okay. once again i shouldn't be here at all. but i swear i really really miss typing. or maybe not so much typing as hearing the sound of fingers flying quickly over the keyboard because that just seems to give me some sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. it's like, hey, i can do something well, at least. like, okay, i might suck at every other thing that i have to do in life, but at least i can type as fast as i like and make myself happy doing it. at least i can be proud of myself being able to do something well, even if it's just something really stupid and useless like typing quickly. i guess that probably shows that i'm highly insecure about myself or something. dunno. well, at least typing quickly makes me happy, even if i'm just typing rubbish like this. guess that says something about how i have absolutely no life at all ._.

anyway, mugging has been extremely unproductive today. like, superrrr unproductive. and yes, i am pissed at myself. but yet i can't do anything because hey, i brought this upon myself right. like, i'm the one slacking away like there's no tomorrow and i'm the one who slept freaking late last night at like 4am i don't even know what i did that for. i don't know why i went for supper last night and spent so long there. [but at least that made me feel better.] i don't know why i'm doing all these things which i know will obviously not help me when my exams are here and which i know i will just get pissed at myself over later. and yet i still do them. this is just procrastination. and an absolute lack of self-discipline. here i insert a reminder to slap myself later on. meh. jeez.

basically i spent the entire day sleeping. almost, anyway. i guess that's almost equivalent. what's the point of going to study when i'm just sleeping. ugh. might as well just sleep in my room right -.- sian max.

okayokay no more blogging i shall go do work nowww. about 10 more days till end of exams and start of a good 1 month vacation which is NOT at home. awesome. looking forward to it, so i should work hard to enjoy the vacation properly. i can do this.

whoo~

okay. once again, i miss typing so yeahh :/ not supposed to be here. sighh.

linear algebra is a really sian module ): in fact, i got so sian of it that i was half watching 战神 and half doing it for today. oops. haha. finished organic chem but haven't got it nailed down properly so i guess that's not really considered finished. sigh. and i haven't started on calculus at all ohmygawddd. sigh. don't know how i'd survive if not for chem being open book, linear algebra allowing cheatsheets, and calculus giving us a formula and theorem list. meh.

i also need to stop eating so much food and junk food in particular ): growing fat and unhealthy rawrr.

okay just gonna post photos to make myself happier before going back to watch stupid tutorial discussions ):







oh and just fyi, i swear every single technological thing that i have never fails to die on me. ugh ): annoyed. laptop's display driver is being stupid and not working properly rawr ): okay back to mugging seeya~

just thought i'd blog because i kinda miss typing :/

life is pretty confusing right now. i guess i don't really know where i'm headed for and i don't know what's going to happen to me at the end of this semester or this year or even the end of this university journey.

but then again, i do know where i WANT to go. i just don't know how to get there. and hopefully i'll pick things up as i go and end up where i want to.

right now though, i'm just really thankful for good friends who have been making my life a lot more cheerful and un-anti-social.

anyway, there was this initiative by social comm where people would write stuff to each other and send them gifts and stuff. the cards and gifts were delivered yesterday night, and i just wanted to thank the people who gave me these:







so like yaye because i now have a mug so i can start drinking all the milo & coffee packets that i have but have no mug to drink with. haha.

and in a span of one week, the amount of food in my room have evolved from about 2 units to 10 units, thanks to faculty welfare, block welfare, hall welfare, awesome people like willy, renyi and lacie who gave me more food, and me buying food for other people but having leftovers. too much food in my room now hahaha i don't know how i'm gonna finish it? can eat for vacation stay hahaha (:

okay that's all~ should get back to studying.



mood: confused but happy

so as usual, i'm not supposed to be here, but i just felt the need to blog about some things.

like how hall people are really awesome. okay, awesome is overrated. so what i meant was that hall people are like family. and i'm not even kidding. i think if there's one thing i'm good at, it must be making good friends. because somehow i always have good friends looking out for me. and i really really appreciate it ♥

i mean, life is pretty shitty these couple of days thanks to a ton of assignments and shit, but i really feel happy being in hall with my friends, and chilling with them takes away some of the stress that comes with being alone and thinking about how much work you still have to do. i honestly don't know how i'd live without friends. i wouldn't be able to survive. anyway, friday night i was studying in my room and a couple of peeps were in upper lounge studying. ningjin posted a photo of them on fb and i commented or something, so we started talking there, and i said i was hungry. 5 minutes later, i got a call from junhao asking if i wanted to order supper cos zhongming was ordering ameen. like omggg haha i have damn good friends please! the way ningjin described it was very funny hahaha she said zhongming called to ask if mingde wanted to order supper, then she said she thinks i want supper as well cos i said i was hungry, and in 3 seconds junhao was calling me to ask if i wanted supper HAHA (Y)

and then today also omg haha. cos last night i posted on fb that i was falling sick. like after shopping with ningjin at clementi yesterday, i got back to hall and wanted to do work but i just crashed for a couple of hours straight and i felt damn crappy when i woke up. somehow felt damn cold and unsteady and everything [like i couldn't really walk straight?!], just not right lor. then today omg i really have good friends sia. at first it was lunch cos i asked junhao help me buy lunch at clementi, then he was asking if i wanted 鱼片米粉 or porridge cos i wasn't feeling well lol. and then maurice got me chrysanthemum tea. omggg thanks guys. seriously super grateful for friends like these.



okay that's all for now i guess. i actually have a whole list of things to do after final exams. let's see...
- bring guitar to hall ^^
- prac violin
- play bball often~
- jog often
- bike lessons
- read books
etc. heh. (:

okay back to work! i haven't even started mugging for finals sia... too many tests/assignments due next week ._. sian max. kk seeya~

need to stop sleeping! from today onwards i have decided that i shan't sleep any more during lessons! (: not like there's a lot more lessons anyway la, but yeah. just gonna focus on studies for these couple of weeks and of course must chill a bit too cannot become too stressed! [not good for mental health. i'm serious.] yepp. new resolution now is to understand lecture content! especially for math [linear algebra...] haha. i can do this! actually the content is not that complicated really. just need to concentrate and work at it a bit to understand it. and i know i can do it. it's really mostly just linear algebra actually ._. like calculus ain't that good either but at least i understand most of it, just one or two topics that i'm not too clear about. whereas linear algebra is like... i don't understand a lot. haha. sian. might be because i'm forever sleeping in the lectures for that... ohwellz. will catch up! plus the second half of organic chem which i have not been paying much attention to/have been sleeping as well. sigh. plus a bit of physics but at least physics is easier to understand (: yepp.

telling myself that life will be damn shiok after exams cos i'll be in hall for vacation stay and ohmygawd can you imagine being in hall without anything to study? like chalet sia! haha. can play everyday hehe. can't wait! (:

will do well for finals and then enjoy vacation stay with no worries! (: jiayou jane~

Okay, so I'm not supposed to be here. Right. I'm never supposed to be here anyway. I'm always supposed to be doing work instead, but it's really been a while since I last posted and I just felt the need to update things. Update myself on my life, and reflect on what I've done and re-think my goals in life.

A lot happens almost everyday in school, especially when you're with your friends. But I suppose that's only natural. There are a lot of things I'm concerned about, so let's see whether I can arrange this properly.

1) Academics
I really haven't been doing well in this aspect ever since... after mid-terms, I guess. From RHMP period, I started lagging behind and now it's pretty bad and I know it for myself. Chem and Physics are still alright, but I have no idea how I'm going to get through my Math modules. To think my best subject was supposed to be Math. What rubbish. Sigh.
Much more work to be done here!

2) Violin
Once again, I have been playing like crap. Halloween performance was supposedly okay but I know that I was not okay at all. I was just off and this really really sucks. Do I really have no 缘分 with music? Am I really that bad and untalented? For one, I know I can't count. And that is just. Ugh. Not being able to count as a musician is like not being able to walk as a marathon runner.
Once again, much more work to be done here.

3) Health/Fitness
Terrible. No exercise for the past 2 months or so. Fell sick on thursday. Went for my first floorball training on Thursday after a really long hiatus and we had PT [physical training] and I was totally some cui shit after that. Went jogging with friends on Friday night [this was a stupid decision, since I hadn't recovered from Thursday's PT - all my muscles were aching - and this on top of the fact that I was sick.] and pulled everyone back by being the slowest person and who couldn't continue running any more after that. I realy felt like killing myself at that point in time. Too disappointed in myself.
More work here as well.

4) Socialization
A+. In fact, too much. I should be taking away some time from this category and donate it to other categories instead. Hanging out time with blockmates is normal now. Not obsessed with hanging out with them 24/7 like previously, which is good. Obsession has shifted over to RHMP musician friends, especially the closer 哥哥s and all that. I think there's just something about musicians that bring musically-inclined people together. Or at least, in my case, people who love music. All of them are a bit [oh no wait, let me correct that to very] crazy but it's pretty awesome hanging out with crazy people. Met up with other friends as well such as Regina [Marche dinner! ^^] and KC [lunch at clementi mall since our schools aren't too far away.] so yes, I do have a social life. Even if that was only some social spammage after my crazily busy week.

5) Home and Family
I don't think this needs a grade. In any case, I'm planning to apply for vacation stay in hall since there'll be subsidy because going home to face people I cannot stand, that seriously annoys me. I love home, but perhaps not the people there. Today I almost wanted to change my mind at the last minute and remain in hall and not go home. But I didn't in the end. Pretty much regretted that decision later on. Sigh.

6) Sleep
Bad. Seriously need more sleep. I need to sleep earlier. Sleeping after 3am is so not early.

7) Others
Have not been cleaning my room regularly. Damn.
Spending too much time either procrastinating or doing absolutely nothing. Need to change this as well.

8) Upcoming Challenges
Need to study much much more for upcoming exams. Catch up on everything and make sure my Math modules don't pull me down too much. Might not go home again until after exams. We'll see.

9) Future Prospects
Have been thinking of post-exams life, which is pretty much chillax vacation stay. And thinking of this makes me feel very deprived of life. Looking forward to end of exams. Gonna bring my guitar to hall. Gonna ride my motorbike. Gonna enjoy life ttm before another shitty term starts again.



Okay that's all for summary of key points.
Current thoughts: Finally getting a rather peaceful weekend for once, after so many weeks of rushing through shit.