HALLO WORLD :D
SUPERSTAR VIRGO IS SO DAMN AWESOME. OHMYGOD I WANT TO COME HERE EVERY YEAR :D especially if come with friends then it'll be UBER AWESOME. the price is totally worth it manz.

hahaha anyway, just came to blog about how awesome this place is! :D and i need to go now because internet eats up money D: and i'm poor. okaye. WILL BLOG ABOUT IT AGAIN WHEN I GET BACK TO SINGAPORE AND CAN USE GOOD INTERNET CONNECTION. and probably will blog about new year and stuffs too. yupp (: hope there'll be newyear countdown with fuchun gang (: off i go. seeya later! :D

[currently onboard superstar virgo which is docked at port klang, malaysia :D]

it's been 3 days since christmas. to be honest, nothing much has changed. christmas was... hardly anything to me, to be honest. we didn't celebrate it or hold any event, it was, in fact, just like any other normal day, except that it was also the day i came back from fuchun chalet and the day i went to eat dinner at seoul garden which was ex D: other than that, not really any surprises. the days following it were hardly any better.

sunday i went out again with my mum and dad this time, to go shopping at cwp. at first my mum wanted me to buy a new shoe, even though i told her i'm okay with the old one. and then we ended up at royal sporting house and i told her i wanted the white puma shoe and refused the blue one that she liked. come on, it's my shoe right -.- but anyway, stupid things like these get to her, because i suppose she feels that she has the right to even choose the colour of shoe i wear [she claims that dark blue will prevent it from dirtying easily. which is true but do i look like i care? i just want a nice shoe!] and in the end she got annoyed and she said either i buy the blue one, or not buy at all. of course i chose not to buy - after all, i wasn't even the one who wanted to buy a new shoe! a bit of a joke, really, how stupid the whole thing was. then my dad, who didn't enjoy coming shopping for shoes with us, saw exercise mats and wanted to go down to the basement to see better ones, but my mum, being an ass again and as usual, told him not to waste time -.- even though she knows that shopping for shoes are already wasting his time, she can't grant him a bit of favour and just let him go see stuff that he wants -.- wth la. at least if you're making him come along, you could let him spend some time doing things he like right. seriously screwed up man. after that we went to courts and bought a printer and a scanner :D yaye. now i have a new all-in-one printer! :D though my dad disallows me to use it often to print too many things ): he says if i have anything to print or photocopy, go use the outside ones D: sadded. then i asked him what our home printer was for, and he said for emergency use -.- wow. thats such an important job for a printer. but new printer so aiyah don't care la (: and the scanner which can also scan 35mm film :D which my dad wanted. yep. awesomeness. then we went to eat dinner first, before going back to courts and collecting the stuff and going home.

monday i went out with wanjane to funan mall to get my camera and collect freebies that come with the scanner. omg haha first time she early! O: waow. then i was very late ^^" yeahh.. ate cheap lunch at kfc and then we went to collect the freebies and walked around and bought the new camera. what a day ._. only later on did i realise that i forgot to find my dad's video transfer thing D: damn. then apparently right after lunch when we were talking about wanjane's job and stuff, someone called her up to ask her to go for some interview later in the afternoon [same day!] and she agreed. so after i got my stuff, we went over to ngee ann city and to the office towers. which are really wow. i've never been there before! didn't know about them. wanjane filled up some form then we waited there for quite a while and then she went in for interview so i thought it'd be quite a while and said i'd meet her at kino and went off first. hahaha like 5 mins later she called me to say she was done and that she was at taka already. totally wow. apparently it wasn't exactly an interview la. yep. then walked around kino finding books :D i wanted to buy hp7 but no new copies [all the rest are in bad condition!] so i'll just wait lor ): sigh. and also wanted to get more of the cherub series, but considering as i just spent a lot on the new camera... i didn't dare to. plus i had no kino card. haha but anyway i think it must have been a while since i came to kino without buying anything. so wow, really. (:

today went to eat macs breakfast with edwin at plaza sing then watch tron :D wahhh tron is a nice movie! i like. kind of sad though ): yupp then after that went to school for training at black box. bboy choreo! whoosh. wah fusion choreo sounds damn cool can! D: oh wells. yup then train all the way until around 8pm before i left with the choachukang peeps, kaien seantan chinghun. wait for my bus until damn long! the others came out already and left for dinner ._. sigh. yup then came home and NICE DINNER :D homecooked food ftw :D and then ate garlic bread hahahaha cos i was still hungry and now i feel good and full :D yaye. ohyah did i mention that i slept at 5.30am last night [today morning la hor] cos i was reading hp? LOL. but it's k luh, finally finished rereading the whole series again so yay (: feel happy lo. will get the book next time when i have more money. now a bit broke after buying the camera :/

yup then tomorrow going on cruise with my mum and coming back only on 31st. hope the gang [fuchun peeps :D] have new year countdown/celebration :D i know last year we went up the hill! hahaha and drank barcardi xD I STILL HAVE THAT LIME BOTTLE HAHAHA OMG. yup hope to see them when i get back on friday! that's all for now i think. will have to pack for tomorrow. but for now, i actually wanted to play chess! but my dad's not free to play with me, so i thought, oh well, i just need an intellectually stimulating game, so i suppose freecell will do most of the job (: off to play freecell :D

[to be honest, i want a lot of new things, but guilt is more overpowering and i will just have to hold back the urge until i'm richer. planning to eat less and eat cheap stuff from now on, save up a lot of money, like maybe 5 bucks a day. omg that makes 25 bucks a week and 100 bucks in a month O: not bad sia! and not spent too much money. feeling broke is not a reassuring feeling, i assure you.]

okay, so i was extremely hyped up and excited for the chalet :D and yes, it was awesome fun. won't blog about what happened, because words can't describe the feeling of being with people you love (: it was a good chalet, and LET'S DO THIS AGAIN NEXT YEAR! :D by which time our a's would be over and we would be HAPPY PEOPLE :D yaye. love you guys to the max, thanks for just being there! :D especially thanks to the people who stayed all the way :P

on a less positive note, i lost my camera. yes, my brown canon ixus 1000 hs. oh. and the handphone pouch that edwin gave me for my birthday present too. freakkk. ): anyway, my dearest camera, which costed 600 bucks [well, 660 bucks to be exact if you count how much i actually paid for the camera, another 60 for the extended warranty, but looks like it's of no use now.] and which i bought less than a month ago. well, obviously, the pain and shock and panic and everything was more than i could handle. i've never lost anything THIS important and expensive before. i was totally in a state and being a right little bitch about it, especially throughout the 2nd day, [discovered it was missing in the early morning of 2nd day, but i thought it was just misplaced.] after the fact started sinking in - that i had less than a 5% chance of getting it back, after i went through the whole chalet already. you would be in a right state too, if you lost something that important. not that i'm saying it's excusable, so all the same, sorry for being an ass, guys. the mildest word i could use to describe the experience is probably... traumatising. and that's the mildest already. i'm rather surprised i didn't explode or anything, to be honest. thanks for putting up with me, with my emoing and ignoring you guys, sudden high-ness and hyper-ness, then reverting back to emo and angsty again... yeah, all that crap. thanksss.

at the end of chalet, i guess i took away improved relationships, but also realised that i can't stand certain people :/ not that it deproved our relationship in any way, so that's alright. but either way, the chalet was enjoyable and i was sad when we had to part ways. mostly i just thought about friendship, and how such love is shown through forgiveness. forgiveness must be the base of love. as long as your friend can forgive you, there's nothing that will ruin your friendship. at least, i think so. for now. perhaps one day i'll realise that it's not so.



got home around 12. thanks to yh's dad for sending us back. later on, my dad came home and said that he'd thought about it, and decided that i had to be punished so he wouldn't pay for the other camera. i was perfectly fine with it. that's how it's supposed to be like, anyway. later on my mum started talking about it and like what she said on the phone, she said she thought i was lying about how i lost the camera. wtf. seriously. _|_ why the fuck would i lie about this. got really pissed at that.

there must be a maximum number of times that a person can cry in a day.
4 times yesterday. once because i lost it and because of my mum, once because i felt bad for my dad, [he asked me to buy another one quickly, then familiarise myself with it and charge the batteries, to bring for the cruise and said that he'd pay me back later, which was really too nice.] twice because i was emoing about it.
and 2 times today. both because of my mum. that makes 6 times in the past 48 hours. i think that's a rather bad christmas, don't you?

losing a camera might not seem like much to some people. guilt, money problems, getting scolded, losing photos. yeah, that's probably it for most people. but not so for me. from the moment i realised i had probably lost my camera, it was like, i knew everything was going to have to change. losing my camera didn't just mean those things for me. losing my camera meant the end and the start of a lot of things. it meant that i was going to have to make a lot of changes to my life. it meant that i would never again have a peaceful day for at least a month. it meant that i owed my parents more than i could return. it meant that i was going to have to pay for my mistake, not only through monetary means, but through sincerity. it meant that i had to start working hard. it meant that i had no right to slack. it meant that school was going to be different from now on. it meant that i had to change my attitude. it meant that i had to stop going out with my friends. it meant that i wouldn't be trusted fully until the whole thing blows off. it meant that i would have a smaller chance of being able to bring my camera out with me from now on. it meant that i could no longer do whatever i want to. it meant that i had no right to ask for anything. it meant that i was going to have to finish all my homework. it meant that i was going to have to do everything my mum tells me to. it meant that everyone was going to remind me about this mistake whenever i step past the line, whether accidentally or purposely. basically, it meant that i had no right to enjoy myself or feel happy. none at all, until i've fully returned this debt of guilt.
i think i'm going to have to write down the list of things that i have to start and stop doing from now on. start studying, stop slacking, start doing homework, start saving money, stop eating so much, stop asking for things, etc.

christmas? yeah, it was awful.



went for dinner in the evening at seoul garden. somehow dinner makes us okay. well, actually i don't get annoyed at people for no reason. as long as my mum doesn't bring up the camera issue, i'm perfectly okay. my dad ate for about an hour before he had to leave for work. we carried on eating until around 8 before we went to shop for printer (: i think we're gonna get pixma mp996. my dad wants one which has film scanning. but my brother feels that there's no need and wants to get a cheaper but good one. our current printer is retarded, fullstop. (: went to courts and then i went to look at cameras after that. have a few on the list already. will need to decide by tonight and probably get it tomorrow. my dad wants me to get it really really soon.

i suppose, after all this, perhaps christmas is alright after all. not a normal day, but not a bad day or a good day either. just events and more events. how do you categories them exactly, anyway? losing my camera was bad, but being with friends was good (: stuff like these, they even out. i suppose i can only say that i had an interesting day.



supposed to research cameras now, but i'm very tired ): sigh. can't sleep yet i have stuffs to do! ):

to end off, go listen to and watch this!!! (: it is a very nice song that you should listen to because it's christmas today (:

OHMYGAWD FUCHUN CHRISTMAS CHALET IS TOMORROW.
I REPEAT,
TOMORROW.

I'M SO FREAKING EXCITEDDD.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED FOR A CHALET BEFORE.
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST CHALET I'VE EVER HAD. EVERRR. (:
because we are going to be a bunch of awesomeness having an awesome fun time :D yaye.
i can't wait to see all of them (: love max.




Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.

the worst thing that can happen, is to come after a long and tiring day at school, just to face your family.

well, i guess that applies for me, at least. and it's exactly the reason why i want to move out. facing my family not only worsens my day, it adds more stress and pressure to me, plus i get more annoyed and irritated more easily. if that's not enough, well, if my mum starts nagging or my brother starts disturbing me, i get so tortured that i can usually give up trying to concentrate on any work that needs to be done. you see all the disadvantages of facing my family? you see why i want to move out now? facing my family, honestly, for me, is nothing but trouble. and there is absolutely nothing good about facing my family after a long hard tiring day at school. the only days that i look forward to facing my family are sundays, when everyone in the house is calm and relaxed and not prone to any outbursts of anger or nagging. all the other days of the week almost always automatically become bad if i have to face them.



okay, on to more positive stuffs (:

i FINALLY touched my violin again today (: (: (: i was really really happy. i tried playing it for a while [had to rush off to school after that] and i totally sucked at it. but i comforted myself with the thought that, hey, now that i finally managed to open it and take it out, i'm sure i can do it with much more ease from now on (: which also means that i'll be practising often from now (: yaye. i missed my violin (: loveee. next would be my guitar.

ohyah and i was doing some music surfing yesterday and wow the goo goo dolls are quite good (: their songs are nice. i especially like 'better days' and 'iris'. lovely awesome songs (: and talking about music, yaye bandrunaway is back (: spectre and sombre are okay with it so yupp (: i hope it goes alright this time (: and then me and sombre were talking about drums and OMG I WANT A YAMAHA DD65 DIGITAL DRUM KIT. NAOOO. ): it's only 480 which is quite cheap compared to most other drumsets (: yaye okay i'm going to try and get it manz. if my parents allow... (:



other than that, i reallyreally need to start on my homework soon :/ and omg fuchun chalet is just TWO DAYS AWAY :D shall go shopping for a bit tomorrow (: need to buy tanktops and shorts and stuff. supposed to get shoes but :/ i'll have to see how. k off to sleep/do homework. bye.

music has given me so much, it's not right to neglect it any longer.

honestly, if you ask me how i'm feeling right now...
just one sentence to sum up everything?

i don't want to go back to school.



it's complicated, really. i think my dislike for school has never ran this high before.

for me, school was a place of familiarity, where i could feel comfortable, talk to my friends, rest and relax. and i say 'was'. because that was in the past. ever since i stepped in jc, though, it has been nothing like this. true, somedays i still go to school to see my friends, to talk and laugh with them. but these days are becoming fewer and fewer. because as much as i want to be enjoying myself at school, the truth is that i'm not. and i can't stand putting up a facade much longer, because it's just too tiring. i'm just too tired. sick and tired of everything.

i don't want to go back to school. i don't want to be put under the stress and pressure. i don't want to be pushed around. i don't want to be stuck in that race. i don't want to be put on a schedule. i don't want to be disappointed. i don't want to get my hopes up. i don't want to hold up the facade. i don't want to face people. i don't want to see friends. i don't want to lose myself in this hole once more. i wouldn't be able to stand another blow. and i know i'll get a hundred more if i go back to school.

perhaps the reason why i like a bunch of friends is because of what they remind me of. right now, i'm most attached to my fuchun friends. because they remind me of fun and laughter. they remind me of young and innocent times when we had all the time in the world. when we could put on the brightest smile. and it was full of sincerity. sn clique, on the other hand, reminds me of play and slack. rosyth friends remind me of intelligence coupled with an equally high level of playfulness. like the other two groups of friends, these are also fond and happy memories. but in addition to that, they constantly remind me of my not-up-to-scratch level of intelligence. and lastly, hwachong friends. they remind me of all my flaws, and the facade of a smile. just thinking about them makes me sad. they remind me of every single flaw that i have. they remind me of regret, of anger, of hate - for myself.



christmas is coming. 5 more days. wow. and 3 more days to fuchun chalet (: it's really what i've been looking forward to for the entire holidays, i think.

went out with sn clique today (: fun at bugis junction (: we had lunch at pastamania, then went to the virtualand arcade to playyy (: five bucks gone but actually quite little. then spent a lot of the afternoon 'fake gambling', as we found out later that the coins had no cash value. after that walked around bj to window shop [ooh i found a good present (:] and finally bought chewy junior and went home. peak hours was ): and i was tired out, but i had fun (: thanks guys. and thanks jes for the awesome present! (: she gave me a belated birthday present (: artbox notebook and eraser. plus a written note. thanks! love max (: i owe all of them presents! gonna get them soon (: i hope we meet up again, not too long later. i missed you guys (: today was a fun day, and it was sooo good seeing all of you again after like, what, a year? loveee (: thanks for just, y'know, being there (:



just now i was thinking about band runaway. we sort of just, stopped. hard to say what happened exactly. i suppose the main reason is that we all got too busy, too caught up with our own things. i won't say that it didn't happen to me. but somehow when i was thinking about it again, i thought, how did that happen? so anyway i asked [hehe this is so queer. but. i asked] sombre and spectre about it again. i really don't know what their replies will be, but as for myself, i'm hopeful of starting again. will be really happy if they're okay with it, but if not, then i suppose i'll just have to do it myself. really hope to see nice replies tomorrow, but for now, i'll just have to have faith.

after all, after this entire year of crap and nonsense and stress and everything, i think i could really do with some good music in my life. it's one of the few things left that's keeping me sane. (: thank god for music. i can never say enough thankyous to music, so i want to try making it for myself. i think, only then will i be able to feel that deep bond and connection between myself and music.


and on a final note, i should start doing work... :/

WAH SIAN.

why does everyone [in my family] come to me for proofreading! ):
i don't get paid for it you know ): and it's boring and tedious work.

finished checking 6 college applications, with at least 10 essays i think. it's freaking killer luh! after that i was like damn tired and totally burnt out. went to eat ice cream and watch tv and enjoy life for a while. and if you're wondering, duh it's not for myself. for my brother who's hopefully going overseas by this year. whee. wah but seriously, can die one lor. there were a few essays which he copied a few paragraphs over here and there, but edited some and didn't edit some, so basically i needed to check every single thing even if he did copy and paste lor. plus he ask me not only to proofread, but check all of the details stuff and that his essays were answering the questions and that he wrote the correct essays for the correct colleges and that he didn't repeat anything if he sent a college more than one essay. x.x totally died manz. i think i took 2 hours plus to do.

had a break in between luh (: we watched teevee :D national treasure, part 3 i think. it's damn nice! :D teehee. and ate dinner that our parents bought back while watching. haha aston's again. ahhh but i freaking bit the plastic fork that i was using to eat and it BROKE. i was so horrified after that because the plastic bit was in my mouth! and i was damn scared i was going to swallow it. seriously. i chewed veryvery slowly and spat out the bit, but then y'know, it might not have broken cleanly into one huge piece, so i was damn scared there were small bits of plastic that i might swallow. in the end i spat everything in my mouth out just in case. anyway the show was (y)! i want to watch part 1 and 2! i don't know if i watched before ._.

anyway, back to the colleges. wah sian. haha. but ohwell it was quite interesting reading the essays. i have to say that was the most exciting part of the job. yeah i did it because he asked me to lor. anyway apparently the deadline is today or something so yeah, just help lor. caltech [california institute of technology], carnegie mellon [cmu], cornell, harvard, princeton, stanford. i think stanford had one of the most interesting supplement forms. they asked for rather interesting stuffs. i think my brother wants to get into cornell. my dad always said my brother should just go to mit [massachusetts institute of technology] and i always thought that way too, but my brother said something about it which sort of made it not such a good choice for him anymore, so i sort of accepted. just that, now, thinking about it, i really can't remember what was the difference he mentioned between mit and cornell. ohman. sigh bad memory D:



anyway, today was an overall okay day save for the fact that my mum didn't let me go for the s77 outing ): it was a bbq at chalet there. i don't know if they booked a chalet either, it was quite unclear. but yeah. i said i was going :/ shucks. felt really bad about it, plus i was supposed to help zc get the cake. had to ask weichuan to get it instead. and i wanted to be there. like i told suat who was talking to zc who suggested just walking out of the house, i could have done that, but i'm really getting so tired of all this nonsense. my mum hates me going out, you see, and she tried to stop me the last time i tried to go for this class outing, which resulted in a crying bout from me for about 15 whole minutes before i tried to walk out again and she grabbed my bag, but i really wanted to go so i just let her grab the bag and hurried off without a bag or anything, just a handphone and a five dollar note in my pocket. rash and reckless, yes i know. but i was tired of being bossed around and i really wanted to go. so, if i did that once, why didn't i do it again this time? well, that resulted in me getting 30 plus missed calls from my mum on my handphone, had to borrow money from my friends, and got home to experience my mum in a foul mood. plus that 15 minutes of crying before i went out was not very nice.

all in all, i'm getting sick and tired of these kind of things, and i can really do without them nowadays. there was a time that i would stop at nothing to gain my own freedom, even if it meant crossing the line, just to feel good about it and show my mum that she couldn't boss me around, that she wouldn't be able to stop me. now? well, now, at this point in time, i just want to get away from all this crap and nonsense. i suppose it's like giving up. when someone locks you up in a room, you'd probably spend the first few days trying to get out, finding all ways and means to escape. but after a while, you'll learn to give up, stop trying. for me, ever since upper primary i've been doing things that i wasn't allowed, going out with friends, not telling my mum, going over to my friends' houses. all that kind of things that i never asked permission for. sometimes i got caught. usually i didn't, especially if it was after school. and this carried on all the way through secondary school and until the start of this year. but one year of life in junior college has worn me down so much, even i can hardly see my old self now. it's like growing up. one year of jc has taught me that there are so many things to tire me out, why waste my energy and effort causing more of these things? honestly, i can't say it's the right mindset. as much as it's good in a way that i try to avoid quarrels with people [especially my mum] nowadays and i might be becoming slightly more mature and understanding, i also seem to be losing the fight in me. the once lighted fire in me has now been simmered down to a trail of smoke. i don't know if it's good or not. have i changed?



anyway tomorrow [today] going to bugis with sn clique (: jac jos and jes. darice i can't come because she has some last minute stuff ): i can't wait. we're going lunch, and then koi for jac, and then arcadeee (: loveee. playing at the arcade was one of my first memories with this clique (: ddr ftw. hee :D yupp tomorrow's going to be fun! (: the only thing is that i haven't gotten them presents ): feel really bad about that. since i know jes has presents for everyone already and jos probably does too. D: was planning to get today, before i went for the bbq, but since i didn't go... :/ howww ): it's too late to get already because we're meeting quite early tomorrow so :/ i suppose i'll just have to live with the guilt until i see them again :/ which will probably be very long later! ): saddened. and yes, guiltyyy.

wednesday i'm meeting some insurance person o.o i always thought they were a toned down, boring bunch of people who talk to you about papers and agreements and more papers. seems like i'm wrong. my insurance agent sounds like this really enthusiastic and high person from her tone on the phone. i was totally o.O at that. anyway it's kind of freaky meeting her on my own, but apparently i can sign the papers and everything on my own, so even though my dad told my brother that he should tag along and make sure everything's okay [the insurance agent knew my brother first, then he referred her to me, so technically she's actually his insurance agent.], he isn't going to bother to come because he believes that the person will explain everything to me and i'll be ok. wow. hope it goes alright then.



off to sleep now before my mum wakes up. wanted to do work, but. tired. :/ night (:

had a reality check with myself today. failed miserably. felt like crap after that and resolved to do better.

a few hours later i was back to slacking.

ughh. really don't like myself sometimes. ):



i got away from sims for like a day. and then my brother asked me to play ge, so i went to play, and then i got a bit tired of it and went back to sims. SIAN MAX. really really not happy with myself.

plus my mum is extremely unhappy with me too. ugh. i'm also going out a lot, which adds to the unhappiness. i think all i'm looking forward to now is fuchun chalet. it feels like it's going to be 3 days of escaping reality. something i want. and i say want, not need. because right now what i need is a tight slap and reality thrown straight at me at five hundred kilometres per hour or something like that. maybe that'll make me wake up long enough.

annoyed with a lot of people nowadays, but definitely more annoyed with myself than anyone else. freakkk. and yeah, swearing doesn't help either. no matter how many times i say fuck, it doesn't change shit and everything still looks bleak and hopeless.

on a side note, i finished reading divine madness today (: looking forward to buying the rest in the cherub series, and also hp7.



lastly, note to self: please please PLEASE just pull yourself away from the computer and do something productive soon. and i mean really REALLY soon. i really don't like you now. ):

on a slightly happier tone, i managed to finish another lit essay this evening. but it's definitely not enough. i need to do something soon, very very soon.

shoulder hurts like f-oh sorry i meant crap.
the result of training some move which requires me to lean heavily + roll on my shoulder ._. and i thought shoulder freeze was bad enough. it seems so easy compared to this move! rawrrr ): i swear the word 'shoulder' looks funny now ._. damn. anyway, this move somehow makes me roll on my shoulder and after doing it just a few times, it felt like something was out of place in my shoulder ._. tried stretching and it hurt like crap too. sian max. at that time, i was just thinking to myself, i swear, my shoulder will never feel the same ._. plus training this move also increases the chances of me cracking my neck =.= sian max. but i want to learn it! okay will train more when my shoulder doesn't feel like crap. or doesn't feel as crappy at least. i did it once correctly i think! :D



anyway, as i said on facebook,

i think today successfully stopped my game addiction! :D or maybe it's just a pause... shit. i hope not. i can't waste any more time playing retard games! ): I NEED TO PLAY MY VIOLIN NAOOO. ): I MISS MY VIOLIN TO THE FREAKING MAX. ):


so yeah. whatever i said.


i think i might try playing it later. even though it's like 12.40am now ^^" heh. if i put the mute should be okay bah? my mum will probably not be very happy though :/ damn.






anyway, today's training was quite okay (: glad to say that i trained hard today :D or, well, at least sufficiently hard to keep myself satisfied. yep. cypher still a bit screwed :/ working on that :/ gah i can't hear the freaking music! ): i have serious music problems.


i was going to summarise the week but it's quite easy actually.

monday wanted to go for hiphop open class and take photos at orchard with joey, but my newfound addiction to sims was keeping me at home. joey didn't exactly want to go for the open class ): and there was light rain in the evening for photo taking so we cancelled both.

tuesday went to school for training. well not really. it was bboy open class. but yeah we went there to train lor. j2 and j3 seniors came back. and four guys from high school were there. jiahan taught them. tried to help at first but then i realised i wasn't exactly helping much so just went to do my own stuff. shoulder rolls are quite fun :D at least something that i can do, i suppose. went home for dinner because i was having a headache plus i wanted to get home to play my game .___.


wednesday again addicted to sims and thus cancelled photo taking session due to thunder and possibility of rain and because we didn't feel like going.


and then today which i've talked about already. yup.






okay need to get to sleep now. spent some time digressing just now because of other stuff. thus the time lag in my post. damn late now need to sleep. tomorrow morning going over to wanjane's house to collect notes (: then lunch. and then off to school for hiphop open class :D will probably be a tiring day but i'll be coming home early so yay :D kk SLEEP. shoulder still hurts. fuck. and i think my eyesight deteriorated ohmygod fuckkk. i will stay away from the computer and start doing other things in a lousy attempt to repair the damage done to my eyes. ):

lol shit. freaking addicted to a retard game called sims3. LOL. okay luh i think other people will think it's retarded so yeah. but honestly i think it's quite awesome! not awesome awesome, but just awesome because, i dunno. makes me wonder, if only reality could be like this. click do homework, and they do their homework. click play the guitar, and they learn how to play the guitar. that's just so. incredible. if only life was like that. but then again, i know i don't really want life to be like that anyway. after all, where's the fun if you can achieve everything so easily? but still. sigh. anyway, i've been addicted to it ever since. uhm. saturday? sunday? somewhere there. lost track of time too. just know that i was addicted to it a couple of days before my brother went for his chalet. which was 3 days 2 nights. and he came back today. and LOL he's back to playing granado espada. i got addicted to sims around the same time he got addicted to ge. lolol. cos at first i was playing ge, then he kept bugging me to let him play on my computer, so i told him to download it on his own. and somehow a day later he did that, and then i got tired of ge and played sims3 instead and now i'm addicted. shitz.

all the symptoms of a game addict.
you start off your morning playing. you end your night [ahem morning if you can help it] playing.
you stare at the computer screen for almost the entire day, save for food, water and toilet breaks.
you get extremely annoyed when your mum asks you to do something else that does not include playing your game. even a few seconds seem like a long time away from your precious game.
you refuse to waste time going out, even if ti's just downstairs, to buy lunch. instead, you source for any food available at home. bread is good because you can eat it in front of your computer screen. anything that involves a lot of hands to eat is not good because you need to click and press the keys.
you forget about all your homework and stuff that you're supposed to do.
sometimes you wake up and tell yourself that you are going to do some work today, or play the piano later on, but after you spend washing up time [brushing your teeth and going to the toilet] thinking about your game, you end up ignoring those promises to yourself and hurry back to your computer.
sometimes you feel guilty about everything and want to stop, but you can never get off your game.
you have a thumping headache but you can't pull your eyes off that screen. if it really hurts, you spent a maximum of 5minutes away from the computer. definitely not more than that.
when you feel like peeing, you try to hold it in so that you can play for just a little longer.
when you need to go out [eg. school, outing with friends], even if it's to meet awesome friends and do something you really like, you are in no mood to leave the house.
you find excuses to go out later so that you can spend more time on your game.
even when you feel like FREAKING CRAP, which, in case you haven't noticed, i also happen to be feeling this way right now, you're still playing.

sigh. obviously addicted.

a lot of things to blog about, but i really want to get back to my game. later!

ohyah today is zichao's birthday i'm a damn nice junior i wished him happy birthday and then he say he thought i was going to say i got him a present or i'm going to treat him dinner. waow. he's damn ego can! or, i don't know the word for it, but yeah.

stuffs. hmm.

ohyah and i read it somewhere but i forgot. how long does a crush last? they said if it's longer than n months then it's not a crush. forgot what's n though D: uhoh.



those people who can make you happy just by talking to you (: love max.

my brother is seriously getting on my nerves.

anyway after all these concerts, plus thinking about a few more past experiences with friends, i was just wondering what it must feel like to have a supportive family. a family that supports you through all your decisions and choices, no matter what you do, always there to help you and be there for you. wish i had a family like that. instead of one that's always undermining my abilities, always looking down on me, yet always expecting only the best from me as if i should be that way naturally.

zzz. wtf la my brother is seriously annoying me. just when i was about to say that he seems to be getting better! ._. the world works in a funny way. anyway, i'm now using the library computer to blog because i got so annoyed by my brother that i decided to leave the house earlier. have to go out later anyway because i'm going for noel [hc band concert] but since i got so irritated, yeah. just this morning i was going to blog that my brother seems to be getting better and nicer, and that perhaps we'll be okay after all, at the end of this path. perhaps we'll be something like friends, ordinary siblings. though i know that we can never be too close, because some things i will never be able to forget, or forgive, but. i know that, although i hate him because of something, i can't hate him because of everything else. it's a love-hate relationship i suppose, same as with many other people. almost all of my relationships with family and friends are love-hate ones. it's just how much you love versus how much you hate. so anyway, i was going to say that he was getting nicer and maybe one day we'll be like ordinary siblings, and then he just HAS to irritate me again. i can't even count the number of times that this has happened! every time i want to change my mindset of someone [applies especially for my brother and my mum], they go and do something to make me annoyed all over again.

anyway, he was attempting to interpret my lit poem [holiday homework] because he was bored and didn't want to continue writing his essay for college application. and he started reading it out, and making his own interpretations. which was perfectly fine except that he kept insisting that i had interpreted everything wrongly. which, well, even if i had, i was definitely not going to admit. anyway i didn't think i interpreted it wrongly, just wrote it in a different way. after about an hour of insistence, i was extremely fed up with him and just asked him to go away, to no avail. then our dad came home and i told him, and he asked my brother to leave me alone. which my brother did for like 10 minutes before coming back to try to read the next question, which was a prose extract. i chased him away and packed my stuff up to go to the library.

i suppose why i was so angry was partially because i thought that he was right. not only right in his interpretations, but also right because of the other things he said. anyway, i admitted to myself that i might have missed those details out, that he had correctly pointed out what i had failed to notice. but as much as i could admit to myself that i should be listening to him, my stubborness prevented me from doing so. my ego and confidence was not about to let me admit to him that he was right. even he said so. he told my dad, maybe i'm just too stubborn to accept his answers, and my dad agreed, maybe. 'hah. see?' he said, almost with a sneer. if i wasn't me, i would have said, 'yes i'm too stubborn and i don't want to accept any answers that he gives me.' but i'm me, and with such a strong [and stubborn] personality, i couldn't admit to others what i can only admit to myself. that i AM being stubborn. my brother also said i was close-minded, but i don't think i'm very much of that. i'm just extremely stubborn. i don't want to accept help in any form if it comes from certain people. and my brother is obviously on the top of that 'certain people' list. i guess that list consists of people who undermines my ability. people always tell me that i can't do it, that i'm too stupid, not smart enough. these people might be right, but as a person, i have feelings, and my feelings tell me that if they can tell me that, say that i'm stupid, then they're definitely not worth listening to. perhaps they're right, perhaps they're worth listening to, perhaps all my flaws are because i haven't been listening to people like that. but you know, i have my emotions too. and i hate people who undermine others, just because they think that they're the smartest or cleverest. i hate people who think highly of myself. i suppose, what i'm saying is, i hate people like my brother.

so there. so what if i'm stubborn? so what if i refuse to accept your help? even if i was fucking dying, i wouldn't ask you for help. yes, i'd rather die. dying isn't that terrible anyway. i suppose i'm just too ego, but no way in a million years am i ever going to ask you for help, or accept any help that you give me.

i guess what i'm also partly trying to say is that i'm not perfect. like any other person, i have my flaws. i have people i hate, and i have people i don't listen to. some things i keep out of my ears, even if they're good suggestions, helping me to improve. but at least, at the very least, even if i don't listen to certain people, i know that i listen to others. i know that i'm not all that screwed up. or at least, i hope so. and one can always hope. i always try to be a better person, [or maybe that's what i tell myself, maybe it's a lie anyway.] but there are some things i can't do, some grudges i can never let go of. no one's perfect. maybe i'm just happy with how imperfect i am, because it makes me all the more unique, different from others. maybe i don't want to be perfect. even though sometimes i work very hard towards it, maybe deep in my heart i know that i'm okay the way i am.

i don't know what's right, though. is it better to stay this way? or is it better to work towards perfection? i wonder. there's no right and wrong, only decisions and choices for me to make. it's difficult for me. difficult to wake up every day and see these choices facing me, knowing i need to choose one. and knowing that, subconsciously, i'm probably already choosing one for myself. it's just... i don't know which one i chose.

do other people think of this? i wonder too. it's hard to say. after all, it's difficult to talk to anyone about these kind of things. personal decisions and choices that you should be making for yourself, and not asking others about.

life's not difficult because of school, because of friends, because of family, or because of relationships. life's difficult because of things like these. life's difficult because it's difficult to find the meaning of life. life's difficult because you have to make certain choices. life's difficult because you can only regret your past, choose your present wisely, and hope for your future. life's difficult, not because of the tiny things like homework and exams and friendships and breakups, but because of that struggle going on inside your head, when you fight against yourself. at least, it's that way for me.



thursday went to school and brought my stuff home. ohmygod my bag was freaking heavy. dinner at kap [ohshit unhealthy AGAIN.] and went homeee. yay bus came quickly. friday, which was yesterday, i only woke up at um. 1 plus? because my brother came home and i had to open the door =.= wtf. yes, it's little things like these that get on my nerves. then i sat on my bed reading my book until 3 plus before i ate my lunch and teabreak, which was nothing much because it's bread anyway. spent the night reading my book wahaha :D and then feeling guilty and writing my lit essay. almost finished it too.

finished my lit essay today. question 1 only though. still have 2 more questions to go :/ sian. brought it with me to the library, but i think i spent too much time shopping just now ^^" heh. oh well we'll see if i can finish anything before i go down and take the bus to school.

missing some people very much ): boo i want to see you guys soon.

ohmygod tomorrow is the dental thing. i doubt they'll fix in the braces tomorrow, but still :/ kind of nervous anyway. monday probably going out to orchard road in the evening to take photos of the decorations. tuesday have open class O: i think i'll go see. time's passing kind of quickly these few days. ): saddened. will try to make full use of time i suppose.

off to do some work then going to school (: long post i think i took more than half an hour. ouch.

sigh.

you know, all i seem to do these days is sigh. how frustrating ): i need to stop sighing. doesn't solve anything. in fact, it just hits me with all the troubles i'm having.

i suppose i've partly realised that acting all happy and high isn't the real me. and though i often do that to pretend that nothing's wrong, and to make others happy and laugh, perhaps i shouldn't? i really don't know what's right or wrong anymore. suppose there's no right and wrong in the first place. but i know that being high and happy isn't the real me. of course it isn't. what i haven't figured out yet, though, is whether it's fine to present a false side of myself to others. so what if it's fake, if it makes others happy? isn't that fine then? but yet, i know that that's not the real me, and if i ever want to show others what i'm really like, then perhaps i ought to stop trying to be someone i'm not. the problem is, do i want to show them? i don't know, man, i really don't. this is hard. hard to decide who to be...

finished reading the last bits of hp6 and fang today :D plus i finished class a last night. 3 books down :D not bad. went to take out maximum security but i don't think i should start on it yet, not with a pile of homework waiting to be done. although it certainly looks extremely tempting to read :D hehe. we'll see. finished viruses tutorial yesterday, i think. or was it the day before? i can't remember. ohyah should be yesterday. no idea when i finished it though... i know i went out to watch nj's band concert in the evening, so i really can't remember when i finished the tutorial. just know that i did :D heh. bio is all cleared now. yaye. although if i had my way, i think i'd rather exchange my math homework for bio. as much as i have to admit that math used to be and hopefully is still my best subject, i really really dislike it right now and find it extremely annoying. yes, it got me extremely worked up when i couldn't do TWO PARTS [only!!! my tolerance level sucks!], and thus decided to give it up. gosh i suck right ._. i suppose i have low tolerance for things that i can't do and that annoy me :/ oh well. might just skip integration altogether and start on another topic first. math is ): and then i wanted to start on i&i just now, but now that i look at it, it doesn't seem very appealing anymore D: damn. okay i don't know, i need to finish up stuffs soon, can't go on like this forever. ugh.

went to trim my hair today :D yaye. it's muchmuchmuch more thin now yayeee (: hehe. i prefer my hair this way. thick hair is no fun ): yup and now it'll dry really easily and fast so my mum can't complain! plus she's okay with it too, so PHEW. i wouldn't be able to stand it if she started on my hair again.

i realised that i haven't touched any of my instruments for quite a while. i feel kind of bad :/ like i'm neglecting them. i suppose they're pretty much like pets to me. not the piano that much, but definitely my guitar and i suppose my violin too. so my guilty conscience is building up. every day i go without touching them, it builds up a little bit more. damn. i should do something soon :/ guilty of not playing my instruments :/ sigh. and i'm pretty much neglecting my desk too :/ haven't touched it in ages. i don't know what to do with all the junk though. i need a place for all these notes and stuff. jc is nuts. SIGH. okay. enough of that.

will try and upload camera pictures tonight, perhaps post a few on facebook or something, then HOPEFULLY start on homework [which i doubt] and then i think i'll end off the night reading the next book :/ ohman i really suck right ._. haha DAMN. tomorrow i'll be going to school (: have to collect all my junk from the class bench and then cca in the afternoon. saturday is hc's band concert. though i'd really like to go for class instead ): very upset about that. i didn't realise it would clash, because i only started class AFTER i ordered the ticket and i didn't know it was on saturday too ): was thinking of skipping the concert and going for class instead, but :/ crystal will probably be very sad if i do that, and yiinghuey won't have anyone to go with, so :/ i suppose i can't go for class. this is not fair! ): why must things clash! i want to go for class as much as i want to go for the concert! ): i hate making decisions like these. if i don't go for class, it makes me feel like i'm neglecting dance. if i don't go for the concert, it makes me feel like i'm neglecting my friends. this is really not fair ):

sunday i think my dad's going to bring me to the dentist and see if he can fix braces for me soon :/ honestly, i don't know if i should. like i mentioned before, i always thought it was too expensive, never thought i could actually have braces. but now that i can, and now that i have a choice, i don't know. as much as i'd like my teeth to be straight, it'd be extremely annoying having to wear braces. and i usually like to avoid annoying things. [that's why i dislike wearing specs.] so i don't know. ugh. more decisions! ):

okay i should get going. stop wasting time yeah. guess i'll see you guys around.

finished watching step up (: heh. well, except for the last part, because youtube is lousy.

shall start doing more productive stuffs soon. today has been lousy because i wasted more time watching movie, and only woke up at 2pm. at least i feel much more well-rested ever since the start of dance camp (: still thinking about it, but yeah.

brother's being an ass again. as usual i suppose. i think i should really move out next year. but i don't think that's going to happen, so i need to find an alternative. thinking of camping in woodlands library every day [except cca days] until the library closes, so i won't need to face them. like charles in a wrinkle in time says, 'I do face facts. They’re lots easier to face than people.' how true. i wonder if that'll work. or if my mum will be annoyed with me if i do that. i wonder. but yeah, either way, i still need to find a way out of this complication. i foresee a lot of trouble when next year comes. sigh. more problems every day.

haven't touched music in a long long time. i wonder... :/ it's getting more difficult to do so. i need to do something soon.

so many things, so many issues, so many problems to solve. how annoying. can feel myself changing already. getting annoyed with people more easily, becoming more quiet, feeling more frustrated. it's queer how i seem to be embracing this, embracing my past. when it comes back at me, it doesn't haunt. rather, it's a feeling of familiarity that i'd say i've rather missed. but i'm still in the midst of trying to figure out if that's a real or fake personality. how do you tell what's real and what's fake anyway? do your real personality come to you in the most troubled of times? or when you're most relaxed with no guards up? hard to tell, really. i suppose i'm still trying to find myself. after so long, and i still don't know.

this is difficult, and this is tiring. i don't want to think about all of these anymore. too bad that's going to be difficult.

到了终点。


转过头，
但见到的

只有
悲伤、泪水和遗憾。


如果这样，

那
往前看
还有路可走吗？


因为不想这样停着脚步。
想要看见的，是
过去的
笑容

从
一开始的
起点。


也许

都不重要。


这段路
什么时候开始、结束。

只要
满足，

就能
抱着微笑

离开。

whoa.
so damn tired now.



forgot to add that day 2 of dance camp we also had freestyle session with hiphop (: that was quite fun, even though i screwed up mine, but it was nice watching the others, especially hiphoppers.

day 3 was the best day by far. i suppose it gets progressively better. basically just worked on our choreo for the entire day. came to school and started on choreo prac first thing in the morning. our choreo is loveee (: totally awesomeness. then bboy session, which was a bit :/ because i thought boy was going to teach basics, since the hiphoppers and moderners don't exactly break ._. ohwell. after that was more choreo prac, then lunch. after lunch, it was choreo prac all over again. danced until i was sooo damn tired but seriously, i loved our group's choreo ttm (: group 3 is awesome and our choreo was really really awesome. much thanks to zhengxiang for choosing the song and teaching us the choreos (: we just kept running through it like crazy, but i thought we were awesome and the choreo looked damn nice and to be honest, i was quite confident of our showcase. we did work hard to get it right and to learn the steps and everything, so yeah. when we ran through it like 21345678 times in dance studio, i was totally in awe of our group. everyone was good.

so then we went down to black box for the 'campfire' and played some games before our showcases. during our showcase, though, i totally screwed up. and according to seantan, he screwed up too. i don't know about the rest, but i'm quite sure i heard some other people who said something about screwing up too. ): was quite upset actually. we really really worked very hard! so just wanted to say that i love group 3 (: even though we're not a super enthu group or anything, but we were great and it was good to know all of you guys (: thanks for putting in all the effort (: i think all of us were awesome, and no one who watched our choreo pracs can say that we didn't work hard or anything. so i suppose it was basically just nerves and stuff. yeah. nerves, huh. ohman. but well, i know we did try hard, so no regrets (: we got 2nd place for showcase. fair enough. after that we had more games. alien race was spectacularly successful in ensuring that my knee hurt for the rest of the night. wah thanks ah junyang, whole day sabo me hor. [ohyah anyway, crystal tells me that having him in my group is good because he'll help us win everything. hmm. i'll think about that some more.] then we ate dinner. somehow we ended up all sitting in this super huge circle at salt foyer (: at first we were sitting by divisions and stuff, but after that hiphop and bboy sort of just sat in this circle on the floor, and then modern came over to join us and we formed a huge circle. the benches were left ignored. hee. but yeah, at that time, i really felt like i was a part of MAD (:

other awesome moments were the internal 'war' games that we played while waiting for exco to set up and waiting for dinner and stuff. i enjoyed that one thoroughly. i played once on day 2 and once on day 3. ohmygod super fun ttm. thanks to the hiphopper who invited us to play with them for the first game (: we played something like captain's ball, but without any rules. which was funny to the freaking max. everyone just threw the ball and hit it around like crazy, and people were snatching from each other and everything. we played at black box and at first, they started off with the goal keepers holding the hula hoops above their heads. later on, they just taped the hoops to the walls. which was damn funny because they kept throwing the ball so hard that the hoop kept dropping off and we had to have timeouts to tape it back. heh. but yes, fun to the max 'war' game. for day 2, there was this group of girls sitting right in the middle of black box, but we played anyway, always trying our best not to hit them. hahaha (: it was really very fun. like having an obstruction yet at the same time a challenge. and they didn't move at all, just watched us play. heard one of the girls say it was very fun, sitting there and looking up as the ball got thrown over their heads, something like watching quidditch. hahaha (: and then for day 3, girvan was there and giving a running commentary on the entire game, which was really funny too (:

also enjoyed the last night, yesterday night, when hiphop and bboy people went to macs together to chill out. hahaha our p and vp dying already lolol they both damn shag. anyway, hiphop people are a fun bunch (: i think bboy was being a bit antisocial but er yeah lor. we're usually like that i suppose. later on it was better luh. and lolol the four drunkards damn funny sia. watching them was extremely entertaining, and yeah, i suppose i stayed so late to watch them play cards because it was really freaking funny :D hahaha they made all of us laugh like siao ah. what with monopoly deal and the happy birthdays and the train and everything, they were just crazy which was really amusing (: and yay took bus with jinghui (: at least have someone to take the bus with, even though we missed a bus ): boo. was quite annoyed at that.

all in all, thanks to everyone who made MAD dance camp so fun and enjoyable for all of us. i'm glad to say that after the camp, i know more people now! :D so that's good. i think i know at least 10 more people? so at the very least, i can say hi to them the next time i see them in school (: it feels nice to be a part of MAD. it feels nice to make friends too (: thanks guys. dance camp was awesome, and i don't regret going for it at all. the past three days of camp have been the most enjoyable memories i've had with MAD so far (: hope there'll be more!



woke up late today ):
i'm sooo sorry yiinghuey and crystal!

i woke up at 9.50am, when i was supposed to be at woodlands mrt by 9am. i'm damn lousy ): mostly because i slept damn late yesterday. only got home at 12 and was going to go sleep around 2, but then my dad came home and then i only slept at 3 plus because i was helping my dad to do stuff before that. and then anyway when i rushed out and got to woodlands mrt with the presents, i realised that i forgot to bring the activity book, which was extremely important, so i had to go back to get it. darn ): sorry for wasting so much time.

so yeah, we went out to celebrate yiinghuey's birthday today. took 963r from woodlands all the way to resorts world sentosa (: haven't been there before and the place is pretty cool :D we did the activities first, so we went to hersheys for the scavenger hunt, then took a photo with the universal globe thing, and then went to candylicious to make the shop staff say certain sentences. that was so entertaining, though probably very embarrassing for yiinghuey. haha. fun fun (: yup then after that we went to ruyi for lunch. it was quite crowded so we stood around waiting for a table, then finally ordered food and ate. not too bad luh. and after that we walked around and entered random shops and stuff, before going back to candylicious for gelato ice cream because we got vouchers from shopping at candylicious earlier on. so yaye :D yup. ice cream damn nice (: then we went back down to wait for the bus. we were all damn tired by then, so after yiinghuey carried out the last activity on the bus, we all fell asleep. had a good sleep on the bus, really. (: today was fun (



haha i started this post in the afternoon but now it's past midnight and i'm not done. just goes to show that i get distracted easily. came back and watched step up 3d and rewatched step up 2. hahaha wanted to watch step up too, but i don't think have time bah. anyway i'm scared that i'll get caught so i'm just going to watch it tomorrow i suppose. actually i really want to watch august rush but ): youtube sucks. i suppose the internet isn't as almighty as it seems after all. not as tired anymore now, but i should really get to sleep before i get caught. goodnight! (:

second day of dance camp has been more enjoyable (:

morning was self prac, during which i totally stoned and slept and ate and just yeah. slacked off. was damn tired from the previous day, so yeah. did try a few things, but there wasn't a lot of people and it was really just, free and easy, so you could train if you wanted and otherwise you could decide not to do anything much. this was the worst part of the day, when i just stoned and got bored. after lunch, though, there was amazing race and wet games with our groups. my group is epic max (: enjoyed everything thoroughly. though i'm still annoyed with the two retards especially luo junyang who totally just pailed me wih water =.= sian max. after that choreo was quite fun too (: damn tired now. will blog again soon. looking forward to tomorrow.

everyone has their limits.

and, i suppose, for the purpose of my point,

everyone has their own expectations.
everyone has their own fears.
everyone has things that they love and care about.

and all these are always different in the people you meet.

so you can't always expect these to be the same, expect people to see something through the same eye.





dance camp today was fine. though something did occur that reminded me of something, of someone.
i wonder, is it too late to correct this awful mistake?
there's still time, there's still a chance, isn't there?
the possibility of going back into the past, into that short period of time that i will never forget in my entire life.

will it ever occur again?

if there's a second time, i won't ever let it go, never let it slip through my fingers.
it's worth too much to me, you see.
you.





nano is... sigh. no point talking about it, really. i don't know what to think or what to make of it.

in fact, i hardly know what i'm doing any longer these few days.

my new camera has been a very good partner in taking photos. much thanks to it. i'm planning to get a screen protector soon so that i can use it more freely. i already have one that they gave free, but the size doesn't seem right.

dance camp has started. it has been rather alright so far. i'm in group 3 and i'm pretty much okay with everyone. at first i hardly knew anyone but the games were okay and i know quite a few people now (: hiphop class with an-an was extremely tiring but also very very fun. it was definitely difficult, especially the choreo, but i had a good time. i did conclude that i have rather bad hand and leg coordination though. modern class was a different thing altogether. i think i would have enjoyed it more if there was more explanation of everything. not saying that i didn't enjoy it. it was definitely also an eye-opener and good experience. however, as much as i respect the moderners, i did feel that the lesson should have been made more clear for us, for the rest who could hardly understand or follow through. i had no idea what the instructor was saying more than half of the time! :/ and she did go through a lot of things quite quickly, so i couldn't exactly get a grasp of what was going on. as for night games, there was too little time to enjoy ourselves much, including the fact that our group was not able to go through the haunted house, which was quite depressing, to say the truth. i was rather looking forward to that. on the whole, however, i did have a fun day with my fellow MADers. tomorrow is going to be self prac, amazing race and wet games. we've got a long day ahead. i'd better sleep early, i suppose. really exhausted after today anyway.

have been reading harry potter recently. read through almost the whole series already. i was doing about one book a day since saturday, i think. halfway through the sixth book now. i don't have the seventh though. will probably go and buy it some time next week.

feeling quite distanced from the world these few days. doubt it's got anything to do with me reading hp though. i think it started before that. don't know exactly when, though. just feel like i need my space, so there. might explain why i didn't go for badminton today. skipped my self prac yesterday to go do something more important. probably shouldn't say it here yet, though. so yeah, these few days have been... quite anti-social. not sure whether i'm looking forward to or dreading dance camp myself. will see what it holds, i suppose.

also been screwing up my bioclock continuously. might be because reading hp have become something of a temporary addiction, so before i finish it i'll be stuck to it. not unlike my video addiction previously. of course it feels dreadful to be addicted, though i have to admit that it's a rather load of fun reading hp and escaping from reality. i think i like the first few books in the series better. oh well.

and my eating habits are quite screwed up too. haven't been eating lunch regularly. of course not, seeing as i wake up so late every day... more like i don't eat proper lunch i suppose. what with being too lazy to go downstairs to buy proper meals, i just stay at home and eat bread for lunch and junk for teabreak. sigh. also feeling rather full nowadays, even if my appetite permits me to eat a lot. zzz i think i'm seriously screwing up my bio system or whatever. will try and tweak it back to normal i suppose. need to.



sunday... ohyah which reminds me that i need to remind yiinghuey. sunday going out to celebrate yiinghuey's birthday (: heh shall post more about it after the celebration.

i can't wait until next week. will be quite free again. doubt i'll be going for class chalet any more. i'm quite sure this anti-social-ness is going to carry on until next year or something. though it will probably lift off temporarily during fuchun christmas chalet (: i can't wait for that. one of the only things i'm looking forward to during the holidays. and perhaps s77 outing though i don't know what that'll turn out to be.

the rest of the holidays i plan to spend them rather alone and just doing my own things. yeah. that'll be it. sigh my dad says he wants to bring me along to the dentist next sunday to see if i should put braces ._. really don't know if i should. never considered it last time because i always thought it was just too expensive. hmm. will think about it i suppose. my parents are rather for the idea, i think.

and i think i really need to find a place to live outside my house from next year, what with my brother staying at home 24/7 and my mum possibly to stop working, i know i definitely won't be able to stand it. even the holidays with short periods of time with them are driving me nuts. really can't take it anymore. being around my mum, especially, is extremely annoying.

alright, back to other stuff, i suppose. seeya.