Sunday, September 30, 2012
just had my first violin concert today! first time performing with my violin (:
i don't really know how or what to feel about it, mostly because it didn't feel like that much of a concert since we played outdoors at NLB plaza, but i'm happy that i've performed with my violin. i guess that's just one of the many tiny wishes i have for myself which i've fulfilled now (:
thankyou to rhoc ogmates mingde maurice jennifer and ningjin for coming down to watch and support, and leon as well even though he came down late. i think i'm really someone who appreciates music people. but quite funny, cos when mingde and leon saw each other, they recognised each other and then after that they both went to say hi to their senior, ernest, together. lol. the world is too small.
after the concert, went back to school and helped to shift all the instruments back to cfa before v2 section [or what was left of it] went to utown for dinner/supper (: just wanted to give a shoutout to v2 for being such an awesome section because you guys really make my day every time we have sectionals/hang out together. also, special thanks to zili for being an awesome desk partner. damn glad that we're desk partners!
that's all for now. i need to sleep now. yaye don't need to wake up early tomorrow cos there's no hall breakfast on sunday (: goodnight!
life will only ever be as good as what you make of it.
signing out.
1:42 AM
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
can't seem to pull myself together this time. ugh.
do you ever wanna run away?
to be on the edge of breaking down, and no one's there to save you.
right now the only thing i seem to be able to do is to be emo and cry and basically do everything useless. what happened to the determination to push on, to work harder? when i'm with my friends i'm all smiles without a care in the world. but when i'm back in my room staring at the work i have to do and when the stress kicks in, then i just feel like crap, totally helpless and hopeless. i don't know what's wrong with myself anymore.
i need to stop crying. i need to stop emoing. i need to stop being depressed and just get back to work. but it's just so hard. or do i need to just let it all out before i can carry on with my work? i don't know.
i know what i have to do, but i'm not doing it. in fact, i am totally lost in academics right now. math is totally killing me and that's really not something i like to admit of something that used to be my best subject. i just want to go back to jc times. but this is university. independence and self-discipline are key. i can do this, and i know it. all i need to do now is to stop wasting time on useless things like posting this.
1) time management
2) self-discipline
3) independence
get your ass back to work, jane.
signing out.
2:35 PM
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
just thought i'd do a quick update before going to sleep. quick because i should be sleeping now.
it's recess week and i've just had rhmp prac for the day. ended around 10 plus. it's been a crazy few weeks here at hall because there's just so many things to do and so little time. but of course, time is always just what you make of it, and i know i have no one to blame for it except myself. i really need to do better than this and i hope that i will be able to. i'm really trying. i don't know if i'm trying hard enough or not, but i really am trying to be better than this.
can't decide if it's really because i'm spending too much time with my blockmates. but hanging out with them is really what makes my day and what makes me laugh, and i just can't bear to let go of it. jeez.
self-discipline, jane.
okay, time to sleep. goodnight!
signing out.
1:51 AM
Friday, September 21, 2012
there are times when i no longer know what i'm doing in my life, and this is, once again, one of them.
it's really been a rather long time since i've blogged. right now i'm pretty much troubled over the number of things i have to do and i feel like i just need a break to take a breather and get everything sorted out right again. but no, there's just not enough time. or at least there doesn't seem like there is enough time. so i'm wondering exactly how much i can do during recess week, because i don't even know if i'll be able to catch up with everything by the end of next week.
with no urgent work due tomorrow, i just felt like i needed to take a break and sort out my thoughts. i need to remind myself what is important to me and what to prioritize in my life. there will never be enough time to do everything i want to do, but it's worth a damn good shot. i came up with 3 things that i wanted to focus on in life.
1) friends
2) music
3) enjoy life
and i've actually put this up on my noticeboard in my room. hopefully it will remind me every day of what i need to do to achieve these goals in life. hopefully, looking at it every day will make me realize every single day that all i want to be is happy, and that being happy really just stems from your mindset.
i've also put up my target cap for this sem on the noticeboard tonight and this is something which has been and will continue to stress me out during this sem. although in fact, on top of the academic stuff being stressful, there are other things whichs is stressing me out as well, such as orchestra practices and my own lousy almost non-existent violin skills.
gives huge sigh. and i'm damn tired and sleepy now so good night for now and maybe i will update this or post again tomorrow.
and every so often we make the mistake of caring too much about people who will never do the same for us.
signing out.
3:28 AM
Wednesday, September 05, 2012
a lot has happened in the past few weeks. in fact, a lot happens every day that i'm in hall. somehow when i'm in hall it just feels like each day is really long, because so many things can happen in one day and often now i forget that something that happened the day before was only yesterday, and not a week ago or anything.
anyway, i fell sick about a week ago, last thursday, and i've not fully recovered yet. no more fever [which was gone in one night ^^] but my throat is still pretty screwed up for now. i guess right now i'm just trying to get a good balance of study time and activitiy time and personal time for myself. and it's pretty damn hard to get that around here.
schoolwork is not over the top crazy but it's still something i have to work on. like i've finished my tutorials for this week but it's not enough and i know i need to do more but it's just so difficult to find time. and then okay i've been trying to sleep less during lessons and it worked yesterday so hopefully i can improve on that as well.
another major thing would be nusso. i started off feeling like complete rubbish during the first sectionals because i couldn't keep up with anyone. and then i thought about my hall commitments and i was like hey, maybe i should quit. and i was seriously considering quitting especially since i was quite sure it would clash with my hall stuffs. but by the second practice, i was feeling better because i could at least manage some things and it was just pretty damn fun playing together with everyone and hearing the music. so suddenly after that i didn't want to leave any more. and i was just thinking that if i can improve even more then maybe i can really stay on in nusso and contribute to it.
besides that, there are of course also hall activities. block comm and music ensemble i've accepted, and i want to accept floorball as the 3rd activity but i don't think i can before the training day is confirmed, because it'll clash with my nusso pracs ): which really, really suck. i'm also in rhmp musician and we just had our first prac yesterday, which was fun but pretty crazy and messy and i have to admit that i really have to practise more. i swear i've never practised so much during school time before except for my violin exams. it's like, now i'm trying to find some time everyday to practice my violin, which has never really happened to me before. or maybe it has, except that i can't remember it any longer because i haven't taken an exam in a while. either way, i think this is going to be almost as bad as exams ><
last would be personal/social life. i'm the kind of person who needs personal time and i guess i can sort of get it around here, but it's often interrupted with stuffs like homework i guess :/ sigh. social life is okay or maybe a bit too much so i think i'll try to be more anti-social because that would give me more time to do other stuffs. something like that anyway.
okay freakkk off to do work/practise violin now.
signing out.
9:51 AM
