think.

but anyway when the electrician came, i went back into the house because they needed to close the door and i didn't want to get stuck outside + i was almost done with that set of notes so no point sitting outside and stoning. while watching him fix the thing in the darkness, i fell asleep. when i half woke up, it was about 12 plus, there was light, and the electrician was trying to figure out the source of the problem. again. like the last guy. but anyway he sounded quite convincing and sure of himself, so yeah. half asleep, i heard the electrician vaguely ask about me, because my whole family was up and awake while i was there sleeping like a log. my parents told him i had an exam the next day.

then after i became fully awake, i attempted to study but realised that i was still very sleepy, so i was half mugging half sleeping. later on, at some random time in the night/morning, i somehow fully and totally woke up and had the motivation to mug without falling alseep. did that and was very efficient for about an hour plus, i think, before i finished mugging all the chapters but one, and went to bed for proper sleep at 3.20am. pro, right. i know, thanks.



thursday

woke up late even though it was a morning paper. wasn't late for school though, luckily. finished reading the last chapter of chem in the morning :D yay. was damn high, probably because of the time that i slept that morning. and went around telling everyone about my power failure story and how exciting my life was. LOL. chem paper was screwed, but it's always like that in st nicks and i think rosyth was worse [but i can't remember], so no big deal really. then went to find cryst to talk and she passed me her mep notes, which i'll be mugging for exam. ate lunch and mugged a bit of music before going for chinese exam. damn sian actually if i didn't have chinese i would be able to go home and mug bio. chinese paper was okay la, just damn sian also because 3 hours straight =.= haiz. then had some chinese briefing for a level oral and listening, which was SUPER SIAN and damn waste time. chinese oral is next next tuesday for me. damn zhun, i miss another tuesday's afternoon lesson. next tuesday is my violin exam you see. anyway, i was tired and i missed my 961 ): luckily, the next one came really quickly :D yay. slept and felt good :D

got home and attempted to mug damn hard for bio but failed. was damn tired so i was half sleeping half mugging too ): at the end of the day i managed to finish 3 more chapters, making it 6/8 chapters done. then went to sleep at like 2 plus or 3. gah.



friday

morning woke up then wanted to mug stuff but not enough time, so just went to school. attempted to re-mug dna structure on the way to school but failed terribly cos the bus super crowded and distracting and can't concentrate at all. ): haiz. then go school, talk crap, saw zichao and attempted to change the bet. lolol okay fine la whatever he said was true ._. i should just stop doing that. ughhh. yah. then gave up on mugging lor, just sit there talk crap and do stupid stuff, then go for exam lo. damn zai can. bio paper was.. hmm. mcq was okay. i made 2 stupid mistakes. one of them actually i know the answer but examiner say times up then because i damn guai i didn't change it. lol. structured and free response not so good but i thought it was actually quite manageable too. it's just that i never study properly so the question ask me until i confused liao. i think i wrote opposite of what the answer is =.= lol. 反正就是忘记了我应该记得的事啦. that always happens, it's kind of common to me, because everyone knows my memory isn't good. like duh.

after exam was WHOOSH :D YAYYY. lol saw wanjane at her class bench. then uhm hovered around my class bench for quite long before we finally went off :D me regina esther weilun mark. went to dhoby ghaut justacia to eat lunch. lolol spent quite long there and had a lot of fun (: then went to orchard takashimaya kinokuniya (: grabbed a ton of books, i went to find maximum ride school's out forever and saving the world and other extreme sports. YAY FOUND LIAO :D CAN READ NOW YAYYY. HAPPYYY ZOMG I WAS THE HAPPIEST PERSON THEN. besides that LOL i bought assassin's creek BOOK. yes, BOOK FORM. lolol it sounded interesting, even though it's not really original because the game is, but it sounded damn interesting and it's quite fun to read i read the first few pages liao (: yup then also bought 3rd book of deathnote (: yay. 4 books sia. costed like 50 + bucks lucky i brought money YAY :D really super happy :D now need to find place to hide all the books so that my parents [especially my mum] won't see. whoosh. after that we went homeee~

[insert: while i'm typing this... i'm currently drinking pink dolphin from a cup! how queer. feels funny hahaha. cos i poured out of the bottle.]

reached home and suddenly felt the urge to play with my dslr but it's not at home ): it's with my dad's friend. so is our old laptop, i realised. and we're paying for his friend's handphone bill. haiz wts right ._. then anyway i started reading maximum ride from where i left off from the first book the other time. got this retard tear out a few pages of the first ever book that i read [library book], so i was trying to find that part in my new book. read until that part before i realised it was the kiss scene between max and fang. wtf must be some retarded immature kid go and pull out the pages la. YOU THINK THE PAGES DAMN NICE TO READ AND YOU LIKE AND YOU WANT TO KEEP READING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN, THEN YOU CAN PULL OUT FROM A FREAKING LIBRARY BOOK AND KEEP IT AND READ TO YOURSELF MEH. wtf. ugh, immature kids. stop damaging library books la retards. i never damage library books de okayz. not even when i was a kid. anyway it reminds me of the, pulling out the last page of the book so people won't know the ending. oh well. retards. ugh.



saturday

anyway i'm still having shoulder ache ): hurts like crap especially when i read/write too long. so yesterday night reading max ride also shoulder ache like crap but don't care la just continue reading. hahahaha angel and her 'bloody murder!' imagine a six year old kid shouting that. lol. and what the h is good. i like. lol. next time shall use also. what the h. LOL.

and my dad aiya i think the ship sinking liao la. i think it'll sink to the rock bottom and be unsaveable. i'll tell myself that i can build a new ship, it won't take too long, it'll work out like how things always work out in the end. just need to keep telling myself that.

and my mum damn asshole. [lol i learn from mx de. he whole day call people asshole.] she ask me how was all the papers every single day after my exam, so i'll usually say 'okay la.' then that day chem exam she ask me, then i saw 'chem not so good.' then she WTF la she should just go die she was like 'oh. chem not good. finish. you finish already. somemore don't have physics, you finish already.' FUCK LA. FINISH 你个头啦! you always expect so much of me, you expect me to be perfect and score straight As and get 100 on all my exams. well, look at yourself, why don't you.



overall, this week was fine la, just some issues here and there but i'll fix them up and be more hardworking from next week onwards and do my best (: yeah let's go. monday going regina's house for party lolol. sort of anyway (: to end, of my expected results/goals for blocks:

gp: C/D
lit: D/E [actually i think i can do better, but since all my essays so far scored quite low, i don't dare to hope that much.]
math: B
chem: D/E
chinese: C
bio: D/E

lol don't even have 2Bs, i don't need to think about winning my bet with zichao liao luh. haha. of course, that's not the point. in fact it's so far away from my main point.





it's going to be something to show the world (: i can't wait.