It's strange to finally reach the end of 2016.

This year has been like no other. It's been a very long journey and one hell of a ride. (And that ride isn't even over yet.) It's been a year of change, of growth, of learning.

Maybe it's because I graduated. Maybe it's because I started working. Or maybe it's because of what has happened over the past few months, past few weeks, past few days.

In any case, a lot of things have changed for me.



I started off 2016 with studies in mind, working on FYP, trying to get that last extra module done and to pull up my CAP because I failed a module in year 4 sem 1. To be honest, after what happened in sem 1, I wasn't even sure I could manage a 4. I spend the first few months of 2016 mostly cooped up in my room in hall, doing work, studying, applying for jobs, writing my FYP report. Thank goodness for friends who still came around sometimes and my roommate, all of whom made my life a little less like a mugger/workaholic/phantom. I was also in a dilemma concerning jobs because I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted yet I guess.

Anyway, it was a tough period in terms of studies & stress, but come the end of sem 2, when we finally got our results, I was delighted to know that I did it. I managed to scrape a 4 after everything that had happened in sem 1. It felt good to know that something had gone right, that my hard work had paid off. By then, I think I was so drained from FYP and everything else school-related that I had lost about 5kg from the stress and skipping lunch so often. But things seemed to be going well for me and I had gotten a job related to my course and was going to start work in June, so I was happy and glad.

In June, I started work. I also broke up with my boyfriend - which actually felt like a relief, because I really felt like we couldn't go on much longer..It took a while to adjust, but it felt like I was finally free again. I slowly got accustomed to working life and although it sucked having to wake up early for work and not having free time/personal time during the day, it felt good to go home after work, have my dinner, and turn on my laptop to watch an episode of my drama, without having to think about work at all. I could sleep early on weekdays and I was usually free on weekends. Rest was aplenty and I now had money to hang out with friends when I wanted to. I was pretty much satisfied with life. Although I knew that this probably wouldn't last forever - I didn't intend to spend the rest of my life outside of work watching drama/reading books (because although it's really nice & relaxing, it's not very meaningful you see) and I guess I started thinking about what else I could do with my time outside of work.

I guess partly because of that, when I was at amk hub one of those days and walked past a roadshow and found out that you could actually volunteer with spf, I just decided to put my name down on the spur of the moment. It was pretty random, but I thought hey why not? I thought there would be some time to find out more, ask around more, before I made a proper, confirmed decision. Who knew that that would be the start of this long journey that I'm going through right now. It was a long process, but somehow or another, without too much thought, I just followed through and one day in October I was told that I had gotten through all the preliminary tests/interview and was accepted and the training would start in a few days. It was a pleasant surprise, but still a surprise nonetheless, and on very short notice. Still not sure whether I had jumped into the decision but I just, once again, went with the flow. That was around my birthday period and I thought it was a great present and really, I didn't need anything more.

But I guess that was also around the time when things kinda started to go downhill for me. During that period of time, I started to have some health problems. Like feeling dizzy in the middle of the day when I wasn't even doing anything strenuous, probably just sitting at my desk at work. It freaked me out and I went to see a doctor. He took my blood, but the test came back without much clue as to what was causing the dizzyness. After a few days, a week or so, it kind of died down, so I tried to resume my normal activities, which included going for a run once a week or so because I had started training for ippt/to just keep fit in general. I guess that was the first scare. After that, I guess I was just so busy with training after work & trying to make sure my health was ok that I didn't have much free time or energy to think about anything else.

And then recently, a few weeks ago, I had another health scare. At first it was just some rashes on my leg, so I went to see a doctor. Then the next was urticaria, or hives, which really freaked me out. The first few times I thought it was just mosquito bites, and I told mum to spray the rooms and toilets, etc. Then one night it was so bad that I thought it must be something else. It couldn't be mosquito bites. So the next day I went to see the doctor again, and she told me it was urticaria. Gave me anti-histamines, and told me that it could be because of a physical reason such as pressure, hot/cold, etc. or a sign of some other illness. This was early in the morning but by late morning, I was having really bad stomach pain instead, so I took half the day off and went back to rest instead. The craziest thing was that the next day, I had taken leave for ippt. And on that day, in the afternoon, I was still pretty much feeling like crap from the stomach pain the previous day and I had some breathing problems. I couldn't seem to get enough breath/air to feel satisfied. It was so weird and I was kinda freaking out and went to search for some idea/clue/solution online. Eventually, even though I wasn't feeling totally ok yet, I did leave house in the late afternoon to go for ippt and I managed to get a silver which I have no idea. But so damn thankful for that. Anyway, I also tried to think and deduced that the urticaria and stomach pain and all was probably because of the new pants (uniform) that was kind of tight and therefore some sort of pressure and so I decided that I should get a bigger size pants which should make everything better. In the meantime, I borrowed a pair of pants from my friend (omg so thankful for that).

All this time, since a few weeks or a month ago, mum was having these rashes on her leg and she complained a lot about it, but she didn't do too much. And sometime during that period she went to see the doctor and they referred her to a hospital, but she had to stay in hospital, so she refused and came home. By this time, I think it was getting really bad and she could hardly sleep at night because of the itch, so one day when I was finally feeling a little better after seeing the doctor 3 times in a week, I told mum that she should go to the hospital and not worry about the stuff at home, since I would be at home for the next few days and had taken leave as well. Thankfully, she finally decided to go, which left the 3 of us at home. Around that time as well, dad was 'on holiday' because his job contract had ended and the company didn't want to renew it. So he was at home most of the time. Mum stayed in hospital for about a week before finally coming home. Slightly better but still not recovered. That was on Wednesday. I also had an exam on that day, part of the training. Thank goodness for passing that as well. It was a relief and one more thing down, after ippt.

Thursday, I came home late after training and my mum told me about what happened that day. Apparently my dad went to run, came home, and suddenly looked very lost at the door and asked mum why he wasn't working, and when she explained to him, he asked for proof that he wasn't working. I wasn't even hearing this directly from him, but that was freaky as hell. According to him, he couldn't remember and only after some time of explaining did the things/events/memory come back to him. Mum decided to bring him to see a doctor the next day.

Then Friday passed, and today's Saturday, going Sunday now. And that's pretty much how things have been for me over the past few weeks, days, months, year.



So 2016, you've probably been the most crazy year I've had so far. I guess I wasn't kidding when I said that it's been one hell of a ride, that is not even over yet.

But since it's 1 Jan 2017 now, I'm hoping that 2017 will be a better year for me & my family, wishing for good health for everyone and happiness in a way that makes us satisfied with life, even through the challenges we face.

Thank you 2016 for showing me so many things I never knew, for teaching me how important health is. Please let 2017 be a better year for us and for me. I don't want much, just good health for me & my family & the people that I love, that I hold dear. And I will work out the rest - being a better person, helping others more, loving my parents more, being more patient and tolerant with them, being nicer to my brother (I will try ok?), smiling more, laughing more, learning how to relax, giving myself time to rest & relax & for personal time, and working out what I want in life.

Happy new year guys (: